Rebel Heart (15 page)

“Thanks Stel. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Stella waved goodbye to Anna just as the doors slid shut and the elevator sprung back to life. A few seconds later, a ding sounded and Stella stepped into the hospital lobby. She waved goodbye to a group of nurses gathered around the front desk and stepped outside.

A reassuring smile spread across her face when she noticed a familiar truck parked outside waiting for her.

Trig.

He had never been father of the year. Not by a long shot. But Stella was exhausted and the prospect of walking back to the small apartment she had rented for herself and Beth seemed impossible in her current state. Without another thought, she climbed inside the truck and slammed the door shut behind herself.

“Hey baby,” Trig said as he pulled away for the curb.

“I was just coming into town to grab a few things. Noticed your shift was bout to end and thought I’d pick you up.”

Stella smiled tightly and glanced in the backseat, rolling her eyes. An overflowing paper bag of liquor was on the floor.

“A few things huh?”

Her tone was laced heavily with sarcasm. Still, she was grateful for the ride.

“Thanks,” she added, glancing over at her father.

Trig’s normally glazed over expression showed no sign of intoxication. He was sober, at least for now. He flashed Stella a smile and squeezed her leg.

“No problem honey.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

Stella rested her head against the passenger side window and closed her eyes. Trig turned on the radio, keeping the volume low. A familiar song played.

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me. Time after time. If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting. Time after time…

“You know,” Trig spoke up, lighting a smoke.

Stella opened her eyes.

“I think you did the right thing, coming back.”

Trig inhaled sharply and rolled down the window a crack, blowing a ring of smoke out of it.

“Not just because of me either. This is your home.”

“It’s where you and Beth belong.”

Stella was quiet. It made sense that Trig was still sore over her leaving. Stella had taken care of him her entire childhood. Hell, she was more of a parent to her father than he ever was to her. But she wasn’t in the mood to argue or rehash why she had fled. Instead, she focused on the song, allowing Cyndi Lauper’s famous ballad to sweep her away.

After my picture fades and darkness has, turned to gray, watching through windows - you're wondering, if I'm OK, secrets stolen from deep inside, the drum beats out of time...

It was one of those songs that never ceased to make Stella emotional and now wasn’t any different. She tried to fight the tears that surfaced in the corners of her eyes, blinking them away as the song came to an end and Trig pulled to a stop in front of her apartment complex.

Stella muttered something under her breath and climbed out of the truck, slamming the door shut behind herself.

“Hey,” Trig called out to her.

Stella sighed and turned around to look at him, keeping her expression neutral.

What now?

“Bring Beth by to see me soon. I miss you guys.”

Stella shrugged.

“Alright,” she agreed.

Trig smiled and Stella watched as he drove off.

In truth, she had no intention of that happening. Trig was a lot of things but a healthy, stable role model for her daughter was not one of them.

The less Beth saw of him the better.

Chapter Twelve

C
onfession.

It sure as hell wasn’t a place Kade went often but after everything that had unfolded, it seemed like the exact place he needed to be.

Nash had tagged along for moral support. He was in agreement that any form of coping was better for Kade than the pill popping and heavy drinking hysterics he had allowed himself to become accustom to.

The men parked their bikes in front of the Cathedral and lingered outside of it.

“Damn,” Kade muttered, kicking gravel.

“I don’t even know when the last time I came here was.”

Nash nodded and Kade followed him inside the building, which was dimly lit and ornately decorated.

“Better late than never, brother.”

The confessional booth was in a far corner of the room, hidden behind a wooden divide and a row of pews and candlelight vigils.

“Maria says you’ll know when the Priest is ready for confessions when a light in the booth comes on,” Nash spoke up, referencing his wife.

Almost as though on cue, the light flashed on, beckoning Kade to step forward and free himself of his remorse.

“Go on.”

Nash nodded, giving Kade a smile. He slid into an empty pew.

“I’ll wait for you.”

Kade gathered his thoughts and walked inside the booth, closing the curtain behind himself. Silence greeted him. He felt slightly claustrophobic inside but it was tolerable.

Suddenly, the panel that separated each side of the booth slid open and Kade could see someone taking a seat, although their face was completely hidden.

Kade signed the cross the way he had been taught in bible school as a kid and recited the telltale line.

“Father, I have sinned. I would like to confess.”

A deep voice spoke up.

“How have you sinned, child?”

Kade hesitated, mulling it over.

Where did he even start?

“I’ve committed horrible acts. Against others and myself. People I care about.”

“And what sort of acts might those be?” the Priest countered.

Kade swallowed hard. Once the words started coming there was no stopping them.

“I’ve done bad things. Unthinkable things. I’ve hurt women I care about out of selfishness and desire. I’ve let down my friends, my brothers. People I’ve known my entire life. I abuse substances to avoid having to feel. I fight just for the sake of evoking pain onto others...”

“I don’t know if I can be saved. I don’t know if I’m worth saving.”

Kade choked up. Tears began to gather in the corners of his eyes but he consoled himself, taking a deep breath and tensing his jaw.

“That is where you are wrong,” the Priest spoke up.

“All children of God are worth saving. All have fallen, all have sinned. What is important is that you learn from these indiscretions and seek forgiveness.”

“Do you seek forgiveness?”

Kade nodded, then, after realizing that the man couldn’t see him, he spoke.

“Yes. I want to change”

“Ok,” the Priest said.

“Recite twenty Hail Mary’s and ten Our Fathers, and trust in God and those who are truly your friends. Keep the love of Christ alive inside of you. He will not steer you wrong. Go in peace.”

Kade signed the cross once more just as the light in the confessional booth went off. He stepped out, nodding at Nash, who stood up and pulled him into a hug. Nether one of them spoke as they walked out of the Cathedral.

Change was in the air. Kade could feel it.

Spring was right around the corner. Stella was back in town with a little one in tow. Mel was free to live her life. And for the first time in a long time, Kade knew exactly what he needed to do.

He nodded at Nash.

“Thanks for coming man, I really appreciate it.”

Nash shrugged and lit a smoke. Kade straddled the seat of his Bonneville and started it up.

“I’ll catch you later. I have some shit to take care of.”

They parted ways as Kade took off down the road with one destination in mind.

Trig’s.

Everyone in Falls Creek knew where Stella’s father lived. He owned a couple acres of land a few miles outside of town and was more or less a recluse. He had stopped attending club events a long time ago. The only time anyone ever saw him was when he would stumble into town to re-up on whiskey, but that only happened about once or twice a month.

But Kade was here on a mission.

He had to talk to Trig and find out where Stella was staying. Even if she didn’t want anything to do with him, he had to see his daughter.

He had that right.

Kade made his way up the creaking front steps and knocked on Trig’s front door. His pick-up was parked in front of the old home and Kade could hear the television on inside.

“Trig!” he yelled, craning his neck to peek through the blinds hanging in the windows.

“It’s Kade. I know you’re in there. I just need to talk to you. It’ll be real quick.”

Footsteps sounded from the other side of the door before it swung open. Trig stood in the doorway, glossy eyed and unshaved. He reeked of liquor but that was nothing new.

“What do you want?” he sneered, stepping aside to let Kade in.

“Stella ain’t here.”

Kade shook his head and followed Trig into the living room. The entire place was in dire need of a makeover. The wallpaper was yellow and peeling. Trash and empty whiskey bottles littered the ground. And the scent of stale cigarettes and rotting food filled the air.

“I know,” Kade answered, taking a seat on the couch across from where Trig was sitting in his armchair.

“I’m just wondering if you can tell me where she is staying. You know, I have a little girl I need to see.”

Trig nodded, keeping his eyes glued to the TV, which was on mute on the Home Shopping Network.

“Yeah. Beth. She sure is cute.”

Trig glanced at Kade and reached for his whiskey, taking a swig. Kade noticed the faded tattoos on his arms, old reminders of his time in the club and the Armed Forces.

“I guess I can see the resemblance. She has your eyes.”

Kade smiled.

“Really?”

Trig nodded and took a long drink of whiskey before burping and pounding his chest. Kade’s smile faded into a brief grimace.

“Yup. You know, I can’t much help you though. I doubt think Stella would like that too much.”

Kade sighed and studied a spot on the coffee table, searching for the right response, but his efforts were futile.

“Anyway,” Trig continued, waving a hand in the air.

He eased himself out of his chair and made his way toward the kitchen.

“You want a beer or something?”

Kade nodded.

“Yeah, sure.”

A second later, Trig reappeared and tossed Kade a can of Blue Ribbon. Kade cracked it open and took a drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I haven’t drank this stuff since high school,” he said with a laugh, holding up the can.”

Trig nodded and reached for a wooden box in the middle of his coffee table. He pulled out two Cuban cigars, handing one to Kade. Then, he pressed the end between his chapped lips and lit it, tossing Kade a lighter. He did the same, inhaling a deep breath as the smooth vapors filled his lungs.

Trig sighed.

“Very few things compared to a good cigar,” he said with a smile.

Kade nodded in agreement.

“Hell, I didn’t even know you could get these in Falls Creek.”

Trig shook his head.

“You can’t!” he said with a chuckle.

“These are imported. I have a guy in Florida, St. Pete. He gets them smuggled in right from Havana.”

“Anyway,” Trig continued, taking another sip of whiskey.

“About Stella. Like I said, I don’t think she would like me talking to you. She’ll come around when she’s ready. That’s kind of just her way.”

Trig smiled to himself in reflection.

“She’s always been an independent one, my kid. Her whole life really.”

Kade nodded.

“I know...she’s strong. That’s what I love about her.”

Love.

The word left Kade’s mouth before he could censor it. Trig raised his eyebrows.

“Love you say?”

He chuckled, holding up his whiskey bottle.

“I’ll toast to that.”

Kade bumped his half empty can of beer against the bottle.

“The thing is, I fucked up,” he whispered.

“A few times actually. But Stella’s back now. I just...I want to make things right with her. Not just for me. But for Elizabeth too.”

Trig took a long hit of his cigar and thought over Kade’s words.

“You know, she thought the sun shined out of your ass kid. Before she left I mean.”

Kade smiled.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“I know...I was a dumbass. I still am. But I think I could change if she would just give me a chance.”

Trig killed his cigar and set the unsmoked half in an ashtray. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number, holding up a hand for Kade to remain quiet.

After three rings, by the grace of god, Stella answered. Trig appeared momentarily surprised, but was quick to speak up.