Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans (5 page)

“Yes, there was. You were never human.”

I spewed. Yep. Blood went everywhere, hitting Ian right in his handsome face to drip on his black knit shirt. I coughed and choked and set the bottle down beside me. I have to admit, Ian took it well. He jumped up and found a roll of paper towels in the bathroom, wiping his face and hair then handing me several to clear up the damage to myself.

I blotted my face where tears rolled down my cheeks. Swell, mascara leaks. I jumped off the table and walked into the bathroom. I hadn’t heard right. Or this was Ian’s idea of a sick joke. He and Jerry were ancient enemies. This was a MacDonald’s way of getting even with a Campbell. Ian knew Jerry and I were tight. I finished repairing my makeup then stormed out to face the doctor.

“Okay, Dr. Death, now tell me the truth. What was in my blood? And don’t give that bull about not being human. I know when I’m being jerked around.” I put my hands on my hips.

Ian stood and faced me. He was a good foot taller than my five foot five but I had on heels. Still, it was a long way up to give him a hard look. I managed.

“I’m not kidding, Glory. I wish I was. I ran every test I knew of. Compared your sample to literally hundreds of others from different vampires and humans. I’ve had your blood for months now, you know.” Ian put his hands on my shoulders. He tried to look sympathetic but was more intrigued than anything else. I didn’t like that. It made me think he was telling the truth.

“Yes, it’s been months. I figured I was low on your priority list. Penny told me you have lots of experiments going. And then there was your move from California in the middle of that. I didn’t expect…” I stepped back from him. His gaze was too intense. He was reading my mind so I threw up a block. Of course any probe of
his
mind hit a blank wall, solid as steel.

“This isn’t about a MacDonald versus Campbell feud, Glory. I swear it. I don’t give a damn about the Campbells.
I told Blade that. We’ve avoided each other since I moved here and we both like it that way.” Ian gestured to the chair and I sank into it.

“If I’m not, uh, never was human, what the hell does that mean?” Of course I’d been born to humans. My parents had lived in London. I’d married young to get away from their strictly religious household and, in just a few years, been widowed. Jerry had taken my mortality away when he’d turned me vampire. Before then, I’d been an ordinary female. One hundred percent. “You’re wrong. Run more tests.”

“I’ve run dozens. A hundred or more.” Ian leaned against the table. “Like I said, I compared your blood to humans first. I got samples by mesmerizing some on the street, different ages, sexes, even nationalities. When that didn’t give me a match, I went to other vampires. I even found a blond, blue-eyed English-origin female vampire, similar age. There was an anomaly. You simply don’t fit. So I started on other paranormals—the fae, shape-shifters, weres—to see if that’s what you could have been before you were turned. So far, no luck.”

“I don’t believe you. I have fangs. I drink blood. I fall asleep at dawn. I’m a perfectly normal vampire, right?” I heard my own defensiveness but it kept me from throwing up all over Ian’s expensive Italian loafers.

“Are you? There’s that tummy bulge you keep complaining about. Penny told me you gripe about it endlessly. Yes, don’t bother trying to hide it. That was just the latest in your weird reactions to my formulas.” Ian caught my hand in the act of jerking down my blouse where it was supposed to do the camouflage thing.

“I don’t believe you. Jerry would say you’re poisoning me. And now you’re playing mind games. Not ever human? Don’t make me laugh.” I shot out of the chair, unable to just sit still when he was trying to make everything I knew into a lie.

“You don’t believe me? Ask Penny. I had her rerun every test, just in case you copped this attitude.” Ian held my
shoulders and met my eyes so I could look into his mind and see the truth there.

“Oh, shit.” The next thing I knew Ian had me back in the chair, my head between my knees. Great. I was turning into one of those females who fainted at the drop of a hat. Well, maybe this was a bit more than a hat drop. More like an ocean liner hitting an iceberg. Okay, I’d always been a drama queen. But this news deserved a three-act play, was Billy Shakespeare worthy. I sighed and pushed his hands off me before I sat up.

“Seriously, Ian. I have memories of my human life. I had parents, a husband, worked at the Globe for crying out loud.” I saw my hands shaking. There. Human hands, no weird claws or… My mind froze. Ian took them, holding them tight. He was on his knees in front of me, staring into my eyes like he could will me to his way of thinking. I looked away, not about to be whammied into something.

“We both know how false memories can be planted, Glory. It’s possible those things never happened to you. That your life before you met Blade wasn’t what you think.” Ian sighed and stood. “I’m sorry if you don’t like what you hear, but I’m just reporting what I found.”

“Don’t you think Jerry would have noticed when he met me if I was something other than…?” I swallowed. “You know.”

“You’d think so.” Ian stared down at me, studying me like I was a really interesting lab rat. “Penny has told me the story about how you met Campbell. Some romantic nonsense.” Ian smiled. “Seems he was struck by Cupid’s arrow.”

“Don’t mock what you obviously don’t understand.” I pressed my hands to my eyes. What did this mean? How could it possibly be true?

“You’re right. Love that could last for centuries sounds like a magic spell or an obsession.” Ian snapped his fingers. “Maybe I should try to find a druid. Legend has it that they’re extinct, but I know better. Ireland. That’s where—”

“Stop it! I don’t believe you.” I held my hand to my stomach,
still not sure I wasn’t going to hurl as I faced him on rubbery legs.

“It’s science, Glory. Believe that. Now I want to take a new blood sample from you. Compare it to more entities. I know what you’re not, but I’m determined to figure out what you
are
. Or rather were.” The bastard actually looked intrigued, still studying me with a clinical detachment that made me squirm. He stepped closer and sniffed me.

“What? I don’t smell like a demon, I know that. I’m way too familiar with their reek.” I put a hand in the middle of his firm stomach and pushed.

“You’re right. Not demon. I already compared your blood to a demon anyway. Well, to Valdez, who is part demon as you know. He didn’t want to give me his blood until I told him it was to help you. Interesting relationship you two have.” Ian tapped his chin and looked at me. I wasn’t about to share so he went on. “Anyway, I’ve never had such a challenge. I’m determined to solve this puzzle.”

“Swell. Glad to be entertaining.” I collapsed on the chair again, not up to standing. “What other paranormals haven’t you tested besides a druid?”

“Penny says you know a Siren. Is she still around?” Ian pulled a small notebook and pen out of his jeans pocket. Of course he was going to take notes. Penny had stacks of similar notebooks in the apartment. Now I really was a glorified lab rat. Glory-fied. I bit back a hysterical giggle.

“Aggie. Yes, sure. Why not a god while you’re at it? Maybe I’m Zeus’s girlfriend, on break from Olympus. Sometimes Aggie’s boss, the Storm God, hangs around the lakes here. Bet he’d love to give you a blood sample.” I did laugh then and earned a sharp look from Ian.

“You need one of my vampire tranquilizers, Glory?” He reached into his pocket.

“No, thank you. With my luck, it would do the opposite. Send me into a frenzy and then make my thighs explode into massive drumsticks.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. “God, Ian, this is crazy.” I felt his hand on my shoulder and
looked up at him. Sympathy. It made me want to lean against him and sob. Nope. If I started, I might not be able to stop.

“I’m just trying to cover all avenues of investigation, Glory.” Ian squeezed my shoulder then stepped back, pen in hand. “You want to give me the Siren’s number?”

“I’ll call her.” I sighed, my mind whirling. “Anyone else? I still think you’re wrong. I remember my mother and father. Too many details to be faked. Dad was a baker. My mother…” I cleared my throat. Details. Were there really so many? I tried to concentrate. “She read the Bible out loud every night after supper. Does that sound nonhuman to you?” But could I quote any verses? Other than the ones I’d learned myself going to church in recent years?

Ian smiled. “Powerful entities can erase your memory and change it completely, you know that. This background you think you have may be entirely fabricated. If we do discover what species you belong to and it’s not human as I suspect…” Ian patted my shoulder again. “Sorry, Glory, but you may have to come to terms with the fact that everything you thought about yourself is a lie.”

“Species? A lie?” I swallowed. “Even my name?”

“Probably.” Ian put his notebook away. “Now about the DNA test Valdez mentioned. I can do one while the woman is pregnant, but it might endanger the fetus. The fact that she’s a demon makes this even more complicated, though intriguing, of course. I assume she’s a pure demon so I’ll definitely want a blood sample from her.” Ian had the nerve to wink at me. Like we were coconspirators or something. “As for the DNA test, is the woman willing to undergo the procedure?”

I felt whiplash from the subject change. “Alesa probably won’t allow anything that might hurt the baby. She wants it and wants Rafe. The longer she can string this out, the better in her mind. What you said about endangering the fetus just gave her an out. And I’ll have to tell her the truth about the risks. I’d never lie about something like that. She can read
my mind through my blocks, anyway.” I sighed. “I’ll let Rafe know. Can you examine her? Be her OB for this?”

“Since I seem to be the only paranormal doctor in Austin, I guess I’ll have to be. I’ve never worked with a demon before.” Ian frowned. “I want to examine her right away, of course, and I’ll definitely want to do an ultrasound. I’ll have to order a machine but that’s no problem. I wonder if demons ever have multiples.”

“Twins? Triplets? A litter of demons? Life could not be that cruel.” I closed my eyes, sending a prayer straight to the Man Upstairs. Then I made myself look at Ian again. He was studying me, like he was looking for weird symptoms.

“While you’re at it, see if you can pinpoint exactly when this baby was conceived. Alesa’s saying she got preggers when she was inside me.” I stood, felt the room wobble, then got it under control. “Is that possible? She was just a spirit or something, inhabiting my body, when Rafe and I did the deed. I don’t see how she could conceive that way.”

“When you’re dealing with nonhumans, I’ve learned anything’s possible.” Ian pulled a small black leather case out of his jeans pocket. “Can I take that fresh blood sample now?”

“Came prepared, didn’t you?”

“I’ve been carrying this around in case I run across an unusual type of nonhuman. But I want a new sample of your blood to see if anything’s changed since I took the first one. Do you mind?” Ian opened the case and pulled out a syringe and an extra vial.

“No, have at it. I want answers too. But I do take blood from Jerry on a regular basis. Drank some just last night.” I unbuttoned my sleeve and pulled it up then held out my left arm.

“I’m sure you also drink synthetics. Doesn’t matter. Your core type should remain unchanged.” Ian wrapped a tourniquet around my upper arm. “Just like mortals eat rare beef but their blood doesn’t become like that of a cow’s.”

“Nice comparison, Ian.” I winced when he tapped a vein with a finger then stuck me with a needle.

“Of course ingesting any substance can temporarily alter our blood, like the drugs I sell. Uppers, downers, the daylight thing. But it doesn’t last.” Ian didn’t look at me, just released the tourniquet and watched my blood fill a vial, as if interested in the color.

“Maybe you got my sample mixed up with someone or something else’s.”

“Not possible. I keep meticulous records. Crosscheck everything. And I think you know how I am about security.” Ian filled several vials efficiently.

Yes, Ian had an army of guards. Whether they were to keep Campbells out or to guard the secret to his various drugs, which were very expensive, I didn’t know or care. After he slipped the needle out of my arm, he wiped a drop of blood from the spot with his finger and tasted it.

“You know, I’ve discovered something else interesting about your blood, Gloriana.”

“What?” The way Ian was staring at my jugular made me wish I’d worn a turtleneck.

“It contains special properties.” He moved closer until I was almost lying back on the table. “Don’t suppose you’d let me have a real taste.”

“Don’t suppose. Back off.” I used a vamp move to get away from him and onto the other side of the room. “Now what do you mean? What special properties?”

Ian smiled. “I concentrated one of the vials I took from you before into a few tablets, then ran a little experiment.” He sat on the edge of the table, his eyes suddenly sparkling with the excitement of a scientist who’d discovered something great. “Imagine, Glory, your blood actually enhanced my vision, gave me strength and”—his smile turned wicked—“did great things for my libido.” He flashed his fangs at me. “I don’t know what in the hell you are but, woman, your blood is very, um, compelling.”

“Hold it. You took some of my blood?” I kept my distance as he stared at me like I was the hottest thing since Vampire Viagra.

“I did. In the interest of science. It was a small dose but the benefits! No wonder Campbell wants you all to himself.” He tapped his pen against his notebook. “I didn’t give the bastard credit. But then he can hardly help himself. You’re bound to be addictive.”

“Don’t play mind games with me, Ian. Jerry loves me. He stays with me because he wants to.” I stomped over to face him. “What is so hot about my blood again? Spell it out.”

“I told you. It enhanced all of my senses. I could see things more clearly, hear what was being said a block away, much farther than before.” Ian flexed his hands. “And strength. I think I could have ripped that steel door off its hinges without breaking a sweat.”