Primperfect (9 page)

He was the granted-taker, though, so was probably fine.

If Duncan ever takes Joel for granted I will scratch his aging eyes out.

There is so much I don't know about how people interact romantically. I wish I had a boyfriend.

But then I would worry so much about keeping him and acting around him and whether or not he was interesting enough and whether or not I was. It would be pretty bothersome.

Maybe boarding-school Robb could be my summer boy.

I mean, I don't exactly fancy him that much, but it would be a welcome distraction from not being a very good person.

And also, it might make me feel prettier.

Deirdre Sullivan

I don't feel very pretty at the moment.

Not that being pretty is the be all and end all.

But if you don't feel like you are a very good person, feeling attractive on the outside couldn't hurt.

I am so looking forward to Saturday.

I wonder how Joel will be. If he will hate me.

He totally will.

AA
comes after
Z
in lists, a right-back-to-the-beginning that ties in with all of my problems. I have to work on being a better person than I am. But I am not going to do that by Saturday so the best I can do is have gossip.

I texted Robb with two bees to meet up. I hate that Kevin cancelled our ice-cream because he has a girlfriend. It reeks of ‘I only want to be friends with you if there is hooking up as well as friendship'. And that is not OK. Although, that is kind of how I feel about Robb with two bees. Because he is not a very interesting boy, but he is quite cute and I could see myself enjoying kissing him, if only to stop him from talking. And show Kevin that he doesn't matter. And show Joel that I have interesting things happen that he doesn't know about. And to show Felix that other boys fancy me, that I am someone who it is possible to find attractive. Not that it will make a difference now, but it could stew like a tea-bag and result in

at some point. Isn't ‘ardour' a lovely word? You never really hear it used, outside of a romance novel.