Nanny Piggins and the Daring Rescue 7 (25 page)

‘Perhaps she's planning to fire Father out to sea,' suggested Michael.

‘What!' exclaimed Mr Green, looking up from his bowl of ice-cream and puffing out his chest, ready to be outraged. ‘How dare –'

But he was suddenly silenced by a deafening cannon blast.

BOOM!

The astonished crowd looked up to see a pig sail through the air at missile speed and crash into the top of the marquee, bounce off and land right in a huge creamy trifle in the middle of the dessert table.

‘Mmm, delicious,' said Nanny Piggins as she stood up and licked the cream from her face. ‘Now that I have your attention, I have something to show you.' She scraped the cream away from her outfit, and the crowd was shocked to see the most spectacular sight – the world's most glamorous flying pig wearing seven large cakes.

There was a collective intake of breath. Never had they seen a pig or seven cakes that looked so beautiful.

‘What do you want?' demanded the President, struggling to his feet. ‘Why do you come here and interrupt our celebrations? I have already told you – you may not take back the Great Mr Green.'

‘We'll see,' said Nanny Piggins provocatively, ‘if you feel the same way after you have seen my dance and eaten my cake.'

The music started up. (Fortunately Boris had had the foresight to pack a piano accordion in his suitcase. With a sister like Nanny Piggins he never knew when he would be called upon to play provocative accordion music.)

Nanny Piggins began to dance. It was like watching a snake hypnotise its prey. She wiggled, sashayed and shimmied, all while showing off her greatest assets – her cakes. First she would dance right up to the President and flaunt her lemon drizzle under his nose; next she would tease him with her chocolate mud; then just as the drool spilled from his mouth she'd whip out her coconut cream cake and make his mouth water. The dance went on for a full fifty minutes. Nanny Piggins held her audience completely riveted. By the time she was finished the whole crowd was begging and pleading for just one taste, one mouthful of her delicious wares. Nanny Piggins stood panting in triumph, the seven cakes laid out in a line before her.

‘Well, Mr President, what do you say?' she asked. ‘If you give me Mr Green, I will give you all seven of these cakes.'

The crowd started yelling. ‘Take it!', ‘Do as she asks!' and ‘Give me a bite!'

The President held up his hand for silence.

‘You are a dangerous woman, Nanny Piggins,' said the President.

‘Thank you,' said Nanny Piggins.

‘But I will not give you what you ask for,' he continued.

‘Nooo!' called the crowd. ‘We want the cake!' ‘Make Nanny Piggins President!'

The President held up his hand for silence again.

‘You have truly tempted me with your cakes. I have never in my life smelled finer baked goods, and I once took a totally unjustified three-month junket to Paris where I did nothing but eat cake three meals a day, so I know,' continued the President. ‘But you have forgotten one thing.'

‘Really,' said Nanny Piggins, checking the back of her trotter. ‘Usually I write myself a note on the back of my trotter if I think I'm going to forget something.'

‘You have forgotten,' continued the President, ‘that I am the President. As such I can eat my cake and have my national hero too.'

‘What?' said Nanny Piggins, struggling to understand.

‘Bring me the cake!' ordered the President. Several public servants rushed forward, scooped up the cakes and took it to their President. ‘Police, escort Mr Green back to his luxury villa! He is not going anywhere.'

Nanny Piggins was dumbfounded. She knew she should be biting someone's shins but she didn't know where to start. ‘I have travelled around the world 17 times, which is 16 times more than I wanted to, and in all that time I have never met such an immoral cake lover. How could you do this to a fellow devotee of cake?'

The President looked ashamed. ‘You are right, but I am a President. I have to put my people first.'

Back at the luxury villa, Nanny Piggins, Boris, Mr Green and the children sat around the kitchen table, feeling despondent.

‘What a blow,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘It's not so much that I mind about not rescuing your father . . .'

‘Hey! I'm sitting right here,' complained Mr Green.

‘It's the getting thwarted,' continued Nanny Piggins. ‘I'm not used to getting thwarted.'

‘You would think it would be easier to smuggle someone off an island,' said Boris. ‘Pirates used to smuggle things off islands all the time. And they wore eye-patches so they didn't even have depth perception.'

Nanny Piggins leapt up and kissed Boris.

‘You've just given me a brilliant idea!' exclaimed Nanny Piggins.

‘I have?' asked Boris. ‘That's nice. I like it when I'm brilliant without even knowing it.'

‘All I need is a coconut bra, a red wig, a lot of sticky tape and a bed sheet,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I wonder if they have an all-night haberdasher in this town.'

‘Do they have an all-night haberdasher in any town?' asked Derrick.

‘Never mind,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I'll hunt down what I need.' With which Nanny Piggins leapt out the window and ran off into the night.

‘What do you think she's doing?' asked Samantha.

‘Knowing my sister,' said Boris, ‘she's probably gone to the President's house to get her cakes back.'

When the children and Boris woke up the following morning, Nanny Piggins was nowhere to be found. Mr Green was missing too. But there was a note on the kitchen table.

Meet me at the docks at midday.

Love,

NP

When they arrived, there was a crowd gathered to see the
Queen Alexandra
set sail. Nanny Piggins was standing at the front, looking smug.

‘What have you done?' asked Samantha.

‘You'll see,' said Nanny Piggins with a smile.

‘Where's Father?' asked Derrick.

‘All in good time,' said Nanny Piggins mysteriously.

The crowd started to buzz. The President's car had pulled up. The band launched into the Vanuatu national anthem as the President got out and made his way over to the ceremonial area. He stopped when he came face-to-face with Nanny Piggins.

‘What are you doing here?' demanded the President.

‘Nothing,' said Nanny Piggins, with the exaggerated innocence only assumed by the devious.

‘I hope you're not going to try to help Mr Green escape anymore?' asked the President.

‘Oh no,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I've finished with that.'

‘By the way,' said the President, leaning in and whispering. ‘Those cakes last night were delicious.'

‘I know,' said Nanny Piggins.

‘I don't suppose I could interest you in a job?' asked the President. ‘Cabinet Secretary in Charge of Cake Baking?'

The children held their breaths. They always knew the day would come when their nanny would be lured away by some spectacular career opportunity. And what could be better than living in the sun-drenched tropics and baking cake.

‘That is a very sweet offer,' said Nanny Piggins, ‘and I'm sure I would be very good at it. Fulfilling the cake needs of an entire nation would be rewarding. But I'm afraid I already have a much more important job – looking after these three children.'

The children started breathing again.

‘Why?' asked the President. ‘Are they especially difficult to take care of?'

‘They are humans,' said Nanny Piggins, ‘so yes, I do have to spend a lot of time correcting the wrong things they learn at school.'

The President was ushered away to shake hands with the harbour master, the tourism minister and other important dignitaries. Then he took up his position by the ceremonial cannon on the dock.

‘Is that the cannon you blasted yourself out of last night?' asked Michael.

‘Yes, she's a beauty, isn't she?' said Nanny Piggins.

‘You haven't stuffed Father in there have you?' asked Samantha.

‘Goodness no,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘It wouldn't be fair on such a lovely cannon. It's high calibre but it's not that high calibre.'

As the ship drew away, the President was handed a torch that he used to reach forward and light the wick on the cannon. The fuse sizzled down to a nub and disappeared entirely. There was a moment of silence. Then . . .

BOOM!

The cannon fired a deafening salute to farewell the huge cruise ship. And the crowd cheered.

‘There's cake for everyone in the hospitality tent!' announced the President. The crowd cheered again, even louder this time.

Everyone made their way over to the marquee to enjoy the refreshments – everyone except Nanny Piggins. She stood watching the boat sail away.

‘Nanny Piggins, didn't you hear?' asked Michael. ‘They are giving away free cake in the tent.'

‘I know,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘Very nice Dundee cake by the smell of it.'

‘But you've never turned down free cake before,' said Derrick.

‘I'll have some cake in a moment,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘I'm doing something more important right now.'

The children gasped. They had never heard Nanny Piggins say anything was more important than cake, except perhaps chocolate.

‘But Nanny Piggins,' said Samantha, fearing for her nanny's sanity, ‘you're just watching the ship sail away.'

‘I know,' said Nanny Piggins, positively beginning to grin. ‘Tell me, do you like the figurehead?'

Boris and the children looked at the statue on the front of the boat. It was a sculpture of a mermaid.

‘No, it's frightfully ugly,' said Derrick.

‘And slightly overweight,' said Michael.

‘And . . . can I hear it yelling?' asked Boris.

Nanny Piggins smiled even wider. ‘Probably,' she agreed.

‘Where's Father?' asked Samantha, starting to put the pieces together.

‘I know it is not the prettiest figurehead,' admitted Nanny Piggins, ‘but it is the prettiest your father has ever looked.'

‘He's going to sail all the way home strapped to the front of a boat?!' exclaimed Michael.

‘I gave him plenty of supplies,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘There are two large chocolate cakes tucked into his coconut bra.'

‘You did it!' marvelled Michael. ‘You rescued Father.'

‘And I arranged a lovely cruise for him,' said Nanny Piggins. ‘It'll be five days before the ship docks somewhere with an international airport, then another day for him to arrange a flight and fly home. Which means we can enjoy another six days in Vanuatu and still beat him back.'

‘Hurray!' exclaimed Boris and the children.

‘What shall we do first?' asked Derrick.

‘Swimming?' asked Samantha.

‘Scuba diving?' asked Michael.

‘Kayaking?' asked Boris.

‘Oh, we'll do all those things,' agreed Nanny Piggins, ‘but first, let's pay a little visit to the cake tent.'