Pretend (56 page)

             
"Please don't hang up, just hear me out," he said as my hands began to shake a little, I could never ever forget that voice.

             
"I need to talk to you
,
in person, just meet me by the fountain in t
he mall in ten minutes."

             
"How....How do you know where I am?" I said as I stood to my feet and starting spinning around in search of the person watching me.

             
"What's going on?" Crystal asked as she looked at me with a worried face.
I ignored her.

             
"April
,
are you still there?" The voice said calmly.

             
"Why are you doing this to me? Why now?" I asked as a tear threatened to escape my eye.

             
"Because I love you.
Just give me a chance," he said before I hung up the phone and stood frozen.

             
Why did nothing ever run smoothly in my life?

             
What did I do to deserve this?

             
"April, what's the matter? You're scaring me?" Crystal said as she stared at my shocked expression.

             
"April talk to me! Who was on the phone?"

             
"It was him," I said, still in shock.

             
"Who?"

             
"Ed," I whispered as though it wasn't real.

             
"Oh
my gosh
, what did he want?" She said as a shocked expression filled her entire face.

             
"He's here."

             
"Here?"

             
"Yes," I said as my stomach dropped for the
fifth
time.
I gently pinched my arm in
the
hope that I was dreaming but I wasn't.

This wasn't a dream, this was reality, my reality and he was really here, back for me...

"I don't
understand
,
why is he here?" Crystal asked as she looked at me with a confused face.

             
"I don't know," I answered in a quiet voice.

             
I had no idea why he was back, how he found me or what was left to say but I knew one thing and that was that I needed to know.

             
"Hey,
where are you going?" Crystal asked as she raced behind me.

             
"To find out."

             
"You're going to meet him?" She said in a shocked tone.

             
"Yes, I have to know, I need to understand," I said in a sad voice.

             
"I get it
. Do you want me to come with you?"

             
"No I'
ll be ok. I'll see you at home."

             
"Ok but you call me if you need anything, right?"

             
"I will," I said before giving Crystal a hug and heading towards the fountain.

             
I always love
d
sit
ting
by the fountain and watch
ing
how the water feeds its way back through in such a
synchronised
fashion. I loved the fact that you could see right to the bottom where
people
had thrown their dimes and quarters
in
. I always loved going to see the fountain, except today.

             
The journey seemed much longer than it actually was, I felt as though I was walking the green mile and in some ways I was.

It was when I finally got there and seen his face that the reality really kicked in. I stood frozen for a minute as I took in every inch of his features. I looked at the way that his dirty blonde hair sat neatly above his eyebrows. I watched as his hazel eyes pierced through mine as though he had just found something that he had been looking for forever, as though I were a
rare jewel or diamond. I examined
his neatly pressed suit
and the way that it
fit his body to perfection as though it were made to fit only him alone. I even took note of the fact that his shoes were so shiny that the reflection of the fountain was visible in them. Most importantly I realised that I had never forgot
ten
his face, his crooked jaw
line and perfectly pointy nose.
I remembered it all as though it was just yesterday that I had seen it. The
scariest
part was that looking at him reminded me so much of looking at me.

             
"April?" He asked as he approached me slowly.
I nodded my head but didn't dare say a word, not that I could find any to say, anyway.

             
"I'm grateful that you came-"

             
"I didn't do it for you," I said in a stern voice as I looked into his eyes.

             
"Did you want to maybe grab a drink so that we could talk?" He asked politely as though he were talking to someone that he had
just
met for the first time.

             
"No, we can talk here, it shouldn't take long," I replied.
It was amazing that after nine years
,
so much anger and hurt could still live within me.

             
"Look
Appy
-"

             
"No one calls me that anymore, I'm not seven years old Ed," I interrupted.

             
"Of course, I'm sorry," he said with a sad face.

             
I almost felt sorry for him...Almost.

             
"Look, why are you here? Why now?" I asked as I stared into his face.

             
"I needed to talk to you, to explain. I've done this so many times in my head but I just can't seem to find the right words to say," he said
as he shifted his eyes from
the floor, to my face and back again.

             
"How about you start with I'm sorry for being the kind of father that left you at the age of seven and didn't
turn up until nine years later. Why don’t you try that?
" I said in an angry tone.

             
"You hate me, don't you?" He asked in a solemn voice.

             
I didn't even give an answer to his pathetic question.
 

             
This was the man who ruined my life the day that he left. He made me compare every guy that ever hurt or left me to him and n
ow he's back to do what exactly?

             
Was he looking for sympathy?

             
If he was then he had come to the wrong place because all my sympathy for him had died yea
rs ago. Looking at him just rem
inded me of all those timed that I forced Aiden and Crystal to wait by my bedroom window, hoping that one day I would see him walk down that path again and tell me that everything would be just fine. All I could see when I looked into his eyes was me, seven years old and crying myself to sleep because I had no daddy to tuck me in at night.
 

             
"I just want the chance to explain," he said, gently.

             
"Explain what exactly? Look, I tho
ught doing this was a good idea but now,
I just want you to leave me alone," I said as I
walked away from him, trying to battle with the tears that were
trying to force
themselves out of my eyes.
 

             
No way would I cry another tear for him, I promised myself that a long time ago.

             
"April, please just hear me out and then if you still want me to leave you alone after that
,
then fair enough," he said as his eyes pleaded with me.

             
I took a deep breath and then nodded my head.

             
We walked in silence as he led the way to his car. It was beautiful. I had no idea what type of car it was, it looked foreign. He obviously hadn't struggled that much in our years apart.

             
"Here," he said as he held open the passenger seat door for me.

I almost said thank you but he didn't deserve my gratitude.
 
To tell the truth
,
I was mostly angry with myself because even though I really didn't know anything about this man, even though he left me alone
for years without so much as a birthday
card, a small part of me still loved him. A small part of me
still
longed for him to hold me in his arms, kiss me on the forehead and tell me that everyth
ing was ok because daddy was he
r
e
. Silly, I know.

             
"You've grown into a beautiful young lady," he said after we had sat in silence for at least three minutes.

             
I gently raised my eyebrows and then turned my head so that I was looking out of the window at the mall.

             
"April, I know that you hate me-"

             
"I don't hate you," I said as I turned to face him and watched the shocked look on his face.

             
"I jus
t want some answers, the truth."

             
"Ok, I will tell you everything," he said as he turned his head and looked out
of
the window.
He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. He looked nervous.

             
"I come from a very well off family, they own a lot of land, businesses and properties," he said gently.

             
Yeah this is making me feel way better...Not!

             
"I'm not saying this to boast."

             
Oh
,
you must have read my mind.

             
"My parents wanted a certain lifestyle for me when I was younger. They wanted me to have a good education, be trained in many skills, know which fork to use when I dined at fancy
restaurants and most of all they wanted me to settle down and find a wife," he said sadly.

             
"Of course they wanted it to be someone from our circle. A young lady who would stand to inherit much one day, someone who wouldn't need to depend on my assets," he continued.

             
"I take it
that my mom didn't fit
into
that category," I said.

             
"Exactly.
Well not to them anyway but I loved her, more than I have ever loved anyone before. When we met, she knew nothing about what I owned or who I was and she just fell in love with me. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. In fact you remind me of how she used to look back when I met her," he said with a look of
happiness
in his eyes.

             
"So what happened?" I
asked
,
eager to understand how things got so bad.

             
"Your mom eventually found out who I was and she knew that she didn't fit into my world but I didn't care. I begged her to just give it a try, to give me a chance. I just couldn't imagine a life without her. So we continued to see each other
behind
my parents
’
back. They never knew a thing about it and all the while we fell deeper and deeper in love. When your mom told me that she was
pregnant
with you, it was the happiest day of my life. I have never felt a feeling like that since," he said sadly.