Out of Turn (44 page)

With my life, I wanted to say but didn’t.

“Romeo was so upset,” she continued. “I’ve never seen him like that before. I thought he was going to start crying right in front of me.”

My eyes practically bugged out of my head. Romeo was an Italian throwback to 1985 who’d seen too many mafia movies. He thought gold necklaces were the ultimate badass accessory and always wore leather wristbands for the same reason. I didn’t think he’d ever been in a fight, though, and he always reminded me of a dog that was all bark and no bite.

“Seriously?” I squeaked.

“Oh yeah, and he turned fire-engine red when he told me about it. He practically begged me to talk to you so he wouldn’t have to.”

Huh. Romeo cared. Who knew? But that begged another question.

“Tish,” I said, “did anyone else watch the video?”

She shook her head. “Just Romeo. I, uh, wanted to… but didn’t.” She smiled ruefully. “Not to be morbidly curious or anything, but I was worried you wouldn’t go to the cops.”

“I’m not going to the cops,” I said.

“What? Please tell me you’re not serious.” She looked stunned.

“Did Romeo tell you who that guy was?” I asked, lowering my voice.

Tish shook her head.

“It was the district attorney.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I wish I was,” I replied. “Listen, we’re still going to use it, I just won’t be going to the cops.” I gave her a meaningful look and she seemed to catch on.

“So long as the bastard pays for what he did,” she said firmly.

“Does everybody know?” I asked.

“No, just Scott, me, and Jeff.”

I supposed that was something. I really didn’t want everyone looking at me with pity in their eyes.

Business was steady for the evening and I was glad because being busy kept my mind off of Blane and Kade. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Kade when he arrived, I just knew it was going to hurt. I worried about what was going on with James, and prayed Kade would be safe and not do anything stupid.

So I was relieved when I saw him walk in the door a few minutes before closing. He’d changed into jeans, boots, and a black button-down shirt that he wore untucked. I knew
that meant he had a gun wedged in his jeans at the small of his back.

Kade sat down at the bar and I drank him in. The top few buttons of his shirt had been left undone, the black fabric not quite as dark as his hair. His jaw was shadowed because he hadn’t shaved since early this morning. His gaze caught mine and his lips curved into the smirk I knew so well.

I grabbed two beers and popped the lids, setting one in front of Kade.

“Well?” I asked, anxious to hear what had happened with James.

“He folded like the spineless piece of shit that he is,” Kade said, lifting his bottle to clink against mine.

I let out a pent-up breath, relieved beyond words that it was over, then took a healthy swallow of beer. “So Blane’s in the clear?”

Kade nodded. “Charges should be dropped by morning.”

I was glad that something good had come out of that horrible encounter with James. Reporting him to the cops would have resulted in a messy, public battle that I may not have won. Now, at least Blane had benefited from James’s stupidity.

Scott and I finished cleaning up and stocking the bar. Kade followed us out the door and Scott locked up. He gave me another hug before he left, despite Kade’s glare when he did so.

“You good?” Scott asked me, eyeing Kade suspiciously.

“Yep. See you later.”

Scott nodded and headed for his car. I was parked around back. Kade slotted our fingers together as we walked.

“I have a great idea,” Kade said when we got to my car. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me as he nuzzled my neck. “It might get messy, though.”

The dark seduction in his voice made a shiver run through me and I squeezed my eyes shut. I had to be strong, no matter how much I wanted to go back on the decision I’d made.

“We can’t,” I said.

“Sure we can,” Kade said, brushing his lips over my ear. “I have a maid.”

“That’s not what I mean,” I said, flattening my hands on his chest and giving him a push. “I mean us, you and me.”

He raised his head and our eyes locked. His brows were drawn in confusion.

“What are you talking about? Why not?”

“We can’t be together, Kade,” I said softly, my voice sad. “You know that.”

Kade’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “I’ll keep working that other job, the business I started,” he said. “I’ll keep you safe. I swear it. You don’t have to do this.”

Each word was like a shaft of iron through my chest. A sob welled and tears stung my eyes, but I clung to my composure. I had to get through this.

I had to lie.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I just don’t feel the same way about you as you do for me.” I paused and said the hardest sentence I’d ever uttered in my life. “I don’t love you.”

Kade looked stricken and I immediately wished I could take back the words I’d just said, the words that had hurt him.

“But today,” he said. “You were happy.
We
were happy. We made love—”

“Sex, Kade,” I interrupted. “We had sex, that’s all.”

“You’re telling me it was just fucking for you?”

“You’re beautiful,” I said. “And you’ve saved me so many times—”

“So you were
thanking
me?”

“No, that’s not—”

“Fuck you.”

My throat closed at the cold fury on Kade’s face and I pressed my lips tightly together, biting the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t cry. I’d known he’d hate me for this, but I still wasn’t prepared for how much it tore me apart.

Kade moved closer and I instinctively stumbled back, the menace in his eyes making me afraid of him for the first time in a long time.

“So now you expect to go back to Blane?” he hissed.

“He’s going to be governor,” I forced out, “and his wife will be the First Lady of Indiana. Why wouldn’t I go back to him?”

“Oh, I don’t know—how about because you fucked his brother?” Kade spat. “Twice.”

“Blane loves me,” I said through lips gone numb. “He’ll do whatever it takes to get me back.”

My eyes were dry now. Forever leaving Kade with the idea that I was the type of person who’d do those things was an agonizing ache in my gut that made me want to double over.

Kade didn’t speak for a moment, his blue eyes studying me. Then he snorted in contempt. “You fucking bitch.”

And those were the last words Kade Dennon said to me before he got in his Mercedes and tore off down the empty street.

C
HAPTER
S
EVENTEEN

I
didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. Kade’s face as I said those things to him kept replaying inside my head. I stared at the ceiling and tried to breathe. Every time I thought of what I’d done—realized that I’d never see Kade look at me the way he had just hours earlier when we’d made love—I felt as though I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs.

I had yet to see if the play I’d made had worked.

I was up early, seeing no sense in lying in bed any longer when I wasn’t sleeping, and was trying to get a cup of coffee down when the news came on. I watched, hoping Kade had been right last night about James.

Blane’s face flashed on the screen and I grabbed the remote to turn up the volume.

“Charges have been dropped by the district attorney’s office against gubernatorial candidate Blane Kirk in the murder of Kandi Miller. Though the DA’s office denies any political motivations, Charlotte Page, attorney and spokesperson for Blane Kirk, says otherwise.”

A video clip showed Charlotte speaking to a bevy of reporters. “It’s obvious this was nothing but a smear campaign against my client as we’re heading into the heavy campaign season,” she said. “It’s reprehensible that the death of
Miss Miller has been twisted and used for political backstabbing.”

A knock sounded on my door and I muted the television as I got up to answer it, wondering who could be here this early and hoping it wasn’t Mike.

When I saw who was outside my door, I thought maybe Mike would have been the lesser of two evils.

“Hey,” I greeted Blane warily after I’d opened the door. “I just saw they dropped the charges against you. Congratulations.”

“Kade was able to convince James that it was in his best interest to do so.” He paused, then seemed to force out the next words. “Thank you, for letting us use that video rather than you bringing charges.”

I shrugged. “Nothing would have happened to him if I’d charged him, I’m sure, and I would have been dragged through the mud.”

“Speaking of Kade,” Blane said, “he told me what you said last night, about us.” He paused. “But I don’t buy it, the whole First Lady of Indiana thing. Why would you say that to him? The Kathleen I know doesn’t give a shit about my money or title.”

I panicked, thinking fast. “Did you think none of this would change me?” I asked. “I’m not the same naive, stupid girl I used to be, Blane.”

“I don’t want to marry you if you don’t love me,” Blane said. “And I think you feel more for Kade than you’re letting on.”

“Maybe
you’re
the one who’s naive.”

“You’d never hurt Kade like that. You’d never hurt
me
like that. This isn’t you—”

“It is now,” I interrupted. I was desperate to get him to leave before I broke. “Why does it have to be about love? Don’t you think you owe me, Blane? Or should I go to the press and do a tell-all? Or maybe to the cops and tell them how William Gage
really
died.”

Blane’s lips thinned, his face like granite. “I don’t respond well to threats, to me or my brother.”

I was counting on that.

“Then go,” I said, stepping back inside my apartment. “I never want to see either of you again.” I jerked the ring off my finger and threw it at him. Blane caught it, clenching it tightly in his fist

“Kade means everything to me,” he said. “You hurt him in a place he’s never allowed anyone to touch.”

I swallowed, the knife twisting hard inside my belly, and shut the door in his face.

My chest felt tight enough to strangle me. My knees gave out. I sank to the floor, sobs I couldn’t control ripping me apart from the inside out. Destroying my own character in the eyes of the two men I loved most was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and it had taken a massive amount of will not to say anything to defend myself, not to explain.

But I’d done it. I’d managed to put Blane and Kade back together at the expense of losing both of them forever. They wouldn’t even remember me fondly, but only with loathing and disgust.

Now I just had to learn to live without them. Again.

I went by the bank later that day to deposit my paycheck and tips, which was when I got another shock. I’d completely forgotten that Kade had “paid” me for the job in Vegas, and despite my telling him not to pay me much, he’d deposited over two hundred thousand dollars in my bank account.

I sat in the drive-thru, staring in shock at the ATM receipt. Of course Kade would do that, though now he might regret it.

A car honked behind me and I hurriedly pulled forward. At least I had the money to pay Mike, which I did later, sticking the check in an envelope addressed to him.

Guilt ate at me, not only about the money but also for what I’d said. Telling Kade the truth hadn’t been an option. He and Blane had been at each other’s throats because of me, and choosing one over the other would do nothing but drive the wedge even deeper. They were both amazing men, and I kept telling myself how lucky I’d been to be a part of their lives, even if it had been temporary.

Which didn’t help a whole lot when I lay alone in my bed at night.

The day of Clarice’s wedding dawned sunny and beautiful. She was having an outdoor wedding at an old, historic mansion on the outskirts of Indy. The wedding wasn’t until close to sunset, to beat the heat, but that didn’t stop me from having a severe case of anxiety all day long.

I knew Blane would be there, he was Clarice’s boss. And I didn’t doubt that Kade might show up, too. He’d known
Clarice as Blane’s secretary for a long time. She was one of the few who knew of their relation.