Owned (Rockstar Romance) (Lost in Oblivion Book 5) (30 page)

S
imon stared
out the wide picture window on Sunday morning. They’d had a productive day in the studio and had laid down two tracks. One of them was what he hoped to be the title track for the album.

“Return to Oblivion” felt right. He and Jazz had hammered out the specifics of the lyrics and Gray had tightened them up. Miracle of miracles they got the track down.

Then Margo had stepped in with Logan and had created an arrangement that was so much more.

The test would be bringing it to Nick.

After walking out of the studio Thursday morning he had a lot of explaining to do. The change of venue was definitely part of what he’d needed.

The other was Margo.

It was a bit humbling to know that she had that much control over his creative mojo, but it sure as fuck wasn’t surprising. The moment she’d said yes to his proposal, a few of the locks around his chest had opened up.

At least enough to collaborate with half his band—well actually more like two thirds.

But the true test would be Nicky.

He fisted his fingers as he watched the huge oak tree sway in the brutal wind coming off the mountain.

It was damn pretty to look at through the window, but this God forsaken cold was just too much for his thin California blood. The stark branches suited his mood though.

Home was calling. The studio, and the ever present Donovan Lewis, with their favorite dragon lady, Lila. Everything was calling him home for the first time in years. He was eager to follow his heart.

Idiotic? Maybe, but at least he was finally finding his footing. Now to bring the magic in this cabin getaway back to Ripper Records.

Easier said than done.

“You’re becoming as broody as Nicky.”

Simon turned from the killer view. Gray stood in the middle of the living room, baby carrier in one hand, his guitar case in the other.

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“You’re trying really hard.”

Simon grinned down at Dylan. The kid’s legs were almost too long for the seat. Everyone was growing so fast—changing even faster. He was the one that had been in stasis for way too fucking long.

Him and Nick for far different reasons.

It was time to change that.

Beyond time.

The girls came out with a waddling Izzy coming up the rear. Simon tapped on Dylan’s hiking boot before going around to meet them.

“Thanks so much for having me and Margo, Izzy.”

“Thank you for occupying my husband. He’ll be down there for the next three days mixing.”

“Unless you pop.” Logan said as he came through the kitchen to meet them, their daughter hot on his heels.

“I’ve got seven more days at least.” Izzy rubbed circles around her tight belly. “I can’t freaking wait. And congrats about the engagement. You two are adorable.”

Simon twined his fingers around Margo’s. “I guess I gotta make an honest woman out of her.”

Margo gave him a side-eye. “If anyone’s improving the morality value in this relationship, it’s me.”

He kissed her temple. “She only speaks truth.”

Logan held out a thumb drive. “I don’t think you need much more work on this, but I know Deacon will want the raw files.”

“Thanks.” He held out his hand and they shook. “For more than you know.”

Logan crouched to pick up Nichole, then draped his other arm around Izzy’s shoulders. “Happy to help. I expect you out here when we’re doing the charity show to go with the album.”

“I’ll be here.”

“And your wife?” Logan asked.

Margo grinned. “By then I probably will be.”

“Damn right,” Simon muttered.

Jazz clapped. “I can’t believe we’re going to have two weddings.” Her eyes went huge. “Double wedding?”

“Oh, God.” Margo’s face paled.

Simon laughed. “It’s not a bad idea really. You and Lila
are
best friends.” She elbowed him—hard. He grunted. “Guess I’ll see you guys over the summer.”

“Safe trip home, guys.” Logan held the door open, his daughter clinging to him like a spider monkey. “Say bye, Nic.”

“Bye everyone!” Her green eyes sparkled and one of her pigtails was slipping behind her ear. She was too cute for words.

Simon stopped in front of her and held his hand up. “Bye munchkin.”

She slapped his hand. “Bye Mr. Rockstar.”

He laughed. “Well, if that isn’t a ringing endorsement.”

“And here we go, back to a big head,” Margo muttered.

Simon hauled her in front of him and crowded into the curve of her backside. “Big head, huh?”

“Behave.”

“Not a chance.”

They waved and all piled into the Jeep. Thanks to the snow finally clearing out, they were able to take a flight out of the small airport and connect at JFK. Six hours later they were taxiing to a stop in LAX.

“Home sweet fucking home,” Simon said.

Margo roused from her catnap against his shoulder. “Already?”

“Are you kidding. I’m dying to get off this tin can.”

“And look at that, we get off first.” She laughed and snuggled against his side. “First Class, baby. Nice perks.”

Simon glanced over to the other side of the aisle. Jazz was sitting with Dylan against her chest, and they were both out like a light. Gray was quietly packing up their mini travel explosion. Bottles, iPad, and various baby attention glomming paraphernalia.

“Do you guys need a ride home?”

“Nah, we put our car into short term parking. Gonna get these two home and to bed.”

“What about bed?” Jazz said with a sigh. “Bed sounds fabulous.”

“Almost, babe.” Gray tucked his ninja-quick packed bag near her feet and transferred the baby onto his shoulder in some magic football pass.

Yeah, he was never going to understand the parenting thing. He missed their cat, but he knew George would require a cuddle and some treats and that was about it.

His kind of parenting.

“I guess we’ll see you in the studio then.”

Jazz gave him a happy smile. “I can’t wait for everyone to hear ‘Return to Oblivion’. Nick is going poop his pants.”

There was a time that the mere idea of poop instead of shit would have made him shudder. Now, he just smiled at Pix indulgently. “I sure hope so.”

He bent down to brush a kiss over Jazz’s cheek. “Thanks, Purple Penis Eater.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Really? With the baby.”

Simon laughed. “Still knocked out.”

She patted her belly. “This one has ears, too.”

“Oh, not that again.” Simon laughed and stood. “Bye guys.”

Debarking took about ten minutes when in first class. Not to mention he was a pro at it. When they got to the parking structure, Simon loaded Margo and their bags into the Audi’s trunk and headed out before traffic backed out for forever.

The airport was murderous on a good day, Sunday? Yeah. No way was he going to hold his ass in traffic for another two hours.

Margo gripped the handle on the door as he pushed the high end engine to its limit and threaded his way through traffic. Instead of getting caught on the 105, he cut around using El Segundo and out to Vista Del Mar. Still tons of traffic, but he didn’t have it him for the traffic jams of the highways.

“Can I open my eyes?”

Simon laughed. “Only if you want a gorgeous ocean view.”

“Won’t this way take forever?”

“Better than the highway.”

She sighed. “This is true. That cabin is glorious, but man, I do love our ocean.”

“Second best thing I wake up to every day.”

She reached over and skimmed her knuckles along his jaw. “I already said I’d marry you. No need to butter me up now.”

He caught her fingers and drew her wrist up to his mouth. “All of the buttering, all of the spoiling.”

“Boy, give you a few good days in the studio and look what I get.”

That was the truth of it. “I missed music, Margo. More than I can even explain. Finding it there in that speck of a town? Best gift ever.”

Her eyes were shiny in the fading light of twilight. “I love you, Simon.”

“I love you too, Violin Girl.”

“
S
o we want
to come down and see the horse next weekend. Would that work?”

“Sure. She’s your horse now. Come and see her whenever you want.”

His
horse. It was supposed to be his and Lila’s horse, but she’d been disinterested in meeting Priscilla or talking about the wedding or what would happen when the band went on tour or much else lately.

She’d definitely been disinterested in sex. To the point that the last time he’d even hinted he was into it, she’d rolled away. Not that there had been much time for sex or anything else that wasn’t band-related lately. He’d been up most nights late into the evening, working on riffs and new lyrics. She’d had phone calls and spreadsheets and paperwork. Endless paperwork. They’d been more like roommates than lovers ever since Oblivion had gone into the studio, and he wasn’t sure what that was about.

He got that she was under a lot of pressure for Oblivion to succeed. He especially got it since he was as well. Some pressure-relieving sex would fit the bill nicely, but he got that other things took precedence.

He just didn’t know what any of those things could possibly be.

Her reluctance to discuss a tour probably had to do with Oblivion’s current status. They weren’t exactly moving forward at top speed. Still, they were moving. Half a dozen of the songs Margo, Gray and Deacon had worked on were likely candidates for the album, and a couple of the songs Nick had worked on with Gray were in the mix too. Jazz had introduced a few of hers and Gray’s, and fuck it all, they were getting there. They were starting to figure out their new sound, and how to take the pieces each of them contributed and blend them into the band whole.

Of course any stilted progress they’d made had been halted by the flounce out of the studio by Simon-Axl-Rose-in-training-Kagan. Maybe Lila had been right not to want to discuss a tour.

Everything was too in flux. Too delicate. So many variables in play, and none of them were under his control.

So fuck it, next weekend they were going to see their horse.

“Next Saturday,” he told Jake Norse, Priscilla’s owner. We’ll come by and ride her, take for a walk on her leash, give her some carrots or whatever.”

“On her leash? She doesn’t go for walks on a leash.” Jake laughed. “I’m guessing you’re not much of a horseman.”

Nick glanced at Klepto, who was currently resting on the bed with his head flopped on his front paws. He looked about as cheerful as Nick felt. “Aren’t horses just like really big dogs?”

“That’s an analogy I’ve never heard before. Even so, I wouldn’t recommend a leash for a walk. They do have leads.” Jake descended into a bunch of horse talk that had Nick slouching back into the pillows until his eyes rolled back into his head.

“Yes,” was his most common answer. He might’ve agreed to sell his body for all he knew what he was agreeing to.

When he heard the front door open, he ended the call with Jake. He sat up just as Lila came in, carting a department store bag. “Hey. Went shopping?”

“Mmm-hmm.” She went straight to the closet without sparing him a glance.

“What’d you buy?”

“Nothing interesting.” She was shuffling things on her shelves with her back to him. If he wasn’t mistaken, she’d pulled out whatever she’d purchased and tucked it onto a shelf under other clothes.

He wasn’t expecting a fashion show, but she could at least let him have a peek.

“Did you buy some hot lingerie or something? Maybe as a surprise.”

A guy could dream.

“Do you ever think about anything but sex?”

He laid back on the bed and slid his socked foot under Klepto’s belly. “Hmm.” He pretended to think. “I’d have to say no.”

“Try it. There’s a whole big world out there that doesn’t exist in your pants.”

“There’s an equally large world that doesn’t exist in yours. Want to know how I know?”

“Nick, I’m not in the mood.”

“No kidding. And hey, I get it. We all go through dry periods. I mean, I don’t, but I’m a dude. Women are different. I know you all have to take time to think about your feelings and what you need from your man and all that crap. Have at it. Think all you want. In the meantime, let a guy indulge in futile daydreams about the days his fiancée was interested in his body.”

“I’m not disinterested in your body.” She sighed and folded her shopping bag, holding it against her stomach as she turned to face him. She’d had a yoga class and errands and she wore her standard gym attire—sneakers, leggings, tank. Today she had a bulky sweatshirt over it.

He hadn’t even known she
owned
a sweatshirt.

“That’s good to know. Since you’ve pledged your fealty to it forever.”

“I haven’t pledged anything yet, and I definitely never did toward your body.”

The light sarcasm in her words tempered the statement, but only a little.

All he heard was that she hadn’t pledged anything yet.

Was that at the root of the problem? Maybe she was getting cold feet. The thrill of the engagement had worn off. In the scheme of things, perhaps a month was long enough for the excitement to wane and reality to descend.

Like the reality that she didn’t want to live forever with him. Didn’t want to sleep with him every night and wake by his side every morning. All the BS going on in the studio wasn’t doing him any favors either.

She could be getting bored with him. Bored and annoyed and over all of it.

Even him.

Especially him.

She’d liked being with him when he kept things fresh and exciting. On the edge. When he’d shown her new things sexually, and provided her with experiences she’d never gotten anywhere else.

He’d be damned if they turned into an old married couple before they’d even tied the knot.

Sitting up, he shooed Klepto off the bed. The dog dutifully trudged out of the room, probably in search of Spot, the cat who hated everyone except Lila and inexplicably, the dog who slobbered all over her. In five minutes, they’d most likely be curled up together in Spot’s bed.

Nick hoped to be curled up too, with Lila on her stomach naked beneath him.

He went to the bedroom door, shutting and locking it. Not there was anyone else in the apartment, but the movement was symbolic.

Lila frowned. She still hadn’t gotten out of her workout wear. In fact, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen her nude in a while. She rarely slept naked like he did, but lately she’d been wearing enough layers that he’d wondered if she was getting sick.

He’d thought she’d begun to put aside some of her body issues. Not that he’d ever understood them anyway. She was gorgeous. But she had that inherent shyness and her bastard ex-husband had made her doubt herself in every way.

The time had come for him to remind her he loved her exactly the way she was. If that meant turning out the lights and closing themselves into a space where they only existed, he had no problem with that.

“What are you doing?” she asked as he closed the blinds. Night was imminent, and the light in the room was turning gray and pink with sunset.

With a flick of his wrist, they were in the dark.

“I miss you.”

“I’m right here. I’m still right here.” Faint panic lined her tone, and that was the last thing he wanted.

At least until the point she was supposed to be scared.

He moved up behind her and gripped her hips. Full and giving, they filled his hands just the way he remembered. He knew her by touch, by scent, by the slope and shape of her curves. Even without his sight, he could map her inch by inch.

“Let’s do something different.”

“Like what?”

He set his chin on her shoulder. “You were curious about threesomes.”

“What? Oh my God.” She spun to him and pushed at his shoulders. “Are you nuts? Is there a naked dude hiding in the closet? I swear to God, Nick, if some strange nude guy points his dick at me, I’ll kill you. No, I’ll kill him first, then I’ll kill you. With my bare hands.”

A laugh tore out of his chest. “No. Of course not. I’d never do that without your permission.” Hooking an arm around her waist, he dragged her closer. “Fuck that. I’d never do that period because I can’t share you. You’re mine.” Growling, he sank his teeth into the side of her neck, pulling more sharply than he’d intended.

She shuddered and relaxed in his arms. Going soft and hot, just as he’d hoped.

“Then why were you talking about threesomes?”

“There’s ways to…replicate that experience, if you want to have it. Takes some imagination. And trust.” He slid his mouth up to her ear. “Tell me you trust me.”

With everything that had been going on with them lately, he expected her to hesitate. She didn’t. She offered it right away.

“You know I do. I just don’t know if now is the right time…”

“If we start and you’re not feeling it, we put an end to it. That’s always how it is between us. You want me to stop, I stop. But this time we’ll use a word.”

“
No
isn’t suitable?”

“I want to do a scenario with you. So no, the word no isn’t ideal. But you can choose a word that means no.”

“A…scenario? Where you make me think you’re two guys.”

“Yeah. And where I tie you up, and make you think you don’t have as many choices as you do. But if you don’t like it and say this word, we’re finished.”

“A safe word.”

“Yes.”

If she balked, he would’ve been a little disappointed, but he would have understood. They’d talked a few times about roleplaying fantasies, though they’d never done any. Their talk had remained that. This probably seemed out of the blue to her.

“In the dark. All of this in the dark. Like I come in here, and you grab me.” There was no missing the catch in her voice. She was excited by the idea.

Almost as excited as he was.

“If that’s how you want this to go, sure.”

“Then you’ll strip me and tie me up. Then what?”

“Then you see what’s next. And if any of it is too much, say your word. What is it?”

“Nick, wait.” She started to pull away from him. “We should talk. I’m not ready to say it aloud, to say any of it, but there’s stuff going on. You should know what’s happening. I didn’t want to bring it up. We’ve been so busy, so caught up with the band, but I can’t pretend any longer.” Her deep swallow was audible. “Afterward, you may not want to touch me.”

“No.” He heard himself speak as if he was outside his body.

All he’d wanted was her to open up to him. Here it was, the opportunity to hear exactly what was going on with her. Why she didn’t want to be close to him, why she hardly seemed to laugh any more, why retreating into sleep seemed to be her default mechanism.

And he didn’t want to hear the words.

All his life, he’d thought his father was a fool for pining after a woman who’d left him. Nick realized he was no better, because he’d sell his soul to the devil for any price to keep on believing that the woman he loved loved him back.

“Lie to me,” he whispered. “If that’s what it takes, lie to me.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No,
you
don’t. I don’t want to understand. I thought I did. I don’t.” His hand closed around her wrist. “Do you know what I want?”

In his hold, she trembled. “This isn’t the answer.”

“For me, it is. It’s all that matters. I’ll make you remember.” He drew her against him and fisted a hand in her hair, tugging until she gasped. “I’ll make you remember you love me.”

“I never forgot. I love you.” She dug her nails into his shoulders. “I love you so much.”

The desperation in her matched his own, so much that he didn’t remember any scenario. Didn’t care about pretending to be someone else. He’d give her a new experience, give her so much she drowned in the pleasure. But she would always know it was him.

His name would be the one she said. Over and over.

Scooping her up made her cry out as it always did. She hated that loss of control. But he needed it. She had to be beneath him on their bed, naked and wet and spread out where he could taste every part of her and remind himself she wouldn’t leave.

He hadn’t opened himself up, bared every part of himself to a woman who already had her eye on the door.

Without preamble, he set her down on the bed. In the center of the darkness where even moonlight couldn’t reach.

Nothing else but them.

The loudness of her zipper as he yanked it down echoed in the silent room. He pushed the cotton off her shoulders, down her arms. Under her tank she wore no bra. Just her skin awaited him, hot and silky and pliable under his touch. He flipped up the shirt and drew her nipple ring into his mouth, slipping his tongue over her taut peak, flicking it while her hands drove into his hair. He closed his other hand around the opposite one, squeezing every time she panted into his mouth.

Soon, she’d be begging.

Still sucking her nipple, he slid his hand down her belly. She wriggled beneath him, almost as if she was avoiding his hand. Before he could counter, she’d rolled onto her stomach and reached down to shove her leggings and panties down her legs.

“This way,” she said, and he heard the thin thread of need wrapped around her words.

If this was what she wanted, he would never deny her.

He moved down to undo her sneakers, to pull off her socks. Catching his fingers in the material, he tugged until she was fully naked.

Bared to him in every way.

Not all.

No. He wasn’t going there now. She’d said she loved him. That was what counted. He loved her, she loved him.

Anything else could be overcome.

He pressed his mouth into the small of her back and slipped his hands around to hold her breasts. He caught her nipples between his fingers, tugging hard. She made a sound that verged on pain but quickly smoothed into a moan so low and deep that he resumed the rhythmic pulses of his hands around her flesh. Her hips rocked beneath him, her ass cradling his cock with every movement. Reminding him of every dark, dirty thing he’d wanted to do to her.

Releasing her breast, he coasted his hand down her belly again, not stopping until he cupped her mound. Her wetness stunned him. She’d made it seem as if she didn’t want him, didn’t want this, but she was already soaked. With one flick of his finger, she jerked against him, reaching out to slice her nails into the back of his arm.