Never Say Never (13 page)

            A knock at the door
interrupted me.

            “Come in...” I
muttered. “If you're here to kiss me…”

            “I'm not.” Kyle
looked abashed. “Neve, I heard what happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there.” His
eyes were so wide and so full of pain I almost wanted to comfort
him
.
Poor Kyle – so sweet, so sensitive – had a habit of taking insults to me more
personally than I did.

            I reached out to hug
Kyle. “Nothing to worry about,” I sighed. “It was just some stupid kids acting
like...well...stupid kids. They're just being immature. Just ignore that.”

            “I heard that Harry
Prescott tried to shove his tongue down your throat.” Kyle gritted his teeth.
“I always knew he was a jerk. If you want me to hunt him down, Neve, just say
the word...”

            “Thanks,” I sighed. “But
no thanks, Kyle. He was just being stupid. I think I'm going to avoid the dorms
for a while. I'm thinking about moving out, actually.”

            Kyle's face fell. He
looked crestfallen. “Neve, don't tell me you're giving up? Letting some jerk
like Harry Prescott run you off?”

            “It's not like that,”
I said. “It's just – if people know about my dad, I need to be a bit more
careful. The paps could get wind of where I am – I don't want pictures of me in
the shower ending up on TMZ.”

            Kyle nodded. “So
you're moving back to your parents' place, then?” He gulped. “If you do, you
know, I could move back with you. We could commute in together. Your mom would
never forgive me if she thought I was abandoning you...”

            “I'm too old to run
back to Mommy and Daddy like a spoiled baby,” I sighed. “I don't want that,
either.” But as I looked around at my roommate's scattered clothes and
obviously unhidden bong, I knew I was just kidding myself. I couldn't be a
normal college kid, no matter how much I wanted to be.

            “Then what will you
do?” Kyle turned to me.

            “I was thinking of
getting my own place, like Luc and Steve,” I mused. “The complex they live in
has a couple of apartments free – I saw a “to rent” sign up last time I went
over...”

            Kyle grinned. “Well,
that will be convenient, won't it? Then you guys can all share the commute into
town – and when we practice, you won't have to go far...” He looked up at me.
“So, do you need a roommate?”

            “Don't be ridiculous,
Kyle – you don't have to give up dorm life for me! You're a freshman – go have
fun!”

            “I'd have more fun
with you, Neve,” said Kyle. “I love meeting new people, I love the dorms. But I
like hanging out with you, more.”

            I couldn't help
thinking about Danny, about last night, about the pleasure I'd experienced,
about the way we hadn't had to worry about keeping quiet – the way I'd moaned
aloud.

            “I was thinking of
getting a place by myself, actually,” I said. “As much as I love hanging out
with you, I don't think we'd make the best roommates...”

            “What are you talking
about?” Kyle said. “We’d make great roommates. All through when we were kids we
slept near each other, spent all our time together. Pretended to go camping in
your bedroom and set up a tent on your floor. Plus, I'm convinced your mother
doesn't trust anyone but me to take care of you...”

            I felt a pang of
guilt. Kyle and I had always been close – after what had happened to his mother
and father he'd clung to me and to my family as the only semblance of normalcy
he had left – but sometimes his sensitivity, his need to be close to me, felt a
bit overwhelming.

            “Kyle, I kind of want
to be on my own for a bit.”

            “But we've never
lived apart before...” Kyle protested. “Not ever! You're my best friend. When I
first moved here...” I knew the story. I remembered the pale, tragic-faced boy
he had once been – the boy who had watched his father shoot his mother right in
front of him. A boy whose bruises had not yet healed when he moved in. “You
took care of me. When I had no friends, no confidence, nothing...”

            “But you have all
those things now, Kyle. You don't need me.”

            “We could get a
two-bedroom. Then we'd have our own space.” He leaned in close to me –
really
close, I noted. Close enough that his lips were but inches from my own.
“I'll make sure the paps stay away – I'll take care of that for you. I'll take
care of everything.” He leaned in softly, pressing his lips against my cheek.
“At least, if you go away, promise me one thing. You'll let Luc and Steve keep
an eye on you – make sure nothing like what happened the other night happens
again.”

            “I'm Keith Knight's
daughter, not the President's daughter,” I said. “I don't need the Secret
Service watching me. What's the worst that can happen?”

            “I just don't want
that thing with John Flint happening again. I don't want anyone touching my
girl.”

            His voice was
strangely intense, possessive in a way that frightened me. I tried to laugh it
off. “Don't worry, I can defend myself against the creeps.”

            But Kyle did not
smile. “I mean – I don't want
anyone
touching you like that...” He
flushed scarlet. I'd always suspected Kyle had feelings for me – we were both
hormonal teenagers together, after all – but I'd figured they'd worn off with
time. I'd always known he was attached to me. Too attached, maybe, but with the
childhood he'd had who could blame him? He was used to losing the people he
loved.

            “I'll keep my cell
phone on, all the time, in case you need to reach me.”

            He leaned in and for
a terrifying moment I thought he was going to kiss me. But instead he just
lightly brushed his lips against my cheek.

            “Neve, you don't get
it, do you? Whatever happens after the shows, with girls, with whoever – you're
the one that matters to me. You're the only important person in my life, well,
you and Aunt Tamara. You were always there for me. When I wanted to go visit my
dad in jail, and Auntie T wouldn't let me. When I ran away...”

            “I knew you'd come
back.”

            “You sat in the back
of your dad's car for days, making the chauffeur drive in circles around LA
until they found me.”

            “I remember...” I
smiled, but his words were breaking my heart. “You sure know how to hide, don't
you? When you want to be left alone. You had me so worried, then...”

            “You know why I came
back, though?”

            I had a feeling, but
I couldn't bring myself to do more than nod.

            “Kyle...”

            “Because of you,
Neve. So I could see you again.”

            I didn't want to talk
about this – I couldn't bear to talk about this.
No dating in the band
–
that was the rule. My rule. A rule I'd already broken once today.

            “If we can't be
roommates, if we can't be close...”

            “Kyle, I want my
privacy.”

            “Privacy?” Kyle's
eyes narrowed. “What do you need privacy for – from me?”

            “Because I'm an
adult, Kyle! Because we're too old to take baths together and sleep in the same
bed like we did when we were little. We're grown up now, both of us – and we're
too old to do what we used to do.”

            Kyle was getting the
picture – realizing, at last, too late, that I was pushing him away.

            “Of course...” He
forced himself to laugh. “I just forget you're a girl sometimes, you know? I'm
so used to being around you, I forget it's a bit weird. You're not just a girl;
you're my best friend.”

            “I know, Kyle...” I
pulled him close to me in a hug, knowing how much more he wanted from me,
knowing I could never give him that...

            “Anyway – new
topic...” Kyle laughed. “I'm loving the hair. What is that – post-fling chic?”

            “What?”

            “Please, Neve. Nobody
saw you after the show and your hair looks completely wild. And you've got that
glow.
”

            “What glow?”

            “You know. The glow
that means you've just...”

            “I have
not
!”

            Kyle laughed. “Trust
me, Neve. I've been with a lot of girls. I know that glow. You get with a fan?”

            “I'm not talking
about it.”

            “Well, that explains
your need for privacy, huh? The spoils of being a rock star – just like one of
the boys...”

            I knew he was only
talking like this to dull the pain of my rejection – if I was going to reject
him, better to believe that it was because I wanted meaningless sex like the
rest of the guys in the band. Better to believe that I was getting it on with
groupies. I sighed. Kyle could never know the truth – it would destroy him.

            “Kyle, I've got to
head home. I need to talk to my dad. He's probably so worried after what
happened.”

            “Let me drive you
back,” Kyle said. “I need to go home and do some laundry, anyway. I'll be there
for you. For moral support.”

            First Kyle, then my
father. This was shaping up to be one stressful day.

Chapter
15

           
L
uckily, my parents weren't home. Mrs. Jostens
greeted me with a smile and an offer of some mid-morning bacon, but I wasn't up
to it. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I went into my room, closing the
door behind me. I felt very old all of a sudden. Kyle was my best friend, my
childhood companion – but he'd always been like a brother to me. I'd taken him
in – or my family had – and he'd become more than just our housekeeper's
nephew. He'd become one of us. My dad had gotten him guitar lessons when he got
me mine – he ate at the dinner table with us. He was the brother I'd never had.

            I'd
always known Kyle had issues with abandonment – who wouldn't, in his shoes? But
I'd never realized the depth of his feelings for me. Feelings I'd have to learn
to ignore if I wanted to keep the band together.

            “Knock
knock,” Kyle entered the room, sitting next to me on the bed. He'd done it a
hundred times before – we'd always spent hours lying on this bed together, just
talking. But this time it felt weird – felt different.

            “I
always thought it would be like this forever,” said Kyle, looking up at the
ceiling. “You and me in this room. A happy family.”

            “It
was nice,” I said.

            “I
don't want to pull a Geoff, Neve. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I
think...I think I've made my feelings for you quite clear, whether I wanted to
or not. And I want you to know I'm not going to act on anything you don't want
me to. But – if you ever want me to...I'll be there. Anytime. Anywhere.” His
lower lip trembled. “I'm crazy about you, Neve Knight. And I just thought you
should know.” Before I could respond he turned on his heel and walked out,
leaving me utterly exhausted and confused. In a few short weeks, I'd had to
deal with Geoff, Danny, and now Kyle.
Is it something in the water?
I
sighed. Kyle's jealousy made me resolve even harder to keep my relationship
with Danny a secret.

            But
not even my worry could stop me from driving over to Danny’s that night. He
answered the doorbell with a smile, wearing the same clothes he'd worn that
morning.

            “I'm
afraid I'm simply covered in sweat,” he said. “I've only just come back from the
airport. I had to go get groceries...”

            “Groceries?”
I looked up at him. “Are we cooking?”

            “Not
exactly.” Danny smiled. “I had a lot of time in airport lounges today. A lot of
time to think. To think about what exactly we could do, you and I.” He slipped
off my jacket, and I shuddered with pleasure at the sensation of his hands
around my shoulders. He kissed me hungrily, devouring me with his embrace. “All
I could think about was how beautiful you looked last night. How you smelled.
How gorgeous your face is when you're in the throes of ecstasy – how much you
were enjoying it...”

            “You
think that's beautiful?”

            “I
think that's mind-bendingly sexy. You're already so beautiful. But when
you're....lost in pleasure – your face takes on a whole new character.” He
kissed me again. “I can't wait to see that expression again. Have you eaten?”

            “No...”

            “Good...”
Danny put a bag of groceries down on the kitchen counter, taking out a box full
of strawberries and a chilled bottle of champagne. “We're going to get through
all of these tonight...” He looked me up and down. “Only – I haven't got any
plates.”

            He
slipped the dress off my body. “Lie down, love.” He brought the champagne and
the strawberries over.

            I
lay back, my whole body tingling with pleasure and anticipation.

            “What
are you doing?”

            “I've
been fantasizing about doing this to you all day.”

            He
poured the tiniest bit of champagne onto my navel, causing me to moan aloud as
the cool liquid fizzed on my belly. He pressed his lips to my stomach and
hungrily licked up the champagne, his hot mouth contrasting with the cool
liquid.

            I
gave myself over to pleasure – to the extraordinary sensations of his mouth and
tongue and fingers once again working their magic on me. I couldn't bear it –
the pleasure was too strong, too overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning in
ecstasy, unable to hold back my cries.