Public Enemies (34 page)

“And afterward, you planned an SSP reunion for me? As a birthday surprise.”

Kian smiled. “We fooled you, right?”

“I had
no
idea. Vi straight up lied to me, she said she hadn't talked to Ryu in months.”

Ryu ran a sheepish hand through his hair, making it stick up even more. “Don't be too hard on her. She wanted to make you happy.”

Since these two weren't snarling at each other, I was incredibly touched. I'd known Kian had something special planned for my birthday, but I thought it would be something more romantic, just the two of us. This wasn't worse. In fact, it was really sweet that he wanted me to be surrounded by my friends.

“I owe her big for this. I cannot believe you guys pulled this off. So what now?”

Kian set his hand in the small of my back. “We're meeting for dinner at the Italian place. Remember the first place we ate in together?”

“Technically that would be the diner in California.”

With a sigh, Kian said, “Why must you nitpick? We weren't dating then.”

“True,” I admitted. “Then let's go.”

As he'd said, Seth and Vi were waiting for us at the restaurant. I grabbed her and hugged her so hard, but I whispered, “You are so sneaky. Do you know how scared I was when Ryu showed up out of the blue? I thought Kian would go ballistic.”

She put her mouth to my ear. “He was so cool about you being friends with your ex. I mean, maybe a little
sad
, but not alpha jealous like some guys get. You've definitely got a keeper. He cares way more about your happiness than his own pride or whatever.”

Her words froze me.
Oh God. This is … he's giving me his blessing. He knows we only have two more months together.
It was hard to breathe for the tears choking me. The reason Kian threw this party was to show me I wouldn't be alone, even after he was gone.

The table wasn't full yet, so it startled me when Jen showed up with a guy from the lacrosse team; I thought his name was Phillip. There was one seat still open and Davina claimed it five minutes later. It was so good to see them; until now I didn't realize I missed them or Blackbriar. Once I thought that place was hell. But with everything I'd been through, I could view it differently now. We had even numbers, even though Davina and Ryu weren't a couple. I noticed him scoping out Jen more than once, but she was occupied with her date and didn't notice his subtle interest.

Since he was sitting on my other side, I nudged him. “Don't you have a girlfriend?”

He shrugged. “I'm not
doing
anything, am I? But can I just say, you have some seriously gorgeous friends, Edie.”

As luck would have it, the conversation lulled just as he said it, so everyone at the table heard. Davina raised her glass in a mock toast while Jen smirked. Phillip didn't seem sure if he should take offense, so he glanced at Jen for guidance. She shook her head slightly, and Seth wrapped an arm around Vi's shoulders.

He pretended to scowl at Ryu. “Stay
away
from my girlfriend, perv.”

That set the tone for the night. The food was delicious and I shared with Kian like we had that first time. Though I loved every minute of it, I had never been more conscious of the fact that our time was winding down. He touched me constantly, not in overt possessive ways but a hand on mine under the table, his fingers firm and warm. Once we finished, Kian paid the bill and we continued to the planetarium. He hadn't rented out the whole place, but he had tickets for everyone, and the show was wonderful.

Afterward, we went to Kian's place. It was a little weird for Jen and Davina to mingle with my SSP friends, but they mixed well enough. Phillip wasn't as much of an asshole as he'd seemed roaming around with Russ; he
couldn't
be, or Jen wouldn't be dating him. From what I'd seen, she was really picky about her boyfriends, though I couldn't be sure if they were together or she was just trying him out for a night.

I opened presents there, more than I'd ever gotten in my life. From Davina I had a pretty red sweater and Jen got me the cutest shoes ever. They actually fit too; I had no inkling how she knew my size. I hugged them both and then opened a fancy journal set from Vi. Seth got me a music gift card, while Ryu offered me a delicate silver chain adorned with various charms. When I looked closer, I could see they represented things I loved. I was surprised he'd remembered, but we did talk a lot last summer, more than I'd chatted with anyone except Vi.

“Here,” he said, fastening it about my left wrist without looking at the mark.

There was enough space for it right beside the blue beads Kian had given me. I stared at the two pieces of jewelry wondering if this was symbolic. Kian's quiet, resigned expression seemed to indicate that it was. But Ryu had a girlfriend, and I wasn't a mug that could be passed from one owner to the next. Quiet anger sparked to life.

The birthday part of the night done, the guys settled with the Xbox, leaving us to retreat to the kitchen table to talk about them. “So … Phillip?” I prompted Jen.

“He's been persistent. So far he hasn't done anything to make him an auto-reject but I don't know if I'm feeling it.”

“Cut him loose,” Davina advised.

“Easy for you to say. Like four guys have already asked you to prom.”

Vi sighed. “Don't mention prom, we've been arguing. Seth wants to pick one. He doesn't want to spend all the money twice.”

I had no idea when the Blackbriar event would be. Not that it mattered. Kian and I wouldn't be going. Though I wasn't sure when the prom was, it seemed probable that it was after Kian's birthday. I needed to circle that date on my calendar because that was when our time ran out.

Listening to them talk, I marveled over the fact that this was my first birthday party, hosted by the first boy I ever loved.

“You're really quiet,” Jen finally said.

“I'm just happy.”
And heartbroken.

At midnight, Jen headed out with Phillip and Davina followed soon after. After our New Hampshire debacle, her mom still didn't trust her completely, so Mrs. Knightly texted when she was downstairs. That left the five of us, but I could tell Seth and Vi were quietly dying for some alone time. When they met up halfway, it wasn't like they could rent a room.

So I said, “I'm sure you guys are tired. It's not my birthday anymore, so it's fine if you want to get some sleep.”

Vi beamed at me. “Awesome. We'll hang out more tomorrow.”

“Definitely.”

I glanced at Ryu, who was still playing Xbox. “Don't mind me. I'm fine on the couch. I want to finish this level, then I'll crash.”

Kian got him a sheet, blanket, and pillow.
Holy shit, he's letting Ryu sleep on his couch?
Maybe I was wrong, but that just seemed … too nice. I mean, he had to consider the guy competition or at least a nominal threat. Kian was the first person I kissed, but Ryu was the second, and we were together for six weeks.
Don't you mind
at all
, Kian?
But he showed no sign of being bothered as we went to the bedroom. Thanks to no curfew, I planned to stay the night.

As soon as the door shut behind us, I whispered, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Making sure you're all right. You'll need someone, after.”

I swallowed hard. “Dammit, Kian, this is not okay. You might as well make up a will and leave me to him like an antique clock.”

“I'm sorry that's how you see it.”

“What other way is there? I can feel you letting go of me, and it's
not fair.
I promised to be with you until the end, no matter how hard it is, but you're not doing the same.”

He turned away from me then, hands clenched into fists. “It's the only way I can cope. I'm sorry for hurting you, Edie. It's the last thing I want to do. But this is just
so
hard.”

“Did you think I'd be impressed that you're so selfless? It drives me nuts actually.”

“I'm not,” he bit out. “I hate knowing that he's touched you, kissed you. I hate the fact that he still wants you, even while pretending he's fine.”

“Huh?” That honestly floored me. “That's not … no. You're wrong. He was never crazy in love with me, Kian.”

The laugh he produced had no humor in it. “For a smart girl, you're so stupid sometimes. You think I can't recognize someone doing what I do?”

“What are you
talking
about?”

“He might be dating someone in Japan, but he's still in love with you. You convinced yourself he wasn't because it made it easier to move on. For you, it was summer fun. For him, it was something else. His eyes are hungry when he watches you. And I know that feeling.”

“So you thought you'd give me a guy for my birthday, is that it?” It was so hard to keep my voice down. I heard the Xbox, so Ryu was definitely still awake.

Kian sighed. “I don't want to fight. It's not like you have to get together with him. He's your friend, I thought you'd be glad to see him. It's why I cooperated when Vi wanted to do the reunion. I offered my apartment because—”

“Wait, so this was Vi's idea first?”

“What did you think?”

Now I felt horrible. I'd made all kinds of assumptions based on his overly altruistic personality. But before I could apologize, because he was smart, he connected the dots based on the crazy shit I already said. His expression deepened into a scowl.

“Did you
seriously
think I was stepping aside? ‘Here, have my girlfriend. Since I can't keep her, you go on and get started with her.'”

“It sounds like something you'd do,” I mumbled.

“Like hell,” he growled.

Okay, so that made me incredibly happy. But he was too pissed to care.

“I might not have much time, but for now, you are
mine
. Tonight sucked, not least because I want you all to myself, but I'm trying my hardest not to be a selfish asshole. I could happily steal you and not let you to talk to anyone else until after I'm gone.”

“Sorry.”

“You have to make this up to me. Somehow.”

“I have a few ideas.”

It was almost three in the morning when I stopped making it up to him. We were both sweaty and exhausted. From the sounds coming from next door, Vi and Seth had more energy. Deprivation was making them enthusiastic. I laughed softly. Kian's mouth was slightly swollen and his hair was gorgeously mussed. The five o'clock shadow grown in on his jaw begged me to scrape my palm over it. His green eyes closed, a dark tangle of lashes on his cheeks.

“Have you seen your mother lately?” That might seem like a weird question but I knew how fragile she was.

He nodded. “I'm visiting every chance I get. She'll be released from the program soon.”

“Where will she go from there?”

“I found her a halfway house that keeps you on track for sobriety and surrounds you with people who understand the struggle. They'll also help her find work.” He didn't sound hopeful, but maybe not quite as despairing as he always had. The idea of leaving her completely alone must be chewing him up inside.

But I didn't say any of that. My sympathy wouldn't make his situation easier to bear. “Are you still in school?”

Kian shook his head. “What's the point? I won't graduate.”

I really wish you hadn't done this for me.

But maybe, if he hadn't, I wouldn't have survived long enough to acquire the tools to destroy Dwyer. I would never have saved my dad. It seemed all kinds of awful that my father's salvation would result in his mother's pain.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered.

“About what?” But he knew. He was just pretending.

So I took the hint and didn't pursue it. “Let's get some sleep.”

In the morning, we went sightseeing with Seth, Vi, and Ryu. It was weird playing host in Boston but between Kian and me, we found places the other three would enjoy. Overhead, a large black bird kept an eye on our tour, but I didn't acknowledge it. Nobody else seemed to notice it wheeling above us, perching on electrical wires outside when we dodged into a café to warm up with pastries and hot chocolate.

“We should see a movie tonight,” Vi said. “I'm tired from all the walking.”

Seth poked her. “You should work out more.”

“Sure, I'll add it to the to-do list, along with hanging on to my spot as valedictorian and finishing my robotics project.”

Their bickering made me smile. Turning my head, I caught Ryu watching me. For an instant—just as Kian had said—his expression was open and naked, a raw sort of longing that I didn't even know Ryu
could
feel. He'd always radiated a cool and casual vibe, but what he chose to show the world and what was true? Two different things. This is why we hadn't talked much, not because he was so busy and popular—though he was probably those things also—but because he didn't want me to know.

Kian's right. He's hurting.

Apparently not realizing he'd shown me something else, Ryu gave me an easy smile. “Are you gonna eat the rest of that?”

Wordless, I slid him half of my cinnamon roll. Kian wrapped his hand around mine and I glanced at him. His brows went up, as if to say,
See?
I gave a little nod.

Yeah, I got it.

Yet there was no change I could make, nothing I'd do differently. Before the SSP, I was already half in love with Kian, even if he was unattainable. Back then I thought I understood how impossible we were together but really I had no clue. From day one, our happiness was an eggshell china cup, loosely clutched in a drunkard's hand.

No matter how hard I wished otherwise, we were destined to be broken.