One Choice (18 page)

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Sometime during the night Cahri woke up. Stormy had wandered away, so she roamed the halls again. Hunger pains gnawed at her stomach, but she dared not go near the kitchen. She drifted outside, seeking a peace which somehow eluded her.

When she circled back, she couldn't see the house anymore. She didn't know where she wandered, nor did she care. In the distance she heard a bark but ignored it. She stumbled around, going nowhere in particular, until a large dog of unknown breed appeared in front of her, growling and baring his teeth. Her heart thudded. She froze and stared at the brown and black animal, waiting for him to attack.

She remembered Anaya's warning about the guard dogs. At some point she was supposed to be introduced to them, but it hadn't happened yet. She stood still, hoping one of the guards would come along to help her.

The dog started advancing. She took a step back, tripped over a rock, and fell to the ground. Curling into a ball, she held her breath. The dog stood above her, breathing on her neck and growling. A voice called to him, but he remained above her. She didn't move, still afraid he would attack. One of the guards came and clipped a leash on the dog's collar. The guard helped her to her feet.

She managed to speak in a shaky voice. “Thank you.”

“I'm sorry, Princess. You shouldn't be wandering the grounds this late at night. Even here, it's not always safe. You need to go back inside.” His whistle shrilled through the evening air. Another guard appeared, and with a gentle touch, took her elbow and escorted her inside.

She tugged her arm from his grasp. “Thank you for bringing me back to the house. I can find my way from here.”

“I'm sorry, but I've been instructed to make sure you get back to Princess Anaya.”

“Alright.” She followed him, expecting him to lead her toward Anaya's rooms, but instead he went toward the prince's wing. Her heart pounded in her chest. She stopped at the end of the hall. He bid her to follow him, but she shook her head, incapable of speech.

He left her where she stood and tapped on the prince's door. Anaya came out. When Cahri saw her, her eyes widened. Fatigue and worry lined the other woman's face.

Cahri turned and ran.

She couldn't face her. Not yet. Her feet carried her back to the courtyard garden. It seemed like a safe place. A shiver coursed down her spine from the chill in the air. She hadn't felt it earlier.

Just a little rest. So tired. She laid her head on the bench, hoping sleep would overtake her once more. It was too late to go see the king to beg him for a place to sleep. Besides, from the look on his face, he would not give her a room anyway.

Paul lifted her head and sat beside her on the bench. She curled up next to him, not caring how he'd found her. She needed him.

“Will you take me home with you?” Her resolve to stay and be Josiah's unseen wife had crumbled in the loneliness of the night.

“I can't, Grace.”

“Why?” She stiffened and tried to move away. “Never mind, I don't want to hear it.”

He held her tight. “No. It's time you stopped running.” He relaxed his grip when she slumped next to him.

“I'm not running. You didn't hear the things he said to me. He doesn't want me. He'll never trust me. How am I supposed to live with that?” She sobbed until exhaustion overwhelmed her and sleep claimed her.

A sense of being lifted overcame her, but she just snuggled into the warmth and went back to sleep. She woke for a moment when laid in the bed, and someone removed her shoes.

When she woke the next morning and saw the prince lying next to her, she jumped out of bed, tangling her leg in the covers. She struggled and fell. The hair on the back of her neck stood at attention.

He watched her.

“I'm sorry. I don't know how I got here. I'm leaving.” She dashed from the room, down the hall, right into Matthias. He caught her and twisted her back around and escorted her back toward the prince's room.

“No. Matthias. No. Let me go. Please. He doesn't want me. Please let me go.” She struggled against his grip without success.

Maybe a different tactic would work.

She went limp. He just picked her up and carried her.

“Please, Matthias. Don't take me back. He hates me. He told me he never wanted to see me again.” She squirmed.

“Stop,” he said with a firmness she hadn't heard before. “I don't want to hurt you, Princess.”

“Then let me go. I can't go back in there. Please, please, Matthias.”

“I'm sorry, Princess, but I have to take you back. The prince has ordered it.”

“Why? Does he have more insults to hurl at me?”

He didn't answer. He put her down, but didn't let go. She kept her eyes on the floor as he forced her into the room. After walking her to the side of the bed, he released her and left.

She didn't move from the spot. Her fingers hurt at the hold she had on her pants.

What would he say now? Would he blame her for returning to his room? Getting in his bed? She clenched her teeth, determined to remain unfazed by more accusations, but knowing his words had the power to hurt her more than he could ever know.

“Cahri, I'm sorry. When Paul came looking for you yesterday afternoon and explained you look more like your father and he like your mother, I felt horrible. Then we couldn't find you, even on the cameras. I told Anaya to make it clear to all of the guards you were to be brought straight here when you were found.”

He paused as though waiting for her to say something. She didn't move, nor did she speak.

“My father yelled at me for the first time in quite a long time yesterday. He told me you'd asked for our marriage to be annulled because I didn't want to see you anymore. He also told me he'd refused and that's when you'd given him the ring to return to me and had asked for a room on the other side of the palace or in a cottage so you could abide by my wishes. He was furious with me, angrier than I've ever experienced before. He told me how wrong I was to behave the way I had, and you didn't even tell him about the things I said.” He paused, inhaled, and then continued, “I know he's right. I was wrong and acted like an idiot. Will you forgive me?”

Could she forgive him? She shrugged. No words came to mind. She still hurt too much to promise forgiveness.

“I know I hurt you. I watched you sleep last night. I wanted to wake you to apologize, but I didn't because I knew you needed the rest. I'm sorry, so sorry.” He sighed so loud she almost felt sorry for him. Almost. “My father gave me the ring. I had him put it on your dresser. It's yours. When you've forgiven me, I would like you to put it back on. I was wrong. None of this is your fault.”

She nodded. There was a quiet knock on the door.

“Pin up your hair,” he said.

A quick hand to her head confirmed she'd run out without a thought to her appearance. She went to the chair beside the bed where she noticed some bobby pins. Twisting her hair into a quick knot, she secured it without looking up.

He told whomever it was to come in. Paul walked in the door, glanced at her, and then at the prince.

“Can I steal her away from you for a few minutes?” he asked Josiah.

“Of course. Would you see she finds her way back when you leave?” He must have known she would not come back on her own.

“Sure.” Paul took her arm and led her into the sitting room. “Let's sit.”

Cahri watched him through her eyelashes as he closed his eyes. He no doubt prayed for her. When he focused on her again, he lifted her chin, making her meet his gaze. “Do you know how worried we were about you last night? You scared us to death.”

She shrugged and mumbled a halfhearted apology.

“Josiah was beside himself knowing your disappearance was his fault. He does care for you, you know. I know he hurt you. He told me some of the things he said, and while I know they were uncalled for, you need to see it from his perspective.”

Unbelievable. “You're taking his side?”

“I'm not taking sides at all. You need to hear about what he's been through to understand why he acted the way he did. Ask him to tell you. Don't make the same mistake he did and refuse to hear the whole story. What do you think Mom would tell you to do?”

“Forgive him seventy times seven and then some.” She hated it when Paul was right. How could he ask her to forgive Josiah for what he had said?

He's not. I am.
The voice in her head, once so familiar, now came as a surprise.

“He cares for you, Grace. Now live up to your name and show some grace to your husband. Your rightful place is here with Josiah, even if you're not happy about it at the moment. I was wrong to ask you to leave before. It made things worse for both of you.” He shook his head.

“The reason I came looking for you is to tell you I have to go. My plane leaves in a few hours, and you know how airport security is. Anaya has arranged for my ride, but I couldn't leave without telling you how much I love you.” He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Do you have to leave so soon?” Tears clogged her throat.

“Yes. I know it was way too short. Maybe you and Josiah can come see us in France after he's recovered. I would like my children to meet their aunt and new uncle.”

“Maybe.”

“I have to go, Grace. Come on, I'll walk you back to the bedroom.” He stood.

“I can find my own way.” She stayed seated.

“I know you can, but will you?” He paused. “I didn't think so. Come on. I promised Josiah I would bring you back, and I will fulfill my promise, as will you.”

She stood up, reluctant to face her husband again. When had her life ceased being her own?

Paul hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear to remember her vows. He then wished Josiah a speedy recovery and left.

She stood in the middle of the floor, not knowing what to do. Being in his presence made her uncomfortable. Even if he admitted his error and apologized, he had thought she was dishonest and promiscuous. Those accusations were not forgiven with ease and would be even harder to forget. Maybe she never would.

“Come sit with me.”

Her heart beat so hard it hurt her chest. She sat in the chair, as far away as she could be and still do as he asked.

“On the bed,” he specified.

She swallowed hard. It was too close. She stood up, but instead of going to the bed, she started for the door.

“They'll bring you back.”

Cahri stopped, considering his statement. Turning around, she walked to the other side of the bed, took a deep breath, and climbed up. She sat as close to the edge and as far from her husband as she could without falling off.

“I'm not going to hurt you.”

She didn't move.

“Okay, I get it. You don't want to be here. I understand, but we are married and I need you. We took vows in the sight of man and God.”

She clenched her teeth and controlled her anger with a great deal of effort. When she could control her response, she spoke. “They didn't mean anything to you yesterday.”

“I was wrong. I'm sorry. How many times do you want me to say it?”

“I don't know.” She stared at her hands. Why hadn't he believed her? Why wouldn't he listen when she'd tried to explain? She wanted to ask about whatever he'd told Paul, but wouldn't.

A knock on the door gave her reason to scramble out of the bed. Breakfast. She hadn't even remembered until the knock, but she hadn't eaten anything since yesterday's breakfast. After the servant left, she handed the prince his plate and sat at the table to eat but didn't have an appetite. She ate a few bites and left the rest.

When Josiah finished, she set the plates outside the door. She glanced down the hall. The desire to walk away mounted, but she remembered the guards would bring her back. The cameras were a nuisance. She could go outside, but then she had to worry about the dogs, and she hadn't been any further than the garden outside Josiah's balcony, at least not during the day. No place to go.

“Cahri?”

She startled at his voice calling her. She must have stood there gazing down the hall for longer than she thought.

“Yes?” She didn't add my prince, my husband, or even Josiah. Acknowledging him as anything but a stranger was beyond her ability at the moment.

Brick upon brick she built a wall around her heart. She didn't want to be hurt like that again. Just because she would be his wife didn't mean she had to care.