Night Music (15 page)

Long minutes later Hilary became aware of Devlin’s body lying heavily on hers and the total contentment his weight brought. Nothing but contentment, she thought with a lazy smile.

“You shock the hell out of me sometimes,” he said, his voice muffled as he kissed her neck. “Every time.”

“Thank you,” she said primly, then laughed.

He laughed with her, and their laughter grew. They held each other tightly, sharing the release their amusement brought. Eventually it subsided, and they lay quietly together, the intimacy complete. Whatever regrets or doubts Hilary might have felt had dissipated. She wasn’t going to think of them any longer, she decided, knowing she was long past the danger mark. She would just take what was offered. For a man like Devlin, sometimes that was all there was.

“I suppose I ought to be a gentleman,” he finally said, and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

She crossed her arms over his chest, her fingers absently toying with the dark hairs at the base of his throat.

“Do I have to be a lady now?”

“Hell, no.” He ran his hands down her back, then sank his fingers into her derriere and pressed her hips to his. “You can always be very bad with me.”

“Good.” She stretched up and kissed him lightly on the lips, the motion leaving him gasping for breath. Then she kissed the side of his mouth, his
jaw. She traced his jawline with her tongue, feeling the slight scratch of a whisker or two that he’d missed shaving that morning.

Devlin growled and urgently brought her mouth to his.

“By the way, did you have anything to do today?” Dev asked. It was nearly two o’clock and they were in her kitchen, the need for food having finally overcome the need for love. She was dressed in his shirt and her underwear. Wearing only his jeans, he leaned against a counter, rubbed his naked chest, and decided she looked sensational.

“No. Did you have anything to do?” Hilary asked, opening the refrigerator door. She bent over to get something from the back of the fridge.

“Don’t do that!” he exclaimed, as desire, sudden and fierce, pounded through him at her innocent stance. Their lovemaking had clearly opened a sensual Pandora’s box, one he hoped would never close.

She turned around. “What? You don’t want leftover lamb?”

“No.” He grinned. There was no sense telling her what she did to him. She might not do it anymore. “I’m hungry enough to eat the lion too.”

She laughed. “I do have a hunter’s recipe—”

“Never mind,” he said quickly. He wouldn’t put it past her to whip up a predator’s stew. “Haven’t you ever heard of junk food?”

“My grandfather asks me that.” She walked over to the stove and he watched her do ordinary things with that natural elegance only she had.

“You are going away with me,” he announced, suddenly remembering his real reason for coming
to see her that morning. Then he added cautiously, “Aren’t you?”

She smiled at him. “I suppose I have to. You’ll drag me away in a caveman tactic if I don’t.”

He chuckled. “Probably.”

She turned back to the food. “Why is your boat called the
Madeline Jo
?”

His stomach knotted in sudden tension. What would she think of him after he told her what had happened so long ago? Her opinion of him mattered more than he wanted to admit. He didn’t care if everyone else in the world thought he was a bastard, so long as Hilary didn’t. There was a time when he would have thought it impossible to care, and now it seemed impossible not to.

He walked up behind her and touched her hair, stroking it away from her face. Leaning forward, he rested his chin on her shoulder. “I named it the
Madeline Jo
to remind myself that I once was very stupid and it cost someone his life, and to remind myself never to be so stupid again.”

“Tell me.” The words were simple, quiet.

And so he told her everything about that summer, more than he’d thought of in years. She listened without interruption, then turned around in his arms when he was finally finished. She put her hands on his shoulders.

“Get with it, Devlin,” she said, though not without some sympathy. “It was an accident, pure and simple. And it’s past time to let the guilt go and stop punishing yourself and everyone else for it.”

He gaped at her. “You think that’s what I’ve been doing? Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death?”

“No.” She smiled a gentle smile. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t have some objectivity about it.
You can’t change the past or bring anyone back. And you’ve atoned long enough. You’ve more than earned the right to move on with your life.”

“But I like my life,” he said. “I don’t want to go back.”

“Then don’t. Just be happy with yourself.”

Her words disturbed him, shuddering through the foundation of his world. He hadn’t wanted her to lose the feelings she had toward him, but he hadn’t expected her to take him to task for doing the right thing for
too
long.

She kissed him. “You never did answer my question.”

“What question?” he asked absently. Her breasts were pressing into his chest and her hands were caressing his shoulders, distracting him from memories of the past.

“Did you have anything to do today?”

“Just a charter or two …” Her mouth was on his collarbone, evoking sensations that blocked coherent thought. “How long’s this stuff gonna take to cook?”

She reached around behind her. He heard the click of the oven being turned off. “A long time.”

“I won’t hurt you,” he said, feeling the need to make that promise. Hilary had let her barriers down with a clang, and he knew the trust she’d given him that day. He would never abuse it. He couldn’t.

She nestled closer to him in answer. He held her tightly, just held her, and then the primitive urges started all over again, even stronger this time. When he would have led her upstairs to the bedroom, she stopped him.

“I saw this movie once,” she murmured. “
Bull Durham
. They made love on the kitchen table.…”

Dev immediately turned and swept the bowl of flowers from the kitchen table. “Just keep shocking the hell out of me,” he said as he pulled her down onto it.

“I promise.”

And she did.

“Finally,” Devlin said as Hilary curled up against him under the covers of her bed, “in the bed, like all good couples should.”

“So you’re saying I’m a wanton,” she said, pleased with the idea. She felt lethargic and content and incredibly sensual.

“Absolutely,” he replied, sounding lethargic and content and incredibly sensual too.

It was after lunch, at last, and they were supposed to be taking a nap. She had a feeling they wouldn’t get that far. At least, she hoped so.

She was glad that she now knew the real reason for his boat’s name. It was none of the unrequited-love fears she’d had. She also understood much better why he tried to keep people at a distance—a great distance. Just as he had said he would never hurt her, she vowed never to hurt him. A little voice reminded her that while she didn’t want to hurt him because she loved him, he didn’t want to hurt her because he didn’t.

As she mulled over that unpleasant bit of reality, Devlin began to chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“I was just thinking of what your grandfather would say if he saw us like this.”

She giggled. “I think he’d be speechless.”

“I think he’d go, ’round the bend.” He began to laugh. “And my grandmother. Did I tell you she’s
decided we’re unsuitable after all? She told me that last night.”

“Last night …?” Hilary thought back to his visit of the night before, when he’d been furious with Lettice. It seemed like ages ago, “But she thought we were a good idea in the beginning, when she thought she was matchmaking us. Why would she change her mind?”

“Hell, who knows?” He shrugged. His amusement hadn’t faded, though, since he chuckled again. “She was dead wrong, wasn’t she?”

Somehow his words weren’t reassuring. Instead they set off a vague warning bell inside Hilary. She frowned.

“Do you remember that first dinner?” he asked. “Did you want me as much as I wanted you when you were stabbing me with your spoon?”

She smiled. “I must have. I was so angry with you.”

“And I was a complete gentleman.” He grinned wolfishly. “More fool I.”

“Serves you right.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t go on a deadly dull cruise. Hedonism One and Two are more and more appealing.”

“What are Hedonism One and Two?”

He shook his head. “Hilary, Hilary, Hilary. It’s an all-adult resort. Single adults.”

“Ah. I see. Sybaritic pleasures across the board.”

“Yep. It might be interesting to see what the grandparents would do in a place like that.”

She laughed. “Probably a lot more than you think.”

“That’s a scary notion.”

“I thought we had a notion to go to sleep.”

He rolled her over onto her back, trapping her
hands with his above her head. “You’ve turned me into a satyr.”

“As long as it’s something cheerful.”

He pressed his hips against hers. “I’m very cheerful. See?”

“I don’t want to go,” Devlin said, pulling her into his embrace.

It was early evening, and they were standing by her front door. He had a charter first thing in the morning, and they both knew he couldn’t stay longer. He’d already missed that day’s charter.

Hilary rested her cheek against his shoulder. “I know. I don’t want you to go.”

“Come with me,” he said.

She closed her eyes against the temptation. “I can’t. I have a dinner to do tomorrow night.”

“Can’t Jane and Jeremy handle it?”

“It’s a big one. What about your first mate? Can he take the charter tomorrow?”

“No, he and his wife are going away to see their children. Damn!”

“Can you come up after your charter?” she asked hopefully.

“I have one the next morning too. Summer is my busiest time. What about Friday?”

“A dinner again.” Her heart began to sink. Their basic lifestyles were at extremes again. The thought was upsetting. Worse, she was terrified that if she were out of sight, she’d be out of mind. What she shared with Devlin was too fragile to survive that. But she wasn’t going to demand, or beg, or cling. She sensed those tactics would drive him away.

“Okay,” he said, rubbing her arm in consolation,
“let’s be yuppies and get out our damn appointment books. When’s the next time you’re free?”

“Saturday. And I’m free Sunday too.”

“I’ll make sure I’m free Sunday. And maybe Monday.” He kissed her longingly. “We’ll work this out. Now that I’ve found out how suitable we really are, I’m not about to let you go. And I don’t want you to let me go.”

The words sang through her. She wanted to ask him if he meant them, but resisted the urge. He’d said them and that was enough.

The second kiss held more longing and more hunger. It took a tremendous amount of willpower for her not to beg or cling … or go with him. She couldn’t leave her clients in the lurch any more than he could leave his.

Two hours after he left, her phone rang. She snatched it up.

“I’ll tell you what’s unsuitable. It’s this damn empty bed,” Devlin said.

“So’s this one.” Hilary smiled, pleased that he’d called the moment he’d gotten in and pleased by his words. The doubt and worry, which had crept in after he’d left, faded.

But when she eventually hung up, her contentment and yearning began to wane. She was increasingly bothered by one word—
unsuitable
.

He’d used it again. She was a little hurt that Lettice had decided she and Devlin weren’t a good pair. She had to admit they were an odd couple, so she could understand Lettice’s concern. Her grandfather had been spouting it from the beginning, after all. Of course he was prejudiced.

She shrugged it away and concentrated on the change in Devlin. It had been remarkable, and that gave her hope. He’d let her past the walls he’d
erected, something she never would have expected to happen. They were such opposites, too, but that didn’t seem to matter anymore. Except for their jobs, she thought. Eventually, if their relationship progressed, they would have to work on that.

Why, she wondered, didn’t Lettice approve of them any longer? What had changed the woman’s mind last night? It shouldn’t matter. What did matter was that Devlin’s mind had changed.…

Hilary swallowed back a lump of uneasiness. Did one relate to the other? Now that “the family” disapproved, he didn’t? She shouldn’t care what had started him on this new course, she told herself firmly. She should only care that he had. She wouldn’t question it any longer. She would just accept it.

She had to.

Ten

“The charter I missed was rescheduled for Sunday,” Dev said to Hilary over the phone the next day. “Billy assumed that’s what I’d want. Normally I do. But not this time. I would have told you about it before when I called, but I didn’t see Billy’s note until now. I’ll try to change it if I can.”

Even as he said the words, he knew it would be impossible. He was booked solid until Labor Day, except for the odd day off. His heart sank at her next words.