Princess for Hire (20 page)

I snorted. “Yeah, a lot of good
that
did, right?”

“Look, either you have it in you to sub or you don’t. That’s the bottom line. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have seen the ad. Millions of girls out there are not you. They couldn’t do this. That girl at the mall the other day wishes she had your princessing skills.”

“Celeste? How do you know about Celeste?”

“I know pretty much everything about you.”

“I, but…” My voice cracked. I looked away so she wouldn’t see me cry. “I don’t want to forget all this. But I can’t deny what I did. I kissed him and still think it was the right thing to do. Why even go to court? I’m obviously not going to pass.”

“Persuade them that this subbing philosophy of yours actually works. You know, I was a lot like you at your age. There were some who strongly opposed my desires to change things within this agency, and they won out when I…I made a mistake. A big one. Like, take what you just did and multiply it by a million.”

“You kissed a million princes?”

She laughed softly. “No. Just one. More than once, though. I…I fell in love with him. He was a friend of a princess I’d matched for, so I got to see him a lot, got to know him, and, well. When he told me he felt the same way, I finally told him who I really was. You can imagine how that went down with the agency. I’m lucky to have a job.”

“Meredith, I had no idea. Wait, so where is he now?”

“Where he’s always been. I had to turn him away after that, of course. All for the best. But hey, you’re different.” She leveled her gaze. “You
were
acting for your client, right?”

“Sure. Of course.”

“Then make that clear in your trial. If you can reach inside yourself, there’s quite a bit of grit you can pull out. And you’ll need it. You’re ready for this.”

And then Meredith hugged me. Well, she put her arm around my shoulder and gave it an awkward squeeze. And if I could get someone like Meredith Pouffinski to show emotion, maybe I had a chance in this court after all.

The elevator pinged open, and cold rushed in, swirling around me and grabbing my bare arms with force. The torch-lit room was dark. Dark as a dungeon. Oh, so maybe this
was
a dungeon. The eerie silence only broke with the occasional plunk of dripping water. We turned one corner, and the doors to the Court of Royal Appeals loomed before us.

“Do we knock?” I whispered to Meredith. My voice echoed against the rock walls.

“They’ll come.” She wiped her hands on her yoga pants, her eyes darting around the room as if she was…as if Meredith was
nervous
.

The doors—imported from some European castle, I guessed—were heavy, dark wood, with ornate, fairy tale–like carvings of dragons and knights and princesses, vines draping around the borders. For every carving of a princess, there was another girl nearby, peeking out from behind a tree, leaning out of a window. Watching. And waiting to start her next gig.

“They don’t tell you about this part during orientation,” I said.

Meredith brushed her fingers over the wood, her hands trembling. “There’s a lot they don’t cover in orientation. And half of what they tell you is just propaganda. Like the stuff about Woserit, the priestess who died for her queen. Everyone knows she just tricked the murderer into drinking his own potion. But no, the martyr story fits perfectly with their silly save-the-queen theocracy and totally downplays how important the sub is, how we couldn’t even exist without MP.”

“So there’s a whole different agency history?”

“Oh yeah. We totally had higher sub fatalities, harsher consequences. This was all before we were even located in Paris, and well before this building went up right on top of our underground offices. They introduced the court a few centuries ago to bring some order to the agency. They used to punish Sub Spottings by burning the poor girls at the stake.”

“Do they…” I gulped. “Do they still do that?”

“It hasn’t been abolished or anything.”

“But subs are important. You don’t want to lose them, right?” I asked.

“Subs have MP. And the ability to manipulate magic is what makes this agency money. At the end of the day, that’s what they care about. They’re very…careful to make sure MP is only used on royals.”

“So…why not see how else magic could—”

The doors cracked open. A deep voice called out, “Desi Bascomb. ENTER.”

I reached for Meredith’s wrist. “Come on.”

“No. No, I’ve got some work to take care of. I wonder if I could…” Tiny beads of perspiration formed on her forehead. Wait, Meredith
sweats
? “You go in.”

“You’re not coming in?”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll make an appearance later. You’ll get by.”

“Get by? I don’t want to get by! My butt is on the—”

“Desi Bascomb? Now.”

I clasped my hands like I was praying. “Meredith. Please help. I don’t want to forget.”

She was already walking away. I sighed and stepped into the room, looking back in time to see Meredith turn the corner before the giant doors slammed shut.

Chapter
23

I
stood in a cavernous room with curving stone walls. In the flickering light of two torches, I could see only a few feet ahead of me. My footsteps echoed on the cobblestones as I stepped forward.

“Um…hello?”

The firelight went out, leaving me in complete darkness. Then I was flooded in a circle of light, which burned my eyes like eggs on a skillet.

“Desi Constance Bascomb. You are here to face the Court of Royal Appeals. Sit.”

An invisible force pushed me into a wooden chair that appeared out of the blackness. The spotlight on me dimmed to darkness. Seven more spotlights lit up seven people seated at a crescent-shaped stone desk. The room was larger than I’d imagined—so big I could barely make out the features of the seven judges. Three men, four women, all identically dressed in black suits. Really, the only difference was their hair. Every head sported a different color of the rainbow. The woman in the center, whose seat was raised slightly higher than the rest, had every color incorporated into her style. I recognized her from the portraits I’d seen before. Genevieve.

The blue-haired judge spoke first. “Lilith will review the charges against you. After which, you will be given a sufficient amount of time to defend your actions. The court will then deliberate what your future holds. Do you have any questions?”

“Yes, well—”

“The correct answer is no.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, really. I don’t want to overstep my bounds here.” Oh no, I
am
as dense as a drunk duke. Stop talking, Desi! “I didn’t mean—”

“Just say no, Miss Bascomb.”

“No. No questions. Sorry, I’m a little nervous here. None. Sir.”

The spotlights on the Rainbow Council went out, and one appeared on another woman entering through the double doors. Lilith, curves fully on display in a lavender business suit, covered the expanse of the room in ten calculated steps.

Cool. If Meredith wasn’t going to stick around, at least I had Lilith reviewing the case. Actually, she was probably better than Meredith. Lilith was all roses and sunshine. She knew I could do this. She’d trained me. Salvation!

I grinned at her.

She returned my smile with a cold, blank stare. Pulled out a stopwatch, clicked the buttons twice, then leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I like to guess how long it takes the surrogate rejects to crack. You should have followed my teaching better. I gave you three minutes, Desi dear. I was being kind.”

My smile evaporated.
WHAT?
She was not a warm, caring, dream agent. She was Façade’s version of Anne Baxter in the fifties movie
All About Eve
—a double-crosser! And my professional future rested in her hands.

Ta-ta, dream job.

“Your Honors,” she said, her elitist accent caressing the words. “I’ve reviewed this case and, frankly, I’m surprised we even need to meet. There is no doubt Desi has left a wake of destruction in her short time with the agency, despite the excellent training she received. Now, the footage was extensive, so I edited it to display the major blunders. I’ll warn you—it’s graphic.”

A massive movie screen lowered from the ceiling. Lilith yanked her purple controller from her clutch and pointed. An image of Simmy’s palace filled the screen.

“Here we have Desi’s first assignment, Princess Simmy, an…amply built, quiet princess with an odd duck fetish. Desi was instructed to drift through this like Simmy drifts through her life. Instead, this happened.”

She clicked a button on the remote, and the scene where I demanded food played out.

“Clearly, not in character. Here she is at her next assignment, an Amazon tribal dance. I believe the footage will speak for itself.”

My image came on the screen again, this time in eagle feathers and black paint, a look that did nothing for Ama’s waist. They’d at least had the decency to cover up my/her chest with one of those black bars. The footage started after the fire dancing part. (Of course they skipped that. I nailed the fire dancing.) The eagle guys did their thing, and then I began to dance. And I still think I rocked it, but it did-n’t matter so much what I thought as what the villagers thought, and the confused expressions on their faces proved they were not quite ready for the funk.

Lilith shuddered when I broke out the Cabbage Patch, and stopped the tape. “Sorry I can’t give you back the last thirty seconds of your life, Your Honors.”

If I hadn’t been rooted to my seat by some invisible force, I would have challenged Lilith to a dance-off right there. I’d like to see
her
perform the Cabbage Patch and Lawn Mower in precise syncopation with the drummers.

“An emergency bubble was sent for this job. Meredith claims the accident resulted from a malfunction, but that does not explain Desi’s absence afterward. To be honest, this whole situation doesn’t seem right to me—”

“Lilith. Meredith has already turned in the required paperwork, and it’s been cleared.” Blue-haired judge’s voice was firm. “Let’s move on.”

“Yes.” Lilith smiled sweetly. “Let’s.”

So the bubble crash didn’t show up on my file? Whoa, I did not understand that lady. She covered for me with the bubble thing, didn’t mention my leave time, but then left me to fry?

“Finally, her last job, which clearly displays her blatant disregard for the agency’s policy of not influencing the princesses’ lives. Although initially the gravity of this offense may not be apparent, I believe the agency’s oversight that resulted in Prince Karl’s…status is not relevant here. Of course, that unique situation will be analyzed separately.”

Unique situation? Status? I get it. He’s a prince. I’m not. I mean, Elsa isn’t. I mean, a princess. Technically.

The mention of Karl stung. Thanks to the unfolding court drama, I’d temporarily forgotten how we’d said good-bye.

“Who is to say Desi will not repeat her mistake shown here?”

Lilith played the footage in all its humiliating glory. I closed my eyes when I knew it was coming, but when I snuck a peek, the picture was still there, frozen on the moment before Karl pulled back. And I know it was supposed to be incriminating evidence and all, but the image actually proved what I’d previously not dared to believe.

Because at that precise immortalized moment, Karl’s eyes were closed too.

Yes! I knew it. I
knew
I’d done the right thing. So what if I’d done it without Elsa’s permission? It was her secret desire. They were right for each other. They could work it out. Adios, Olivia! Princess Impact had left her mark. Job or not, I’d still done something right.

I closed my eyes and remembered the kiss. I could feel it now, feel him kissing me back.

Well, kissing
Elsa
back.

Lilith’s stopwatch went off. “I’m not going to waste the court’s time with a lengthy discourse. The evidence is as clear as the crown jewels at afternoon tea. Desi is not Level Two material. I recommend a proper sub sanitation.”

“Sub sanitation? I…I kissed a boy! For my client!”

“Your recommendation will be noted, Lilith, although ultimately it’s the council’s decision. Thank you.” The orange-haired judge looked at me and, I think, smiled. “The time is now yours to plead your case, Desi. We’d like to hear in your words what happened, particularly with Prince Karl.”

“I don’t know what to say. I mean, I kissed him, yeah. And this might not matter, but”—I pointed to the screen—“he kissed me too. His eyes were closed. I haven’t kissed many boys, well ANY other boys, but if he closed his eyes, I think it means he didn’t hate it, right? So maybe he actually felt something for me…for Elsa. Anyway. Maybe I did something that would’ve happened on its own.”

“Is that your only defense?” Blue Hair asked.

My defense. I took a deep breath. “I did my research on this—I read Elsa’s diary, really got to know who she is and what she wants. And she wanted Karl. That’s why she even got a sub, because that
wanting
was too much for her to handle. The thing is, I took this job because I wanted to make an impact. At first it was more about me, like being glamorous and confident and like Grace Kelly. But somewhere along the way, I decided I needed to figure out how to take a stand for people who might want to do it themselves, but never had the nerve. If I had someone subbing for me at home, I’d love it if they told off my enemy and kissed my crush. Stepping in and giving a princess a vacation is one thing, but stepping in and giving her the courage to improve her life, isn’t that better?

“I’m not saying I didn’t make mistakes. I’m still learning, and I really hope I can learn more in Level Two. I probably wasn’t Method enough, and I probably got too involved in these girls’ lives sometimes, and maybe my whole time as a sub was just one big mistake, and none of the princesses liked me. But I honestly believe that if you consider my performance overall, you’d see that I was trying to do what these girls really needed. Change is, um…good.”

“I should have let her plead her case first.” Lilith snorted. “What a bunch of idealistic drivel.”