My Unexpected Forever (6 page)

Harrison stands behind me. I can feel him there, breathing onto my neck. He’s not touching me, but he might as well be. My skin prickles, making me shiver. He steps around to stand in front of me. The only noise in the room is coming from outside. He peers down, studying me. I raise my hand to his hood. He steps back a little. Okay, so that’s a no, I’m not allowed to see his hair. I tentatively step closer, my breasts touching his hoodie, and look from his eyes to his mouth. I rise up, pushing my body into him. Harrison licks his lips, which encourages me.

“Don’t do it unless you mean it.”

W
hat
the fuck am I doing? Here she is, in my room with her body pressed against mine. She’s centimeters from my lips. I just have to lean forward and we’ll be connected. I could taste her sweet, sinful mouth. Her tongue could be moving against mine as I palm her ass, pulling her onto my hard-on. But no, my dumbass asks her to be sure, because I won’t be able to take it if she’s not. I won’t be able to work day in and day out with her knowing that I had her and allowed her to reject me.

My hands beg for contact. They want to touch her just as much as I do. The other night in the greenroom was just an iota of what I want to do to her. I’ve never had to be patient to get a woman, and tonight’s a testament of just that. I could’ve brought that groupie back here - she knew who I was - but the moment I stepped out into the hall and she tried to kiss me, I didn’t want to take it any further.

Katelyn stares up at me, her brown eyes penetrating my resolve. She licks her lips, enticing me more. I want nothing more than to drag my hands down her body, over her luscious hips. I can cup my hands behind her legs, pick her up and she’d be sitting right where I need to feel her. Her flimsy dress isn’t enough of a barrier; she’d feel exactly how much I want her.

I study her for a sign, anything to let me know that she wants me. That this is what she wants for us. My movements are slow and calculated. I stick with what I know I’m allowed to do. Her eyes watch as my hand moves to her hair. I pick up a curled strand and hold the silk in between my fingers before pinning it behind her ear. I allow my fingers to touch her, allow them to move along her jaw. Her skin is soft, and it pebbles lightly as I move closer to her mouth. I lift her chin gently and lean in, brushing my lips lightly across hers. She doesn’t resist me.

She gasps, and I pull back. Her eyes lock on mine. I look from her eyes to her mouth, her tongue teasing me as it wets her lips again. My lips touch hers as I give her small sensual kisses. Her hand grabs my side and I feel her pull me closer. My hand finds purchase at the back of her neck, holding her to me as I deepen the kiss. The explosion of heat that I feel when her tongue touches mine is hypnotic. Our lips move on their own volition.

Katelyn steps closer, her hand moving up my chest. I sigh when she touches my face. She holds me to her, like I belong. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I met her and now that I finally have her, I don’t think I’ll be able to let go.

“Katelyn,” I say huskily in between kisses. She pulls back abruptly, breaking our contact. I’m afraid to open my eyes. I rise up and take a deep breath. When I open my eyes she’s looking anywhere but at me. I reach for her, only for her to recoil at my touch. I drop my head and hand and step back from her. My throat is tight. I want to ask her why, but can’t find the words. I’m afraid to open my mouth.

“This is a mistake,” she says.

“It isn’t.” The words are for my benefit because I doubt she’s going to believe me. She’s not ready. I should’ve known this. I look at her and find that she’s shaking her head. Her fingers pull at her lips. Lips that I just kissed full on and want to kiss again. No, that’s not right. I need to kiss them again. I need to feel the spell she puts me under just to feel alive.

“I need to go.”

“Don’t.”

Katelyn shakes her head. She bends and picks up her shoes that I didn’t even realize she had dropped. I stand here, rooted in place while she walks to my door. What are the chances that she opens it and turns back to me? Probably slim. She doesn’t want me. I’m nothing but a distraction. I’m not the man she thinks she needs to help raise her kids. I don’t fit the mold, the stereotype of the All-American husband.

My heart stops when the door opens. I’m powerless to keep her here, to stop her from walking away from something I know can be good. I know how to treat a woman like her. She’s the one I’ve been waiting for.

“Why her?”

I walk to her, stopping when my chest is pressed against her back. I hold onto the edge of the door, giving me more leverage to keep her tightly against me.

“What do you mean?”

Katelyn turns, her hand brushing against me. I bite my lip to avoid hissing. That will scare her, but she has to realize what it does to a man when you brush against them when they’re hard, and when I’m near her… hell even when I’m not near her, I’m hard. Just the simple thought of seeing her smile once a day is enough for me.

“She got to touch you, take your hood off and when I tried, you moved away.”

She was watching. This should give me hope, but it doesn’t. It hurts that she saw me with that woman. If this was last year, I would’ve bedded her and never thought about her again. That all changed the night I met Katelyn. One look at her and I knew.

“Because I want you to know me.”

My answer isn’t enough for her. She turns and walks out into the hall, toward her room. I step out, leaning against the door jam and watch her walk to her room. She stands at her door. Her hand comes up to her face and across her cheek. Fucking great, I made her cry. She doesn’t offer me a look before entering her door. The click echoes down the hall, effectively ending the best and worst minutes of my life.

I sit down on the couch and stretch out. I don’t know what else I can do to get her attention. Maybe I should stop. I should take her walking away from me as a sign. But I’m in too deep. Too far gone to give up, and I don’t know if I can be her friend anymore. Something has to give.

I rub my hands up and down my face before screaming out in frustration. Life isn’t supposed to be like this. I’ve waited for the right one to come along, and when she finally does, she’s so torn up after losing her husband that I don’t stand a chance in hell.

I should’ve known better.

I should’ve…

I search frantically for a piece of paper and a pen, finding one in Quinn’s backpack. Sitting back down, I clear the coffee table of his games and start writing.

I set my pen down and read over the words. I like how they are coming together, how she’s bringing this out of me.

I get up and pace. My fingers play with my missing lip ring. Sometimes I wish I still had it, but Quinn would’ve yanked it out when he was younger had I kept it. I read the lyrics that I wrote down. My chicken scratch is barely legible. School definitely doesn’t prepare you for stardom. Maybe if I paid more attention in handwriting class, I wouldn’t groan internally each time I’m asked for an autograph. I stop and play the air drums with the lyrics running through my head.

I have to scramble back to the couch when the next verse works its way into my subconscious.

I hold the paper in my hand. I can’t help but smile. The first song I wrote about my feelings turned out to be shit; Liam won’t even sing it, but this… this has number one written all over it.

The high of my accomplishment quickly wears off. I have no one to share this with. Quinn is having a sleepover with Noah and Liam has Josie. JD is god-knows-where and with whom. Me? I’m alone, clutching an inked up piece of paper with a bunch of cross-outs, thinking I’ve just written a masterpiece. God, I’m such a fool. This isn’t any better than the first song I gave him. I know Liam says we need to express ourselves more, but come on. I can’t. I’ve never been good at this. I’m the silent one in the corner. The one you miss when you walk into a room. This isn’t me.

I crumple the lyrics up in to a ball and throw them toward the trashcan. The paper drops about a foot in front of it. Great, I can’t even make a basket. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I look at the clock, two a.m.

“It’s early.”

“Or late depending on where you are.”

“This is true. What’s up, Yvie?”

“Not much,” she sighs into the phone. There is definitely something bothering her or she wouldn’t be calling.

“You’re lying. I hate it when you lie to me.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “I just miss you and it’s not really a lie.”

“I miss you, too.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. I should be in bed. We are doing Disney in the morning. I could probably talk Quinn out of going first thing, but the other kids want to go and he needs to be with his friends. “So, missing me is the problem or is something else going on?”

“I have news.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I ask.

“I’ll be staring on Broadway in
Enchantment
,” Yvie says excitedly.

“Congratulations. When do you leave?”

“In a week.”

“That’s awesome, I’m very proud of you, Yvie.”

“Thank you. Now tell me why you’re awake. I know you didn’t have a show tonight.”

This time I’m the one sighing.

“What’s her name?”

“What makes you think there’s a woman involved?” I ask, trying to fight the grin that’s about to spread across my face. Katelyn, and how things were left, are definitely nothing to smile about.

“Quinn may have mentioned something when I called him earlier.”

“Traitor,” I say as I shake my head. I love that he and Yvie are close, even though we are living so far apart. It’s important for him to confide in her. She’s been like an older sister to him. “I like someone who can’t or won’t like me back.”

“Quinn says she lost her husband.”

I nod before realizing Yvie can’t see me. “She did and she’s raising twin daughters who are six. What else does my son say?”

“That she makes you smile and that one of her daughters really likes you.” Quinn must be talking about Elle because Peyton doesn’t like anyone right now, unless their name is Liam. It makes me feel good that Elle has taken to me. I would never want to replace her dad, but wouldn’t mind being a part of her life. Right now, Elle’s the only one willing to let me in.

“She does make me smile, but she also irritates me so much. I’m afraid to show her the real me because she definitely looks down on all my tattoos and the rejection… I’m not sure I can take any more.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them.

“Any more?”

I take a deep breath and push my hood off. “I kissed her tonight.”

“That’s good, right?” Yvie sounds too happy. I want to be her kind of happy someday.

“It was, until she pulled away. I moved too fast and probably scared her away.”

“Ah big brother, I’m sure she’ll come around. Once she gets to know you, she won’t be able to resist you. I know that for a fact.”

“Do ya now?” I ask, trying not to laugh at her enthusiasm. “And how’s that?”

“Because you’re the most amazing person I know and anyone would count themselves lucky to be loved by you.”

I can’t help but smile. “I love you, Yvie.”

“I love you too. I gotta go. I’ll call in a few days.”

“Be good.”

“Ha, you’re one to talk. Go snag your lady.”

“You’re funny.”

“I am.” My sister hangs up. I lean back and stare at the ceiling. She’s been studying and working extremely hard to land a lead on Broadway and she’s finally done it and I couldn’t be more proud. Now, if I could get my life in order, maybe the James family can finally be in sync. The only problem with mine is that I haven’t waited a year – the predetermined mourning period according to Cosmo, and now I’m stuck in limbo and don’t know what to do to get out of it. Obviously my kissing powers did nothing for her.