On Wings of Love (12 page)

Like Hannah.

Houston whimpered and pawed at Noah’s arm. Noah picked up his dog and cradled him close. His fingers wound in the trembling dog’s wiry hair as he rubbed his cheek between Houston’s ears. The steady beat of Houston’s heart grounded him.

Noah had to do this. He was ready. Ruth had revealed more than just his awareness of the good of organ donation. She’d allowed him to feel something else again. Something he’d lost forever. Love.

And something more. Ruth had also awakened his desire to want to know the Lord again and allow Him back into his life.

His gaze took in the woman fingering the rust-colored afghan thrown across the back of the love seat as she sat in his living room like she belonged there. She did.

“That’s one of the things my mom knitted. Pretty awful, isn’t it?”

Ruth grimaced. “I’ve seen better, but it’s not as bad as that scarf I put on Houston at my place.”

Smiling, Noah filled his lungs and stared at the rustic wood coffee table littered with flying magazines. Mistake. He breathed in Ruth’s signature scent and toyed with the idea of joining her on the love seat.

He was finally ready. Ready to let go. Ready to open his heart and his mind and to live again.

Noah picked up the manila envelope, unlatched the clasp and dumped the bundle of letters in his lap. As he slipped open the first envelope forwarded to him via the Arizona Organ Donor Network, his fingers trembled.

Letters swam in his vision when he read the letter from
the family of a girl from Tucson a year or so younger than his son’s age at the time of his death. She’d received Jeremy’s heart. His fingers touched the photograph of the smiling blonde with one of her top teeth missing. Her generous smile touched him.

“Are you okay?” Ruth gripped Noah’s hand and squeezed.

Nodding, Noah wiped his face and cleared his throat before he gently pulled his hand from hers. The loss of contact left him bereft and wanting to hold her, but he needed to finish what he started.

“It says here that one of Jeremy’s kidneys went to a teenager in Salt Lake City. Take a look.” Ruth handed him a photograph of a boy standing by the Great Salt Lake.

Noah opened the third envelope and read the sprawling letters of gratitude that filled the entire page. Another photograph fluttered to the table. “His other kidney and liver went to a woman in California.” He paused. “An adult? How is that possible?”

“It depends on the size. As long as the donor organ fits into the recipient, it can go either way. There have been times when an adult organ has gone to a child.” Ruth straightened the photo of the black-haired woman. “Believe it or not, Jeremy’s organs will continue to grow and become adult sized.”

“Amazing.” Wonder laced Noah’s response.

Noah pulled the picture of his son that he kept in his wallet and set it down amongst the others. Jeremy fit there.

“And his lungs stayed here.” Ruth set the final picture down with the others. She laid her head against his shoulder as she wrapped her arm around his waist. Noah didn’t pull away because it felt right.

A jigsaw puzzle. Noah traced a line from Jeremy to each recipient. They slipped together, blending, insep
arable. One. As if he understood, Houston sniffed at each picture before licking Noah’s face.

Noah scratched his dog behind the ears before he sipped his water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stared at the collage of pictures strewn across his table. People saved because of Jeremy’s gift. Beautiful pieces of Jeremy were still alive.

His guilt dissipated when he saw some of the goodness that had come out of Jeremy’s death. Another emotion pushed in and made its way to the forefront as he looked at Ruth. Her green eyes shimmered with compassion and understanding and her lightly tinted lips gently curved into the smile that dominated his dreams. Her fragrance surrounded him, pulling him closer to the edge of no return. “Thanks for being here for me today. It means a lot.”

He only meant for his mouth to graze the top of her head or the soft skin of her forehead, but when she tilted her head back to look up at him, they found their home on her lips. The whisper of a sigh filled his ears as her eyelids fluttered closed. The brief contact accelerated his heartbeat and left him scared and vulnerable because he wanted more. More than he was able to give her.

Lifting his head, he saw the look of hope residing in her eyes after she opened them. He inched backward on the couch.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for inviting me to stay.” Ruth recovered quickly, but not before he saw the disappointment flicker across her features.

Disgust filled him. He’d unintentionally hurt her. He changed the subject before he did anything else to ruin the friendship between them. “Is it possible to meet one of these people?” Noah’s husky voice still held a trace of
emotion. “I want to look into the eyes of one of the recipients who received a piece of Jeremy and thank them for keeping a piece of him alive.”

“I don’t see why not since they’ve given you their contact information. The annual donor/recipient picnic is coming up. Why don’t you call and see if any of them will be there. If they won’t be, we can always drive over and visit them.”

Noah hesitated at the way Ruth used the word
we.
As in a couple. As in the two of them. As in together. Love. Their brief kiss affected him on several different levels. Pain forced it to the forefront of his emotions when he thought about what it would be like to lose Ruth like he’d lost Michelle. Maybe he wasn’t ready for another relationship. He was falling for her, and it scared him.

He needed to distance himself before it became impossible. He stood and walked over to the picture window, displaying an incredible view of the Sonoran Desert. “Thanks for the offer, but this is something I need to do on my own.”

E
xhaustion clung to Ruth as she exited the ambulance the following Thursday and dragged her feet across the tarmac to the
Michelle Marie
, the same plane that had dropped her off yesterday. Interesting that Noah had named the plane after his late wife. A sigh hugged her lips.

Today though, instead of Brad’s blond head popping out of the doorway, Noah flashed a brief smile as he walked down the steps to meet her. She hadn’t seen him since their kiss after he’d opened the letters; yet emotionally, she still felt the connection between them. It sizzled in the air surrounding them and heightened her awareness of him as something more than a friend.

“Hi, Noah.” Ruth focused her thoughts on the plane, and she swallowed her anxiety as she toyed with the stress ball inside her pocket. Something didn’t feel right.

“Hi, Ruth.”

“Where’s Houston?” As she glanced at the doorway behind his head, disappointment welled inside her when she realized Noah’s dog wasn’t inside the plane. Houston
had also staked his claim on a piece of her heart, and she could use a little unconditional love right now.

Nothing had gone right in the latter part of the morning for her, and from the uncertain expression on Noah’s face, any chance for improvement this afternoon appeared out of the question. He’d pulled away emotionally again.

“He had a long day yesterday, so I left him at home.” Noah made no effort to move from the staircase so she could board.

“Oh. Well he deserves a day of rest.” The brightness she interjected in her voice fell flat as she stood on the warm tarmac and eyed the sunlight dancing off the white paint of the plane.

A momentary silence hovered in the air as he leaned toward her. His mouth opened and shut quickly before he shifted his attention to the watch around his wrist and tapped the glass surface. “You’re done early.”

Her fatigue and frustration multiplied. Even though she’d done her best today, she’d still failed. Having a patient code happened to all coordinators. She also viewed it as a test of her faith, which didn’t make things easier, and she willed herself not to be so emotional about it in front of Noah.

A tear escaped from beneath her eyelid. Not now. Why couldn’t she wait until she was alone to lose her composure? At a loss for words, she shifted on the tarmac, waiting for Noah to move so she could board. Ruth only wanted to sink down in one of the chairs in back and kick off her shoes. Another tear began it’s descent.

“Hey. What’s wrong.” Even his question came out as a statement.

Noah’s hand cupped her arm and completed the sense
of companionship lacking in her life. So did his caring expression. More tears slid down her cheeks. Boy, she was tired. Too bad she knew better than to interpret his touch as meaningful, but trying to pry his fingers from her elbow only made her more aware that God never intended His children to carry such a heavy burden alone.

But why Noah? Why now? “You can’t help me.”

He released her elbow and tilted her chin up with his finger so she had to look in his eyes. The comfort she saw reflected in them frightened her. She’d known better than to get involved with Noah because it would only lead to the heartache and pain she was currently experiencing. Yet she did nothing to stop his thumb from hesitantly touching the trail of tears on her cheeks and smoothing the moisture away. “Try me.”

Noah’s whisper slipped past the barrier of protection guarding her heart. She closed her eyes and swallowed the grief that had followed her from the hospital. Ruth’s fingers curled into fists, bunching the cloth of Noah’s shirt, and her rogue tears turned into a torrent of water.

“We lost the donor today. He went into cardiac arrest before we could retrieve any organs.” Her voice held another trace of a sob.

“I’m sorry.” Noah reached for her hand and gently squeezed, trying to warm her cold fingers. “So that means the people waiting, like Hannah, will have to wait a little longer.”

Consumed by the pain, Ruth nodded and leaned her forehead against his chest, feeling his strong, steady heartbeat. A live, beating heart instead of the lifeless one she’d left at the hospital. She hiccupped. “My first one. I feel like I’ve wasted everyone’s time. Mine. The hospital’s, the other crews’, Brad’s, yours.” She hiccupped again. “Not only
that, I’ve let down the recipient and his family as well as the donor’s family. I don’t know why I’m doing this anymore.”

The tears multiplied and continued their path down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them even if she wanted to. The release felt good even though Noah’s light brown shirt now sported big wet splotches on the front.

“Let it go, Ruth.” Noah wrapped his arms around her as a gentle breeze carried sounds of distant traffic closer.

After a commuter plane taxied past, he cradled her to him. Ruth released the front of his shirt and shifted her arms so she could wrap them around Noah’s waist. She clung to him and gathered strength from sharing her sorrow with someone who seemed to understand. Someone she’d fallen in love with.

“You do it because there are people out there who need you to do it. People like Hannah and those who received Jeremy’s organs. You do it because it’s a part of who you are and what you need to do. You’re putting this broken world back together one piece at a time.” As Noah rubbed her back, she imagined she felt his lips brush the top of her head. He murmured, “It’s okay, let it out.”

She’d never felt this close to anyone.

Peace settled like a familiar blanket across her shoulders. Her steady stream of tears continued to flow as the rift between them disappeared. Noah understood. Finally.

Ruth fell silent, but Noah could feel her anguish. He wanted to feel it, needed to feel it, because that meant he lived and loved again. Noah tilted her head up and stared into her tear-laden green eyes. The woman in his arms was beautiful. Loving. Caring. Compassionate. All the things he’d been missing.

“You know, this friendship thing isn’t working for me.”
His lips descended on hers and she responded to his caress. Warm, inviting and alive.

Her fingers inched up to clasp around his neck. She snuggled closer. “Me either. It’s all I’ve thought about.”

“You’re not the only one.” He deepened the kiss. It felt so right to hold her in his arms and kiss her and comfort her. And yet, what he felt had nothing to do with what had happened at the hospital. He fought a losing battle when it came to distancing himself.

Feeling her lips against his was a good thing. Something to be savored. Something he wanted to continue long after the sun set and the darkness of night fell around them. Ruth had made him forget why he shouldn’t get involved.

But not completely. What if he lost her, too?

What if he lost the joy that had snuck back into his life when he wasn’t looking. The shared tenderness between them lingered as he tasted the coffee and chocolate on her breath and felt her heartbeat match his own. But nothing lasted forever.

With a guttural cry, he pulled his mouth from hers and set a confused and protesting Ruth aside. Sadness devoured his earlier happiness. All good things came to an end. Forcing himself to breathe, he shoved a hand through his hair and stared down at her full, luscious lips made for kissing. He wanted to continue where they’d left off and not worry about the consequences, but harsh reality intruded. He couldn’t give Ruth any false hopes that there could ever be anything between them. Because there couldn’t be, could there?

Regret laced his words. “I’m sorry, Ruth. That shouldn’t have happened. Come on. Let’s go.”

So why did his lips refuse to forget the promise on hers as he helped her up the stairs?

Moments after Ruth pulled herself together, took the copilot’s seat and wrestled the seat belt over her curves, Noah secured the plane for take-off. Then he folded himself into his own seat and buckled himself in. He handed Ruth a headset before he placed his own over his ears.

With the tiny airport barely a blip on the map, he did a visual before he taxied onto the runway. Ruth had felt so right in his arms. As if she belonged there. As if his holding her had been the most natural thing in the world. As if she was the piece missing out of his life. Maybe he should try? Baby steps, he decided, testing out the idea. A little at a time. Even God had taken six days to create the earth, and on the seventh day He rested. Seven days. Seven minutes. Same thing.

His gaze scraped the eastern sky. Blue. Cloudless. Beckoning. He needed to feel the sense of freedom flying invoked in him, not the emotions Ruth had unleashed inside.

He set the plane in motion. The thrum of rubber cruising over cement vibrated the yoke in his grasp. The bumpy runway smoothed out as he pointed the nose of the King Air 300 into the sky. Beside him, he noticed Ruth clutch her stress ball as a prayer settled on her lips.

“The flight will be okay, Ruth. Relax.” He acknowledged her fright.

“Easier said than done.” She bit her bottom lip.

With clarity, or stupidity or a bit of both, Noah realized Ruth needed to acknowledge her fears, too. He had confronted what frightened him the other day head-on by learning about the process of organ donation and reading through those recipient letters instead of hiding behind an impregnable wall of silence. He’d also done something else. “I went and talked to Hannah’s doctor yesterday.”

“Oh? How did it work out?”

“I’m not an eligible candidate.” Disappointment settled in his heart again. He’d hoped and had almost got down on his knees to pray that he could supply the kidney his office manager needed. He hadn’t even made it past the first interview.

“I’m so sorry. You’ll have to give me his name so I can talk to him.”

“I’d appreciate that. I know Hannah would, too. So, now that I’ve faced my fears, are you ready to face yours?” Noah managed to say out loud.

“What makes you think I’m afraid?” Ruth’s words tumbled together. Her green eyes widened over her bloodless cheeks. She practically chewed her bottom lip.

A light gust of wind buffeted the plane, and he heard Ruth cry out at the sudden loss of altitude. He slanted a smile in her direction. “Enough said.”

Silence lingered inside the plane like an unwelcome air pocket until the plane leveled off.

“Okay, Ruth. We’re at cruising altitude. Time for you to fly the plane.” Noah’s words forced the air from Ruth’s lungs.

“Excuse me?” She swallowed, but her saliva refused to budge past the huge lump in her throat. Her teeth buried themselves in her bottom lip, and her stomach contents tumbled around like wet clothes in a dryer.

“I want you to fly the plane.”

He released her hand and flipped a switch on the console. Her stomach hit the nonexistent turbulence. “You’re nuts. What are you doing?”

“Turning off the autopilot. Now grab the yoke and take control.” Noah’s voice held no trace of humor.

The man was serious. Utterly serious. Just being inside
of this metal contraption made her uneasy. Flying it would create her nightmare of burning and crashing to the ground a reality.

“But I don’t know what I’m doing.” When Noah folded his arms over his chest, Ruth bit back her scream. On impulse, she wrapped her fingers around the U-shaped contraption in front of her and continued to chew her lip.

Outside of the initial awkwardness, the yoke didn’t feel much different than the steering wheel of a car. Now if she could just forget about all the knobs and gauges staring back at her from the console.

Noah smiled at her. “Relax. It’s as easy as riding a bike. You do know how to ride one, don’t you?”

Ruth nodded and squirmed in her seat. She knew she should have sat in the back today. In her mind’s eye she could visualize the tan leather seat calling to her. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you’ll lose some of your fear of flying if you control the plane for a bit.”

“You’re asking the impossible.” Ruth’s white knuckles gleamed as she strangled the yoke. “I don’t have a clue how to fly a plane. It takes hours of instruction and flight time. What if we crash? What if a bird flies into the engines? What if a bolt of lightning strikes us?”

“We’re not going to crash. A bird isn’t going to fly into the engine. And there’s not a cloud in the sky right now.”

Noah coughed, probably trying to cover his laughter. Ruth thought darkly. “Well, what if you black out and leave me alone to fly the plane?”

This time a soft chuckle sounded in her ears. “Then I guess you’d better know how to fly this thing.”

A silent prayer, more like a plea, hissed out on her expended breath. “Good point.”

“Now the yoke controls your pitch and roll. Like riding a bike, remember? Try it.”

Ruth barely turned the yoke to the left. The aircraft responded and veered slowly off course. Her heartbeat accelerated as she swallowed.

“That’s it, Ruth. You’re doing great.” Noah’s soft words of encouragement eased her anxiety. No sarcasm, no snide comments.

She could do this. Her gasp for breath didn’t quite seem as urgent now.

“No big movements. Just let the airplane guide you. Now turn slightly back to the right.”

Ruth eased the yoke back to the right. Her palms itched. A new sense of exhilaration took hold. She
could
do it. She was flying the plane. Noah trusted her enough to take the controls. Ruth grinned, a smile replacing her earlier frown. A heady sense of excitement and control chased away her anxiety. For the first time in her life, Ruth felt like she had finally started living.

“Now if you want to ascend, pull the yoke back toward you. Push it forward to lower the nose. Easy as that.”

Her confidence building, Ruth did as Noah instructed. She found herself enjoying the experience. So far none of the things she’d worried about had transpired. No birds, bolts of lightning or any other hazard had caused the plane to tumble from the sky. For once, she was in control of her destiny thanks to the pilot seated next to her. Well, as in control as God allowed her to be. Laughter bubbled inside and trickled past her lips.

“You’re still doing great, Ruth. You’re a fast learner. Do you want to roll the plane?” Noah’s question evaporated her elation.