Pieces (4 page)

And then there was Finn, who was not making any moves to touch her or fix her or judge her. He sat quietly, resting his chin on his knees.

“Isn’t it great to get away from everything?” he asked, almost as if she wasn’t there. “I know my life isn’t complicated or loud or anything, but sometimes I have to get away.”

“Yeah,” she said, resting her chin in her hands. “So, I haven’t asked you yet. Is Finn short for something?”

He laughed. “Finnegan, but only my mom is allowed to call me that.”

“Right.” She smiled at him, but felt her heart sink at the mention of his mother. Her mother hadn’t called her yet today. It didn’t surprise her, of course. She felt her back pocket where she had put her phone. It was set to vibrate instead of ring.

“So, you’re at Harvard, right?” she asked. “You’ve never told me your major.”

He was quiet. She looked sideways at him, raising an eyebrow as she wondered if she had asked the wrong question.

“I’m not in school yet,” he answered. “I want to be, but it’s ... complicated right now.”

“Oh.” The trembling in his voice warned her not to press the subject. She decided to take it in another direction. “Well, when you get in, what do you want to study?”

He raised his hands as if forming a large shape in the air. “I love to build stuff. I’m thinking architecture.”

Naomi clenched her jaw. Why? Why? Why? Jesse was an architect. It was as if the universe was conspiring against her, throwing in random things to keep reminding her of the past.

Finn turned to her. “Are you alright?”

“You must think I’m insane,” she said, scrambling to her feet. “I’m sorry, Finn. I’m sorry I keep reacting like I’m crazy all of a sudden. I’ve tried so long to keep away from things that remind me of what happened ... and him. It’s always him. He never leaves. Everywhere I go, he’s there. And I want him there, but I can’t be with him, and that makes the memory of him unbearable. Anyway, I’m sorry.”

She turned away. She wanted to run down the tracks and disappear, but that wouldn’t get her anywhere.

“Are you talking about your boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

She expected Finn to jump into a list of questions, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even stand up when she started backing away. Her shoes crunched on the gravel between the wood tracks.

“I think everyone has something,” Finn said in a relaxed voice, as if she wasn’t panicking right in front of him. “My mom has cancer and might die any day. My dad left us when I was five, and when I finally got to see him again, it turns out he’s married with eight kids. I don’t mean anything to him. So it’s always something, isn’t it?”

He looked up at Naomi, his face barely visible in the moonlight. The shape of his body, the memory of his warmth pressed against hers on the dance floor, made her knees weak.

“The reason I started talking to you at the Lounge was because you seem alone,” he said, “like me. You want to be alone, but you don’t really want to be alone, do you? There aren’t a lot of people like us around here. You think you’re hiding things, but you’re more real than most of the people I see every day.” He shrugged and looked toward the trees. “So, yeah, that’s why I brought you here. I knew you’d understand this place. I knew you’d probably open up and let me talk to you more than we do at the café.”

Naomi stood still, the sound of the river loud in her ears. Maybe everything that reminded her of the kidnapping and Jesse was a coincidence and she needed to chill the heck out, like Finn. She couldn’t imagine what it might be like to be so understanding about everything.

Taking a deep breath, she walked back to her spot and sat down. “Thanks,” she said, wetting her lips. “I don’t know why, exactly, but thanks.”

He turned to her and smiled. Even though she couldn’t see his eyes very well, she knew he was looking right at her. It was as if he was looking
into
her, as if he saw her like nobody else but Jesse had ever seen her.

“Whatever it is you’re dealing with, you’ll get through it,” he said, and then paused for a moment, leaning forward as if he wanted to kiss her. It was something she had expected a few minutes ago, but now it made her breathing uneven—excitement, maybe—but the memory of kissing Jesse was too strong.

Leaning closer anyway, she led Finn into the kiss. She needed to kiss someone, to connect, to feel alive. She needed to kiss Finn. Now. He could never replace Jesse, but that didn’t matter.

The river seemed to rush around them, loud and constant and forever, and he took hold of her more passionately than she expected, his lips pressing against hers, warm and reassuring. She had underestimated how much he wanted her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she realized she was not imagining he was Jesse. He was Finn and he was kissing her and Jesse was thousands of miles away.

She jumped when her phone started buzzing. It was so quiet outside that even the vibration was loud. Finn pulled away, chuckling as he caught his breath. “What a time for a phone call.”

“Sorry, nobody ever calls me except my mom. I need to answer it.” Slipping the phone from her pocket, she looked at the glowing screen and saw the name
Karen Jensen
flashing at her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to her mom in front of Finn, but it was probably just a birthday wish. She put the phone to her ear and turned a little bit away from Finn. “Hi, Mom.”

Her mother’s voice, so much like her own, said, “Hi, sweetie. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“Been a good day?”

She glanced at Finn and smiled. “So far, yeah.”

“Your father says happy birthday too. You should have a card in the mail. Have you checked yet?”

“No, not yet.”

Silence filled the air. Naomi doubted her mother could hear the river or Finn breathing beside her. All of a sudden she wanted him to hold her and kiss her again. Her skin turned hot.

“So, there’s something ....” Her mother paused, and Naomi stiffened at the change in her tone. There was hesitance and worry, the same tone she always used when they talked about anything Jesse-related.

“Just say it, Mom.”

“I shouldn’t tell you this. I don’t think you should know, but his father has been pestering me for over two months. He wants you to know, even though you are not allowed—and I repeat,
you are not allowed, by law—to
see him yet. There might be something down the road we can work out, but right now his parole clearly states he cannot see you because of the circumstances of your previous relationship.”

It was just like her mother to sound like a law book. Naomi’s tongue was a wad of tissue paper in her mouth. The river faded away. Goosebumps popped up on her arms. “He’s out? It’s only been two years.”

“He’s on parole. The plea bargain specifically stated good behavior allowed him the possibility of parole. If you attempt to see him or vice versa, if he breaks curfew, if he fails at his job, if he doesn’t check in, if he does anything wrong, he’s back in for longer, do you understand? I know the semester is almost over and you want to come home for the summer, so I’m telling you this now so there are no questions about what you can and cannot do when you get here.”

“I’ve got it, Mom.” She glanced at Finn. Kissing him felt like the biggest mistake she could have ever made, no matter how good it had been. Now she was going to feel torn—exactly what she had wanted to avoid. “I’ll think of him as still in prison. This doesn’t change anything.”

But the truth was it changed everything.

IV

F
INN DIDN'T ASK ABOUT THE PHONE CALL
or Naomi’s mention of prison. When she finished, he helped her up and they walked back to the car and drove home. He parked in her driveway and kept his hands on the steering wheel.

“Naomi, I have to apologize for kissing you,” he said in a tight voice. “That was stupid of me. You’re with someone. I’m not making things easier, and I feel like a—”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He stared at his hands on the wheel. “You don’t have to explain anything, of course, but whatever’s going on, I hope you know I’m here for you if you need or want anything.”

Naomi picked up her purse from the floor and grabbed the door handle. Her mind was filled with Jesse, of flying home and not being able to see him. She turned to Finn, her hope for building a harmless friendship sinking. “I don’t want to sound rude, but it’s not anything you can help with.” She thought of his kiss and how nice it had been for about ten seconds. She wanted to feel it all over again, except there was Jesse now. There was always Jesse, and she had been a fool to try to ignore him.

“Alright.” He let go of the steering wheel, as if he wanted to reach for her. She stared at the class ring on his finger and wondered how many girls he had kissed and how many times his heart had been broken.

“Thanks for a great night,” she said, forcing a smile. “It was nice of you to take me out.”

He swallowed and returned his hand to the steering wheel. “Anytime.”

She grabbed the door handle.

“Wait!” He leaned over and touched her shoulder. The feel of his hand on her made her warm all the way through. “I want to make sure you have my number in case you need anything.”

“Oh, right,” she replied, as if it was the most natural thing for him to say. She slipped her phone from her pocket and poised her thumb over the keypad. “What is it?”

He gave her the number, and she shakily punched the buttons. Then she typed in
F-i-n-n G-i-a-c-h-e-t-t-i.

“There,” he said with a relieved sigh. “I can’t lose you completely, right?” She was reaching for the handle again and turned to look at him one last time. “Unless,” he said after clearing his throat and looking away, “you don’t want to see me again?”

She smiled and pushed back the guilt tearing through her. “I promise we’ll get together again next semester. Goodbye, Finn, and thanks.” She let herself out of the car and rushed inside as fast as she could, her eyes filling with tears.

B
Y THE
time the semester ended and she had taken all of her exams, Naomi couldn’t keep her mind off Jesse. The memory of Finn’s kiss was nothing compared to being with Jesse, and the possibility of failing her classes because she couldn’t focus on schoolwork and studying seemed unimportant. All she could do was count down the days until she drove to the airport to fly home. She avoided the Java Lounge even though her mouth watered for a slice of almond cake. She missed Finn, but if she saw him, she knew she would end up telling him about Jesse. Maybe she could tell him later.

When the day arrived to leave, she packed her bags, shut off the utilities since Becca was already gone for the next few months, and locked the front door. Her parents would keep up the payments so the landlord wouldn’t rent the house out during the summer, and for that she was glad. She could leave a lot of her things here.

The flight was long and tedious. She sat next to a man who smelled like leather and kept leaning over to look out her window. She turned on her iPod and cranked up the volume. The song was one of Jesse’s favorites, from a band that had been popular a few years back. There were so many reasons she wanted to see him again. The last time she had seen him was in the courtroom on the day of his sentencing. He had chosen to be there, she kept reminding herself, he had turned himself in. Even so, she had still felt like the entire situation was her fault. He had agreed to a plea bargain and told the judge everything—how he had been the one to pick her up in the parking lot and put her in the car when Eric wanted to shoot her instead, how he had contemplated letting her go and kept talking himself out of it, how he had tried to get her to like him so she wouldn’t want to escape. That was the worst part—knowing most of his motivations were selfish and not driven by his affections for her. In fact, he admitted he hadn’t fallen in love with her until the last few months of her captivity, so all those times he had seemed to want her earlier on ... she didn’t want to think about his motivations then. He had changed. That was what mattered. That was why she couldn’t let go of him now, and one of the reasons why the judge had given him a significantly lesser sentence. He had hurt Evelyn and stolen jewelry, but Eric and Steve had blackmailed him, so how bad was he, truly? He had never hurt her during her captivity, not once. He had protected her, been there for her when she had nothing left. And now he had changed. She doubted many people were capable of that kind of transformation. Even her mother, who had improved a lot since the kidnapping, hadn’t altered so completely. Jesse was strong and had a kind heart, and he loved her like nobody had ever loved her.