ReEmergent -Guardians of Vesturon [4] (12 page)

“
Would you care to join me?”

She took a seat next to him on the blanket and he started slicing off pieces of warm bread and covering them with an assortment of different cheeses. Then he fed them to her one by one.

“
This isn’t fair,” she announced.

“
Why not?” he wanted to know.

“
Because I’d like to feed you too.”

Xarrid swallowed and looked at her. He didn’t want to eat or drink. He wanted to kiss her with the unwavering devotion of a man that had been starved for love. The bread and cheese slid out of his grasp when he felt her fingers latch onto his shirt and pull him to her.

Her lips were on his and he was drowning in her sweetness. He moaned into her mouth as his fingers entwined into her silken tresses. He felt her tongue dart out of her mouth and lick his lower lip. Then, heaven help him, she drew it into her mouth and started sucking on it. Sweet Deity, the taste of her on his tongue was like nothing else in the universe. He spoke her name into her mouth and told her he loved her.

“
You erase all thoughts of everything except for my desire to touch you everywhere Saylan. You are my life.”

He ran his tongue along her neck and nipped her ear lobe as she sighed.

“
Your scent. I remember your scent Xarrid. It smells of rich spices.”

She felt his chest rumble as he laughed. “Tell me it still pleases you sweetheart.”

“
Yes! Very much. Xarrid, you please me.”

“
I want to please you.”

She rubbed her cheek on his and said, “You do. I feel like I belong with you.”

“
That’s exactly where you belong Saylan. Right here with me. I want you as my mate. Whenever you’re ready, say the word and you’ll be mine. I don’t want to rush you so I’m putting myself at your feet. I’m yours for the taking. You just tell me when.”

She looked at him and smiled. “I think I’m getting close. When I’m not with you I miss you very much.”

He grinned at her like a teenager.

“
Let me feed you,” she begged.

“
Please do.”

The couple alternated between eating and kissing for hours that afternoon. He told her countless times how much he loved her, how lovely she was and how happy she made him. She smiled as he told her these things.

After the food was gone they were lying side by side on the blanket when she asked him, “May I touch you?”

“
You may touch me any time you want Saylan. There is no need to ask for my permission.”

She sat up and scooted over so their bodies touched. Leaning over him, she ran her hands up and down his arms. She lifted his shirt and pulled it up but he put his hands on hers to stop her.

She looked at him with her brows drawn together and asked, “I thought this was okay.”

“
Um, I really want you Saylan so this may be somewhat difficult,” he confessed.

She stopped for a moment and looked at him. Her eyes begged him for something he knew he couldn’t give her. “I’d like to feel your skin. I want to feel the heat of your body beneath my hands. Please Xarrid.”

He nodded then and swallowed thickly. He watched her under half closed eyes through a thick fan of onyx lashes. When her fingers tentatively skimmed his ribcage, he sucked in his breath. He gazed at her graceful hands as they slowly ambled across the planes of his chest and then down to his abs. Finally he released his breath, but not because he wanted to, but because he was getting lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. As her hands continued their tortuous hike, he inhaled deeply and when he couldn’t take any more, he pulled her on top of him and kissed her. He didn’t mean for it to be so rough, but his passion had built and his veins were flowing with liquid fire, that he crushed his lips to hers and before long, they were caught up in each other’s currents of heat.

“
Xarrid, I think I am in love with you too,” she said.

“
Oh Saylan, you don’t have to say that because you think I need to hear it.”

“
I’m not. I want to be with you in every sense of the word. I still don’t remember most of what was between us, but there’s something here that’s so physical I can almost touch it. I want you when we’re not together. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

He kissed her again, not passionately, but sweetly and placed her hand against his heart. “Can you feel my heart beating? It beats for you Saylan. It always beats for you.” He knew she had to feel it because it felt like it was going to pop right out of his chest.

She sat up and crawled over him, straddling him. Tilting her head, she narrowed her eyes and looked at him seductively. Then she gave him a smile that almost appeared to be practiced. He briefly wondered where this was going but when she moved her hands to the hem of her shirt and started to pull it over her head, his thoughts took off in a different direction.

“
Saylan, you can’t do that. Please, you must stop.” He put his hands on hers, preventing her from lifting her shirt any higher.

Her eyes narrowed and darkened for a moment. “You don’t want this?” she asked as she sat there half undressed.

He pulled her shirt back down and told her, “You must know that I do. But, I’ve told you we have to wait until we’re united.”

“
But it’s okay Xarrid, I don’t mind.”

Something appeared in her eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago...and it told him everything. It hit him with the force of an earthquake. Those bloody bastards had used her; she had done this before, and more than a few times. He wouldn’t be her first.

“
You really don’t want me at all, do you?” she whispered.

He couldn’t answer her, the shock of this revelation made him incapable of speaking.

She was on her feet in less than a second, her hair flying behind her in a blur.

Crap!

Xarrid flew to his feet chasing her. She was fast. He’d forgotten exactly how fast until this moment. He had great difficulty keeping up with her, but he did it. When she finally ran out of steam, he cornered her against an outcropping of rock, making her escape impossible.

Her cheeks were flushed, either from exertion or anger; it was difficult to tell which. It didn’t matter because she was flat out gorgeous. Her hair was a tangled mess and her eyes were dark and turbulent as a stormy sea. And she was pissed off as hell.

They’d gotten to this point so he wasn’t going to stop.

“
They raped you Saylan, didn’t they?” he asked hoarsely.

“
Why do you even care?” she screamed.

“
Because I love you damn it, that’s why!” he yelled back at her.

“
Yes they raped me. Brutally! And I remember it. Every single sickening time. And I hated it. And they made me pretend I liked it or they would beat me. Okay? Are you happy now?” she grated through clenched teeth.

Pain, excruciating pain, hit Xarrid smack dab in the gut, as though he’d been run through with a cannonball. Of course he really didn’t know how that felt, but in reading ancient history, he knew how those things would shred their targets to pieces. That’s how his body felt right now. His beloved Saylan...so perfect in every way...had been used and abused like some animal. And the most crushing part of it all was that they had made her pretend she enjoyed it.

Oh sweet Deity.

“
Of course I’m not happy! How could you ever possibly think that?” he asked incredulously. He was breaking apart inside. How could she not see that, he wondered?

“
Because now you have an excuse not to be with me!”

“
Is that what you think? That I don’t want to be with you? Because they forced you? Do you really think I’m that small minded?”

“
No, I don’t think you’re small minded. But you keep saying this crap about keeping this vow. I haven’t kept that stupid vow Xarrid!” Her chest was heaving with exertion and her throat was raw with emotion.

Xarrid extended his arms, but she backed away, until she was flattened against the rocks. Caging her with his arms, he whispered hoarsely to her, “That choice was
taken
from you Saylan. They stole your precious innocence from you. You didn’t give it to them. Don’t you see? You haven’t broken that vow at all. They took your body, but they didn’t take your heart and soul.”

In a voice that pierced his soul, she asked, “Then why did you look at me like that?” She tilted her face up to him and the rays of the sun glinted off the moisture on her cheeks. Her face wasn’t merely streaked with them; it had been drenched by the storm of her tears.

“
Because I didn’t know. I only then figured it out. You didn’t tell me. No one told me. And I was hurting for you. I’m so sorry,” he said as his voice cracked with pain.

He reached for her again and even though she tried to move away from him, he didn’t let her. She was still caged within him and then pulled her roughly against his body, and held her next to his heart. He cried for her...for her anguish and innocence that was so crudely stolen from her. He didn’t care about himself...he would love her no matter what. Xarrid only cared about the horrors she had endured at the hands of those bloody Xanthians. He prayed she could find a way to forget it.

********

Xarrid was finally able to get the details from Saylan. It took a while for her to explain. Her reticence at telling anyone was understandable, but she couldn’t keep this horrible thing a secret. He ended up using his Power of Telepathy, to save her from the pain and humiliation of telling him the vulgar details.

“
When the memories of those times came back, I didn’t know what to do. I’ve tried to forget the details, but I can’t. I remember with such clarity the very first time and how they beat me and then forced me.” Her body was quivering so terrifically while she told Xarrid what happened, Saylan’s teeth were chattering. What she told him sickened him. He tried to hold it back, but it was impossible. He found himself becoming violently ill.

“
I’m sorry Xarrid. I know I disgust you.”

“
Stop it Saylan. You could never disgust me. I disgust myself for not being stronger right now and those monsters that hurt you disgust me. But never you.”

Xarrid and Saylan sat together for a time, entwined in each other’s arms, giving and receiving strength from each other.

“
I want you to know something,” Xarrid began. “When you were missing, I knew you were alive. I could feel it within my soul. I didn’t know where you were, but I knew you lived. I worried whether you were cold or if you were thirsty or hungry. I worried if you were thinking about me because all my thoughts I sent to you were blocked. Saylan, I wish I could take away all your pain, absorb it into my body and make it disappear. But I can’t. I can only say this to you. I will love you no matter what. If you tell me tomorrow you no longer want me in your life, then so be it. I’ll leave, but I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

She looked up at him and said, “I think so. You’re saying it doesn’t matter how many Xanthians raped me. Xarrid, make sure you mean that because there were many. I want you to understand that.”

He brushed her hair off of her face and dried her cheeks with his thumbs. “I do. But Saylan, they never had
you
. You didn’t love them. They never had your heart. You didn’t go to them because you wanted to.”

“
No, but I don’t want you to look at me and see them and what they did or look back with regrets about being with me.”

“
I would never.”

“
Xarrid, your parents need to know. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t know how. I’m so ashamed.” She ducked her head and stared at her lap.

Lifting her chin with his finger, he whispered to her, “You shouldn’t be. It wasn’t your fault. Never be ashamed, Saylan.”

He kissed her then and she kissed him back.

********

They went back to Saylan’s and had a meeting with her parents. Her mother couldn’t stop crying and her father stood as still as a mountain with his fists clenched and his jaws tightly clamped together. Neither of them said a word.

Xarrid broke the ice. “I would like to ask both of you for permission to unite with your daughter. I know this is a bit unusual, given the news we just gave you and given the circumstances. But this doesn’t change a thing about my feelings for Saylan. I love her with everything I have and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, if she’ll have me.”

Harvan, Saylan’s father looked at Xarrid like he didn’t quite understand what he’d just asked.

Her mother looked at Xarrid with an odd expression and then asked, “Are you doing this because you feel pity for her?”

Xarrid blew out his breath in a rush and said, “Absolutely not. I don’t expect you to give me an answer today. I simply wanted you to know my feelings for your daughter. She knows where my heart and soul lay and basically they are at her feet. She owns them. Only she has the power to destroy or fulfill my dreams.”

Saylan was on him like jelly on peanut butter. Her hands were tangled in his thick waves and she was kissing him, not caring a bit that her parents were gawking at them like they were both out of their minds. Saylan didn’t care one tiny bit. The only thing she wanted was to climb inside of Xarrid and stay there forever. He was her anchor, her lifeline. She would always love him because she knew he loved her for who she was, not what she was.

It wasn’t until they heard the door clicking shut that they broke apart from the kiss. They looked up to find themselves alone in the room and then they started laughing...deep belly laughing. The kind where you can’t stop and you start crying because it’s just too funny. When they’d slow down, they’d look at each other and start all over again. It took forever, but the fit finally ended, and they found they were on the floor, Xarrid on the bottom and Saylan straddling his lap.