Never Say Goodbye (Rebel Walking #6) (8 page)

Chapter Ten

Lilly

He made himself clear.  I'm going to enjoy myself with Garrett and the guys.  I know this can be a great trip if I let it be. 

He's standing outside the bus when I walk out.  His greeting doesn't surprise me this time—I could get used to his kisses and show of affection.  He's a great kisser, not as good as Luke, but none the less he's great at it.  The other guys start to yell obscenities at us, and he pauses to look me in the eye before he turns to nail their asses.  His efforts only gain laughter, but it doesn't seem to faze him in the least.

"Did you dress up for me?"

"You like it?" 

"You can wear whatever you want with me.  I'll just try to get you out of it anyway."  He's always the flirt.  It feels nice to be wanted like this.  He's never hidden his attraction to me, sometimes coming across as an egotistical ass when making his comments. 

"Very funny."

"Honey.  I'm not joking."  I know he's not joking, so I start to step toward the bus to face these grown men that are sure to act like idiots when I open this door.

To my surprise, they don't harass me.  They invite me for a shot and make a place for me at the table to play quarters.  I've never been great at this game, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

"Ladies first!"  Garrett sits down beside me just as the bus begins to roll.  A few rounds go by, and so far, I'm not doing too bad.  I spread the shots around to each guy when I make the glass, but it isn't long before they all begin to zone in on me.  I know it's not a great idea to get trashed in a bus full of guys, no matter how well I know them, so I pull from the game. 

"I'm out."

"What?  I knew you couldn't hang."  Grayson seems to be leading the bash Lilly campaign tonight.  I'm sure it's all out of fun, but I can see this quickly turning into a nightmare if I keep this up.

"Yeah.  I'm zapped.  I need to sleep soon."  Garrett runs his hand up my leg, straight for my crotch area.  Trying not to cause a scene, I grab his hand to hold in my lap instead. 

The guys all continue the game, and within an hour, they're all ridiculous and loud.  My stomach hurts because of the laughter from their hysterical reenactments of stories from their past.  We stay up until 3:30 in the morning like this.

Garrett finally speaks up about going to bed.  He pulls my arm until I follow him into the tiny back room.  The feeling is all too familiar and I drop on the bed, taking up the side of the bed I slept on before. 

He begins to strip out of his clothes, so I turn to watch him, wondering if he'll go all the way down to nothing.  Oh, yeah he does.

He crawls onto the mattress and proceeds until he is over me.

"Do you plan on staying in those sweats all night?"  I can't hide the grin on my face.  I like his forwardness, but am I really ready for this?  What's holding me back?  I'm not in an exclusive relationship.  Garrett is hot and definitely in to me.  Why not have a great night of sex with this man?

I begin to slide the waistband down my legs and pull the shirt over my head.  Lying here in my bra and panties is a whole different situation.  Now I can feel his eyes scrape over my skin and it's making me feel self-conscious.  I know he's been with beautiful women in his time, so I don't need him to see my flaws. 

"Turn out the light."  He does what I ask and returns, all hands and mouth.  He leaves no space on my body untouched and sends me through my orgasm before his own release.  I know I shouldn't be comparing the two, but he's no comparison to Luke.  I'm going to hell for thinking like this while I'm still in the arms of a man who’s trying really hard to make me happy. 

Sleeping comes easily and morning shows up way too quickly.  I begin to stretch and notice he's not in the bed anymore.  I check my phone for messages only to not find a single one.  Luke was supposed to check on me, but he hasn't sent any messages.  I told him not to start any crap, so I guess this is his way of keeping the peace. 

Hearing laughter, I climb off the mattress to get dressed.  I see the proof of our time together on the window ledge.  Wrapping it up in toilet paper, I toss it in the trash of the tiny bathroom.  My face in the mirror disgusts me, so I try to freshen up some.  It's nearly impossible to do anything about it while we travel down the road. 

I do what I can and then start to open the door.  I stop moving when I hear their voices.

"Another notch on your sticks, huh?"

"Yeah.  She was a great add to the collection.  Hand me that knife."

"Dude, your sticks are full of slice marks.  You're gonna have to start a new set soon."

"I'll make room.  I have this whole side on this one open."  I walk out just as he's running the blade across the wood. 
Is it possible to feel any lower about myself than right now?
  I'm just another skank to him.  This is a huge blow to me, and I'm going to have to figure out how to get through the rest of this day dealing with this asshole.  I can't believe I fucking let myself become like this.

I'm worth more than a quick lay. 

"Are you really marking me off as one of your skanks?"  He turns to look at me with a shitty expression on his face.  I can tell this is not going to go well.

"Yeah.  What did you think you were?  Just another honey, sweet-ass fuck."

"Fuck you, Riggins."

"Nah.  Already did that, babe."

"You're an asshole."

"Never said I wasn't"

"Where the fuck are we?"

"Between there and here somewhere."

"Stop the fucking bus."

"Chill out, babe.  You really need to calm the fuck down."

"Stop the fucking bus before I make your fucking life hell."

"You really want to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere?"

"I'd rather be
anywhere
than with your ass.  Fucking stop the bus, NOW."

He tells the driver to pull over and I don't waste any time stepping off the bus.  I use my phone to locate where I am and begin to walk.  Luckily, I'm only a mile from a small town.  I should call the guys, but there's no way I want them to know what I've done. 

I really deserve this.  If you act like a ho, you can't get mad when you're treated like one.  This feeling of filth is horrible.  I'll never let this happen again. 

Is it too much to ask to be important to someone?  Why does it seem they all just want sex with no emotion?  I need to feel connected and this isn't working out for me. 

The mile walk isn't too bad.  I'm thankful that I chose to wear my tennis shoes and not any of my heels.  That would have been torture. 

I walk into a convenience store and purchase a water.  They have booths and a small diner, so I take a seat.  I figure it's time to sort my thoughts out and get a plan. 

I'm about thirty miles from the venue.  I have eight hours to kill and the crew won’t be rolling into town for hours.  Using my phone to search the internet, I find a car rental place not too far down the road.  I call them to make sure they have a car available before I start to walk again.  This walk is another two miles, but I welcome the time to think about things. 

I'm really glad it's daylight and no one bothers me during my walk. 
What have I become?
  Is this really me, stranded in a strange town after just having meaningless sex with yet another rock star?

I take the car and begin to drive down the long, lonely highway.  My thoughts consume me and I just keep driving.  We have a break for four days coming up next week. Maybe I should take a break from everything and everyone during that time.  I never want to let the guys down no matter how badly I want to skip out.  We've worked so hard to get to this point.

I'm just bass guitar, they can do the show without me, but it wouldn't be complete.  I decide to message Luke and tell him that I'm in the middle of nowhere.  It's not safe for me to be out here like this and no one know where I am.

Lilly:  You were right.

Luke:  What happened?

Lilly:  He's an asshole.

Luke:  Are you ok?

Lilly:  Yeah.  I'm renting a car so I can get there tonight.

Luke:  Where the fuck are you?

Lilly:  A town named Henderson.  I'm ok.  I'll see you there tonight.

Luke:  Damn it.  From now on you stay with us.  I'm going to kick his ass for letting you out of the bus.

Lilly:  He didn't have a choice. 

Luke:  What the hell did he do to you?

Lilly:  Nothing I didn't deserve.

Luke:  This convo isn't over.  I want to know how bad I'm going to beat his stupid ass.

Lilly:  Luke, it's no big deal.  I had it coming.  It was just a blow to my ego.  I was just another notch on his drum stick and it just hit me wrong.  I had it coming.

His reply doesn't come for a while.  It seems like he's forgotten about me, it takes him so long to come back with a message.

Luke:  You deserve better.

Chapter Eleven

Luke

I'm losing my fucking mind right now.  How the fuck can she just message saying she got off a bus in the middle of nowhere?  I should've stopped her from going last night.  Why the fuck I didn't, I'll never know.  I message Garrett to see what the hell happened, with no response. 

I'll
kill
his ass if he hurt her.    

Holden tries to locate her and says she's in a small town named Henderson.  She is obviously hours ahead of us and this will be a long-ass day of traveling and worrying about her. 

I continue to text her throughout the day to check on her.  She found a shopping mall and killed some hours there until we could pull into the parking lot to meet up with her.  There was a rental car place nearby that we followed her to so she could drop off her car.

The tension was very high with all of us until we could see for ourselves that she made it alright.  There hasn't been a second that’s gone by today that I haven't wished I had made more of an ass of myself to keep her at the hotel last night.  I really feel like it still would've drove her to him, and then she wouldn't have felt like she could turn to me when he dumped her.

She steps onto the bus and everyone starts in on her.  They all want to know the how, when, and where.  The only thing that seems to be understood is the who before she begins to tell us all to drop it.

"What the hell, guys?  It's all good.  Yes, he's an asshole, but this is what happens when you go to bed with an asshole."  I watch as the twins cringe from her words. 

"You fucked Riggins.  Shit, Lilly.  This is out of control."  Talon turns to walk toward the back of the bus.  I can tell this is more than he really wants to know.

"You need to be more careful with these guys, Lilly.  Unfortunately, most of them want only one thing."  Holden tries a softer approach.

"I know men are scum.  I'm not a young innocent thing myself.  I just refuse to be treated like that."  I can tell she's humiliated about everyone knowing her business.  Staying out of the conversation, I make myself as scarce as you can in a bus full of people. 

When it all calms down a bit, we begin to move again.  This time, I have something to handle the second the wheels stop moving.  Garrett will be there and I plan to deal with his ass directly.

We pull onto location and every one of us barrels off the bus to find that asshole.  Garrett's smug ass is laid back with his arm over the back of the couch when we bust through the door.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, dropping her off on the side of the road?"

"She wanted off the bus some forty-five miles back.  Calm the fuck down."  There are four men charging his ass at once—he doesn't stand a chance.  We all fight our way to him and Holden yanks him up with hardly any effort.  The other members of Beckoning choose not to fuck with us.

"You're fucking lucky that she isn't hurt.  I would gut your ass in a second.  Do you understand me?"  Holden's no nonsense demand mirrors my own thoughts.  The rage in his voice matches the craze in his eyes. 

"Let go of me or I'll be pressing assault charges on you."  Holden adds an extra shove when he uncurls his fingers from the grip he has on Garrett.  We all storm out of the room and begin to pace the floor. 

I've never seen Holden this mad.  We're all infuriated.

"She's safe.  We have to trust in that and let her have her space."  Eaven moves through the room, headed straight for Talon. 

"What's our plan for tonight's show?"  This time it's Aiden who speaks up, probably trying to calm everyone down.

"We go on as scheduled,” Talon says, looking in to Eaven's eyes.  I hate this.  I could've stopped all of this by tying her to the bed and holding her hostage.  All of that sounds better than what we're dealing with right now.

The show isn't our greatest to date.  The tension between us and the guys of 'Beckoning Reality' proves to be too much for us to get past in such a short amount of time.

We have to somehow learn to deal with those bastards because this tour is full of piggyback nights with them.  That asshole doesn't deserve to be near her, but we can't do a damn thing to stop it except threaten him. 

He's cocky and seems to thrive on pissing her off.  The way he's talking to her like she's a piece of trash one minute and then acting completely opposite the next has Lilly on edge.

Lilly

This is such a shitty day.  I need it to be over, like hours ago.  How embarrassing is this crap?  I don't need these guys to fight my battles.  I just wish they'd all stop with the damsel in distress shit.  I'm fine.

It would be nice to take a shower and go to bed.  That's all I need right now. 

We are the first to go on tonight, so we load up immediately following and get the hell out of there.  We check in to another hotel and I welcome the burn of the hot, hot water on my skin.  I love how hotel showers never seem to lose hot water.  You don't realize how important that is until nights like this. 

Stepping out of the shower, I hear a knock on the door.  I wrap up in my towel and check the peep hole.  Luke is standing there waiting for me to open the door.  I contemplate letting him in, but I really just need a night to myself. 
Will he be offended if I don't let him in?
 

His gorgeous smirk wins me over, so I open the door enough for me to just see him through the crack. 

"Hey.  What's up?"

"Just checking on you."

"I'm good.  You guys need to stop worrying about me.  I'm not the fragile little bitch you all have me pegged as."

"I know you're not, but I have the right to check on you."

"Luke, I'm really not in the mood tonight."

"I get that.  Just call me if you need anything.  I'm in room 322, just down the hall."  I watch his face lower in defeat.  He's just trying to cheer me up and I'm being a closed off bitch, not even letting him in the door for a few minutes.  He begins to walk away, so I step out the door to address him face to face.

"Luke, wait.  Come in and keep me company for a little while."  As I'm saying this my towel begins to slip, so I hurry to keep it up, letting go of the door in the process.  The room keys are inside and here I am, standing naked in the hall, with only a towel to shield me from gawking eyes. 

Luke's eyes get wide and he starts to laugh.  How could you not laugh?  This is an insane way to end this hellacious day.  The room is in my name only, therefore I have to go to the front desk for a key to the room. 
Shit.
 
This is not happening to me right now.

"Come to my room.  We'll call downstairs to get you a key."

"Wait.  Isn't Aiden in your room?"

"Yes, but your other option is to stand out here in the hall to see which Walker comes out to see us talking while you're naked."  When he says it like that, I look forward to seeing Aiden in that hotel room.  I don't want any more drama tonight. 
Can't a girl just relax and get some rest?

I tuck my towel in tighter and start to walk down the hall with as much pride as one can in this situation.  He walks fast and I appreciate it.  I hear him begin to warn Aiden the second he opens the door.

"Hey, Lilly is locked out of her room.... and she's naked.  You need to turn the fuck around and give the girl some privacy,"

"What the hell?  I'm not naked.  I have a towel covering me."

"Naked enough."

Aiden moves quickly and never tries to show any disrespect as Luke picks up the phone and dials the front desk.  His explanation as to why he needs a key to a girl's room doesn't work and they demand that I come down for a new key.  He slams the phone down, aggravated, and starts digging in his bag.

"You can put some of my clothes on and go down."  He tosses a t-shirt and shorts over.  The shorts go past my knees and the t-shirt is big on me, which I'm thankful for since I have no bra on.  I go into the bathroom and pull his clothes on. 

He insists on escorting me downstairs and sends evil glares at anyone who even
tries
to look my way.  Crossing my arms over my chest, I manage to get a new room key and we make it back to the third floor.  The elevator opens up and we're faced with Talon and Eaven. 

Can this fucking night just end already?
  They both notice my attire instantly.  I'm sure conclusions are drawn and I have to let any cares about it go.  It is what it is.  Luke and I shouldn't have to answer to anyone.

I hold my head up and step off the elevator.  Turning to wave at them both, I say a thankful prayer that they didn't see me in the towel minutes before.  Holding on to the shorts as I walk quickly to my room, I get the key ready to enter the slot.  I'm going to lock myself in this room and not come out until it's time to pull out of the parking lot. 

His footsteps behind me let me know he still wants to come in to talk.  I hold the door open long enough for him to enter and then gladly close it for good.

"That did
not
just happen."  His laughter verifies his true feelings of the matter.

"Glad
you
think it's funny."

"It is.  Something like that would only happen to you."

"Yeah.  I know.  Fuck my life right now."

"Aww.  It's not that bad.  It could've been worse."

"How?"

"You could have answered the door completely naked."

"Do you honestly think I'd step into the hall butt-ass naked?"

"
I
would."  Slugging him in the arm, I walk over to the bed in the room."

"You totally would."

"Yeah, and I'd stroll my naked ass downstairs to get a new key when they wouldn't work with me over the phone, too."  I could see him doing that.  I'd die of embarrassment and he'd stand proud.  Our laughter and banter continue for hours.  It's so nice to have this back.  It's only been days since we crossed the line and messed things up, but it seems like a long time when you're used to spending almost every minute of the day with someone.

We both fall asleep in the bed and it's purely innocent the entire night.  We needed this and I wake up as happy as I can possibly be.

He doesn't have his shirt on, so I can't help but admire his back when the light starts to shine through the window.  Every time I'm this close to him I see a new tattoo that has always been there, but is just now standing out.  You could seriously play a game of hidden objects on this man's back.  I try not to stir too much and wake him up.  Enjoying this moment for as long as I can, I just watch him in silent awe.

Luke

Spending the night with Lilly like this reminds me how much I enjoy her in my daily life.  We have a lot in common and she knows everything about me.  We don't have any secrets and she just gets me.  Our conversation covers everything from more about our sexual history to the fact that she didn't sleep with Garrett that first night.

Talk about regret.  I want to rewind time and stop her from leaving with him all over again.  I really thought she liked him and was trying to get to know him better.  Hearing her side of things is tough, but we make it through it. 

I apologize for flaunting my 'skank' in her face and she seems to accept it.  Our understanding that we aren't committed to anyone and this is just the beginning of many adventures for both of us seems to come with a sense of relief and concern all in one.  It's important that we understand each other; I just hope we can handle it better when it happens again.

I watch her sleep before I doze off.  Her crazy bed hair and the fact that she's wearing my hideous clothes should be a turn off, but it's not.  I'm not going there with her again anytime soon. 

I open my eyes to silence.  Rolling over, I catch her looking at me.  She tries to avert her eyes before I see her, but she fails.  It does something to me to know she was staring at me while I slept. 
What's with the two of us creepers?

"I should probably get back to my room."

"Yeah, probably so."  I crawl out of bed at the same time she does.  She meets me at the end of the bed and wraps her arms around my waist. 

"Thanks for cheering me up last night.  I had a great time."

"Anytime.  You know I'm here for you."

"So I get to keep the clothes?"

"Uh.  If you really want them."  Her smile when she pulls back from me is all that I wanted to see when I came here last night.  Her happiness means a lot to me and I never want to see her hurt like she has the last few days. 

We only have an hour before we need to leave.  I want to get some gym time in before we go and I'll need to shower as well.  A few of the guys are in the fitness area, so it turns into a pissing contest with the weights.  Holden isn't in here, so I kill it against all of those bastards.  Holden is the only one who can hang with me in the gym.  It goes back and forth with him as to which one of us can lift more.  These other guys have the proper form and one day will get there, but my hard work and dedication outweighs all of their efforts any day.