Promises to Keep (38 page)

“Well. It turns out that during all those frequent trips to London to get the apartment ready, and meet with the decorator, and choose furniture, she was in fact falling in love with the decorator.”

“He’s
straight
?” Steffi asks, after a beat.

“Apparently so. Something of a surprise to me too.”

“So that’s it? It’s over?”

Mason shrugs.

“Where are the kids?”

“They’re with her. In London. In this huge Belgravia apartment that’s all white.”

“Mason, I’m so sorry.” Sympathetically, Steffi lays a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

He stares at the dashboard for a while, before looking up at Steffi. “I never thought I’d admit this to anyone but, more than anything, I’m . . . relieved.”

“You are?”

He nods, sadness in his eyes. “Our marriage hasn’t worked for years. I’m not sure if it ever really worked. I was so flattered that someone like Olivia chose me, and she . . . well, I’m not sure why she did, really. I think she expected greater things from me. She has spent our marriage being disappointed in all the things I haven’t achieved.”

“What are you talking about? You’re this incredible publisher with a string of bestsellers under your belt.”

“Well, thank you for pointing that out, but Olivia didn’t much care about strings of bestsellers. She wanted me to support her, and I guess she never felt I made enough money.”

“But what difference does it make to her? I thought she was worth a fortune.”

“She is, but as she always used to point out, that was
her
money, to be spent on things she wanted, and it was my job, as the man of the family, to pay for everything else.”

“Did you buy that apartment?” Steffi asks in horror.

“Are you kidding? That’s one of the most expensive apartments ever to sell in the history of real estate in New York. I couldn’t have bought that apartment in my dreams. Come to think of it, I
wouldn’t
have bought that apartment in my dreams. That was all Olivia’s doing.
Her
apartment,
her
money, in
her
name. I told her it was ridiculous, but Olivia’s all about keeping up with those society girls. If they do good, she’ll do better. If they buy big, she’ll buy bigger. Let’s face it,” he says with a shrug, “she can afford it.”

“So . . . what about your relationship? Was it bad?”

“You know, I don’t want to sit here and say bad things about her. She’s the mother of my children. I thought we were, if not happy, at least . . . fine. There are many, many kinds of marriages, and relationships, and few of them are great. Most of them just plod along, and even if you think you’ve made a mistake, you find a way to make it work.”

“
Did
you think you’d made a mistake?”

“I didn’t really give it too much thought. I wasn’t happy, but I wouldn’t have wanted to leave the kids and, honestly, I never wanted to break up the family.”

“What
about
the kids? Are they okay? What are you going to do about custody?”

“I don’t know.” For the first time, Mason looks truly pained. “It’s one of those things we’ll have to work out.”

“So how long are you back here?”

“I don’t know that either. London is great, but I don’t want to stay there by myself—I don’t have friends there, I don’t know it. We thought I’d be needed there for a year, but in fact the company is running itself. The publishing director is solid, and my being there just isn’t necessary.” He stops. “I just don’t know how it’s going to play out. The hardest thing is the kids. I can’t stand not being with them every day.”

“Why did you come here?”

“I needed to be in Sleepy Hollow just to . . . digest everything. To be honest, I thought about calling you, but I didn’t want to burden you. I just . . . I love this place. It’s the one place I feel truly at home, and I needed to feel comforted. John and Kathy, who run the inn, are old friends and they said I could stay as long as I needed to.”

“But I feel horrible, being in your house. It’s crazy that you’re here. Why don’t you come and stay at the house?”

“I couldn’t.” Mason shakes his head. “That would be far too much of an imposition. I’m just here to get some peace and quiet and gather my thoughts. I didn’t even plan on seeing you. I don’t want to get in your way or make you uncomfortable in any way. Although I do miss Fingal. How is he?”

“Mason!” Steffi slugs him on the arm. “Don’t be such an ass. Fingal misses you, and you have a home here. You’re coming home with me, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Mason says, as Steffi starts up the engine, but he is smiling.

“I know I don’t have to. I
want
to.” She shoots him a sideways glance. “If you’re nice I’ll even cook for you.”

“How’s Callie?” he asks, as they start bumping along the road again. “How are
you
?”

“Callie’s pretty shitty, and I’m much the same way.”

“What can I do?”

“Nothing. I don’t think anyone can do anything. Maybe, if you want, you could come with me? I’m going there later.” Steffi has no idea why she says this. She is supposed to be bringing Stan. Not Mason. But the words are out there now, and it is too late.

“I’d love to,” he says. “Thank you.”

 

 

L
ila stops at Starbucks on the way to Callie’s for a grande nonfat latte and a chocolate-glazed doughnut to eat in the car.

She knows she isn’t supposed to have the doughnut, but when Lila is stressed, or sad, or anxious, she eats. And right now she is all of the aforementioned, and it is making her starving.

Last night she invented a new dish—pantry chicken and beans. It was for four people, but after she and Ed had eaten she was still hungry—more than hungry, ravenous—so she went back for seconds and then thirds.

“Are you pregnant?” Ed teased her, wickedly.

“You wish,” she shot back. “I’m very, very, very PMS-y. Do we have any chocolate in the house?”

“No, darling. You ate it all two days ago. Want me to run to the garage?”

“It’s not a garage, you big English Wasp. It’s a gas station. And yes, I’d love you to.”

“What’s on the menu tonight? Snickers? Or M&M’s?”

“How about both? Then I can make up my mind when you get back.”

For years Lila has worried about her weight, and now she has a man who not only doesn’t seem to give a damn, but loves her exactly as she is, whatever she weighs.

Which is extremely lucky, given that she is having a very hard time getting any of her trousers to button. She is now in leggings only, with long sweaters that cover her thighs. Every night she lies in bed determined to start a diet the next morning, but then morning comes and she finds herself starving again.

 

Lila walks into the house, quiet now with the children at school, Honor and Walter out running errands, and Reece working in the office.

Up the stairs and into Callie’s bedroom. Callie opens her eyes as soon as Lila walks in.

“Hi, sweetie,” Lila whispers, sitting on Callie’s bed. “How are you today?”

“Not good,” Callie whispers back. “I don’t feel so good at all.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Just . . . tired,” Callie says, and Lila notices the whites of her eyes are looking yellow—she makes a mental note to talk to Mark about it later at the hospital. “Do I have to go today?”

“Yes, sweetie.” Lila strokes her cheek as Callie closes her eyes. “You do. It’s nearly over. Only four more sessions.”

“But I don’t want to go. I don’t want any more. I don’t care anymore.”

The color drains out of Lila’s face as she leans forward. “Callie, you have to care. You have to keep fighting. You can still make it. You’re so close to finishing; you can’t give up now.”

“But I’m so tired,” Callie mumbles. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“You’re doing it for your kids,” Lila says. “Four more. That’s all. And this afternoon, it will be three more. You can do this, Call, I know you can.”

Callie opens her eyes and stares at Lila, before eventually nodding. “Okay,” she says. “I can do this?”

“Yes, my darling. You can.”

Lila helps her to the edge of the bed, then puts her legs on the floor and arranges the catheter before pulling sweatpants gently on.

“Hey, Lila?”

“Yes, honey?”

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“I just want you to know that wherever you are, and wherever I am, I will always love you. Remember that.”

“Oh Jesus, Callie,” Lila says, with a sharp intake of breath. “Don’t say that. That sounds . . . ominous.”

“It’s not. It doesn’t mean anything other than I love you. If anything happens, I’m going to be your angel.”

“You’d better be,” Lila says, lifting her into the chair. “Which hat?”

“No hat. Not today. It doesn’t matter.”

“Let’s go and get your teeth brushed,” Lila says, wheeling her into the bathroom and getting the toothbrush ready. Usually she hands the brush to Callie, but today Callie shakes her head, her arms hanging limply by her sides.

Today she doesn’t have the strength.

“Can you do it?” she asks, and Lila pushes down her fear and carefully brushes Callie’s teeth, while Callie peers at her in the mirror.

“Li? Open my bottom drawer. See that white packet? Can you get it?”

Lila takes out a white plastic pack and peers at it. “What is it?”

Callie manages a weak smile. “It’s a pregnancy test.”

“
What?
You think you’re
pregnant
?
What?
” If it is possible to shriek in a whisper, Lila is shrieking in a whisper.

“Not me,” Callie says. “You. Go pee.”

“Why? Because I’m fat? God, Call If I didn’t love you so much . . .”

“You’re not fat. I think you’re pregnant.”

“I’m not pregnant.”

“So go pee. I want to know. Indulge me. I’m a dying woman.”

“Don’t fucking say that!” Lila spits in horror. “You’re not a dying woman.”

“We’re all dying. Not today. Okay, okay, I’m sorry. It was me trying to be funny. Anyway, just do it.”

“What do I have to do?”

“Go and pee, and then we’ll see if there’s a blue line.”

“Callie, we don’t have time for this. You have to be in radiation in half an hour.”

“They always keep us waiting. We can keep them waiting today.”

Lila closes the door of the toilet and gingerly pees on the stick, then puts the cap on and walks back out to the bathroom.

“Did you do it?” Callie asks.

Lila nods.

“Give it to me.”

Lila hands it over.

Callie holds it on her lap and counts down before taking off the cap to discover the result. “I knew it!” she says, grinning widely, but Lila feels as if she’s going to faint.

“Show me!” Lila grabs the stick, a wave of nausea hitting as she recognizes the strong blue line in the circle. “Oh shit,” she mumbles. “Now what?”

“Lila?” Callie’s face is lit up with joy. “Now you get me to goddamned radiation, and then you accept that you are going to have a baby.”

 

Lila waits until Ed is sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of Scotch in his hand, a bowl of curried parsnip and apple soup in front of him, before placing the stick on the table between them.

Ed lifts the spoon to his mouth. “This is delicious, my love. What’s that?”

“What?”

“That stick on the table?”

“It’s a pregnancy test.”

Ed puts down the spoon as a smile spreads over his face.

“What does it say?”

“What do you think the blue line means?”

“You’re pregnant?”

Lila nods, and Ed whoops with joy, then stands up and grabs Lila in a huge hug.

“I can’t believe it! I can’t bloody believe it!” He squeezes her tightly. “We’re going to have a baby!”

“I don’t know, Ed,” Lila says. “I mean, we have to talk about this.”

“What’s to talk about? You’re pregnant! Jesus. How did you get pregnant, anyway? I thought you were using something.”

“I was. I guess I fall into the two percent. But, sweetie, I really don’t know how I feel about this.”

“You’ll be fine.” Ed can’t stop grinning and kissing her, not hearing what Lila is saying.

“I know I’ll be fine, but I don’t know if I can have this . . . if I can have a baby.”

“What?” His face falls. “Are you talking about an abortion?”

“I haven’t even begun to think it through, but yes, if I am clear about not having this baby, then I would have an abortion.”

“You would abort out child?” Ed says in horror.

“It’s not a child,” says Lila. “It’s nothing. It’s a fetus. I’m only five weeks. I could do it next week and we could just carry on.”

Ed looks as if he is about to cry. “You can’t just announce that you would do that. This is our child. This isn’t a decision you can make alone.’

“I know.” Lila’s heart is sinking. This isn’t what she had expected. Or perhaps she had; perhaps she just hoped that he might see things from her point of view. “But, sweetie? It’s my body. And that’s huge. I just don’t know how I feel. Maybe I just need time to get used to it.”

“Of course you need time.” Hope fills Ed’s voice. “It’s a huge shock, and you can take all the time you need. You will be an amazing mother. I love you so much and the thought of making a baby with you is just incredible. This is what I’ve always wanted. A partner, a best friend, a lover, a woman I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, who brings me so much joy and peace that I wake up every morning thinking about how lucky I am. And the only thing that could make it better is having a family with you. A proper family.”

“I love you, Ed, and I echo all the things you’ve just said. Just give me time. Let me figure out how I feel.”