Mountain Homecoming (26 page)

Her face grew red. “I was afraid he was going to shoot you, Matthew. I couldn't stand by and let that happen.”

The hurt look on her face hit him like a kick in the stomach. She couldn't possibly understand. His words had pained her, and he regretted them. He exhaled. “That's just what my mother used to say every time she stepped in front of me to take the beating my father intended for me. I won't live like that again, Rani. I won't watch someone else I love get hurt because of me. Do you understand?”

She sucked in her breath, and tears flooded her eyes. “All I wanted to do was protect you.”

He nodded. “I know. But you can't protect me from everything I have to face. I have to do it on my own.”

A tear slid down her cheek. “I'm sorry if I offended you. I won't do it again.”

He took a deep breath. “I'll see that you don't. When we get back to your cabin, I'm going to tell Simon and Anna that it's cutting into my workday to keep traveling back and forth. There's a spot in the barn where I can sleep until the cabin's rebuilt. I think it would be better if I stayed there.”

Her face grew pale, and she swayed on her feet. “Are you doing this to get away from me?”

He bit his lip and nodded. “Yes.”

“Please don't.” She held out her hand and inched forward. Another tear slid down her cheek, and he longed to wipe it away.

“I have to stand on my own two feet and take whatever's coming my way. I won't have you hurt in the process.”

He wasn't going to take her hand. She lowered it and swallowed hard. She stared at him, and the hurt look in her eyes shattered his heart. “I hoped there might be something special happening between us. When you told me about the lodge and…and kissed me, I thought you loved me. A minute ago you said you wouldn't let someone else you loved be hurt. Did you mean that?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Rani, please…”

When he opened his eyes, she clenched her fists and stepped closer. “Answer me. You may not have spoken the words, but you've made me believe you love me. Do you?”

He wanted to lie to her, to tell her she was just another woman and that the kiss meant nothing to him, but he knew he could never say the words. “I care for you, Rani. I love you, but I'm never going to do anything about it. There's too much in my past for you to have to live with. It's better if I step away now before you get hurt worse.”

Tears spilled over onto her cheeks. “But Matthew, I love you too. How can I forget what you said?”

“It would be best if we pretended we'd never spoken the words we've said today.”

“I can't do that,” she sobbed.

He grasped her shoulders and stared into her eyes. “Yes, you can. There's no future for us, Rani. Your parents are the most respected people in the Cove, and I'm the son of Luke Jackson.”

“But you're also Naomi Jackson's son. Have you forgotten what Laura said about how you were kind like your mother?”

“No, I haven't forgotten, but Laura is one person. There are a lot of other folks around here who are going to judge me because of my father. Today it almost got you killed, and I won't put you in the middle of my problems again.”

She lifted her chin in defiance. “I don't care what
some
people think. I love you.”

Her words pierced his heart, and he released his grip on her shoulders before he relented and wrapped her in his arms. But after a moment he stepped back and shook his head. “It's no use, Rani. You're not going to change my mind. From now on I'm only going to think of you as the daughter of two of my oldest friends. Nothing more.”

“But…” The words she meant to say never came out. After a moment she wiped her eyes and nodded. “Fine. I suppose there's nothing I can do to change your mind. Maybe in time I'll come to see that you're right. For some reason we bring out the worst in each other. I say and do things that anger you, and you lash out at me. It's taking too much energy for us to have a relationship, and I'm tired of all the tension.”

He struggled to keep her from seeing how he regretted hearing her agree with him. “Me too. All I need to think about right now is getting my farm in shape. I don't have time for anything else.”

“Then I guess we're agreed.” Her words held a hopeful hint that he would contradict her.

Instead he nodded. “We are.”

She whirled and ran from the barn. He willed himself to stand still and not chase after her like his heart demanded.

When she was gone he sank down on the bench, propped his hands on his knees, and buried his face in his hands. His body trembled, and he silently berated himself. The things he'd said to Rani were unforgiveable, and he doubted if she would ever speak to him again.

If she only knew what those words had cost him. He'd almost begun to think she could help him find his way back from the lonely path he'd followed since his mother's death.

He closed his eyes and pictured her throwing her arms around him and telling him she loved him just as she had done a few minutes ago. But that would never happen now. That hope had died the minute she stepped in front of Wade Campbell's gun. His stomach roiled at the thought that in his anger Wade might have shot her, and it would have been his fault.

The memory of his mother stepping in front of him and receiving the blows meant for him had haunted him for years. At least he'd been honest when he told Rani he loved her, but he wouldn't let another woman he loved be harmed because of him.

He had never thought he would find someone who would love him, but Rani said she did. No one had ever loved him but his mother and Eli, and they were both gone. And now, so was Rani.

R
ani trudged up the steps of the Campbells' cabin and stopped on the front porch. Even with the door closed she could hear the angry voice of Wade Campbell inside. She wiped the tears from her cheeks before she opened the door.

“I'll take care of my wife, Simon. I don't need the help of no do-gooders from your church to come in here a-prayin' and carryin' on. And there ain't no need for no funeral. I'll get my cousin to help me dig a grave right here on my land.”

“Wade,” her father said, “you can do what you want about burying Bertha, but I wish you would reconsider letting me read some Scripture and say a prayer. Bertha was a fine woman, and she would have wanted that.”

“Ain't no need for that either. It don't make no difference to her now.”

Rani glanced at her father and saw the muscle in his jaw twitching. She knew how many times he had tried to talk to Wade about trusting Jesus, but Wade had never wanted to listen to him. She recognized the sorrow on her father's face, knowing that once again Wade was turning his back on God.

Her father started to speak again, but her mother laid her hand on his arm and shook her head. She clasped her hands in front of her and smiled. “Wade, I think you know how much I loved Bertha. I'll never forget the day I helped bring Noah into the world. She was one of the bravest women I ever assisted, and she became one of my dearest friends.”

The glassy stare in Wade's eyes didn't waver from her mother's face. “I reckon she liked you a lot too, Miss Anna.”

“Then please allow me to do something for my friend. Let me tend to her body and put her Sunday dress on her. She would want you and Noah to remember her that way, not looking like she's been suffering from all the sickness and pain.”

Wade swallowed, and his Adam's apple bobbed. “I reckon it would be all right for you to do that.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Wade. I know that's the way she would have wanted it. And I know you and Noah will miss her.”

A frown pulled at Wade's eyebrows. “Miss Anna, you're a good woman. I reckon Bertha would be pleased to have you tend to her.”

“I'll call you when we're ready for you to see her.” Anna glanced at Rani. “Get a pan of hot water and come into the other room.”

Rani didn't look at Wade Campbell but hurried to the woodstove, lifted up the kettle, and poured some water into a pan. When she carried it into the other room, her mother was already stripping the soiled dress from Bertha's body.

Anna looked up when Rani entered. “Put the water here and close the door.”

Rani did as she was told and returned to her mother's side. For the next few minutes they worked without speaking as they bathed Bertha's body. Her mother pointed to a dress hanging on a wall peg. “There's the dress Bertha wore to church when Wade would let her come. Would you get it for me?”

Rani pulled the dress from the peg and stared down at the black cotton dress. She ran her fingers down the thin channels of sewn-together fabric that ran up and down the bodice. The needlework was exquisite. Tears filled Rani's eyes, and she smoothed out the decoration Bertha had sewn with such care into the simple dress. “Mama, what's going to happen to Noah now?”

Anna shook her head. “I don't know, Rani. Your father and I will talk to Wade about him.”

Rani handed her mother the dress and looked around the room. “I wonder if there's a brush or comb in here.”

Her mother pointed to a table on the other side of the room. “There may be one over there.”

The table her mother pointed to held a few personal articles that must have belonged to Bertha. An ornate ivory hair comb and a brush with a tarnished silver handle lay next to the tattered Bible Rani had seen Bertha carrying in church. She opened the flap and stared at the page that contained several generations of names. “This must have been Bertha's family Bible. The names date back more than a hundred years.”

Her mother glanced up from dressing Bertha. “We need to make sure it's saved for Noah. That may be all he'll have to remember of his mother.”

She flipped over a few pages and stopped at a daguerreotype wedged in the pages. A somber young woman in a black dress stared at her. Rani picked up the picture and noticed the ivory comb sticking in her hair. “Look at this. The woman in this picture is wearing the comb that's beside Bertha's Bible.”

Her mother moved over beside her and looked at the picture. “Bertha showed me this picture once. It's her mother when she was a young girl, and the comb was given to her by her father. Bertha would never wear it because she was afraid she might lose it.”

Rani closed the Bible, placed it back on the table, and picked up the brush. Tears flooded her eyes. “A black dress, a hairbrush, a comb, and a Bible. Some people might think Bertha was just a poor mountain woman, but she wasn't. She was always the first one to arrive at someone's cabin when the wife was sick. She'd cook and clean and care for the children. And I saw how she loved Noah and how he loved her. She might have had a hard time with Wade, but she was rich with friendships of those who knew her.”

Her mother put her arm around Rani's waist and hugged her. “You're right, darling. She reminded me a lot of Matthew's mother. I saw how much Naomi loved her children the first time I met her. I'm glad you have a heart that lets you see the good in people. Don't ever lose that.”

The mention of Matthew took the wind from her lungs, and she wiped at the tears that spilled down her face. “I'll try not to. Now let's get Bertha ready.”

She and her mother walked back to Bertha's bed and stared down at the woman. The face that had been wracked with pain when they first arrived now looked peaceful. “She thanked me over and over for bringing cookies for Noah to Granny's birthday gathering. I didn't think about that being the last time we would talk.”

Her mother nodded. “We should never take anything or anyone for granted. We have no idea what the future holds.”

Rani's heart lurched at how her future had changed in the last hour, but she shook the thought from her head. There were other matters—more important ones—to be addressed now. “Mama, you were so kind when you asked Mr. Campbell if we could dress Bertha. I wish I knew how to talk to people like you do. You can convince people to do things they really don't want to. My words have the opposite effect. How do you do it?”

Her mother smiled and patted her cheek. “I was once an outspoken young woman too. I thought I knew what I wanted, and I intended to have it no matter how it hurt anybody else. I alienated my brother and hurt my mother. And I broke your father's heart before I realized that all I was doing was fighting God. He wanted me to let go of my stubborn will and place my trust in Him. When I did, I found out God had better plans for me than I could ever have made for myself.”

“I try to let God lead me too, but it seems I always do something to get in His way.” Rani glanced back down at Bertha. “But right now I'm concerned about what God has planned for Noah. I love that child, and I don't want to leave him here with Wade.”

Her mother sighed. “Neither do I. But we need to complete the job we came here for before we decide how we're going to address that situation.”

They set to work and didn't speak again until Bertha was dressed in her Sunday best and the tangles had been brushed from her hair. “She looks beautiful, doesn't she?” Rani said.