Redemption (43 page)

Even in her desperate condition she could see the doctor’s expression change. “He was shot outside an apartment complex . . . just off campus.”

At that moment a contraction tore across Kari’s middle, and she doubled over in pain.
No . . . please, God, no!

Her words dissolved into a series of anguished moans that rolled over her again and again until she no longer recognized her voice. Her father threw strong arms around her and held her tightly—she didn’t know exactly how long—until she was calm again. And then came the questions, the agonizing questions she didn’t want to think of but still needed answers for.

She lifted her head and stared at the doctor through streaming tears. “Did they arrest her?”

The doctor furrowed his eyebrows. He looked first at her father and back to her. “I’m told the shooter was a young man, nineteen years old. He fled the scene, but police have him in custody. He confessed everything.”

A small ray of hope pierced the darkness in Kari’s soul. “So he wasn’t at Angela Manning’s apartment?”

The doctor hesitated. “I believe he was.”

And the hope died.

“Ms. Manning spoke with police. She’ll be a key witness when the case goes to trial.” He leaned forward and studied her carefully. “Are you okay?”

Kari nodded. “I think so.” The contraction had eased, but any relief she felt was quickly replaced with the questions. But only one that mattered.

Why?

Why after all the progress they’d made would Tim lie to her and go to Angela Manning’s apartment?

Why would somebody shoot him?

And why would God let him die?

She ached from her knees to her elbows. Her body shook more violently with each passing minute, as if the cold that had settled over her, in her, would never go away.

Her father brought his face close to her ear and spoke softly. “I’m so sorry, Kari.”

Her abdomen tightened again, but not as hard as before. She closed her eyes. No . . . no, it couldn’t be true. The whole story was just a bad dream.

“Tell me it’s not true, Daddy, please,” she wailed, desperate for some sign that it was all a lie. When none came, she sobbed louder. “Why? Why, God? Why Tim? Why now? Why?”

She heard no answers, not from her father or the doctor or even from God—not at that moment. So she did the only thing she could do. She cried for Tim and for herself and for their unborn child. For all the changes Tim’s death would mean.

And in that instant she felt a part of her die too.

Because far worse than the pain of losing Tim was the indescribable loss of knowing he had lied again, that she still hadn’t been enough for him, even after all they’d been through. Of all the terrifying emotions strangling her heart, the gut-wrenching feeling of betrayal was worst of all.

“Kari.” The simple act of looking up at the doctor took all her remaining energy. He handed her a folded piece of paper. “This was in his pocket.” The man’s eyes were moist. “I thought you should have it.”

She opened the note as her father’s friend left the room. She tried to focus on the words, but her hands were trembling too much to make sense of it. Her father gently took it from her and in a quiet voice, seeped in strength and sorrow, he began to read.

“‘Dear Angela . . .’” He paused, and Kari figured he was scanning it, wondering if these final words from her husband would send her over the edge.

Kari’s heartbeat doubled, and she swallowed back a lump in her throat. His last words had been for Angela, not her. The fact felt like a knife in her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “Go ahead, Dad. I want to hear it.”

He shifted the letter to his right hand and clutched her knee with the other. “‘Dear Angela, I’m sorry about what happened between us, but you need to know something. I don’t want you coming by my office tomorrow—not tomorrow, and not ever. And I don’t want you calling me. What we had together was wrong; it was a lie, and for that I’m truly sorry. But I don’t love you. I never did. I’m in love with my wife, and that’s where my focus is and must be for the rest of time.’”

Fresh tears, warm and soothing, flooded Kari’s eyes, and she buried her head against her father’s shoulder. A blanket of unearthly peace settled over her, and she felt herself relax. Tim had been faithful to her. No matter how bad it looked, he had never intended anything more than to set Angela Manning straight, once and for all.

Her husband’s last message eased the pain of betrayal but intensified the loss a hundredfold.

“Is that all?”

Her father’s features clouded, and he shook his head. “There’s more.”

Again fear aimed a blow at her stomach, and another gentle contraction came. What now? Something worse? She held her breath. “Read it, Dad . . . I need to know.”

He nodded and focused on the note once more. “‘One more thing. If you are pregnant, I’ll have to take responsibility.’”

“What?” Kari whispered the word, and nausea consumed her. She fought the urge to run to the bathroom; instead she stood frozen in place while she considered the horrible possibilities. If Angela was pregnant, their children would be just months apart. Possibly in the same class at school.

She remembered Tim’s anguish from earlier that night, the way he’d seemed strangely burdened. Now it all made sense—though the reality of it all left her chilled.

The pain in her abdomen came again, and she hunched over. Her father motioned into the hallway and in seconds the emergency-room doctor returned. “She’s having contractions,” her father explained.

The doctor frowned. “We need to get you on a monitor, Kari.”

He moved to help her, but Kari held out her hand. “I’m fine.” The pain was easing and she straightened up again. “I have to see Tim.”

Her father’s friend looked concerned, but he nodded. “We’re still cleaning him up. You can see him after that.”

Words wouldn’t come, so her father answered for her. “Thanks, Mike. We’ll be okay. Get a monitor ready just in case.”

The doctor nodded and left the room. For a long while there was no sound in the room but Kari’s weary sobs and her father’s occasional gentle words. “Hang on, Kari. . . . We’ll get through this. God will pull us through.”

Deep in her soul she believed that, trusted that somehow she would survive, that her child would be fine, and that somewhere down the road she might even be happy.

What she didn’t understand was how she would get from here to there.

At the moment, she wasn’t sure she could remember how to breathe, let alone care for herself and her child without Tim. In a matter of hours she’d lost her husband, her marriage, her dreams for the future. All of it was gone. And even though God would help her survive, one question still strangled her heart.

Where are you, God? Where are you in all of this?
Kari felt another contraction, but it was milder this time. “I’m okay. They’re fading.”

“Are you sure?” Her father placed his hand gently on her belly. “Preterm labor is nothing to mess with.”

“I’m sure.” She sighed and was about to ask her father to help her find Tim’s body when they heard a knock at the door. A nurse poked her head in. “Ms. Jacobs, there’s a woman here to see you. She says it’s urgent.”

Kari glanced at her father. “Probably Mom.” The idea of repeating the details of Tim’s death was overwhelming, but she longed to see her mother. She nodded to the nurse. “Send her in.” The woman disappeared, leaving the door open.

A minute passed, and a beautiful young woman with tearstained cheeks and swollen, electric blue eyes appeared at the door. Immediately her eyes fell to Kari’s middle. As they did, something changed in the woman’s expression. Kari knew instinctively that it was her. The other woman. And she felt her heart sink to her knees.

The woman folded her arms tightly in front of her. “I’m Angela Manning.”

Kari felt her father’s arm around her shoulders, but she kept her eyes fixed on the woman in front of her. So this was Angela? The one Tim had left home for, the one who had nearly destroyed her marriage.

The one who might even now be carrying Tim’s child.

Kari was utterly drained, her head still spinning with the reality that Tim lay dead in a nearby room. But somehow now she had to find the strength to face Angela Manning.
Father, I can’t do this.

And then, surprisingly, came the quiet answer in the depths of her soul. A surprising but comfortingly familiar answer. The one that hadn’t made sense months earlier.

My grace is sufficient for you, daughter.

And like that, Kari could breathe again. Her world was still upended, but she could breathe.

Angela stared at the floor for a moment, then looked back at Kari. The regret in Angela’s eyes was raw and deep, and suddenly Kari felt something she’d never expected to feel in the presence of Tim’s lover.

Compassion.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Jacobs.” Tears pooled in Angela’s eyes. “It was my fault he was killed.”

Kari had no idea what the woman meant, but a ripple of anxiety coursed through her while she waited.

Angela swallowed hard. She glanced at Kari’s father and then back at Kari. “I . . . I told Tim I was pregnant, but—” a sob slipped from her throat—“I lied to him. I wanted him to come back to me.” She hung her head again. “He came over to tell me he wanted to stay married to you.”

The sorrow consuming Kari doubled. It was the same message he’d expressed in his letter, but hearing it on this woman’s lips . . .

She felt her knees buckle and sway under the heavy irony. The reality that her husband had been killed not because of his cheating or his lies but because he wanted to do the right thing.

Suddenly Kari had to know what happened. “Who shot him?”

Angela folded her hands nervously in front of her. “His name is Dirk Bennett. I dated him for a while last year, and he . . . he became obsessive. He thought the reason he and I weren’t together was because I was seeing Tim. But that wasn’t true. . . .”

Kari stood there staring at Angela Manning, too shocked by this news to feel anything but terrified and dazed. Tim had been killed by someone stalking Angela Manning? The whole thing was so absurd. He should have been home with her, helping her choose wallpaper and curtains for the nursery, tiptoeing with her past the hurts of yesterday into the new life they were building together.

That’s what he should have been doing. Instead of going to see his ex-lover and getting himself shot.

Angela looked up again. “I was there when they were working on him.” Her voice caught, and she pinched the bridge of her nose. “He wanted me to tell you something.”

Kari swallowed back the sobs lodged in her throat and leaned hard into her father’s arm. She wanted to hate this woman for what she’d done to Tim and their marriage. For how she’d lied to him and cost him his life.

But clearly Angela Manning was hurting too, not only from the grief and guilt but also from the certainty that she could have prevented Tim’s death. Besides, this woman was the only person who could share with her Tim’s dying words. Kari found that she could summon no hatred, just a new wave of tears that filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. Speaking was out of the question.

Her father had been silent throughout the interchange, but his quiet strength beside her was all that kept her upright. He seemed to understand her need to know. He cleared his throat and looked from Kari to Angela. “What did he say?”

Angela met his gaze, and Kari saw resignation—that, and a deep understanding that no matter how sidetracked Tim had become, the only one he had ever loved was Kari.

“He told me to tell you he was—”

Angela’s face was red. She scrunched up her striking features as a series of small sobs racked her body. When she was able to talk, she took a tissue from a box in the center of the table and blew her nose. “I’m sorry.”

Kari was trying to be patient, but she wanted to know every one of Tim’s final words, especially since they had been directed to her. “He was what?”

Angela sniffed. “He said to tell you he was sorry . . . and that he loves you. And that he’ll always love you.”

At that moment the nurse returned and looked at Kari. “I need to speak to you for a minute, please.”

Her father took gentle hold of her elbow, and Kari looked back at Angela once more. There was an awkward silence as Angela slipped her purse onto her shoulder, her tears gradually resolving into an icy dignity. “I thought you should know the truth.”

Kari could only nod. “Thanks.”

They left the waiting room, one after the other—Angela to the dark night of uncertainty and regret, Kari to a fully lit hospital room that was even darker, a room where her husband lay cold and still and dead.

Her heart raced as she and her father followed the nurse down a long hallway to a closed door. “Your husband is in here, Mrs. Jacobs.” The woman’s voice was gentle. “Take as long as you want.”

Kari blinked, and as she opened the door, she realized the initial shock of losing Tim had worn off.

The paralyzing pain that engulfed her now could never be mistaken for anything but real.

Chapter Thirty-One

It was two days past her due date, and the pains were coming every six minutes. Kari found her parents in the kitchen eating breakfast. “It’s time.” She felt the corners of her lips rise slightly, about as far as they ever did since Tim’s death.

Her father was on his feet. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’m ready.”

John, Elizabeth, and Kari rode together and didn’t make small talk. What could they say? What could any of them say? Tim should have been driving her to the hospital, and no one could escape the fact that he was missing from the moment.

Kari sighed and stared out the window. She was learning to accept the loss of Tim, but none of it had been easy. A contraction came, and Kari doubled over, groaning out loud and causing her father to pick up speed. She blew short hard breaths through pursed lips the way Brooke had showed her. She hadn’t had the heart to go to childbirth classes without Tim, even though Brooke and her mother had offered to go with her. So Brooke had given her a quick set of instructions. She had said that learning to breathe through the contractions was the most important part. But the pain was long and merciless.