Rebel Heart (9 page)

Stella’s eyes brimmed with tears but she tensed her jaw and focused on the road, not allowing them to spill over. She pressed down on the accelerator and allowed the sharp clamor of the Firebirds engine to drown out her feelings.

Vulnerability had never been something Kade was good with.

The sum total of his life experiences had conditioned him to believe that he wasn’t
worth
caring about. After his mother had died, his father had retreated into seclusion, leaving thirteen year old Kade to raise himself.

Fighting was the only thing that ever caught the old man’s attention, which was probably why Kade had fallen so in love with it.

Still, Stella was different. When he spoke, he felt like she was really listening. She made him feel strong and worthwhile in a different way than he was used to. It was just her way...caring about the people who meant something to her.

That much was obvious.

Kade could see it in the way she spoke about the people she loved. Mel. Her mother. Hell, even her father. It didn’t matter that he was a mean old drunk undeserving of anyone’s affection.

Stella didn’t pick and choose who she loved. She just loved. Every time she spoke, no matter who it was to, her unadulterated admiration shone through.

Kade didn’t feel like he deserved it. He didn’t feel like he deserved
her
.

He had never met anyone with so much passion when it came to others. It didn’t make much sense to him. At first he chopped it up to guilt. He figured Stella was just overcompensating for being privileged. But it didn’t feel like the truth.

The look in her eyes told Kade that she was genuine. Maybe the most genuine person he had ever met. He could feel his hardened heart softening every time they were together and that scared him in a way nothing ever had.

So he distanced himself from his feelings and he distanced himself from her.

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls pushed through the radio static. It was an all too fitting song. Stella reached forward and turned up the volume. She could feel Kade staring at her, dissecting her, but she didn’t react. She hummed along with the melody and swallowed down the lump in her throat.

They were almost to his trailer, where they would part ways like they always did. Stella didn’t even understand why she did it. Why she continued saving him.

It wasn’t like he ever asked. He never even thanked her. But there was something about Kade drinking alone at Maddox’s grave that broke her heart and catapulted her into hero mode.

She parked in front of his trailer beside his Bonneville and nodded for him to get out. His hair was wet from the rain and framed his face, accentuating the sharp and emaciated lines of his cheekbones. He slammed the door shut and approached Stella’s side. He pulled her out, ignoring her high-pitched protests.

She stared up at him stoic and unmoving, daring him to say something. He wiped a hand over her face and looked at her through the rain, which had died down to a soft drizzle. He stepped toward her and she flinched but didn’t move.

Their clothing was soaked. His leather cut clung to his body and his white t-shirt revealed his muscular center. Without a word, she turned away from him and retreated up the slippery front steps towards his front door. He followed her and searched his pockets for his keys, staggering as the liquor took its hold on him.

The only thing he could focus on was getting her inside his bedroom and undressing her. He unlocked the front door and they stepped inside the dimly lit trailer.

It was small and sparsely decorated, with wood panel walls and peeling wallpaper. The entire place was in dire need of an update but Stella had never been the superficial type.

Thunder boomed and clapped in the distance. Stella jumped but quickly got hold of herself. Kade was on her in seconds. He closed the door and wrapped his muscular arms around her neck. They stumbled into his bedroom as rain began to fall in sheets. Her hair was frizzy and knotted around her face, a result of the weather, but he didn’t care.

She still looked beautiful to him.

With every flash of lighting a fabric of clothing was removed.

“Wait,” Stella gasped through swollen lips. Her voice cracked and faltered as she pulled away from him.

Would he notice the slight swelling in her abdomen? The difference in the shade of her areolas?

“I can’t do this. You’re piss faced...”

“You smell like my father.”

Kade sighed. He hated that comparison. He looked at Stella with eyes full of hunger and frustration and said nothing. Her hesitancy and his drunkenness catapulted them into an argument like it always did.

The following morning, Kade awoke before Stella and assed the wounds he had received the night before. They were battle marks, superficial lacerations that proved she could be brutal when she wanted to be.

She didn’t want a man like her father but she wanted Kade. And there lied the problem.

There were bruises too. Small marks along Kade’s chest where her balled up fists had hit him. They were barely noticeable but tender to the touch.

Kade sighed and turned over onto his stomach. He tucked a loose curl behind Stella’s ear and studied her sleeping profile. She looked so peaceful. It was a stark contrast to the way she had paced in front of him the night before, waving her arms as she spat ultimatums at him that never seemed to hold up in the light of day.

He wanted to touch her. To run his fingers over the gentle curve of her jaw, up along her cheeks. Instead, he reached for the bottle of Cognac stashed beside his bed and the stash of Vicodin on his dresser. The same demons had a way of plaguing him regardless of the new day and the combination of pills and alcohol had a way of numbing him.

When Stella awoke, she found Kade in his bathroom. He was passed out naked in the bathtub with the water running cold from the showerhead above him. His clothing was balled up beside the sink and the bottle of Cognac was completely empty.

It was the pills that sent her into panic mode.

“Kade!” she yelled, shaking him awake.

Kade blinked and grunted in response. Stella exhaled a deep breath as he tried his best to focus his eyes.

She couldn’t do this anymore.

The look of horror etched across her face was a thing Kade would never forget. He tried to stand up but she reached out to steady him, grabbing for a towel that hung behind the door.

“I thought you were dead,” she whispered as she dried him off. Her voice cracked and faltered.

Kade thumbed at the tears that spilled from her eyelids. He pulled her body against his chest with no regard to the fact that he was soaking wet and she was still clothed. She tried not to focus too much on the tattoos that accentuated his muscular frame.

Now was certainly not the time.

“I must have taken too many,” Kade croaked out, nodding at the bottle of pills.

“It wasn’t on purpose, I promise. I was just getting ready for the day. And I just...I needed to take the edge off. I didn’t want to be tense when you woke up.”

“Kade,” Stella whispered as she caressed his tattooed chest.

“You know it’s not your fault don’t you? Maddox’s death...there was nothing you could do...”

Kade shook his head and clenched his jaw.

“It doesn’t matter.”

His voice was deadpan and stoic. He stepped out of the bathtub and wrapped the towel around himself, pulling Stella up with him. Then, he entered his bedroom and collapsed on his bed, feeling light headed. He began coughing and Stella was next to him in seconds.

“Are you alright?”

Kade waved a hand in the air. He tried to hide the fact that his eyes were red-rimmed from crying. He wiped the excess moisture from his face with the back of his hand and reached for Stella’s, holding her gaze. She cleared her throat, running her hands over the miniscule scratch marks and bruising she had caused.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

Kade shrugged it off and leaned back in his bed, stretching his arms over his head. He was quick to change the subject.

“You’re soaking wet.”

Stella glanced down at her clothing and shrugged. Kade pointed to his closet and rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Grab a change of clothes. I just need to sleep this off.”

He was out before Stella could craft a response. She sighed and pulled a blanket over his body, crossing the room to his closet. She pulled off her clothing and slipped on one of his t-shirts, which was more like a dress on her tiny frame.

For the next hour, she sat beside Kade and watched him sleep, monitoring his breathing. She hated this. Worrying that he would go to sleep and never wake up.

Maybe he wasn’t good for her at all.

The bed shifted.

Kade opened his eyes and stretched.

“Hey,” he whispered groggily.

“How long was I out?”

Stella shrugged and glanced over at the clock.

“About an hour, give or take.”

“How are you feeling?”

Kade sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Better.”

Stella smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“How long is it going to be like this Kade?”

Her voice was laced heavily with disappointment.

“Difficult, I mean.”

Kade stretched, flexing his biceps. He pulled Stella against his chest and pressed a sloppy kiss on her cheek. He didn’t answer her question, but then again, he rarely did.

Sensitive topics of conversations were things Kade made a point of avoiding. Stella let out a sigh of frustration and stood up. She paused through the doorway of Kade’s bedroom, hoping he would stop her, but she was met instead by a deafening silence.

“I’ll see you later,” Stella sighed.

She left the room and Kade’s trailer without a second glance in his direction, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

She never stayed for long.

Later, Kade found himself standing in the doorway of a cheap motel room, inches away from a scantily dressed woman whose name he didn’t know. Blinking neon lights leaked through crooked blinds, casting a shadow on the peeling wallpaper. A sign across the street blinked once then twice, highlighting a message that indicated discounted pancakes.

The woman, clad in nothing but translucent negligee, stretched out on the bed and placed her hands on her waist. Kade took three short steps towards her and watched as she stroked her breasts, cupping them in her palms as she brushed her fingertips along her nipples. A slight smile fell over her lips. She opened her mouth to speak but Kade closed the distance between them and leaned forward, cupping her chin in his hands as he kissed her.

Numbness flooded over him. This was a cycle he had become all too familiar with.

The nameless woman’s lips were soft and moist. She caressed her tongue along the ridges of Kade’s mouth as he eagerly pulled the straps of her bra down her emaciated shoulders and cupped her breasts. Silently, he cursed himself. His body wasn’t reacting the way it should have. Stella’s question lingered in his conscious.

“Do you love me?”

Those four words haunted Kade more than he felt comfortable admitting. Instead, he tried to distract himself. He pinched the woman’s nipples and a soft moan escaped her throat. Finally, his erection stirred to life.

“Come here,” Kade whispered as he pulled her smaller frame against his much larger one. They tumbled backwards onto the squeaking mattress. He stripped off his jeans and t-shirt and caressed her half naked form, sliding his palms over her flesh.

“Wait,” she said as Kade started to pull on the fabric of her underwear.

“That will cost more.”

Kade sighed and nodded, rolling his eyes.

“I know, sweetheart. This isn’t my first rodeo.”

With a final tug, the last piece of fabric that separated them was removed.

The woman snickered.

“I never said it was.”

She reached for a pack of condoms on the table beside the bed and ripped one open with her teeth. Kade groaned as she slid the latex down his throbbing member.

This was exactly what he needed. Mindless fucking with a woman who didn’t expect anything more from him. None of this “taking things to the next level” and “evolving” shit that Stella had come to expect.

Kade fumbled with the tip of his erection and parted the woman’s legs, gripping her shoulders with one hand as he thrusted roughly forward. She moaned and dug her nails into his flesh as he broke through the thin barrier of her womanhood. Two more well angled thrusts later and she was soaking, practically begging to be taken.

It always stopped being about the money when they saw how big Kade was. A fire burned between his legs as he picked up speed and clenched his buttocks. Sweat beaded along his temple and found shelter in his furrowed brows. The woman lost herself in ecstasy and pressed her hands against his chiseled chest. Their releases were building in intensity and threatening to spill forward at any moment.