Rebel Angel: A Sainted Sinners Novel (11 page)

She straightened her spine. There was the answer, plain enough. Take what she could from the situation, leave the rest in the dust.

And as for Ezra… if she stuck to her goals and protected her heart, he should be no problem. She’d just have to be one step ahead of him, all the time.

She shook her head and started toward the safe house, heart heavy.

A
urora took
her time getting back to the safe house. When she returned, she found the house empty, Ezra’s shoes at the back door. A trail of his footprints led through the sand toward the enchanted forest, but he was nowhere to be seen.

She spent the night in her room, reading until she was tired enough to toss and turn all night.

Ezra was in the kitchen the next morning, drinking coffee at the kitchen bar. He gave her a look when she entered the kitchen, but didn’t jump up to offer her breakfast.

“What?” she asked as she hunted for a mug and started the kettle.

When she turned to glance at him, he shrugged and pushed his cup away.

“Curious where you were last night,” he said, his tone calm enough.

“Funny, I could ask you the same,” was her answer.

“I went to the grocery store, and got some coffee,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

“Well, I came out and found you gone, so I went for a walk.”

His brows lifted. “A walk.”

“Yes. It’s this new thing I invented, I call it being alone with my thoughts.”

He frowned at her obvious sarcasm, but let it go without argument.

“Are you ready to plan?” he asked.

“Once I have a mug of tea, I think I can take on almost anything,” she said.

The kettle whistled, and she busied herself for a couple of minutes. Armed with tea and a leftover croissant, she moved to the living room where Ezra had settled on the floor.

Plopping down on a soft floor cushion, she regarded him warily.

He knew there was something she was keeping from him, but then again…

Wasn’t he keeping a lot more from her?

Pensive, she missed something he said.

“Hmm?” she asked, shaking herself out of her thoughts.

“I think it would be best to start with the full story. Tell me what happened to your mother,” he said, brow creasing.

Aurora sighed, then sipped her tea, gathering her thoughts.

“I can tell you the parts I witnessed first, and then the pieces I fit into the puzzle later after research,” she said. “Or I can give you the condensed version, if you’d rather.”

“Condensed is fine,” he said, looking nearly bored.

One hot kiss, one embarrassing rejection, and this is what we’re reduced to?
she wondered
. This sucks.

“Two years ago, my brother died very suddenly,” she said, her voice wobbling a little. She cleared her throat and shook her head. It was still hard to talk about, even now.

Ezra just nodded, but his boredom was gone.

“Go on,” he said.

“He was always the good kid, you know? I was the one getting detention at school, getting brought home by the cops. Jackson was on the honor roll, team captain of the soccer team, all of that. When he grew up, he worked really hard to be a fireman, because he genuinely wanted to help people. He was just… really smart, and selfless. Maybe a little bit of a risk-taker, but…”

She had to stop for a moment, collect herself.

“His death was a complete shock. To me, but especially to Mom. He kind of dropped of the map for six months, and then… I found him, one day.”

“Found him?” Ezra asked.

Aurora looked down at her tea, running her finger around and around the mug’s rim.

“He hung himself, at the summer house Mom and I rented in rural Maine. We hadn’t even seen him in months, he stayed in Chicago. To prove that we could stay in one place for more than a year and be safe, of all things.”

“He showed up out of nowhere?”

“Yeah, no one knew he’d come home. I was gone all the night before, waiting tables at a diner. Mom was in bed, didn’t hear a sound. I came home, there he was… just…”

She flapped a hand, sucked in a breath.

“Aurora, I’m sorry,” Ezra said, reaching out. For a moment, his hand hovered near her arm, as if to comfort her.

When Aurora froze, didn’t lean into the offered touch, he withdrew and sighed.

“It’s okay,” she said, awkward and automatic.

“No, it isn’t. Don’t say that,” he said, an edge in his tone.

“Well… after that, the story sort of unraveled. He’d quit the fire department suddenly, vanished. They did a toxicology report, he was completely loaded. Not that any was even needed, because he had track marks up and down both arms, face all bloodshot from booze. Six months was all it took from him to go from this healthy, vibrant guy to… just a dead junkie.”

“That’s unbelievable,” Ezra said softly.

“The funny thing was, Jackson was religious. Mom and I never even went to church on Christmas or Easter, but Jackson… he went twice a week, at least. The fact that he hung himself was a complete shock. Suicide, drugs, drinking… all of that was against the grain. He was a really moral person, his faith was really strong.”

“I see,” Ezra said. He looked a little perplexed. “And this happened to your mother, too?”

“No, not exactly. See, after Jackson died, Mom did start going to services. But not regular church. She got a pamphlet one day for this weird sect, and I guess when she was grieving she ended up there. Wondering what Jackson saw in religion, maybe? I don’t know.”

“What kind of weird?”

“Like… fire dancing, speaking in tongues, living under every single rule that the Bible lists, no exceptions. Except not the Bible, they had their own version. The Gospel of St. Wisdom, or something.”

“First Day Culturalists,” Ezra said, nodding.

“You’ve heard of the group?” she said, surprised.

“Yeah, they’re directly influenced by…” he said, then trailed off.

“We’re jumping ahead here,” she said. “But yes. My mom got sucked into all this pseudo-Kabbalah mysticism stuff. Claimed that she took spiritual journeys, left her body and traveled to other planes. Said she heard voices directing her to do this and that. Wouldn’t hear a word against any of it, no matter how extreme it was.”

“And she got lost in it, kind of like Jackson?”

“Yeah. One day we got into this fight about how crazy she was acting, and she left. She left, and didn’t come back. In fact, I didn’t hear from her for months. She called me in the middle of the night one night from a strange number. Babbling, about how much she loved me, how she could save me and Jackson, save our souls…”

Another pause before she could pick up again. Ezra watched her, giving her quiet and time to finish. When she was ready, she launched in again.

“She said she loved me. Told me she was at some Culturalist retreat about a hundred miles away. Said there was something she wanted me to have. Then she hung up, before I could even… before I could say anything else,” Aurora said, her voice breaking. “The last thing I said to her was
calm down
.”

A hot tear slid down her cheek, and Aurora brushed it away with trembling fingertips.

“It sounds like you feel that you left a lot of things unresolved,” Ezra said gently.

He moved closer, putting his hand on the center of her back and rubbing in soft, comforting circles. Part of Aurora wanted to pull away, but the weak, needy side of her wouldn’t budge.

She soaked in the warmth of his touch, somehow feeling more miserable for it.

“I never told her… I never got to say goodbye, or… I love you, or… anything,” Aurora whispered, shaking her head.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said. “I know that doesn’t fix it, but…”

He moved again, running a fingertip down her inner arm, tracing the flow of letters tattooed there. “Tell me the rest. The part that led to this.”

“I dropped everything, drove out to the retreat. By the time I got there, the whole camp was in a frenzy. My mom had called everyone out to this bridge, standing way high over the water. She told them that she’d been called to a higher plane… and then, before anyone could say anything, or try to stop her, she jumped.”

“How did her death lead you here, though? You seem to have a pretty vendetta against Aragoth and Belial and Armeros.”

“I boxed up my mother’s things, what little she had in her cabin at the retreat. She had a few photos, a few pieces of clothing. And she had a whole box of journals, each and every single one filled with notes, drawings, quotes from the voices she heard…”

“And those names were in the books?” he prodded.

“Scrawled on every single page, with sketches of their faces. It took me months to go through the journals, but it became clear very quickly. Armeros approached my mother, making her think she was in religious ecstasy. He spun stories about me and Jackson, some of them true, most of them malicious lies.”

“The bit about saving your souls?” he asked.

“Exactly,” she said, nodding. “He told her that if she sacrificed herself, Jackson’s soul would be saved, and I would be safe on earth.”

The way that Ezra’s expression hardened, the complete lack of surprise on his face made Aurora want to cry all over again. Frustration bubbled up inside her, though most of it wasn’t directed at Ezra.

It was at the world, at the unfairness of her family’s fate. At the stupid war between Heaven and Hell, setting up innocents like the Vincents to suffer and die. It was all so hopeless and pointless.

Ezra gave her a moment to rage silently, then broke in on her thoughts.

“That’s how you got into researching the way that Heaven and Hell trap souls, how you found out where your brother was being held?” he asked.

“Right,” she said, blinking. “Yes. And I know a little about my mother’s circumstances, too. Just not the exact location.”

“Where her soul is being held, you mean?”

“Yeah. I was hoping you’d know.”

Ezra blew out a breath. “I think I have an idea.”

“Really? Where do you think she is?”

“In your research, did you ever come across the Sea of Lights?”

“Yes, but I don’t know much about it.”

“Well, it’s… I guess it’s one of Heaven’s better-held secrets.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ve never been inside, but… I understand that it’s designed for just that purpose.”

“Holding souls, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“How many souls could Heaven possibly need to hold?” she asked, frowning. “Like, other than Nulls…”

“Well, there used to be a lot of Nulls, first of all. Hundreds, at least in the beginning. Second of all, I’m sure there are other reasons to hold certain souls. I’ve heard… well, I’ve heard that some of them weren’t even intended for Heaven, but were snatched before they could fall to Hell. So… perhaps, some of them are special.”

Aurora cocked her head. “Interesting.”

“When I was in Heaven, I learned not to ask too many questions. The Sea of Lights, though… there were always whispers. I’m still not completely sure that it exists, but… I reached out to Kirael and Lucan to verify.”

“And what did they say?”

“Neither has been inside, but Lucan’s seen the place. He gave me a verbal map, and I think I know where it’s located. Vaguely.”

“But it exists!” she said, feeling a bit of positivity bloom in her heart.

“That it does.”

Releasing a big pent-up breath, she rubbed her hands together.

“It’s nice to get confirmation from outside sources. Sometimes I start to worry that I’ve had this secret psychotic break, and I don’t realize it yet.”

Ezra laughed. “I understand that better than you can possibly know.”

“As long as we can get to the Sea of Lights, I’m okay with being crazy.”

Ezra sobered a bit. “Well… there’s more to it. We can’t just fly up there and walk in.”

“No, of course not. Why should anything in the world be
easy
?” Aurora grumbled. “What do we have to do, collect a secret potion from Timbuktu? Eye of newt, hair of dog?”

“There are some preparations, yes. We’ll need to spend a day in reflection, repenting our sins. Fasting would help.”

“Help?”

“Mortals and Fallen are considered impure by Heaven’s standards.”

“Armeros is walking around Heaven, he’s as evil as they come.”

Ezra smirked. “You haven’t met Lucifer. Besides, Armeros is a known agent. If we want to enter Heaven, we need to purify ourselves as much as possible. The Heavenly Host is finely attuned to sin, it’s their obsession. The purer we are, the less noticeable we’ll be while we sneak around.”

“You make it sound like we’re walking through a mall, not ascending to Heaven.”

“We’re going to a part of Heaven. A functional part, not a spiritual plane. It’s confusing, I know, but the word Heaven has a few different meanings.”

“I understand perfectly,” Aurora said, pushing aside her tea.

“There’s a second reason we need to try to repent and reflect.”

Aurora heaved a sigh. “Of course there is.”

“In order to get to the Sea of Lights, we have to pass a trial of sorts. A trial of truth.”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“Lucan couldn’t tell me that part. It sounds serious, though.”

“So… okay. We spend the next twenty-four hours in our rooms, thinking about our mistakes?”

“Yes. You don’t have to pray, but admitting your failures and flaws is crucial.”

“Great, I haven’t spent nearly enough time flagellating myself lately.”

Ezra frowned. “You’re the one who wants to go up there, not me.”

“Oh, really? You don’t have the slightest desire to return to Heaven? Not ever?” she asked, crossing her arms and giving him a hard look.

After what she’d overheard, she just wanted to see if he’d lie right to her face or not.

“I didn’t say that,” he answered. “I’m just talking about your mission.”

Well, at least he didn’t lie
, she thought.

“Right,” Aurora said, shaking her head. She rose and picked up the remains of her breakfast. “Guess I don’t need this croissant. I’m going to go get a jump start on all this genuflecting and stuff.”

Ezra opened his mouth as if to say more, but Aurora turned and left him there. She had enough on her plate, she didn’t need to have another huge argument with him.

She headed downstairs, heading for the gardens. A solo walk in the hedge maze might be just the ticket, letting her contemplate and reflect…

As much as she’d rather have company, perhaps this private time would be good. She could straighten out her thoughts about Ezra, try to figure out where this crazy roller coaster of emotions was taking her. She was the only one who could do that, Ezra’s input would only make things that much more confusing.