Moving a Little Heart (3 page)

"Put an extra five shots of whatever it is you put in it!" Baylor yelled after him. She looked longingly at the bubbles forming in the tub. It did look wonderful, and every muscle in her body was crying out for a break.

Her inner conflict, however, prevented her from willingly indulging in the relaxing pleasure of a hot bath—and the compulsion to be nasty and defiant to these guys bothered her immensely.

They had seen her need and simply wanted to help, but she used the excuse that her past situation prevented her from accepting their offers. She was honest with herself in the knowledge that she was overcompensating for her desperate need to discover her own identity apart from anyone else. These poor men were just getting caught in the fall-out, but it was no one's fault but their own. She'd
told
them to leave her alone!

Baylor grew angry as she again reflected on the failed marriage that had cost her four years of her life. She mourned the wasted time of being with a man who expected her to take care of his every need, and threw adolescent temper tantrums when things did not go his way. She did nothing but cater to him and his demanding family during that time, which gradually eliminated any remnants of her sense of self. Hayden was correct—the degree of their 'dysfunctionality' was beyond anything she had ever seen. According to her in-laws, this familial servitude was her duty—and her one, and only, job—and any whimsical desire playing in her mind to pursue her own goals and desires was never to be entertained 'if she knew what was good for her'.

Baylor rubbed the tense muscles of her neck and unclenched her teeth. Three months had passed since the divorce was finalized, and she still harbored a great deal of resentment towards her ex-husband and his relatives. Regardless of how she felt, it did not mean that she should succumb to the demands of these total strangers who had no position of authority in her life; especially a cop who'd had the audacity to blackmail her into compliance. She shook her head, recalling the embarrassment she felt when he actually
made
her spit her gum into his hand as though she were a little child.

She was still surly when Hayden returned with his 'cocktail'. He placed a mug on the edge of the tub with a plate of chocolate chip cookies and offered her a cheerful smile. "Here you go, sour puss. It's hot, so don't scald yourself. I got you a t-shirt, towel and washcloth." He handed her the items. "There is soap and shampoo right on the shelf, and new toothbrushes in the bottom drawer. Use anything you need."

Despite her annoyance, Baylor was impressed. Clearly, the man was accustomed to having houseguests, but she had never thought a guy would have thought of little things like this. Still, she refused to give Hayden even well-deserved kudos.

"Why are you doing this? Hasn't anyone had that talk with you about 'stranger danger'? I could be an axe-murderer or a serial rapist. Or worse!"

"Worse? Please don't tell me you're a Christmas elf! Or… or… a Smurf!" Hayden acted horrified. "You are the right size, but I don't see any pointy ears under those ponytails, and your skin doesn't have that lovely cyanotic sheen. Except for your eyes. They
are
a beautiful shade of blue. What's this? Are you giving me the 'look of death'? My mum used to do that. Didn't work."

"Ha ha." Baylor glowered. "You don't know what I'm capable of."

"I know you don't have your pretty little face plastered on wanted posters at the post office. I haven't checked with Chuck E. Cheese yet. For all I know, you have been banned for life for kicking kids out of the ball pit or stealing their prize tickets." Hayden laughed.

"I haven't been to Chuck E. Cheese in over ten years and have no intention of going back. How do you know I'm not a criminal?"

"Jake ran your license when he stopped you, didn't he? See this?" He pointed to his handsome face, which was marked with a frown. "This is my serious expression. It would be wise to remember what it looks like, because when it's put on, there's a reason."

"Why are you giving me 'Mr. Serious Face'?" Baylor wrinkled her nose.

"Because I want you to take your time and spoil yourself for a while. Do not leave this tub until you've either finished your cocktail or your skin looks like a prune."

"Hayden, this domineering crap you and Jake do is inappropriate. I will not—"

He interrupted her mid-sentence. "I'll be downstairs watching TV if you need me. I promised to make you a burger, too, if you're hungry. Just tell me. Oh, and Baylor?"

"What?" she snipped.

"The chocolate chip cookies are homemade. Terry's special recipe."

Baylor watched him exit the bathroom and close the door behind him. Shaking her head again, she stripped herself of her black tank top and shorts and looked at her body in the mirror with skepticism. Her tiny five foot one frame had lost several needed pounds over the last month and her cheeks had become somewhat angular, making her long, sooty lashed eyes appear huge and doll-like. She had her dark, shoulder-length hair pulled into two ponytail, giving her an even more youthful appearance than her age of twenty-three. No wonder Hayden had treated her like a child and made the Chuck E. Cheese comment! She looked no more than eight years old!

She stepped cautiously into the tub and lowered herself into the cloud of fragrant bubbles. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and submerged her head under the steaming water, enjoying the sound of a world without air. She came up to breathe and started washing her hair, musing about how nice it would be to have someone else run his fingers through her thick strands. Maybe even rub her neck and shoulders a bit, and gently kiss that sensitive little patch of nerves secreted behind her left ear. In some other life, perhaps.

Baylor rinsed out the shampoo and then picked up the mug, sniffing suspiciously. Cautiously, she took a tiny sip and released a satisfied moan. The concoction consisted of hot milk, a square of butter, a generous splash of coconut rum and had been stirred with a cinnamon stick. The cookies sent shivers through her body, as well. She tasted a hint of cinnamon in the dough, and it complemented the delicious hot beverage. Tension melted away for the first time in weeks as she finished her snack and sank her shoulders under the silky bubbles. She was starting to drift to sleep when a tapping on the door awakened her.

"Baylor? Are you okay in there? It's been an hour, and that water has got to be getting cold."

"Sorry, I dozed off. I'm getting out," she said sleepily, draining the tub. She grabbed the shower hose and rinsed the remaining suds from her body, then carefully stepped out to pat herself dry. She felt like she was moving in slow motion as she slipped Terry's huge t-shirt over her head. Taking a deep breath, Baylor inhaled the delightfully manly scent of the soft cotton. She would never leave the bed if her sheets smelled this good!

"Feel better?" Hayden asked as she opened the door.

"I'm fine, just tired. That drink was incredible, and knocked my ass out. I think I had a foodgasm with those cookies. Thanks."

"Terry is usually the house mother." Hayden chuckled. "Be glad he's not here, or he would have been bathing and dressing you himself. After he put you in a high chair and hand fed you. He's a little obsessive about taking care of little girls."

"I am not a little girl. As for Terry, I can tell you right here and now that that will never happen; any day or any way."

"We'll see. You don't know Terry. Are you hungry?"

"No, thank you."

"Would you like me to dry your hair?"

"You would do that?" Baylor could not disguise the surprised expression on her face.

"We have two girl cousins who used to spend every summer with us while their parents went adventuring," Hayden said, easing her onto the dressing bench. "I was the only one who didn't make them scream when I messed with them."

"If you're serious, that is the one thing I won't refuse. Especially when I'm this tired."

"You poor kid. You do look like you're going to pass out sitting up."

"I'm not a kid. I happen to be twenty-three. And I keep telling you that I'm fine."

"Of course you're fine," he teased, sounding like he was speaking to a six-year-old. "Let's get you all prettied up and I'll make you some macaroni and cheese. You can eat it in bed if you want."

"I told you that I'm not hungry. What is it with you and food?"

"Serious Face." He pointed to his expression. "I know the signs to look for when someone has reached their physical and mental limit. You, young lady, look like you haven't had a good meal in months, so you are eating. Non-negotiable. I am going to tuck you in and bring a bowl of Mac and Cheese right up to you. Don't try to tell me you don't like it, either, because I know these things."

"Are all the men in your family this pushy?"

"Yep. Jake and Dad are even worse. Am I pulling your hair?"

"Not at all. It feels nice," Baylor said, feeling like jelly in Hayden's hands as he gently dried her hair and brushed it to a shine. "I do find it difficult to believe that Jake would allow anyone to eat in his bed. I have never seen such an immaculate room,"

"He wouldn't mind as long as you were comfortable and taken care of. After you eat, I'll put you to bed."

"I can put myself to bed. I've been doing it on my own for nearly twenty years."

"Didn't anyone ever tuck you in?" he asked.

"There was no reason to. I grew up way before my time. I've always been an adult."

"We need to change that. You're too young to act so old. Except for the gum. That's got to go," Hayden mumbled.

"I happen to like my gum, thank you. And now that I know that it bothers you and your brother, I will have to make sure I chew it even more often."

"Brat," he said and chuckled, quickly finishing with her hair. He brushed it into soft waves upon her shoulders and held out his hand to help her up from the stool. Baylor followed him into the bedroom and slid under the cool, crisp sheets on Jake's bed.

"Mmm, everything around here smells so good," she muttered, burying her face in his pillow. Her body grew heavier by the second as she sank into the soft mattress. "I'm sorry, but I'm passing on the food. I'm way too sleepy."

"I see that, Sweetie. Get some sleep," Hayden said gently, stroking her back. "I'll see you in the morning. I'll leave the night light on for you to chase away the boogieman."

"Why? Is Jake coming back tonight?" Baylor snickered into the fragrant pillow.

"No such luck. Besides, he's the wrong type of boogieman. These night shifts are hell on him. He likes the light and is drawn to it like a moth."

"Does he sizzle and pop when he gets too close?" She couldn't resist.

"I have seen him sizzle and pop many times, but that's usually when a sassy little girl challenges his orders. Or pops bubbles in his face," Hayden said in return. "Go to sleep."

"Night. Thank you," Baylor murmured as slumber swiftly claimed her exhausted body. She remembered the feel of lips pressing against her temple as the blankets were tucked protectively around her shoulders. Her heart ached—she was unable to recall the last time anyone had either kissed her so tenderly, or tucked her in. Reluctantly, she admitted that this parental type of caring was very soothing, but only when she was tired!

The sound of men's voices permeated Baylor's dreams and slowly brought her to a state of alertness. She quickly brushed her teeth and threw her hair into a single, high ponytail before venturing downstairs.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Hayden said cheerfully, jumping up to pour her a cup of coffee. "You're up early. How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead. Where are my clothes?"

"I tossed a load in for you since you didn't have a washer and dryer," another voice announced. Baylor frowned at the stranger sitting in the recliner with a remote control in his hand.

"Pardon me? You are?"

"I guess you don't recognize me out of uniform and in the light of day. Sorry about the wet swimsuit; I always take a dip when I get off my shift. Jake Paterson," Jake said, standing up to shake her hand. She gulped, looking up into his hazel eyes after a quick sweeping gaze over his muscular body. He certainly cleaned up nicely, Baylor mused.

"He was being respectful and wore a suit in your honor." Hayden chuckled.

"I appreciate that," Baylor lied, noticing the prominent bulge through the boxer cut. "You always swim? Even during the winter?"

"Come rain or shine. It clears my head, especially after doing a twelve hour stint. I am glad you chose to follow my directions last night," Jake said, his deep voice rattling through her veins.

"I didn't realize how tired I was, that's all," Baylor said defensively. "As for washing my clothes—don't you think you're taking this 'to protect and serve' thing a little too literally?"

"It's what I do. Here is your house key. I got in this morning, as promised. Think about making a copy."

"I'll do that tomorrow."

"I hope you like pancakes. I stuffed them with fresh blueberries," Hayden interrupted, setting a stack of the fragrant hotcakes on the table. "Sit and eat."

"Thank you," Baylor said, accepting the keys from Jake. His fingers touched hers, sending a little shock up her arm. She pulled away and turned to Hayden. "I have to say that this concept that men actually cook and clean is a shocker to me. It smells fabulous, but I really have to get back to the other place. I slept in too late, and—"

"Eat," Jake ordered, stabbing a forkful and putting them on her plate. "You need your energy. Give her juice, not coffee. She needs the vitamins," he added to Hayden.

"I happen to enjoy coffee. You both need to listen to me. I am finding this whole thing very uncomfortable," Baylor said with a frown. "You are way too familiar with how you are bossing me around. You don't even know me, and you act like you're taking possession of my life. I don't like it."

"Really?" Jake looked at her with amusement. "Are you saying you don't need, or deserve, to be bossed around? Or that you don't require someone to take care of you?"

"That is exactly what I am saying; on both counts. What are you laughing about, Chuckles?" She glared at Hayden.

"You poor, poor dear. You have no idea who you are dealing with. The Almighty Jake has stepped into the room and there is no escape." Hayden laughed. "Being overbearing is his super-power."

"Chuckles?" Jake questioned, raising his eyebrow. "Hmm, I wonder what the guys will think of that."

"Don't be an ass, Jake," Hayden said.

"And don't you ever swear when there is a lady present." Jake narrowed his eyes.

Baylor swallowed, taken aback by the expression on the man's attractive, hard-featured face. It was, without a doubt, a look that no one disobeyed. Not even his brother.

"You," Jake tapped the table to get Baylor's attention. "Eat now. When you have cleaned your plate, you may go."

"I am not a child."

"Then don't behave like one. Show that you can take proper care of yourself and I'll lay off."

"I have half a mind to report you to your chief!" Baylor threatened.

"And I have an itchy palm that wants to roast your bottom. Would you like to see which one of us experiences the greatest discomfort?"

Baylor glared at him, then slammed her napkin down on the table. "How dare you speak to me in that manner! No one," tears suddenly burst from her eyes, "has ever spoken to me like that in my entire life!"

"Well, maybe someone should have. At least, someone who cared enough about you to put their foot down," Jake said calmly, unbothered by her outburst. "I can spot girls like you from a mile away. You deny it at first because you think you have something to prove, but you all eventually find your way to meet your needs if you're given a road map."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Baylor shouted, tears flowing freely down her face.

"I warned you about your language. Go stand in the corner, and don't come out until you are ready to lower your voice and carry on a conversation without the profanity."

"You are unfuckingbelievable! How can you stand there and let him talk to me like this?" Baylor yelled at Hayden.

"Because I'm in agreement with him. He's right. You are on a path to self-destruction, and need to be redirected before you burn yourself out. You're teetering on the edge, and even I can see that you are ready to topple over. You need a time out to think about what you're doing to yourself."

"You don't even know me!" Baylor cried in frustration.

"Your eyes are sunken in from lack of sleep. Your skin is thin and dry from lack of water. Your hands are shaking," Hayden observed. "I saw that last night. I'm guessing low blood sugar. Are you diabetic?"

"No!" Baylor hissed. She was not about to admit her hypoglycemic condition to either of them. Not only would it make her appear to be weaker, but she suspected they would use it as an excuse to push her around some more.

"Something isn't right." Hayden frowned, lifting his eyebrow as he studied her. "Either way, you might not have asked us to help you, but we don't stand on ceremony. Everyone in this family is involved in SAR in one way or another. I told you that saving people from themselves is what we do best."

"You need to just leave me alone. I didn't move from one controlling situation to get myself into another."

"From what you told me," Hayden handed her a tissue, "the control in your marriage was solely based on what your husband and family wanted for themselves, and your needs were not taken into consideration. That's not what we are about. We have nothing to gain by helping you get on your feet except a good neighbor and an exceptional friend."

"You both are fucking lunatics."

"I'm giving you until the count of three," Jake warned. "One…"

"Let me give you a little heads up," Hayden said, taking her hand. "When it comes to discipline, none of us in this house worry about consent. Don't push him, or you will find your little bottom getting blistered."

"This is insane!"

"Two…"

"Quite the contrary. We're probably the first sane people you have met in a long, long time," Hayden said kindly. "I warned you about SAR folks, didn't I? I promised you we would not interfere unless we thought you were in danger, didn't I?"

Baylor looked back and forth between the two, her eyes blurred with the tears that just kept coming out of nowhere. She felt like a deer in the headlights; frozen with the onslaught of emotion, and unable to either fight or run.

"The corner, Baylor Anne. This is the last time I'm telling you." Jake's orders were clear and concise.

"How did you know my full name?" Baylor whispered in a tiny voice, as her resolve began to weaken. She hated that Hayden was right. She was in danger, and on the brink of losing what little control she thought she had left in her life. The stress was too much, and boiled inside of her like a volcano. She felt strangely light-headed, too. A moment of panic ran through her as she realized how overboard in their reactions they would go if they found out she was not only a diagnosed hypoglycemic, but that she also frequently forgot to take her medication for severe hypertension caused by anxiety.

"I ran your license, remember? Just do as you're told and take a few minutes to think about how you got here, and how much easier it would be to cooperate and behave like a good girl," Jake said, his voice just a tad softer. "When you are dismissed, you are to tell me what you contemplated, understand?"

"Other than how many ways you can kill Jake in his sleep," Hayden added. "Now go."

Mentally and physical exhausted, Baylor numbly obeyed and leaned her forehead against the corner of the wall. She felt strange and confused by her unnatural compliance. It was as though she obtained peace the second she stopped fighting and submitted to the discipline.

It was strange how the 'corner time' provided her with an opportunity to recall her childhood and her failed marriage—something she had avoided thinking about for a very long time. Her mother had birthed a set of twins by the time Baylor turned three, and the toddler was used to picking up the slack to care for her younger siblings. Another baby, then another set of twins followed, filling the house with five little brothers and sisters and increasing responsibilities for her as the first born. Adding to the horrific chaos of her home life was the disorderly, bad-mannered and unmanageable nature of every one of the children. Their mother actively discouraged them from showing any respect or consideration for their eldest sister or her needs, and would reprimand Baylor in front of them to keep her from believing that she had any authority in her position.

While her mother (and most recent boyfriend) spent nearly every evening out drinking and smoking pot, Baylor was left at home with the increasing responsibilities of babysitting, feeding, cleaning, and helping the older children with homework. She had no time for friends or extracurricular activities beyond the photojournalism class she took during regular school hours. It was the only thing Baylor had true passion for and her mother, jealous of anything that drew attention away from herself, used it against her. Her camera became her mother's weapon to squelch rebellion, and she frequently took it from the girl if displeased with Baylor's performance or felt the need to make an example of her.

After graduating high school, Baylor had started college and met Felix Kasaab in a hookah lounge. He was a visiting business student at UC Davis in Sacramento—tall, handsome and the perfect gentleman. It was love at first sight, and Baylor received her very first kiss that same night. One month later, while in a drunken stupor after finishing her mid-terms, she allowed him to clumsily take her virginity—without protection. The following month, her missed period led to the fear of a possible pregnancy. Even after Baylor discovered that the scare was unjustified, Felix confessed his 'misdeed' to his parents, and was coerced into asking for her hand to avoid any future social disgrace to the disgustingly wealthy and affluent family.

Baylor eagerly accepted, seeing the opportunity to escape the imprisonment of her home-life and be part of a 'real' family. Her mother objected vehemently on the basis of needing Baylor's help, and announced that Baylor's decision to marry was as selfish as the one she'd made to start college. Baylor patiently reminded her mother that the other children were in school and old enough to care for themselves, and suggested that it was time for the older woman to grow up and take on her own responsibilities instead of shoving them onto her children. Her mother reacted violently to the girl's 'ungrateful stubbornness', broke Baylor's beloved camera into a thousand pieces, and informed her that she would never be welcome home again if she left. Baylor did not look back as she walked out the door.

Baylor's life was the epitome of someone who jumped from the frying pan into the fire. At the end of her first semester, her future in-laws insisted she move south to Los Angeles. They assured her that college would be unnecessary because the 'family' would take care of every need. Baylor adamantly refused to move in with Felix's parents, a decision that went unsupported by her husband, who was accustomed to being waited on by his mother. As a compromise, her future in-laws found an old, inexpensive rental in a questionable neighborhood for the new couple. It was conveniently close to the family home, and uncomfortable enough to encourage Felix to spend an inordinate amount of time at his parents' house.

As she was in a new area, and lacking any form of income of her own, the control her future family had over Baylor's life grew in leaps and bounds. They made all the wedding arrangements, including what was written in the vows. They dictated the guest list, the food served, reception music, place and length of the honeymoon, and even what dress she would wear. She was told that it was because they 'cared' and wanted her to have the best. The only thing they did in Baylor's best interest was to refuse to invite her mother and siblings to the wedding.

Baylor returned from a disastrous (and unsatisfying) three-day honeymoon in Las Vegas and was met with the discovery that all of her belongings had been moved to a storage unit—to which she was forbidden a key. The ugly house had also been horrendously decorated according to her mother-in-law's garish sensibilities, in an attempt to manipulate Baylor into agreeing to move into the family home. Baylor tried to control her resentment and explained that she needed her home to reflect her and Felix's tastes and needs, and that she would live under a bridge before she moved in with anyone other than her husband. Her protests were answered with silence, and she was immediately labeled as ungrateful and unworthy.