Pulse 3 (Pulse Series) (18 page)

I made my way back toward the exit. I grabbed the door and hesitated for just a moment. When I turned and looked at him, he stood in the same spot he had been this entire time.

“I just need some time,” I said. “I need a break… to think.”

I could see the hurt in his eyes but he didn
’t try to stop me. I turned back to the door and turned the knob.

“
Alice!”

I looked back at him and saw a man I
’d never seen before. A man who was apologetic for a reason that wasn’t his fault. And he finally said it, as if it were some last resort.

“
I love you.”

I swallowed as the words rang in my head. I knew he meant it. But it still wasn
’t enough. I gritted my teeth, struggling for a response. But I had none.

I turned my back to him then opened the door and left his office.

Chapter 19

It didn
’t take very long for the confines of my apartment to be more inviting to the outside world. The messy living space my mother always complained about was cleaned and organized to how it was before I first moved in. My clothes were put away. The carpets and floors were spotless. Everything scattered on my desk and kitchen table was put back where it belonged. The place even smelled nicer than it usually did.

I sat there on my couch when I heard the doorbell ring. My best friend and I looked at one another.

“Were you expecting company?” Danica asked me.

“
I wasn’t expecting company,” I replied. “But I know who it is.”

“
Is it him?”

I shook my head and got up from the couch. I opened the door and the familiar sight almost put a smile on my face.

“Alice Pratt?” the woman asked me.

“
Still me,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

The cheery brunette handed me a bouquet of flowers and quickly skipped away. As she walked down the hall, she called out to me.

“See you tomorrow!” she yelled.

“
Yeah,” I sighed under my breath.

I held the dozen r
oses in my hand as I made my way back to the couch. As soon as I got back in my seat, Danica grabbed the flowers from me.

“
So, you see that girl every day?” Danica asked me as she read the card attached to the roses.

“
Every day,” I said. “Like clockwork. Her name is Dana.”

“
And Dana has been handing you these flowers from him?”

“
Sometimes he sends chocolates, too.”

“
Right.”

Danica put the roses down on my coffee table and picked-up the half-eaten box of chocolates she was already working on. I didn
’t loathe having to deal with another bouquet of flowers getting delivered to my door. But with everything else Rafael already sent me, it was lost in the forest that was quickly taking over my apartment. The mess of clothes and papers that usually dirtied my living room was replaced by a rainbow of every flower you could imagine.

A week past since I last saw Rafael. I didn
’t show up to work after I left his office. I didn’t care about the repercussions of my actions. I didn’t know if I still had a job. I didn’t know if our relationship was over. I just knew that I couldn’t keep going and I needed some time to myself.

“
So, he didn’t show up to meet your parents,” Danica said. “He was working. Even you admitted that it was a last-minute thing. What’s the big deal?”

“
It’s not just that he missed dinner with my family. He didn’t even respond to my message. He was missing for the entire weekend. He didn’t even apologize for missing it until I asked him about it.”

“
But he did apologize.”

“
You’re missing the point, Danica.”

I let out a frustrated sigh as my friend popped another chocolate into her mouth. I looked at her and saw how unreasonable I was being. But the more time I had to myself, the more I thought about my relationship with Rafael.

“We hooked-up and we didn’t even know each other’s names. We’ve been dating for more than six months. It’s just… It’s complicated now that I’m working right next to him. I sit in his office all day and
act
like his girlfriend. It doesn’t even feel real anymore.”

“
I thought you said you were still having sex.
That
doesn’t feel real?”

“
That’s just it, Danica. That’s all it is. I sleep with him and… it feels like work. It’s like part of a routine. It’s just another task to help him get through the day. I thought that our relationship would be more than what it is right now. But it’s not. It’s just work and sex. I want more.”

“
Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“
What’s that supposed to mean?”

“
Well, what was it like before he went back to work?”

I thought about my rela
tionship with Rafael right after the incident in Maui. I remembered what it was like being stuck in that cubicle and dealing with the drudgery and monotony of sitting in front of a computer all day. I would have done anything to get away from it.

But Rafae
l was even more bored than I was. Without the company, there wasn’t much for him to do except figure out ways to spend his money.

“
It was different,” I said.

“
Different how?”

“
It was simple. I went to work and then I would see him right after. The work wasn’t fun but I enjoyed every second of it because I got to see him right after. It was like a reward.”

“
What about him?”

“…
I don’t know,” I sighed. “I knew that he cared about me. But… there was something missing. Something I knew that only the company could fill. And now that he has it back, I can see it in him. I can see that he’s back to how he wants things to be.”

“
But they’re not how you want them to be…”

“
I can’t tell him to quit his job,” I sighed again. “It’s his company. I know what it means to him. I know how much he cares about it. It just feels like he puts that company first.”

I knew the position I
’d put Rafael in. And I felt awful for doing it. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I thought that maybe hiding away in my apartment would give me the answers I was looking for but all it did was make me realize what I walked away from.

“
I feel like I’m making him pick between me and his company,” I said.

“
You are.”

“
That’s… pretty selfish of me, isn’t it?”

Danica chewed on another piece of chocolat
e, the box now completely empty. She sucked on her teeth as she rolled her eyes to the back of her head and searched for an answer.

“
It
is
selfish,” she said. “But if that’s the way you feel, you can’t change those feelings. Maybe this just wasn’t meant to be.”

Everything seemed so perfect. Rafael was everything I wanted him to be and more. But it got to the point that I became so needy, I felt selfish. I wanted more of him. And now I potentially threw everything away because of it.

I didn’t want to think about it anymore. If there were an answer, I wasn’t going to find it. I was just going to remain hiding in my apartment until the answer finally came to me.

I picked up another box of chocolates and tossed it to my friend.

“Try these,” I said. “They’ve got coconut in them.”

“
I
do
love coconut. But I’m a little tired of chocolate. Maybe you can call Rafael and have him send over something a little more filling.”

“
Filling?”

“
Yeah. Like lunch.”

I burst into laughter and rolled my eyes at my friend. I shook my head for a few moments but when I looked back at her, she was staring at me like she was serious.

“I’m not calling him,” I said. “But maybe I should get out of this apartment.”

Chapter 20

Another week passed that I spent inside of my apartment. I just assumed everything was over. Finally, I received a phone call from the company I thought I no longer worked for. It was Estelle. The same woman who gave me my first interview with Barnett Industries was now asking me to return so that Martin Green could speak to me for what I would guess was my last interview.

There was no word from Rafael himself though. I didn
’t fault him for not trying to get in touch with me. This is what I asked for. I needed time away from work, away from the building and away from him.

But the next most important man in the building was calling for me. It wouldn
’t be as easy to tell him that I needed my personal space.

I cleaned myself up and got dressed just like I
would for work. When I stepped back into the building, all of the feelings I associated with working here rushed over me. I was nervous as I stood in the elevator and ascended to the floor where Martin’s office was waiting.

I was here ahead of the schedul
ed time Estelle told me to arrive. I knocked on Martin’s office door then the voice inside told me to come in.

I opened the door and walked in. Never had Martin seemed so intimidating as he did now. He stared at me and I felt both my heart and mind racing
at everything he could possibly say to me. He was calm and quiet but I feared that he could rip my head off at any moment.

“
Have a seat, Alice.”

I did as I was told. I rested my hands upon my lap as Martin continued to stare at me. The old man inhaled a de
ep breath through his nostrils then exhaled it slow.

“
I spoke to Rafael a few days ago,” he began. “He said that you were taking some time off for yourself. You’re his personal assistant, not to mention his girlfriend, so you have that right.”

I was surpri
sed to hear that I was still being referred to as Rafael’s assistant. It’s not often you come across a job where you can just walk out on your boss and leave for an undetermined amount of time. But I knew that it was just Rafael leaving the door open for me.

“
It’s been more than two weeks since you’ve been gone,” Martin continued. “But I only heard about your absence recently. Rafael didn’t mention it until I asked him. Do you know why I asked him, Alice?”

“
No, sir.”

“
Because he’s not the same. I can see it in how he’s acting. The work is still getting done but it’s obvious something is irritating him. I asked him because there was obviously something wrong.”

It was the first I
’d heard about how Rafael was doing. Rafael wasn’t himself. And I was the reason why. The solution I was looking for was obvious but it still didn’t feel right. I knew that I couldn’t work with Rafael if things were going to continue the way they were.

“
It’s not just Rafael though,” Martin said. “Word is spreading. People are noticing that he’s not quite the same. Executives are even asking about you by name. ‘Where is Alice?’ I’ve heard some of them say. Your presence is being felt, whether or not you realize it.”

I had trouble taking all of it in. To think t
hat I had more of a role in the company than just sitting in Rafael’s office wasn’t something I even considered. It almost seemed like Martin was lying to me.

The old man sitting across from me continued to stare a hole through me. He tapped his fingers to
gether and leaned back in his chair. He let out a deep sigh. His face twitched and half of a smile appeared on his face. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“
I don’t know the specific details of your relationship with Rafael,” he said. “What I do know is that he does care about you. That much is obvious. But I have an obligation to this company. And if anything you do affects his performance, then your relationship becomes my business. Is that clear, Alice?”

“
Yes, sir.”

“…
But that’s not what upsets me the most about this situation. Rafael’s performance is secondary to how I feel about him personally.

“
I spoke to you earlier of an obligation I had to him. Because of his parents. I didn’t forget that. But seeing Rafael mope around in his board meetings and go through the motions is something that upsets me not as a member of the board of directors but as a man.

“
I don’t know the details of the personal problems you’re having with him. Frankly, that’s up to you to figure out. But I’ve never seen Rafael like this before. I can’t tell you what to do or not do. I summoned you to my office because I want to encourage you to get through this. I know sorting out whatever feelings you might have for him isn’t a simple matter. But you have to make a decision, one way or the other.”