Persuaded (16 page)

Of
course she couldn’t have invited Eli along; that would be like lending out a
book that didn’t belong to her in the first place. Deciding to kill two birds
with one stone, she sent a message to Mary and Eli, asking them to join the
group at the marina for pizza. From the tone of Mary’s answer—
wouldn’t want
to intrude
—Hanna could tell that her sister was upset. Being fresh out of
placating tactics in her worn-out state, Hanna determined to make it up to her
later.

Eli
responded by simply showing up. Hanna was surprised to feel a swoop of nervousness
at his appearance, at the way he leaned in to say “hello” and brushed her ear
with his lips. She hadn’t forgotten Eli’s master plan, but sometimes it was
difficult to discern the boundary between charade and reality.

After
dinner, Eli asked if he could walk Hanna home. It was such a sweet offer that
Hanna couldn’t refuse, even though she would much rather have gone home and
gotten in her PJs. She really did feel entirely drained, much more than any
other day she spent in the sun. Was it being on a boat that had done it? Or
perhaps the sheer emotional exhaustion of the whole affair? Maybe she was
coming down with something.

So
engulfed was Hanna by her thoughts that she didn’t realize Eli had asked her a
question until he repeated it.

“I
said, what did you do today?”

“I’m
sorry,” Hanna apologized. “We went sailing.”

“In
the famed
Laconia
?” Eli asked, waggling his eyebrows and pulling a tired
laugh from Hanna.

“Yes,
actually.”

“That
must have been weird for you after all these years.” Eli’s tone was saturated
with implication.

“It
was,” she admitted, her mind already rewinding to the moment she had stepped on
the deck. “Like I had gone back in time or something.”

“How
did you end up going with them?”

Hanna
hesitated, though she didn’t know why. Eli was “in the know” when it came to
her past with Derick. But it felt somehow traitorous to recount the experience
at the Lymelight now, like trespassing on private property.

“He
invited a bunch of us to go,” she said lamely.

Eli
took that in. From his expression Hanna knew that she hadn’t convinced him, so
she changed the subject.

“What
do you have going on tomorrow?”

“I’m
actually leaving for the weekend,” he told her. “I’m showing some of my photos
to a publisher in New York.”

“Wow,
that’s great, Eli!”

He
dimpled at her, slowing as they neared the house. Hands in his pockets, he
looked up at her with an embarrassed grin. “I don’t suppose you want to come
with me?”

Hanna
was positively flummoxed. Had Eli just asked her to go away with him for the
weekend? Where did that fall on the smudged horizon of façade? She couldn’t
accept, of course. She had to smooth things over with Mary, and she hadn’t
agreed to spend the summer here just to go gallivanting off to the city with
someone else. And then there was the fact that she knew very little about Eli,
when it came down to it.

“I’ll
take that as a no,” Eli said, his grin drooping slightly when she didn’t
answer. But she could read in his eyes that he had known she would refuse, that
he hadn’t expected her to agree in the first place.

“I
can’t take off like that. My family needs me here. But I’m flattered that you
would ask me—even if it wasn’t for my benefit.”

Eli
pivoted, looked around, then set his gaze back on her. “Whose benefit is it
for, then? There’s no one else here.”

Here
they were again, at the line. She simply didn’t have the energy for this at the
moment. “I wish you’d stop that,” she said, her irritation bleeding into her
voice just a bit.

“Stop
what?”

“Confusing
me. I never know whether you’re being serious or hamming up your act.”

He
watched her for a moment, his dark eyes unreadable. “You’re right,” he finally
said. “I’m not being honest with you, and it’s not fair.”

This
gave Hanna pause. Her? He wasn’t being honest with
her
?

Taking
a step in her direction, Eli reached out and secured a lock of hair behind her
ear, his eyes softening as he took in her face. When he spoke, his voice was
gentle. “The truth is, I really like you. But every time I get close to telling
you or showing you, you start fidgeting.”

Hanna
opened her mouth to protest, then clamped it shut when she realized that her
fingers were busy twisting the tail of her braid into a tight cyclone. Eli
smiled wryly before taking her hands captive in his.

“None
of it has been an act for me,” Eli confessed. “I missed you today. Do you think
you can decide how to feel about that while I’m gone?”

Hanna
dared a glance up at him. His face held such an expression of perfect
tenderness that she could only nod. He smiled a bit sadly, then carefully dropped
her hand. “I’ll be back Monday. Will you have dinner with me then?”

“Of
course,” Hanna assured him. “Text me when and where and I’ll meet you.”

“‘Kay,”
he agreed, shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if he were deliberating.
His eyes locked on her mouth, and then he slowly leaned in and touched his lips
to hers with unmistakable gentleness.

Hanna
froze. She hadn’t been kissed by anyone except Derick—ever. A horrible thought
to have at such a moment, but there it was. Though she’d had her share of awkward
first dates and unwanted seconds, she had never let anyone cross the unseen
border before now. But Eli was proficient at softening edges and blurring
lines. Hanna hadn’t even seen him approaching the boundary line until he’d
breached it.

That
being said, the rashness of his actions didn’t overpower the sensation of his
kiss. Hanna thought of how long it had been since she’d felt wanted—the way she
did right now. Burying her fingers in his curls, Hanna stepped over the
remnants of her crumbling barrier and closed the space between them.

When
Eli broke the kiss a moment later, Hanna was breathless. “You sure you don’t
want to come with me?” he asked, his mouth just inches from hers.

Hanna
drew a steadying breath and stepped back. “I can’t.”

“Well,”
Eli said in a smug tone, “Now you’ll have something else to think about while
I’m gone.” What was wrong with him? He didn’t seem to be jittery or shaky or
any of the things that kiss had made her feel. Shouldn’t he be just a little
unsettled? It wasn’t fair.

Hanna’s
prior exhaustion returned with a vengeance, and she feared that if she didn’t
go inside she might just collapse on the back porch. “Good luck with your
meeting,” she told him as she slid the door open. “Let me know about dinner.”

Eli
grinned like a rogue, dropped her a wink, and turned away. As Hanna clocked in
for her damage-control shift with Mary, she couldn’t help feeling that a door
had just closed in her life. She hadn’t necessarily left the door open on
purpose, but as it clicked shut she knew that some part of her had guarded that
door from closure at all costs. The thought made her sad, but maybe it was time
to move on. After all, Derick had done so—and she had every right to do the
same.

TWENTY

FISHING
for COMMITMENT

He found too late,
in short, that he had entangled himself.

—Jane Austen,
Persuasion

Hanna
had been right about Mary—to say the least, she was put out about Hanna’s
outing. To be fair, at the time Hanna didn’t know it would turn into an all day
thing, so she told Mary she would be home sometime around lunch. Charles was in
an equally bad temper. He’d planned to go fishing but was obliged to change
plans to accommodate his wife’s fear of being left home with the kids
like
always
, in Mary’s words.

Hanna
offered to baby-sit the following night so Charles and Mary could go out on a
real date. The look on her brother-in-law’s face told Hanna that she wouldn’t
really be doing him a favor with the gift, but she decided to cut her losses.
She was too tired to stay up trying to make the whole world happy.

With
the feel of her first kiss in ages still on her lips, Hanna’s head hit the
pillow, and sleep took her only a moment later.

Her
dreams were beyond odd, as dreams sometimes are. They had a too-bright, surreal
feel about them and made no sense whatsoever. She stood on the beach with Eli,
just as she had earlier that night. He kissed her again, but when she opened
her eyes it was Derick before her instead of Eli. There was a raw emotion in
Derick’s eyes that hadn’t been present in Eli’s. When she discerned the
contrast, Eli suddenly appeared as well, manically snapping shots of them with
his camera.

When
Hanna woke the next morning, the first thing she felt was a skull-splitting
headache. The second was a ragged soreness at the back of her throat. Groaning,
she swung her legs out of bed and sat with her head in her hands.

So, it
hadn’t just been fatigue yesterday; she had been coming down with something
after all. Determining to get ahead of the illness, Hanna donned her hoodie and
went downstairs to make herself some herbal tea. She unplaited the French braid
she’d slept in and then set the kettle to boil. As she opened the tea bags,
Charles came in through the back door, followed by Adam, Derick, and Benny.

“Let
me just go tell Mary,” Charles told his companions before sprinting up the
stairs.

Benny,
who saw Hanna first, nodded a greeting.

“What’s
Charles telling Mary?” Hanna asked him.

“That
he’s going fishing with us,” Benny answered.

“He
says ‘telling’ but I’m pretty sure it will be more like begging.” Derick added
dryly. Was it Hanna’s imagination, or did his eyes do a quick up-down, taking
in her appearance?

Suddenly
self-conscious, Hanna pulled the hem of her hoodie down to compensate for the
inadequate length of her PJ shorts. Then, realizing the action made her look
like a flasher, she abandoned the venture and rescued the screeching kettle
from the burner.

“My
sister wasn’t very happy with me for taking off yesterday,” Hanna said, pouring
scalding water over the tea bag.

“We’ve
heard,” Adam said with undeveloped laughter in his voice.

“It
will be good for Charles to get out this morning,” Hanna said, setting her mug
down at the table and going after honey and lemon. “Can I get you guys
anything? The water is hot.”

“I’ll
grab a coffee at the marina before we head out,” Benny said, pulling a kitchen
chair over and sitting backwards in it. “You feeling okay, Hanna? You look a
little flushed.”

Great
, she
mentally muttered.
I should just wear a sign that says “this is the color of
my face, please don’t ask about it.”

Derick
shook his head ever-so-slightly at Benny’s query, just enough that Hanna
perceived the action.

Aloud
she said, “My throat is sore and I have a huge headache.” She squeezed a
generous blob of honey into the tea, then pinched a lemon wedge over the mug.
Stirring, she added, “I think I’m getting sick.”

“Maybe
we should postpone—” Benny began with a glance at Derick, but Hanna waved him
off.

“No!
Trust me, if Charles stays he’ll be in a bad mood, and then Mary will roll up
in her ball, and it will be like the apocalypse around here. I’m sending
Charles and Mary off on a date tonight, so I just have to keep her happy for a
few hours.” She took a hesitant sip of her scalding tea. “Besides, Charles
needs a break.”

Benny
almost smiled in response, while Derick scowled and looked away. He seemed
displeased about something, though Hanna couldn’t think what. Was it the same
thing that had motivated that tiny head-shake?

Charles
came back downstairs, almost glowing. “She says I can—” he paused, then
backpedaled. “—She’s cool with it.”

Adam
snorted, and Hanna masked her grin by taking a swig of her tea.

☼

There
were times in Derick’s life when he savored the state of bachelorhood. Times
when he felt the absolute freedom and lack of constraint which a commitment
like marriage would undoubtedly rob him of. His determination to remain a
bachelor was never stronger than in Charles Musgrove’s presence.

Earlier,
Derick felt a congealed sort of pity for Charles when he came downstairs with a
bounce in his step, no doubt having received permission from the Mrs. to go
out, as if he’d been grounded and was suddenly let off early.

Derick
had nothing against the institution of marriage, per se, but having Charles as
a frame of reference, he couldn’t help but feel that saying “I do” was
tantamount to handing over your manhood on a silver platter.

Benny
was noticeably more talkative than usual, no doubt a result of Hanna’s
attentiveness toward him. She had opened him up somehow, broken his implacable,
gloomy skin with her sensitivity.