One Word From God Can Change Your Family (2 page)

I remember once when Ken and I were in Australia. We were flying from one city to another and suddenly thoughts of our son, John, flooded my heart. John was a teenager at the time and he was all boy. He rode everything with wheels—cars, trucks, motorcycles, dune buggies. And it seemed he was always turning something over.

That day on the plane, I was concerned about him. I knew how much the devil would like to sneak in and steal his life, and I was concerned that John’s misadventures could give the devil the opportunity to do it.

But the Holy Spirit broke in on my thoughts. He spoke to Ken and said,
My mercy hovers over John.
When Ken relayed those words to me, all my fears vanished.

My mercy hovers over John.
I’ll never forget that promise. As I’ve prayed for John throughout the years, that wonderful word from God would often rise up and remind me that John’s life was secure. It would assure me that God would keep him and hold him steady until the day he got things straight in his life.

My mercy hovers over your child.
That is a wonderful word from God. If God will do that for my child, He will do it for yours. The covenant God has made with you in the blood of Jesus extends to your children and your children’s children. Psalm 103:17 says,
“But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children.”

Our grandchildren are covered in our covenant with God. Everything God gives to me, He’ll give to them. All the protection I have, He passes on to my family.

If you’re a believer and willing to trust God for the deliverance and salvation of your children, you’ll not be disappointed.

Study Zechariah 10:7-9. There, God tells us about the outpouring of the Spirit of God in the last days—the days we’re living in. He says:

And they of Ephraim shall be like a mighty man, and their heart shall rejoice as through wine: yea, their children shall see it, and be glad; their heart shall rejoice in the Lord. I will hiss for them [your children], and gather them; for I have redeemed them.... And I will sow them among the people: and they shall remember me in far countries; and they shall live with their children, and turn again.

You may not even know where your children are right now. They may be in another city or another country. It doesn’t matter. This scripture says when you rejoice in the Lord—not when you’re depressed or worried or afraid, but when you trust God so totally that you’re filled up with joy—then your children will see it and turn.

“I will hiss for them.” What does that mean? It means God will signal for them. He’ll say,
Pssst! Come here!
And they’ll come running.

Let me tell you something. God knows how to get someone’s attention. He knows how to signal for the ones His people are praying for. Kenneth’s mother prayed for me and then one day God said,
Pssst, Gloria!
I heard Him and was born again.

I didn’t know much about God before that time. I knew there was a God, but had no real knowledge about Him. Yet, He still knew how to get my attention. He called and here I am today preaching His Word!

He’ll do the same thing for your child. It doesn’t matter what kind of wickedness that child has fallen into, God can still reach him. I know a man who pastors a great church in Sacramento, California. His name is Phil Goudeaux. He used to be part of the militant black power movement. In fact, he was in charge of security for the Black Panthers.

He didn’t know God and he didn’t want to know God. But one day when he was in college, a young, white fellow came over to his lunch table and started telling him about Jesus. This Black Panther leader couldn’t believe it. The nerve of this guy! He tried to get rid of him. He threatened him and even tried to hit him...but he couldn’t.

For weeks this little, white fellow followed this big, “bad” black guy around talking to him about Jesus. Finally, the Black Panther prayed with the fellow just to get him off his back. After that he tried to forget about it...but he couldn’t. Two weeks later, all by himself, he made Jesus Christ the Lord of his life.

God knows how to get someone’s attention! He’ll knock them over and speak to them right out loud if He needs to. He proved that in the life of a man named Saul. Years after that man was saved, he wrote,
“...I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus”
(Philippians 3:12).

God apprehended Paul one day on the road to Damascus. According to the dictionary, to
apprehend
means “to capture” or “arrest.” God captured Paul’s attention. The last thing he wanted to be was a follower of Jesus. He was a declared enemy of Jesus. But God was able to apprehend him anyway.

Don’t you worry. God knows exactly how to apprehend your children. And when the time comes, He’ll do it. After all, you weren’t in your prayer closet when He found you!

But, until then, you must stand fast in faith for them. No matter what they get into, no matter how far off the track they seem to be, just keep saying what the Bible says about them. Keep your eyes focused on the covenant mercy of God and not on the symptoms of ungodliness that you see in their lives.

Don’t ever give up on your child. If you’ve grown weak and discouraged lately, it’s time for you to get that fire back in your bones. Dig into the Word of God and dig out the promises He’s given you for your children. Lay hold of those promises and don’t let go.

Learn to call things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17). When you hear bad news about your children or you see them do something that hurts your heart, just say: “God, I thank You that Your tender mercy hovers over my child. I thank You, Lord, that he is born again, filled with the Holy Ghost and obedient to You. I thank You that Your Word is in his mouth (Isaiah 59:21), that he is taught by Your Spirit and great is his peace (Isaiah 54:13). I am not moved by what I feel or what I see. I am moved by Your Word and I call it done in Jesus’ Name!”

I’m going to say it one more time: You have a covenant with God that covers your children. So rejoice! God will be faithful to you. One day your boy or your girl will be going about their business doing their own thing when suddenly—
Pssst!
—they’ll hear the voice of God.

When that happens, they’ll come running.

You can count on it.

Chapter 3

Vikki Burke

Training Your Child to Make the Right Choices

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

—Proverbs 22:6

The episode is embarrassing—and familiar. You’ve witnessed this scene just like I have: A child is screaming and kicking on the floor, pointing to candy bars at the checkout stand. The mother, ignoring the entire situation, hurriedly writes her check for the groceries.

What’s the matter with her?
you wonder.
Can’t she control her child?
Maybe not—especially if she doesn’t know how to train the will of her child. The challenge before that mother is one every parent must encounter: How do I train my child to make the right decisions that will help him in life—and not harm him?

The answer is within reach! You have someone to pattern your parenting after, and it isn’t Dr. Spock! It’s God, who is worthy of imitation. Ephesians 3:14-15 says,
“For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name” (New American Standard).
Since God is your model for parenting, you don’t have to control your child any more than your heavenly Father controls you. What good news!

“But, Vikki, are you saying I’m supposed to just turn my child loose to do whatever he wants?”

No. Your role is to train the will of your child so he will learn how to make choices that are consistent with God’s purpose for him. Let’s look at six things you can begin doing today that will help pump up your parental influence—actions and attitudes that will let you help your child set the course for his destiny in God.

1. Respect the Bent

Your influence as a parent begins with discovering God’s plan for your child—a plan indicated by the individual gift, or bent, in his life. A very familiar verse translated in
The Amplified Bible
says,
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it”
(Proverbs 22:6).

A gift is a natural endowment, aptitude or talent. A bent is a personal inclination, a strong liking or favor for something. Knowing your child’s aptitudes and inclinations, you can understand the motivations for his actions and help direct your child into God’s purposes for his life.

This is much more important than making him conform to some image you may have for his future. I have heard parents say of a newborn, “My son is going to be a prophet.” That’s wonderful if God has called him to that, but if He hasn’t, they are manipulating, instead of influencing. When parents impose their own desires on a child, it becomes control.

You cannot confess gifts and callings on another person—even your own child. It’s God’s purposes, not yours, that you want to help your child discover. To do this, first, seek God for His plan and second, keep with or follow that plan in the way you influence your child.

2. Help Him Value Right Choices

The only way the true character of your child, or anyone else, can be revealed, is through the exercise of his will, through freedom of choice. This is by God’s design. For your child to learn to make right choices, he must exercise the privilege and responsibility of freedom of choice.

God did not make man to be controlled or oppressed, and He never forces a decision on anyone. Look at how God presented the blessings of His covenant to His people:
“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity”
(Deuteronomy 30:15,
New American Standard)
. He always leaves the final choice to man.

If the freedom of His children to make their own choices is important to God, it should be no less important to you as a parent. If you force your child’s choices, you are controlling him. Instead, show him what a tremendous gift and responsibility his freedom to choose is. Let him know that the final responsibility of the choices he makes (and the consequences of those choices!) always remains with him, and not with you as his parent.

Breaking your child’s will is not the goal. When talking about the will here, I am referring to decision-making, or choosing between two possible actions.

The thought that parents are to break the will of their child goes totally against the character of God. Breaking the will forces an action against one’s choice, which always results in resentment, bitterness and rebellion. A child with a broken will is not equipped to face the challenges of adulthood, nor will he have the power to sustain the attacks of the world.

Learning to express his will through freedom of choice is an essential part of growing up. For your child to confidently and consistently decide the right action, he must have his will trained—not broken.

3. Help Him Understand Consequences

Though you are not to control his choices, you do have the right, and the assignment, to influence your child in how to recognize and make the right choices. To influence means to “produce an effect upon the actions or thoughts of, to persuade, to mold, to modify.” You sway your child to make a decision or to go in a certain direction, persuade him to adopt a view or begin an action, and mold his character. The scriptural goal of discipline is to persuade (induce or convince) to a belief.

In God’s system, freedom to choose is always followed by consequences of those choices (Deuteronomy 30:15). God makes the outcome clear, in advance, but the decision is up to the individual.

Let your child know not only his options, but also the consequences of each possible decision. Clearly and consistently state the rules and boundaries. This is the only way he can be certain of what you expect and be secure about his actions and your reactions.

What should you do if your child refuses to comply with your request? Persuade him to be influenced the next time! If your child refuses to cooperate, simply respond, “It is your choice to obey or disobey. You can do what I have asked or receive the penalty for your disobedience.”

This places the power in his hand and gives him a new decision to make. Once again, he is free to make a choice. If he continues in disobedience, he must receive the penalty—whatever discipline you feel is appropriate. When discipline has been completed, both parent and child are released to begin anew with the next decision. In this manner, punishment and penalty are clearly linked to his choice, not to the issue and not to the parent enforcing the penalty.

Remember, you will not change a child’s will by anger or force, but by gentle encouragement to a wiser, more excellent choice. It’s by the goodness or kindness of God that men are led to repentance—not by harshness or control (Romans 2:4). To arouse children emotionally, such as with threats, will only frustrate the process of persuasion. Instead, set before them the standard of the Word of God and let it sway them.

4. Make the Love Connection

You may be asking what it takes to have this kind of influence in guiding your child. Remember, God is your pattern, and He doesn’t parent by dictatorship, but by relationship.

A relationship is a connection between two people. When a connection is made, there is a flow of power, just like electricity. Some parents never make that connection. They never create the bonds that let love flow easily to and from their children.

You and your son or daughter need to make contact with one another. This is more than being in the same room. It is a flowing, joining and bonding together. Ruling with absolute power does not form this kind of bond. Sooner or later, dictatorship always results in rebellion. The kind of bonding that will hold you together when things get tough doesn’t stop at birth, but is a process that continues for life, cementing the two of you and making you both strong.