Nicolai's Daughters (34 page)

He stood up, turned to face her. His broad shoulders were slightly bent. He had bags under his eyes. His apron was spotted as always. “You didn't know about any of this,” he said. “No matter what my mother says, I know that.”

Where was he going with this? Theodora wondered.

“I have something to tell you too. And it won't make you happy either,” he said and put his hands in his pockets, stood away.

Theodora took a deep breath. He's going to leave me.

“When my mother came to see me today, I knew I had to tell you. I can't keep doing this anymore. Being angry and worried.”

“I understand,” Theodora said. What else was there to say? She couldn't force him to stay.

“I can't keep this secret any longer,” Andreas said. “I borrowed money from my mother to open the shop. Many years now. I wanted to tell you. I couldn't worry you. My feet were outside the blanket for so long. I promised you I would never do that. I exposed us financially. So you're not the only one with a secret. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I want to put these secrets behind us. Do this for me. Okay?”

She nodded. Or at least she thought she had. She couldn't move.

“All I ever wanted to do was make you happy,” he said.

In the church in Aigio, Andreas kissed Theodora before taking Nicky to sit on the men's side. Theodora went to where the other women were. She sat beside one of her sisters-in-law. When she saw Theodora, Elena turned to talk to a woman who sat behind her in the pews. Theodora listened to the priests chanting, ignored Elena's whispers. She looked around and found Andreas. He smiled and winked when she caught his eye.

The parishioners emptied out into the street behind the priest. The night was crisp and clear. It was a few minutes past midnight. The streetlights were off. The crowd formed a circle around the main stage, remaining quiet as the priest climbed the four short steps.

“
Christos Anesti
,” the priest announced, lighting the first candle. He turned and lit the candle of the person standing beside him. The flame was passed from one person to the next in the same way.

Theodora kissed Andreas. “
Xronia polla
,” she said.

“For both of us,” he said. “Many, many years.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again. She'd done the same thing when they were children, to thank him, reassure him, show him how she felt. They each kissed Nicky. First his forehead, then his cheeks, then behind his neck. He giggled, pushing them away.

They stood around shaking their neighbours' hands. Elena was to one side. Theodora saw her. She went to Elena, hugged her and kissed her cheeks. “
Xronia polla
.”

Elena nodded. “I will see you back at the house in a few minutes.”

Theodora felt his hand on her back. “We'll come tonight,” Andreas said. “But tomorrow we go to Theodora's family in Diakofto.”

“Easter should be with family,” Elena said, looking around as if to see who had heard her son speak to her in such a way.

“Yes, I know,” Andreas said.

2010

“It's time,” Solon said. “And you wanted to help.”

Alexia held herself on her elbows, squinting at the light from the hallway.

“We're just about ready.”

“I'm awake,” Alexia said. “I'll be down in a few minutes.”

He closed the door. She flicked on the light on her nightstand, lay against the headboard. 5:30 a.m. Why hadn't she stayed and talked to Theodora yesterday? She'd kept herself up half the night thinking about it. She should have stayed, faced up to whatever anger or shock Theodora might have had. Alexia remembered what she had gone through herself when she'd found out about Theodora, how long it took for her to accept that she had a sister. She could help Theodora with all of this. It was too much for Theodora to handle by herself. Theodora needed her to be her big sister. And what had she done? She'd taken off. Damn it. It wasn't like she didn't know how to tackle things head on. She'd never wanted to cause Theodora more trouble. Or at least, that's what she told herself.

She flung the covers off. Maybe Theodora needed some time to think about it all. Giving her some space might have been the best thing to do. Please come today, she thought. Please. I don't want us to waste any more time. You have family, her father had said to her. She wished he were here with her. She'd say, I know.

Alexia pulled on her jeans, wiggled into a sweater. She stood in the middle of her room in the light of the one small lamp by her bed. I've taken my shot, she thought. I've told her the truth about who I was, what I'm doing here. Whatever happens, she was not going to give up on having a relationship with Theodora
.
She'd make Theodora see that this was important for both of them.

On the kitchen counter, a whole skinned lamb lay on sheets of newspaper, its feet tied together, its eyes hollow. Solon manoeuvred the long spit through its body. Zak waited on the other end of the lamb for the sharp metal to protrude. Christina and Katarina sat at the kitchen table, a bowl of meat parts in front of them. They dipped the bits into olive oil, pushing them onto another spit, one piece tight against the other.

“What's that?” Alexia asked.

“We call it a
souvla,”
Christina said.

“No, not the spit itself,” Alexia said. She pointed to the meat. “That.”

“The best part.”

Katarina laughed. “The insides.
Kokoresti
.” Her oily hands pressed a hunk of liver onto the spit.

“I invited Theodora and her family,” Alexia said. “I told her.”

Solon stopped struggling with the spit. He nodded to Zak. They rested the lamb against the counter. He washed his hands in the sink, splashing water everywhere. He dried his hands on his pants. Christina stared at the hunks of innards floating in a pool of watery oil in the bowl.

“Easter is a time for a new beginning,” Solon finally said.

Alexia met his gaze.

“Is this what you want?” he asked.

Alexia nodded. “It's time.”

“You did the right thing,” Solon said.

Christina rubbed the excess oil off her hands and into the bowl. She got up and walked to the sink, her hands held together. She grumbled under her breath.

“What is it, woman?” Solon said.

Christina turned to face Solon. “You don't worry about what people will say?”

He went to Christina. “I have never worried.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Who cares? Haven't we suffered enough? Paid enough?”

“But with your family?”

“I told you many times,” he said. “What they thought or said never mattered to me. It was important to you. Not me. I have only cared about one person.” He winked. “Always. Just one.”

Christina shook her head, allowed the slightest smile. “That simple?”

He nodded, then turned towards the meat. “It won't cook itself,” Solon said.

“Go,” Christina said. “Who is stopping you?”

“Let's have the newest member of the family help carry the
souvla
to the fires.”

Alexia took one end, Solon the other. They carried it out of the house and walked towards the field at the back. Maria's husband and some of the other neighbours tended the coals on several small fires. Alexia and Solon dropped the
souvla
on the spikes set across one of the fires. “Below are grape vines,” Maria said. “Makes for tastier meat.”

Alexia counted twelve fires. The men sat on large stones or logs, cranking their spits by hand. Others fanned the lambs with rosemary branches dipped in olive oil. Fat dripped onto the fire. Tiny sparks ignited. Just as quickly, they died away.

“You do this by hand?” Alexia asked. “How long does that take?”

“We all take turns. We share in the work and like life, the meat is better,” Solon said. “Maybe six hours, maybe more.”

“Ours is a good size,” Maria said. “Not the biggest, but it's enough.”

The sky turned pink as Alexia stood in front of the fires, listening to the chatter, the jokes, the stories. I could stand here all day, she thought.

She was introduced to daughters and sons of neighbours, home for Easter from Corfu, Athens and other places. She smiled, kissed cheeks and hugged people she'd never met before. Thoughts of Theodora edged in and out, never far away.

The lamb and
kokoresti
had been on for five hours. Her cousins took turns at the spit. Christina, Katarina and Maria brought snacks of devilled eggs. Other neighbours brought dips and wine. Plates of almonds, crackers and cookies sat on the tables set up in the field, beside the fires. It was all there to share. Alexia tried everything. She'd be too full to eat any of the lamb. But no, she told herself, she'd find room for everything.

Alexia practised how she'd introduce Theodora to Christina, Solon and the rest of the family. “This is our
thia
.” She thought about things they could talk about, what she'd do if there were any uncomfortable silences. She was ready, but Theodora wasn't here. Theodora had called earlier, said they were coming. Alexia hadn't said more than
thank you
, and given her directions. Alexia hung up quickly. Maybe too quickly, she thought now.

She peered down the road. Saw nothing. She'd go into the house, perhaps try calling Theodora. Or maybe she would just wait. Theodora said she'd come. Be patient, Alexia told herself.

She'd only been in the house for a couple of minutes, but when she came out, everything had changed. Alexia stood in the doorway and watched the scene. Christina had Theodora wrapped in her arms. Katarina and Maria stood beside them, smiling and waiting their turn. Katarina patted her eyes with her apron. Nicky stood with his tiny hand in his father's hand, looking at the ground. Solon crouched down, asked Nicky a question. He gazed up to his father. His father nodded. Nicky took Solon's hand.

“This is for you,” Andreas said. He handed Solon a package wrapped in brown paper. “Not for today, but for another time.”

“It's nice to have a butcher in the family,” Solon said. “We'll get the best from now on.”

Theodora handed Christina a large box. It had a pretty red bow. Alexia knew it was a box of small cakes. It was a custom here to bring sweets for a special occasion. She couldn't stop smiling.

Katarina and Maria weaved their arms through Theodora's, guiding her to the house. Christina followed behind. They chatted, asked questions. Theodora didn't seem to mind at all. It reminded Alexia of the scene at the airport when she'd arrived in Greece weeks ago. She laughed to herself. I'd be better at it now, she thought. Thanks to them.

“So you've met the family,” Alexia said, kissing Theodora on both cheeks.

“Yes,” Theodora said as the wave of aunts carried her forward.

“We're not so bad.” Christina draped one arm around Alexia's shoulders.

2010

Theodora insisted they read their father's letters together.

“But they're yours. He intended them for you,” Alexia said.

“Haven't we learned enough about hiding things from each other?”

Alexia couldn't resist a smile. “You're right.”

One night, a few days before her return flight to Vancouver, she went to Theodora's for dinner. Andreas met her at the door, Nicky in one arm, a packed bag in the other.

“Where are you going?” Alexia asked.

“To my mother's for dinner and the night,” he said, tucking Nicky into his coat. “You will need this time together to talk, be with your father.”

Andreas kissed Theodora, Nicky hugged her.

Theodora put a large bowl of Greek salad in the middle of the table. She'd set the plates down in front of them. They picked at the salad directly from the bowl. Alexia tore a piece of bread and handed it to Theodora. “So when are you coming?” Alexia asked.

“We've talked about it,” Theodora said. “I want to come. Andreas has to leave the shop. We have to find someone.”

“You will, though. Right?”

Theodora leaned over and stroked Alexia's arm. “Yes.”

“We'll make it work as often as we can,” Alexia said. “Right?”

Theodora nodded. “I know.”

After dinner, Alexia offered to help Theodora clean up.

“Let's leave it and go upstairs. I've always wanted a party where you invite a friend to spend the night. You giggle, talk, share secrets. I don't know how you call it.”

“A slumber party,” Alexia said.

“Yes.”

Theodora pulled out the letters.

Alexia sat cross-legged on Theodora's bed.

Theodora sat beside her. “What was he like?”

“He was carefree, loved having lots of friends and people around. He laughed a lot,” Alexia said. She pictured him at one of the office parties he liked to throw. “Always the loudest one in the room.”

They looked at each other and laughed as if they both understood he couldn't have been any other way.

They leaned against the headboard, Alexia's shoulder against Theodora's. Both wore light pants and peasant-style lacey tops. Alexia thought about all the clothes she'd brought from Vancouver. None of it appropriate for the heat, this place. Maybe those clothes weren't right for any place.

Alexia took the picture out of her pocket. “He had it. It's how I recognized you.”

“My mother took that picture,” Theodora said.

“Can I keep it? It's a great picture of you.”

“That and more.” Theodora leaned closer.

Alexia straightened her legs to give her more room.

Theodora pulled out the first letter.

No one could replace Sara. I was a fool to allow other women, including your mother, Theodora, to try. I'm sorry I was so selfish. I shouldn't have let it happen. But I'm not sorry we had you. I know you turned out as lovely as your mother always was.

“He was a kind man,” Theodora said.

Alexia nodded. It had been a long time since she'd heard her mother's name, read anything he'd written. She could almost hear his voice.

I was afraid I'd ruin your life or your mother's if I came back. The gossip would have been terrible. And I was afraid for Alexia. I hurt her badly when I left her after her mother died. I realize now, I was always afraid.

Alexia ran her fingers through her hair. Theodora squeezed Alexia's leg.

There were letters about his business, what he liked and didn't like about his work, where he planned to vacation, what business trips lay ahead.

Alexia just started high school. You'd be proud of your older sister as I'm sure she'd be proud of you. She's out-debating every teacher and she's an incredible basketball player, too. You'll see her one day. She takes care of everything and everyone, even me. Never makes a fuss. I wish I was a better father.

“You would have loved him.” Alexia swallowed. “I didn't like him sometimes, but I always loved him. He was a great father. I didn't tell him.” She swallowed again.

Theodora squeezed Alexia's leg tenderly. “I can see.”

They opened another letter.

Alexia doesn't know I'm sick. She's taken care of me long enough. Now, I have to protect her for a change. I hope the two of you will get to know each other one day. I made a lot of mistakes. I thought I'd be different than my father, more involved in the lives of my children. He'd had a hard life. I understand that now. He had reasons for the way he was. I have no excuses.

I ran away from my family and from you for stupid reasons. Be with your family, embrace them, don't be afraid of shame or talk or any of that nonsense. You can do better than me. Both you and Alexia can do so much better.

Alexia put the last few letters back in their envelopes and handed them to Theodora.

“There's one more,” Theodora said, pulling out another envelope. It looked thicker than the rest.

This is yours. It's a beautiful piece of land where your mother used to work and get inspiration for her sketches. A friend of mine and I had an idea about it, once. I bought this piece of land and now it's yours. There's an old Greek saying, if you focus on your past glories it will only make you cry. Go forward. Don't look back.