Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge (14 page)

Georgiana quite agreed with her aunt; nevertheless, she also felt remorse for their actions, until she remembered Caroline's vitriolic words spoken against Elizabeth.

Although quite sickened by what she and her family had done, Miss Anna attempted to lighten the mood in the carriage. "I am afraid Miss Bingley's character is not of a very high
morel
standing and she certainly has
mush-room
for improvement."

Her exasperated mother sighed and said, "Anna Darcy, now is not the time. Your newly acquired sense of humour is fast becoming a
pun
ishment for us all. Do, please, have some compassion for our poor nerves."

Charles Bingley, back in his study, impatiently waited for Caroline to return; and he was not in a very receptive frame of mind. He still had not reserved a set with Miss Bennet for the ball. He fretted over Colonel Fitzwilliam's intentions toward her. The uninformed coachman had chosen Boodles, where none of his friends had gone that afternoon; and he worried Caroline might have exceeded her allowance by making unnecessary orange-hued purchases all day. A knock interrupted his fit of pique; he bade the intruder, "Enter."

In proper form, Fossett, the forbearing foyer footman, forged ahead and formally announced, "Miss Bingley has returned, sir. However, she is unwell and wanted you to know she is indisposed and regrets being unable to take dinner or meet with you this evening."

"Oh, really? Well, we shall just see about that." Bingley jumped up from his chair, donned his discarded coat, stomped out of the study, marched upstairs, and pounded on the door to his sister's apartments. "Caroline, open this door, right now. I need to speak with you."

"Go away, Charles."

His sister's voice had an unusual quality to it, so he asked, "Caroline, are you truly unwell? Open the door, please." Bingley had seen his sister disgusted, angry, disappointed, aggressive, contemptuous, and even, on occasion, frightened and sad. However, he had only once before, in their adult life, seen her cry; and that was years previously, at the death of their parents from scarlet fever. Therefore, when the key turned in the lock, the door opened, and he saw her red, blotchy, tear-stained face, he was truly alarmed. "Good God! What is the matter?" Caroline hesitated, but her knees trembled under her; and she sat down, unable to support herself. She looked so miserably ill it was impossible for Bingley to leave her. In a tone of gentleness and commiseration, he said, "Let me call your maid. Is there nothing you could take to give you present relief? A glass of wine? Shall I get you one? You are very ill, sister."

She burst into tears and for a few minutes could not utter a word. Bingley, in wretched suspense, could only say something indistinctly of his concern and observe her in compassionate silence. He passed Caroline a pristine handkerchief and considered how else he might comfort her. They had never embraced, and he felt awkward even considering such contact.

At length, she got up, paced, and spoke. "Oh, Charles, my humiliation cannot be concealed from anyone; and I know very well that nothing can be done. I have not the smallest hope. It is in every way horrible; and I am so very, very sorry, brother."

When his sister began to weep again, Bingley became increasingly worried.
Fiend seize convention! Caroline needs me
. He disregarded their past differences and indifferences, wrapped his arms around her bony shoulders, gathered her against his chest, and let her tears soak through his waistcoat and shirtfront. Deep, gut-wrenching sobs wracked her body; she whimpered and repeated, "I am so sorry. I am so very sorry, Charles." He murmured and stroked her hair and felt tears sting his own eyes in empathy with such overwhelming sorrow.

When she had cried herself out, she withdrew from his embrace and plopped down on the bench at her vanity table; one glimpse at her reflection in the mirror was enough to make her swivel around and face the other way. It was not her swollen, blotchy features that disgusted her so much but rather the evidence of her own miserable existence. She shook her head, took gulps of air, and yet would not look her brother in the eye.

"It is over, Charles. It is all over. I tried so very hard to fit in, but now it does not matter. I have ruined everything, and I am so, so sorry for you. I do not care about myself, but I would do anything to protect you from what is about to happen. Perhaps you should send me away somewhere ... far away from here. I hate it, Charles! I hate this place and this society. They never accepted me, not really. I truly did try, though. Perhaps that is the problem. I tried too hard. Oh, how could I have been such a bird-brained goose?"

"Caroline, please tell me. Whatever it is, we will get through this together. I am here for you. Allow me to help."

"I do not deserve your kindness, brother. Nonetheless, you would certainly find out soon enough anyway; so I will confess before the gossip reaches you. If you wish to be rid of me afterward, I will write to our relatives in Staffordshire and see if they will have me."

"Good God, Caroline! Has some man ... Have you been compromised in any way? Is that the cause of your dolour? Are you ... are you with child?"

"Charles! Most certainly not! My goodness, I was beginning to think my problem could not be more wretched. That said, I suppose there are others in worse situations."

Her brother crouched down in front of her and held her hands. "Tell me then, you silly goose. I promise not to be angry. Regardless, I need to know what has happened so we can start to work on a solution."

Caroline took a deep breath through her mouth, released it, and said, "I gave someone of our acquaintance the cut indirect and was dealt what I deserved, the cut direct."

She hung her head in shame but quickly raised it when Charles snorted and said, "Is that all?"

"Charles, you do not understand. I was, quite rightly, given the cut direct by the Lady Matlock and the Darcy family."

"
Darcy
renounced you?"

"No, it was the ladies of his family ... Lady Anne, Miss Darcy, and Miss Anna, in company with Lady Matlock, at Harding, Howell & Co. this afternoon. The store was crowded with members of the ton. I am ruined, Charles; and you will surely be shunned as well."

"Darcy will not allow that to occur, Caroline. He is a true friend; in fact, he warned me this might happen. I should have spoken to you sooner. When I consider I might have prevented this if I had but explained some of his concerns to you, I am grieved, indeed, by my procrastination. Wretched, wretched mistake."

"You are certainly not to blame for my foolhardiness, brother. Be that as it may, I do not understand. About what did Mr. Darcy warn you? He could not possibly have known I would give the cut indirect to those Bennet women."

"Caroline, no! Do you mean to tell me you cut the angelic Miss Jane Bennet? How could you?"

"It was not Miss Bennet I was trying to insult but her insufferab ... her sister, Miss Eliza - beth. They are merely countrified yokels who are on close terms with
servants
, Charles. I know you met them at Pemberley, but are you actually acquainted with the family?"

"Not as well as I would care to be. The Bennets are not yokels, Caroline. They are wealthy, fashionable, respected members of the gentry, who own a townhouse here as well as an estate in Hertfordshire. They and the Darcy family have been on quite friendly terms lately. Now, tell me exactly what happened earlier today when you were shopping."

His sister described what occurred outside and inside the department store. Charles suggested they should together visit the three families involved and apologize to the ladies. "However, Caroline, we shall not grovel. We still have enough self respect not to stoop that low."

When Caroline became agitated and protested she could not possibly face them again, her brother tried to soothe and comfort her. "I will be right beside you; and I will do most of the talking, if you wish. Even so, I insist you give an honest and heartfelt apology to Lady Matlock, the Darcy ladies, and both Bennet sisters. I still do not understand your antagonism toward Miss Elizabeth, though."

"I am embarrassed to admit it; however, Mr. Darcy seemed to be paying such an undue amount of attention to her that I became rather ... He was never mine, was he?" When Charles sadly shook his head, she continued, "Then the correct word would be envious rather than jealous. She seemed to be a nobody from nowhere who immediately had his admiration, whereas I had been trying for so long for even just a crumb of regard from the man."

"Caroline, are you truly in love with Darcy?"

"Love? What has
love
to do with it? He is a handsome, respected, eligible young man who happens to be heir to a vast fortune. I admit, without hesitation, I am more in love with the idea of being Mistress of Pemberley than with the man who comes along with it. I very much regret losing whatever connection we may have had with that grand estate. I miss the north. Perhaps it would be best for me to go live in Staffordshire. We do not belong in this society, Charles. Why have I been trying so hard to fit in? Oh, why did our wealth have to come from
shoes
of all things? How low and shoddy!"

"Caroline! Was that a pun?"

"Whatever do you mean? I most certainly would never stoop to that insufferable form of so-called humour. I have
some
dignity remaining after all, brother. As I was saying, although I knew we were low-born, I thought if I emulated the attitudes I observed in our betters, I might gain their acceptance. Foolish, foolish girl!"

"Ah, but Caroline, are they really our betters? They may have vast amounts of wealth, distinguished bloodlines, noble lineage and titles, and be more fashionable. For all that, are they truly better people? Some of the young ladies with whom you have been associating are vile, vain, and vacuous. I wish you could be friends with people like the Bennets. No, do not give me that look, sister.
They
are the women you would do well to emulate."

"Am I really so unattractive and unappealing, Charles? What can I do to improve? Please help me."

"Your snobbish attitude has probably been a defensive strategy used to deny feelings of insecurity. We shall work on boosting your confidence and self worth. Be that as it may, we first must choke down some rather unsavoury tripe."

"Of what are you speaking, brother? Truly, I have no appetite for dinner tonight."

"No, my dear sister, I refer to the fact we must soon eat humble pie."

P
ART
IV

Perfumed, Polished,
and Perfectly Pleasing
or
Scents and Sensuality

A tribute to Austen's
Sense and Sensibility

C
hapter I

A Romantic Triangle Becomes a Wreck-Tangle

Fitzwilliam Darcy had sobered considerably by the time he and Ellis Fleming approached his townhouse. The two young gents quietly entered and evaded detection, except by a few curious yet scrupulous attendants. Fleming ensured his friend was comfortably settled in the library and said, "I shall leave you now; however, I have been invited to dine with your family this evening, so I will return in several hours. Promise me you will not be making indentures in the meantime. You have had quite enough to drink already this afternoon, Ditzwilliam Farcy."

Darcy waved his friend away and clumsily removed his cravat, coat, and shoes. He stretched out on a cozy couch in the hope of sleeping off the effects of more than just a wee tot of brandy. While in the middle of a strange dream, in which Elizabeth was both his wife and the Exchequer Minister, the library door flew open with a bang that sounded like a gunshot through his stupor. He jolted upright, which made the room spin wildly. "What the ... "

Georgiana gasped "Oh!" upon entering the room. "Sorry, brother. I did not realize the library was occupied. Have you seen Barb Thorne? She has escaped again from Anna."

"Chancellor?"

"I beg your pardon? Fitzwilliam, are you unwell?"

"Ah, no. Yes. Pardon? I fell asleep, you see."

"You are behaving rather strangely. I asked if you have seen Anna's hedgehog."

Darcy groggily grinned as he remembered a fragment of his dream in which he and the beautiful Chancellor of the Exchequer had been waltzing. He muttered, "I dreamt I was actually holding her in my arms."

"You have never liked holding hedgehogs. Yet you had your hands on Barbara in a dream?"

"No, on Elizabeth. Who is Bar ... Wait ... Georgie, did you just say
hanson barberin
?"

"No. I said 'hands on Barbara in ... ' oh, never mind! Truly, brother, you are not speaking coherently." She frowned and marched over to determine whether he was feverish but was appalled to find, instead, that he reeked of alcohol. "Fitzwilliam Darcy! Have you been liberally imbibing sufficient amounts of spirits to actually be inebriated at this hour of the day?"

He sheepishly admitted he had, indeed, consumed a quantity of alcoholic beverages at his club. As the intoxicating dream of dancing with Elizabeth faded like a wisp of smoke, he immediately remembered the underlying cause for the drinking binge. Darcy instantly became melancholy, slid back down, and reclined with his forearm over his eyes.

Georgiana sensed her brother was troubled by more than the effects of alcohol and tried to cheer him. "Why are you having a fit of the blue-devils? I should think you would be in high spirits at the prospect of spending tomorrow night in the presence of a certain young lady of our acquaintance. Have you already reserved a set or two with Elizabeth, brother? I hope you secured her for at least the first, supper, or final set; or perhaps you have been sly enough to ask for two of those. Mr. Fleming has requested all three sets from me; still, I wish ... "

Miss Darcy was startled when her brother bolted up, reeled across the room, and stared out the window. When the library stopped tilting, he spoke with a soft but raspy voice. "Have you not heard, Georgie? Your friend has accepted Lieutenant-Colonel Dun's marriage proposal."

She collapsed onto the vacated sofa and gazed at her brother's back as he rested his forehead on the coolness of the windowpane. "No! That cannot be true, Fitzwilliam. You are certainly mistaken."

"I was there, dearest; and I heard his understandable elation upon receiving her positive response."

Georgiana was aghast. "Are you telling me you were actually present during such an intimate moment?"

"Well, I was not present in the same room with the couple, of course. Despite that, I could not help but distinctly hear the end result. In fact, the whole household probably heard the fortunate braggart's happy exclamation. That insufferable, carrot-topped, red-coated blowhard could hardly contain his ecstatic enthusiasm at having won such a woman." He hung his head and muttered, "I certainly cannot blame him for such ardour."

Miss Darcy walked over to her older sibling and gently placed a hand on his arm. "I am so very sorry, Fitzwilliam. Yet I can scarcely believe Elizabeth would willingly enter into such an engagement. I was positive her affections were directed elsewhere. Oh dear, shall it be painful for you to face her at the ball?"

"Do not be concerned about me, Georgie. I will don my usual stiff upper lip and flinty mask, be a perfect gentleman, and ask the dear lady to accept my best wishes for her health and happiness. That said, I know I shall never experience felicity without her in my life. Excuse me now, please. I wish to be alone for a while." Darcy fetched his coat and shoes and staggered out of the library, forgetting he had also discarded his cravat, which had fallen beneath the chesterfield.

Georgiana was sorely disappointed and more than a little annoyed.
How could Elizabeth possibly be so confoundedly blind? She and Fitzwilliam are absolutely perfect for one another. I simply will not believe she agreed to become that officer's wife until I hear it directly from her. I must do what I can to repair my brother's broken heart and re-pair him with Elizabeth.
Miss Darcy also left the room; however, she rang for a carriage, donned a bonnet and spencer, collected Pug-Nacious and Dust Bunny, and exited the townhouse. She was on a mission to the Bennet home and totally forgot her previous undertaking, which had been to locate Barb Thorne, the hedgehog. From beneath the sofa, a white linen cravat stealthily made its way across the floor of the library and crept into the hallway.

Charlotte Lucas had already taken her leave and members of the Bennet family separately pursued a variety of activities. Jane arranged dried flowers while she compared Mr. Bingley to Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mrs. Bennet visited the Gardiners, Mr. Bennet efficiently took care of a pile of correspondence in his study, Mary was at school, Kitty and Lydia were on an outing with their governess, and Robert napped in the nursery. Alone in the sitting room, Elizabeth put the finishing touches on a watercolour painting that had been a work in progress for several weeks. She stood back, appraised the canvas with a critical eye, and was surprised when a footman announced her visitor. "Georgiana! What a pleasant surprise." She quickly turned the easel toward the wall so her friend would not notice the likeness of a certain young man in clinging clothing.

"Good afternoon, Elizabeth. It is nice to see you again, but I do not have much time before I am due to return home for dinner. May I urgently request a few moments of your time for a private conversation? The puppies are in the carriage, so perhaps you could join me while I take them for a short walk in the adjacent park."

Lizzy was puzzled by her friend's cool demeanour as they set off briskly with a footman trailing behind. Dust Bunny and Pug-Nacious sniffed the many interesting scents along the way. Due to the late afternoon hour, the ladies encountered few others on the paths of the small public garden not far from the Bennet townhouse.

"I am so glad to have this opportunity to speak with you, Georgiana."
It is very important you tell your gorgeous brother I am not betrothed.
"I have something of great import to impart."

"You need not bother, Elizabeth."
How could you accept that insufferable, carrot-topped, red-coated blowhard?
"I am already well aware of your shocking news."

Lizzy was taken aback and wondered how word had reached her friend.
No matter ... as long as Mr. Darcy knows the truth.
"Oh. Well, good."

Georgiana continued, "I must admit I was surprised at the result of Lieutenant-Colonel Dun's proposal."
You and Fitzwilliam were perfect together. How could you accept another?
"I wonder why you made such an ill-advised decision."

Elizabeth gasped and felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach.
Do you think I should have accepted Dun's offer? Does your brother not care for me as I do him?
"You do not approve of my response to his proposal?"

"To be perfectly honest, my friend, no."
Simpleton. You would have been so much happier with my brother.
"In fact, I believe you have made a colossal mistake regarding your future happiness."

"Georgiana, was I wrong to presume that your bro ... "

Her friend interrupted, "Oh, how could you disappoint him in such a cruel way, Elizabeth?"
Fitzwilliam loved you ... loves you. He is inconsolable.
"The poor man is absolutely desolate and heart-achingly heartbroken."

"How could you possibly know his feelings?"
You met Lieutenant-Colonel Dun at our dinner and glared at him throughout the meal. How and why are you suddenly privy to his sentiments?

"He told me himself; and if I recall correctly, his exact words were, 'I know I shall never experience happiness without her in my life.'"
That's how I know his feelings, you selfish, heartless girl.

"Under what circumstances were you in his presence? Why would he even express sentiments to you he never even mentioned to me?"
This is insane. Why was John spilling his soul to you?
"When and where did you encounter the man?"

"I left him just now to come here to see you, Elizabeth."
My brother could hardly express his love to you when Dun beat him to it. Why is it so difficult for you to understand his hurt and his need to confide in me?
"He apparently spent the afternoon drinking to drown his sorrow over losing you and was sleeping in the library when I happened upon him."

"He was sleeping in the library?"
Has the world gone mad? I cannot make sense of any of this.
"Which library?"

"The one at our house, of course."
You are such a bacon-brained goose, Elizabeth Bennet.

"What on earth was he doing at your home?"
Argh! Why was John Dun at your house, of all places in England?

"I just told you."
Perhaps this is all for the best. You are certainly addlepated, so my brother is better off without you.
"He was sleeping after having consumed too many alcoholic beverages."

Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief.
If Lieutenant-Colonel Dun is intoxicated and sleeping it off at Mr. Darcy's house, then I am surely Queen Elizabeth.
"In your home?"

"No, I believe he said he was drinking at his club. Be that as it may, the where is unimportant, Elizabeth. What is important is that ... "

"Excuse me. I beg to differ, Georgiana. I cannot begin to comprehend why, of all places in the entire world, Lieutenant-Colonel John Dun is, or was, sleeping in
your
library."

"
He
was not! I am speaking of my brother. Fiend seize it, Elizabeth, why would your foul fiance be at my home?"

"That is what I have been asking
you
! Wait, wait, wait ... your
brother
? My ...
fiance
?"

"If you had a speck of sense at all, my brother
would
be your fiance!"

The two ladies stood, arms akimbo, in the middle of the path, glared at one another, and tried to unravel their tangled conversation. Elizabeth sorted through the strands, finally realized the misunderstanding, and arched an eyebrow at her friend. "Georgiana, let me be rightly understood. I do not presently have, nor have I ever had, a fiance. Lieutenant-Colonel Dun did make me an offer; however, I declined and ... "

"You
declined
? You declined!" Miss Darcy clapped her hands and then gave her friend a hearty hug. "Oh, Elizabeth! Of course, you declined; and it is wonderful news, indeed. I beg your pardon, but I must return home on business that cannot be delayed. I have not an instant to lose. There is a rather dejected, heartbroken young man there who desperately needs cheering; and I now have exactly the information with which to do the job. Thank you."

"Georgiana, please wait. I would just like to clarify one point. This dejected, broken-hearted young man you mentioned ... You are, actually, speaking of your
brother
, are you not ... the one I hold in the highest regard?"

"Of course I am, you silly goose. I speak of none other than Fitzwilliam Darcy, my beloved brother who will, no doubt, some day make you my cherished, bacon-brained sister."

Elizabeth blushed but rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, Lud! Just what I need ... another bossy, interfering, older sister!"