Razors Ice 04 - Hot Ice (26 page)

“You’re damn right I’m upset! And I have every right to be. Here I’ve been for the last two years sitting around on my ass waiting for you to make time for me so that we can start our life together. Well, I’m done waiting for something that’s obviously never going to happen.”

“I’m sorry,” Phillip said and he meant it. She hadn’t deserved to be put on the back burner, but he honestly didn’t know it had bothered her that much until now.

“Not as sorry as I am for wasting years of my life on a man who clearly has more important things going on in his life than me.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

Violet searched his face for some flicker of emotion or attachment. There wasn’t any, but the guilt gnawed at her just the same. She was human after all and there had been a time when Phillip was too.

It was time to come clean.
Any connection they might have had before had dwindled into nothingness long ago. All this time she’d just been wandering around her relationship with Phillip looking for the door she came in.

“I haven’t been faithful to you,” she said softly.

Phillip shrugged and she saw no reaction on his face. Where she thought she would see disappointment, hurt or even anger,
something
, she saw nothing but a blank face staring back at her.

“I presume you’ve been discreet about it,”
was all he said.

Violet was horrified. “That’s
it
?! You’re only concern is whether or not I’m being
discreet
about it?”

Phillip frowned and his eyebrows formed a squiggly line like the symbol on her keyboard below the Escape key. “Well, yes,” he replied. His tone made him sound like the only logical one in the room.

“I
cheated
on you, Phillip,” she reminded him sternly.

He blinked. “Yes, I understand that.”

“You’re not going to fight for me?”

“Violet, whatever
are you being so dramatic about? I’m not opposed to devising some type of…of
arrangement
with you,” he said reasonably like he was discussing his taxes or 401k plan. “I think we have a good thing going here. I’m comfortable with you and our relationship is satisfactory.”

Her jaw dropped and the air deflated from her chest.
Comfortable and satisfactory. They were the two words she was happy to describe her relationship before, but now…now it wasn’t nearly enough. Jace had shown her that there was much, much more to life. And sex. And passion. And love.

Comfortable
and
satisfactory?
Huh!

“How can you say that?
” she squeaked. “We haven’t even had sex!”

Phillip shrugged.
“And when we do, it will probably be…
good
.”

“And you’re content with
good
sex and being
comfortable
?”

“Of course.”
Phillip looked at her like she had sprouted a third eye in the middle of her forehead.

She made a disgusted sound and threw up her hands. Phillip was about as comfortable with her and her body as an Amish family at a 30 Seconds to Mars concert. “Well, it’s not good enough for me!” she cried.

She marched over to the other end of the closet and yanked her suitcase down from the top shelf. It landed with a thud on Phillip’s foot and she began throwing clothes into it. Dust went flying because she hadn’t used it in so long, but she didn’t care. “I want more, Phillip. I want excitement. I want
passion
!”

“Violet, wait.”

Something in his voice made her stop packing and turn around to face him. “What?” She rested her fists on her hips. This had better be good.

He sighed. “I just assumed you
were having physical relationships on the side already.”

That infuriated her.
Her eyes bulged out of their sockets and her jaw dropped down to the suitcase on the floor. “Well,
that’s
just dandy! Here I’ve been beating myself up about being with someone else and you’ve
just
assumed
that’s what I’ve been doing all along.” A primal sound bubbled up from her throat and she clawed at her hair in frustration.

Phillip’s shoulders slumped and he squeezed the bridge of his nose. This was the conversation he’d been preparing himself for, but he was weary of having it all the same. “I think it would be best if you sat down for what I have to tell you.”

“
Right
,” she spat with sarcasm. “Now
you
have something to tell
me
? This ought to be great.” Just great.

“Violet, please…”

Sure, Phillip was serious one hundred percent of the time, but his time he sounded even more grim than usual.

Violet mumbled her way over to the bed, sat down
on the edge of the mattress and waited for his big news.

Phillip stood in front of her. Was he actually
slouching
?

“I haven’t been exactly honest with you, either
,” he admitted.

Violet braced herself.
Okay, here we go
.

“I have been…,” he searched for a better word, but couldn’t find one, “
using
you, for lack of a better word. I needed to create the illusion that I’m a heterosexual man for the sake of my career and my reputation. If people thought otherwise, it could be… problematic at best.”

“What are you talking about? Cut the bullshit, Phillip.”

It only took a few seconds for one of his words to jump out from the rest and slap her in the face. “Wait,
heterosexual
? What is that supposed to mean? Heterosexual?”

“Yes,” he said patiently and searched her eyes.

“Does that mean…?”

“
I’ve been living a lie, Violet. I’m…gay.” He let out a huge sigh. Those words had been weighing on his shoulders like a five-ton elephant.

Violet blinked and bit down on her lip. “
First
, I appreciate your honesty,” Violet said calmly, “and second
how the hell could you do this to me?!
” she screamed.

He shrugged. “Frankly, you never seemed to object to the arrangement.”

He was right. For some reason, before Jace came along, Violet had been content with the way things were with Phillip. She wanted to be more surprised at his confession, but it all made sense now. Which was both a relief and an outrage.

She’d take a dose of the relief first. She took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves and thought about it. That’s when it dawned on her. They had both been using each other.
Phillip to keep up appearances for his career and her for the façade of security and to appease her mother.

“Why put on a front for appearances
sake, Phillip?” she asked. “Why not just be honest and come out?”

Phillip half snorted at the notion. “Red Valley isn’t exactly San Francisco, Violet.”

“Well, it isn’t freakin’ Mayberry either. Why keep it a secret?”

“
My sexual orientation complicates things.”

“What do you mean? There are lots of gay people in Red Valley. Take for instance that guy at the real estate office last year when we went
—”

Phillip averted his eyes and that one action said more than his fancy Ivy League sentences ever could.
No wonder he’d been so excited when Marcus showed them the bungalow! Phillip hadn’t been in the market for a house, he’d been shopping for a boyfriend!

“Phillip!
” she screeched. “Don’t tell me he’s one of the guys you’ve been screwing around with.”

A pained look fled across his face and he shook his head. “Not
on
e of. Marcus is the
only
one.”

Aha! Phillip had been unfaithful to her, but hadn’t been unfaithful to Marcus. What a
n honest gentlemen.

Violet
rubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t think this conversation could get any more bizarre, so I’m going to ask this anyway. What does this guy Marcus have besides the obvious anatomy that I don’t?”

Phillip smiled at the thought of Marcus’ qualities and it didn’t go unnoticed by Violet. “Marcus loves fashion and he’s smart and witty
—”

Violet put her hand up to stop him from saying anything else.
What was truly bizarre was imagining Phillip with a fashionable, smart and witty man. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“
I…I’m a coward, Violet. The longer it went on, the harder it was to find a way to tell you the truth.”

She took a deep breath. “I guess I can understand that. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I understand where you’re coming from. I suppose it’s not entirely your fault. I should have known something was wrong a long time ago. Maybe I was scared, too.
Of being on my own.” Of disappointing her family.

“Thank you for understanding,” he said sincerely.

“We were friends once, right?”

“Of course.
I hope we still can be.”

“You really thought I’d be happy to sit back and play faux fiancé while the years just ticked on by?”

“I wasn’t aware of your unhappiness.” He hadn’t taken the time to notice. He’d been too wrapped up in his work and with Marcus.

“How long have you…you know…
known
you were gay?”

Phillip’s eyes scanned her face. “I think I’ve always had an inclination. However, I tried to
disregard it. It wasn’t logical to pursue it. What are you going to tell your parents?”

“The truth.”

“I guess that means I should tell mine, too.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. You’ve stood by me longer than you should have. It’s something I need to do alone.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this a secret.”

“Things were working out the way they were. And to be honest, I didn’t want to put you out on the street.”

“The street
?!” she shrieked. Great, now she was pissed again. “Phillip, I’m perfectly capable of getting my own place! I started and run my own business for Pete’s sake. I can take care of myself.”

“Of cou
rse,” he replied. “I apologize.”

“Did you have any intention of letting me in on your little scheme? Huh? Here you thought I was off living it up
and having a life when in reality I was sitting around waiting for you so we could finally start our life together. I hope Marcus is more tolerant of your work habits and prepared to play second fiddle to your job. Because if not, he’s in for a rude awakening.”

“My work is important to me. I’ve spent the last decade building the most successful practice in Red Valley.”

“I understand your need to help people, believe me. But, there are more important things than work. We always did disagree on that.”

“Yes. Marcus understands my dedication. He and I have established a balance.”

“I can’t believe you would do this to me for all these years.”

“I’ll admit my actions were ill-advised.
Rest assured you won’t walk away empty-handed. I’ll transfer the house into your name.”

Violet sputtered a growl. “Are you serious?! You expect me to take the house as…as some kind of consolation prize.
‘Hey, thanks for playing Phillip Krandall’s effed up lie, now here behind Door Number One is a stupid house you can live in all by your lonesome!’”

Violet
went over to the dresser, took out her engagement ring and shoved it at him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

Obviously he didn’t notice that she hadn’t been wearing it on a regular basis.

“
My We-Might-As-Well-Get-Engaged engagement ring.”

“Please, you can keep it.”

“I don’t want it.”

He sighed. “I really am sorry about all of this.”

“I was okay with it at first and then…I fell in love with someone,” she admitted.

“Good,” he said, not surprised in the least. “You deserve to be loved the way I’m unable to do so.”

“That’s real nice, Phillip, but I screwed everything up with him because he did the right thing and let me go so I could be with you. And honor what turned out to be our phony engagement.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to reconcile with him.”

The words were heartfelt, but they sounded hollow to Violet’s ears.

If only it were that easy.

Chapter Eighteen

New Leaf

Violet
popped the trunk of her car so that she could load up her stuff. No matter what Phillip said, she refused to stay there. The bungalow was too harsh of a reminder of the years she’d wasted in limbo.

When she
flung open the trunk, the empty gas can stared back at her, bringing her back to that day on the sidewalk outside the café. If only love could be as easy as boy meets stranded girl by the side of the road and they lived happily ever after.

Violet
wasn’t sad about breaking things off with Phillip. Not in the least. She was sadder about the time she wasted in their dysfunctional relationship. Rather than dwell on her past mistakes, she was determined to make up for lost time and start living by her own rules.

She couldn’t believe she
’d almost married a guy who used words like ‘intercourse’ and described their relationship as ‘satisfactory’.

Sure, she and Jace had had a good run and Jace made it crystal clear it was over, but a voice in her heart was screaming that she had to at least try
to reason with him. She hadn’t gotten this far in life by accepting it when a door was slammed in her face. Oh, no, Violet James had resiliency and spunk and persistence by the truck load, by golly.

By the time she arrived
at Patricia’s house, Violet had herself sufficiently pumped up. It was early, but Violet knew Pats wouldn’t be at Healing Touch for at least another hour. She had to talk to someone. Preferably someone who she
wasn’t
related to.

Violet
knocked on the door and then second-guessed herself and wondered if this was a good idea. She and Patricia hadn’t exactly been seeing eye-to-eye lately and showing up on her doorstep probably wouldn’t go over too well.

“Hey.” Patricia looked rumpled and half asleep as she cinched her robe tighter around her waist.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Uh, no.”

Violet swore she saw Patricia blush, but it faded quickly when she waved her into the house.

In the kitchen, Violet plopped down at the table and Patricia began making coffee. Violet watched her measure out the coffee, dump it in the filter and turn on the machine before saying anything.

Patricia sat down across from her and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry I butted into your love life.”

“Oh
God, Pats. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who made this whole mess.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I’m sorry I came over so early, but—”

“That’s okay. It’s just taking me a while to get moving this morning. Carter sprang a last minute school project on me last night and I didn’t get very much sleep.
Look, I found the perfect water fountain for the waiting room.” From a shopping bag, Patricia pulled a relaxation fountain that promised to create a stress-free ambiance with the soothing sound of water.

“Great,” Violet mumbled. “Now I’m going to feel the need to pee all day.”

Patricia looked up. “What’s with the negativity? You’re the one who suggested it a few weeks ago, remember?” She looked closer at Violet. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? You look…frazzled.”

“No, I’m not okay,” she huffed. “I’ve got Mr. M in twenty minutes and
somehow over the past week my life has fallen apart piece by glorious piece.”

“Here,” Patricia grabbed Violet’s elbow and
pushed her into a chair. “Have some coffee and talk to me.”

Violet leaned
her back against the chair and squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh, Pats. I’m sorry to rain on your little Zen parade, but the shit just hit the fan and I don’t have an umbrella.”

Patricia smirked at the mental picture, then grew serious when the words sunk in. “What happened? Talk to me.”

“Do you want the extended version with deleted scenes, outtakes and audio commentary or do you want the abridged version?”

“Uh,
start with the abridged version.”

“
Okay. Phillip is gay,” Violet said without blinking.

“What?!”
Patricia shrieked and quickly covered her mouth.

“You heard me. The man I lived with for the past two years has a boyfriend. His name is Marcus
, by the way, and he loves fashion
and
he’s smart and witty.”

“Whoa, whoa,
whoa
.” Patricia lowered herself into the chair across from Violet.

“Yeah.”

“I understand that people grow apart, but this…this is something else entirely,” Patricia blinked. “I don’t even know what to think about this.”

“Me neither. First I was flabbergasted, then I was angry and then all the pieces started fitting together from the last couple of years.”

“How do you feel now?”

“Now I’m sort of relieved, I guess. And I feel a little foolish. To be honest, I feel like a complete idiot. But
it’s better that I found out now than to waste another minute living his lie.”

“Or to actually go through with marrying him
,” Patricia gasped. “Do you think he would have taken it that far?”

“Maybe.
We’ve all read about men who had a wife and kids and were secretly gay the whole time. Oh God, Pats. That could have been me. What a freakin’ disaster. How did this happen?”

“Well, you’ve been working a lot lately and time flies when you’re busy.”

Violet nodded. “Phillip blamed work, too, but I’ve never let work dictate my life before. Maybe I’ve been working so much to escape from my miserable relationship with Phillip.”

“Hey,” Patricia said optimistically, “At least you’re free to be with Jace now.”

Violet groaned and leaned her head back against the wall. “Oh, Pats, Jace broke up with me.”

“What? Why? What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he was right and honorable and he said all the things that a man should have said.”

“If he’s as honorable as he sounds then he’ll understand and take you back, right?”

Violet shook her head. “He hates me, Pats. And he has every reason to.” She groaned again. “I’m such a fool. Phillip made a fool out of me for years and I’ve made a complete fool of myself with Jace. Promise me we’ll bring in another therapist soon. I don’t want to end up working my life away and not being able to enjoy it.”

“I will. I will,” Patricia reassured her.

“I can’t keep going on like this. We’re out of the red now. I want to cut back my hours so I can have time for stuff besides work. I want to get my life back. This isn’t the life I wanted and I’m finally going to do something about it!”

A smile spread across Patricia’s face and Violet frowned. “What?”

“I already did something without consulting you.”

The way she was holding back a smile, it must not have been terrible.
“What did you do?”

“I’ve decided we should bring someone in to help out with our growing clientele.
” She handed Violet a stack of resumes. “I know we’re partners and we’re supposed to run everything by each other, but I wanted it to be a surprise. Violet, I know how hard you’ve been working and the long hours you’ve been putting in. That’s why we’re finally able to afford to bring in a third.”

“Wow, you even take your work home with you,” Violet murmured
and flipped through the pages.

“It just so happens that I’ve already started interviewing new therapists. In the meantime,
one of Carter’s friend’s moms does quick massage at the mall and I offered her space at the office to set up her chair. Ooh, this is the guy I’m interviewing next week,” she said, tapping the resume Violet was reading. He specializes in sports massage and he just graduated from…” Patricia flipped though the file she had created specifically for new candidates.

“Pats,” Violet interrupted and waited for her to look up from the file. “Thank you.”

“Oh, Violet. I know we’re supposed to make these types of decisions together but—“

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me. It’s something we should have done a long time ago.”

“
This is great, Pats,” Violet said, flipping through the rest of the file. “You stick with the athletes because I know how much you love sports massage and I’ll take the elderly clients. It’s why I got into this field in the first place. I don’t mind driving around making house calls. It’s nice not being cooped up in the office.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Violet tossed the folder on the table and let out a sigh of relief. “This is just what we need. I’m working six, sometimes seven days a week and I’m starting to burn out. I knew when we started this that it wasn’t going to be easy but I don’t know how much more I can take. When was the last time we actually sat down and had coffee together? Or went out for lunch? Or went to a hockey game? We have to make time for these things or else the rest doesn’t matter.”

“I know, Violet. I’ve been feeling that way, too.
”

Violet sighed. “Then why didn’t you say something? Here, I thought it was just me complaining. But I know we’ve both been massaging ou
r fingers to the bone.”

“Maybe I was afraid that if we cut back we’d lose everything we’ve worked for. But I’m realizing now that we’ll be fine. We have a large client list and business is steady. I think part of why John and I split up is because I was working too much.”

“Bringing in someone to help with the workload isn’t a sign we’re struggling, Pats. It means we’re successful and have more clients than we can handle with just the two of us.”

Pat
ricia smiled for what seemed like the first time in a long time. “You’re right.”

“So, what now?”

“Are you free for lunch?”

Th
e two women laughed.

“Oh, Pats!
This is such a relief. I don’t know what to say.”

“Go
! Reclaim your life and go get your man back.” She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall above the sink. “Well, after your Molinari.”

Violet rolled her eyes.

“I would take him for you,” Patricia offered, “but I have a client coming in, too. You can take the rest of the day off, though, if that helps. Deal with Molinari and then go get Jace. Fight for him, Violet.”

Violet shot her a sideways look
. It was what she wanted Phillip to do for her. Of course she’d fight for Jace. She just hoped it wasn’t too late.

Patricia reached out and patted her hand. “It’ll all work out. Trust me.”

“What makes you so sure? No offense, but you’re a single mom with a divorce under your belt.”

Patricia gave her a sideways smile. “John and I are getting ba
ck together.”

“Right.
And Mr. M discovered the art of waxing.”

“I’m serious. John came to pick up Carter for the day and he ended up staying
here. We ordered pizza and watched movies... We were a
family
for the first time. After Carter went to sleep, we stayed up and talked for hours. And he spent the night—”

To Violet’s surprise and Patricia’s embarrassment, John strode into the kitchen on bare feet, wearing only boxers and a smile.
“Mornin’ ladies,” he said and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Hey, John,” Violet replied and shot Pats a
wide-eyed look.

John strode back out of the room and Patricia let out the breath she was holding.

Violet’s jaw dropped. “
He spent the night?!
Patricia Liles! You crazed animal,” she exclaimed in a hushed whisper. “I’m utterly shocked you would do something so impulsive. This is great!”

Patricia blushed. “Yes,” she said primly. “We ended up sleeping together. It didn’t feel like falling into a bad habit or jumping into a past mistake. It just felt
right
. Like that’s what’s been missing all this time.”

“Oh,
I’m so happy for you, Pats.”

Patricia sighed. “All these things were happening in each other
’s lives and we didn’t even know about them. We really need to touch base with each other more often.”

“I know. I know. I just didn’t want to burden you with my…my crap.”

“It’s not a burden, Violet. I’ve been unloading on you for years with the whole John and Dennie drama.”

“Yeah, and that’s okay. It’s different when it’s about you. When it’s about me, I
just feel so stupid.”

Pat
ricia rolled her eyes. “You shouldn’t feel stupid. We’re friends and friends talk about this kind of stuff.”

“I guess so.
I just didn’t know what to do. On top of everything else, I’m homeless now. Well, Phillip said I could take as much time as I needed to move out, but I couldn’t stand the thought of living there another minute, so I’m not going back there. I already loaded all my stuff into my car. It’s pretty pathetic. Mostly just a bunch of clothes.” She had no furniture, no knickknacks, no frivolities. She’d sunk every dime into their business. “Phillip gave me my freedom and I gave him his ring back.”