Queen of the Magnetland (The Elemental Phases Book 5) (17 page)

“Rway?” 
She tugged on the sleeve of his Reprisal uniform.  “Don’t be sad.”

He
opened his eyes again, meeting her concerned gaze.

For
the first time since boyhood, he considered ignoring his visions.

Raiden
knew enough to alter the coming events and survive.  Hell, things were changing
so fast in his visions that he really wouldn’t have to
do
anything
except walk away.  He’d never asked for this responsibility.  He could ignore
what he saw and just stay with her in this small cottage; happy and alive.

But,
if he did that, he would doom her, instead.

Raiden
had seen that, too.  If he didn’t intervene and protect Chason, events would
play out differently.  Chason would die.  And if Chason died, the universe
would fall.  Everything would be gone.

Every
one
.

A
choice between Raiden and his Match was no choice, at all.

“You
like scorpions or frogs betta?”  She tried when he remained quiet.  “I can get
you some and make you happy.”

In
spite of everything that sweet little offer got a laugh out of him.  He hadn’t
laughed in at least a decade, but the sound came easily.  “Do scorpions make
good gifts?”

“Oh
yesssssss.”  She drew out the word as if she was explaining something to a
child.  “Scorpions is big.”

“A
big scorpion wouldn’t frighten the person lucky enough to get it?”

“
I
wouldn’t be fwightened.  Big is
good
.”  Her smile was like the sun
coming out.  “Like you, Rway.”  She leaned forward to wrap her arms around him
in a hug.  “Never fwightened of you.”

Tenderness
filled him.

Raiden
very carefully touched her back.  His palm was larger than the entire width of
her body.  “I don’t think you’d be afraid of anything.”  He murmured.

Maybe
she would still be alright without him.  What could ever stop someone with so
much dauntless enthusiasm?  And they’d never Phazed, obviously.  She was still
nearly a century under age.  Surely that would help make his death easier for
her.  She was so young, the memory of today would fade.

It
had
to.

“But,
you know, not all big things are as nice as me and scorpions.”  He set her away
from him, so he could meet her eyes.  “You remember that, as you get older. 
It’s very important.  I
want
you to be brave and to trust people.  I
do.  But… don’t trust people.  And try
not
to be brave around big armed
killers.”

“’Kay.” 
She agreed, not paying attention.  “I paint yoo nails, now!”  She scampered
over to grab the bottle of black polish that she’d clearly just finished
smearing all over her fingertips.  “Then, we’s match!”

 
“Always.”  He agreed gravely.  It didn’t even occur to him to object as she
seized hold of his palm and dumped at least a quarter of the glass container
onto his thumb.  She could do anything she chose and he would just be thankful
she was doing it with him.  “Fee, do you… see me?”  He needed to figure out how
bad this would be for her.

“Yes,
I see Rway, rite now!”  She waved at him.  “Hi, Rway!”

Gaia,
how could anyone be so adorable?

He’d
seen so many unspeakable things that he would’ve thought all the softness was
burned out of him.  After endless visions of war and death, he’d begun to feel that
it was all… pointless.  That fighting was futile and there was no prize worth
the blood spilt.  Why bother even trying when, whatever future came, the
outcome would just inevitably be more of the same hatred and despair?

Now,
sitting beside this adorable little girl, the struggle all made sense.

Granted,
she could have had three heads and he still would have thought she was
adorable…  But,
damn
was she adorable.  “I mean, when I’m
not
here with you.  Can you see where I live?”

“Oh.” 
She bobbed her head.  “You live in da gway place with da song man.”  She began
humming that damn Andrew Sisters’ melody, her bottom lip caught between her
teeth as she focused on his manicure.  “He be gone, now.  So, you stay
here
.”

Shit.

Through
her connection with Raiden, she could not only she see Chason’s looming death,
she also knew about Raiden’s life in the Magnet Kingdom.  That meant everything
Raiden had planned to say would have to change.  He’d promised himself when he
came here that he would tell her nothing but calm, vague things.  Nothing that
even hinted to his actual identity or what would happen today.  If Fee already knew
so much about him, though, that kind of surreptitious farewell would be
useless.

She’d
feel it when he died.

Oh
God, no.

“Rway
stay with
Fee
, now.”  She proclaimed bossily, when he didn’t agree fast
enough.  She was used to getting her own way.  Why wouldn’t she be?  If she
wanted an ice cream cone, Raiden would’ve leveled cities to get it for her and
she apparently knew that. 
Had
known it forever.  She depended on him
being there, because she’d felt their connection all her life.

He
swallowed, his mind racing, trying to figure out how to best protect her, now. 
He had to prepare her for what would happen.  If she was attached to him, his
death might upset her and he needed to soften the blow.

“I
will always be with you, but I won’t be
here
.”  He said as steadily as
he could.

She
didn’t like that.  Topaz eyes narrowed.  “No. 
Here
.”

“Today,”
he had a hard time getting out the words, “today, something will change.”

“Is
it my birfday?”

“No.” 
She’d been born the third day of the Fall.  Raiden knew the exact second it had
happened.  He’d felt her enter the world and it had saved him.  “Today will be
a… bad day.  But you’re going to get through it and be fine.  I promise.”

She
studied him, her gaze seeing far too much.  “No.”  She whispered as if she
suddenly understood what he was telling her.  “No, Rway.  Don’t go.”

Raiden
felt his soul shattering.

“I
must.  But, I’ve made sure that you will be taken care of.  You’ll never want
for anything.”

“Yes,
I
will!
  Want
RWAY!
”

She
was distraught.  Far more so than he would have expected, given it was –well--
just
him
, she was losing, after all.  Nothing in his life had prepared
him for this moment.  Legions of Phases would have been thrilled to see him
gone.  He had no idea how to comfort the one person who might miss him.  “Fee…”

“
No!
” 
She backed away from him with an expression of total betrayal.  “Not suppose ta
go!”

“I
know it’s hard.”  Gaia did he know.  “It’s not fair for you and I’m sorry.  You
will never know how sorry.”  Facing her disappointment was so much harder than
facing his death.  “But this is beyond my control.”

“We
is gonna be
together!
”

“No,
baby.  We’re never going to be together.”  It killed him to say the words. 
He’d never hated destiny so much.  “Today I will die and you will have to go on
for both of us.  Do you think you can do that?”

“
Noooooooooo!
” 
It was a wail from the depth of her small body.  “Fee can’t go
anywhere
without Rway!  Best fwends!  Love Rway!”

Aw
Christ
.

Raiden
dropped his head, unable to speak.  If he tried, he’d break down.  He’d never
been called anyone’s friend before.  Never been told he was loved.  It
destroyed him to hear the words now, knowing he was going to hurt her so
badly.  He covered his face with his palms, praying to the God who had long ago
forsaken him for some kind of help.  It was like she was hacking him apart from
the inside out.

How
was he supposed to do this?

“Love
you.”  She repeated earnestly, her eyes swimming.  “Don’t choo love Fee?”

He
was going to die right here, if she kept it up.  Raiden needed to regain
control before he bled to death there on the grass.  Once he was alone he could
fall apart.  Right now, he had to be strong for his Match.  Raiden let out a
long, shaky breath and met her damp gaze.

“I
do love you, yes.”  He’d never said those words to anyone before.  “Which is
why I’m
telling
you, you
will
go on without me.”  It was an order
grown men would have hastily obeyed.

“No.” 
Her chin jutted out obstinately.  “We is a
Match!
”

Fuck
. 
She knew that, too?  Raiden had to stop that line of thinking immediately.  He
tried to harden his tone.  “We’re not a Match, anymore.”

“Yes,
we are,
too!
”  Her foot stomped.  “
Always
a Match!”

She
was right.  But it didn’t make any difference for what had to happen.

“This
is the only way.”  His voice cracked and he had to stop to gather his
composure.  Ten minutes was all it took for her to break him, when he’d faced
down armies of men without faltering.  “One day you’ll see that.”

“Won’t
see! 
Won’t!
”  She started crying, wracking sobs shaking her.  A little
girl who deserved to spend her life catching dragonflies in gardens, but who
had been Matched with a dead man.  “You don’t love Fee, at
all!
”

“I
do
love you.”  Tears burned the back of his eyes and he had to blink
them back.  “
Never
doubt that.  I’m leaving
because
I love you.”

Her
miniature face screwed up in defiance.  “Liar!”

“I’m
not lying.  If I had a choice, I would stay here with you forever.”

“So
stay, then!”

“I
can’t
.  This is your destiny, not mine.”  He’d bought it for her with
his life.  And it was worth it. 
She
was worth it.  His Match belonged
here with the flowers and fireflies.  “Baby, I can’t save us both.”  He
whispered.  “It has to be you.”

She
didn’t understand that.  How could she?

“Fine!” 
She retreated back into the bushes, her precious jar of bugs clutched to her
chest.  “Go ‘way, if you want!  Leave me awone!”

The
continued sound of her weeping cut through him more sharply than the ax that
had nearly taken off his head.  He folded like wet cardboard, his intention to
be firm vanishing.  All he wanted was her forgiveness.

“Don’t
cry.  Please, don’t cry.”  Raiden tried to spot her through the leaves.  “Come
back out and we can talk.”

“
NO!
”

He’d
always been terrible at communicating with people.  This conversation with her
was the longest he’d talked to anyone in centuries and he was making a mess of
it.

Anger
roiled up inside.  What had he ever done to God that he was always so cursed? 
To give him this girl and then force him to break her heart was the cruelest
blow in an already long list of times fate had screwed him over.  Why could he
have
nothing?

Not
even a stolen half hour, on his last day alive, to play with bugs?

“Fee,
please listen.”  Raiden hadn’t begged at his own execution, but he was willing
to try, now.  “Before I go, I want you to understand.  Please.”

“Hate
you!  Hate you! 
Hate you!
”

He
hated himself, too.

Raiden
ran a hand over his face.  “I know you do.”  And it was for the best.

What
was he trying to accomplish?  If she was angry at him, she wouldn’t be as hurt
when he died.  The whole point was to make it easier for her.  There was just
one thing left to do.

Raiden
got to his feet.  “I brought you something.”  He carefully laid it on the
ground.  “A present.”

“Don’t
carewa.”

Raiden
ignored that.  “I bought it long ago.  For you.”  He’d gotten it for his Match
and he’d planned to leave it for her with no explanation of where it came
from.  But, now, egoistical as it was, he wanted her to keep it as a reminder
of him.  She was so young that his face and name would fade from her.  When she
looked at his gift, she would at least remember that he’d once existed.  “No
matter what else happens, know that I loved you.  Always.”

“Liar.” 
She retorted bitterly.  “
Leaving
me.  Said we woon’t a Match no more
and…”

He
cut her off.  “Fee, there is
nothing
I love as I love you.”

She
didn’t believe him.  “Well, I don’t love you, anymowah!”  She decided at a
yell.  “I’m getting ‘
nother
Match. 
Betta
Match.  So
there
.”

“I
hope that you do find someone else.”  The thought had his stomach churning, but
it would be the best thing for her.  That was why he was doing this.  To ensure
her life would be long and full.  Selfishly, though, he
hated
the idea
of her loving another man.  No one would ever be worthy of her.  “When I’m
gone, you’ll need to move on.  Never feel bad about that.  You’ll have so much
time and I want it to be happy.  I want you to do everything.  Have
everything
. 
You deserve that.”