Mission: Cook! (3 page)

I didn't feel comfortable that anyone knew what they were doing servicewise, so I brought in Kirk's brother Mark, and another friend, Arthur Giordano, to coordinate the troop of experienced waitstaff with the inevitable legion of native unemployed actors and screenwriters.

The food prep was done in Christian Montchâtre's kitchen at the Jonathan Club in downtown L.A. Madhouse would be an apt description. I had to orchestrate food coming in from vendors all over the city and country, as well as space, equipment, and
mise en place
for what felt like a hundred chefs, each holding very sharp knives, each of whom had his own preferred methods for doing pretty much
everything.
Deliveries all had to be routed to the downstairs kitchen through a single elevator. Although I had spent the week scrambling to assemble everyone's specialty items, there is an endless list of items that need to be present in a professional kitchen for cooking to occur, from pots, pans, and
plastic wrap, to milk, butter, eggs, flour, plates, and parsley, right down to salt and pepper. We descended on Christian's supplies like a cloud of locusts.

All of the chefs by this time had arrived except for Todd, Ming, and Rocco. Any great kitchen rises and falls on the back of one principle: organization. Escoffier invented the
brigade system,
wherein each position has a station and a defined job. At the beginning of the day, we had chaos, since nobody except Christian and his people knew where anything was and they simply couldn't be everywhere at once. Teams began to assemble and work independently at first, because time was of the essence. They were soon inevitably trespassing into each other's spaces and getting in each other's way. The situation had disaster, murder, and mayhem written all over it, save for the truly awesome professionalism of those involved. The head chefs and I worked together to quickly improvise a brigade system that worked well enough to minimize collisions, to at least head in the general direction of maximizing efficiency, and to keep everyone from working at cross-purposes. The chefs' staff and souschefs were incredibly well trained and were not only schooled in the particular cuisines for which they were responsible, but knew how to adapt and think on their feet as well as any cadre of cooks I had ever seen. The crack troops that Ming and Todd sent in were especially impressive.

When it comes down to brass tacks, as we say in Her Majesty's Navy, it's the food that counts, and everybody
got
that and stuck to their guns through all of the difficulty. I give special credit to Roberto Donna for his steely focus and for keeping our spirits high. He is as intense as anyone I have ever cooked with, but the pleasure he takes in his work and in working with people is like a natural force. On Saturday, the day before the event, we found out we had no way to transport all of the prepped food from the Jonathan Club to the venue, so Randall found a local produce company and hired four of their trucks and drivers with a wad of cash out of his pocket, and we formed a convoy from downtown to West Hollywood. Under the big tent at the parking lot at the Factory, each chef had an assigned refrigeration unit with his name affixed to the front. They looked like a long line of stainless-steel stars' dressing rooms. All of the ingredients for the chefs' entrées and hors d'oeuvres for three thousand were somehow miraculously prepared and stored away.

My strategy was to start with a round of hors d'oeuvres and cocktails for about 2,000, serve dinner for the 650 dinner guests, lure the 650 out of the dining area with spectacular desserts and coffees, then clear away the tables and set serving stations for the after-party, where anywhere from 1,500 to
2,000 additional people might be stopping by. Just setting out napkins for almost five thousand people in an evening is a chore. This kind of advanced culinary choreography should not be attempted by the faint of heart.

By the middle of Sunday, my dream team of chefs had all arrived. They assumed their places and plating began. Had you been there, this is what you would have tasted:

Kirk Avondoglio opened with a Mosaic of Salmon, Tuna, and Diver Scallops, with the fresh, salty tang of the raw fish perfectly complemented by the buttery sweetness of the scallops, balanced with slightly bitter wild field greens, lightly dressed with a beautiful extra virgin olive oil.

This was followed by Todd English's Roasted Lobster with Crab-Stuffed Morels, the lobster bursting with his bold, signature flavors, yet marvelously grounded by the earthiness of the crab-stuffed mushrooms, accompanied by Minted Couscous and a pungent Curry Emulsion.

Ming Tsai had the Third Plate, a Miso-Sake Marinated Alaskan Butterfish to die for, its flaky mouthfeel enhanced by the smooth miso-sake mixture, with Vegetarian Soba Noodle Sushi, accompanied by an eye-opening Wasabi Oil and Soy-Lime Syrup.

Markus Seegert created a bracing Braised Red Beet Consommé with freshly grated horseradish, which refreshed every palate at the halfway point of the meal, paired with Sun-Dried Tomato Dumplings that whimsically played the comforting role often filled at banquet by a simple fruit sorbet.

Roberto Donna's Fifth Plate was a Duck Cannelloni, an operatic taste triumph that trumpeted his Piedmont origins, the controlled succulent and savory taste of the duck raised to new heights by an ethereal whiff of Black Truffle Sauce.

Guillermo Pernot's Sixth Plate was a revelation that encapsulated the wind-swept, grassy plains of his native Argentina: Salvadoran Tomato Tortilla, Huitlacoche, Anaheim Chile Guiso, Roasted Lamb Loin, and Golden Vigoran Slaw with a Salsa Verde. The contrast of the tender lamb played thrillingly off of the crunchy, vinegary slaw and the backdrop of the sparkling Latin flavors.

Rocco DiSpirito presented Seared Black Bass with Blood Orange and Chestnuts, a brilliantly presented dish in its clarity and simplicity; the lightly seared bass lovingly offset by the autumnal colors and flavors of the orange and chestnut.

I reserved the pièce de résistance for myself, a center-cut, twenty-eight-day dry-aged prime beef tenderloin, which is simply the most incredible, beautifully marbled beef I know, seasoned, seared, and finished in clarified butter to
lock in the flavorful juices, with an Infant Arugula Salad, a tartly sweet Tomato Confit, and a silky Balsamic Demi-Glace.

And it all went off without a hitch.

All of the chefs had gathered together earlier in a group in our chef's whites and taken a quick bow on the red carpet for photos. Rocco had unfortunately decided to go solo, stylishly dressed in civilian clothes, and he took multiple trips in front of the cameras, squiring some very attractive young ladies. Once noticed, this sudden and prolonged absence from the kitchen did not go over too well back in the tent, and when he finally returned, no one was willing to help him plate his dishes, so that fire had to be put out. Luckily I had drafted a corps of culinary students from the local Art Institute of California, and the kids pitched in with Rocco's chefs to help him get his courses out to the tables.

Following dinner, at the after party we all collaborated on a dramatic array of tasting dishes and small plates. For the next few hours, we became an engine of culinary creation, and some of the most amazing food I have seen collected in one spot was soon circulating about the room. There were salmon, pasta, caviar, and dessert stations, to name only a few, champagne and wine booths from a number of wineries, a Ketel One vodka bar, and a Patrón tequila bar. We served:

APRÈS MENU DE PARTIE

Endive leaves topped with curried chicken

Antipasti di Mare with shrimp, mussels, and clams and a light lime olive oil

Bite-sized pear, apple, and Key lime tarts

Assorted sweet crepes with hand-cranked ice creams

Every manner of and accompaniment to smoked salmon

Strawberries marinated with Campari

White chocolate imperial

Serrano ham and Manchego cheese baguette

Fresh mozzarella wrapped in mâche leaves

Crab lollipops with hoisin sauce

Cheese amaretto cookies and foie gras

Carrot and lemongrass vichyssoise

Roasted squash gnocchi

“Shrimp dogs” in brioche buns

Involtini di prosciutto with enoki mushrooms

Seared duck breast salpicón

Ahi tuna poke with pink ginger ice cream

Lamb marquez sliders with hummus

Spicy jerk pork sausage with a fire-roasted pepper relish

There was a vast selection of caviars with crème fraîche and handmade buckwheat blinis, and Cesare served mounds of his Fettuccine Vittoria from a bowl carved out of a huge wheel of Parmesan cheese.

The anticipated cavalcade of stars arrived, and feasted into the night. There were well over a thousand people under the tent and hundreds more waiting to get in. The fire marshal had arrived and was deciding who was to be let in and who would be kept out. I heard that Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, and Pierce and Keely Brosnan all made it in, as did Jane Seymour and Babyface and Tracie Edmonds, in addition to Paula Abdul, Governor Gray Davis and his wife, Sharon, and a literal host of VIPs and celebrities. Everywhere I turned there were compliments flying about for the food and the chefs. I was roped into a pretty bad imitation of dancing for a few moments with Paris Hilton. Wesley Snipes, in a moment of irrational exuberance, offered me a job as personal chef. The apex came for me when I was able to shake hands with the winner of the Best Actor Oscar that night, Jamie Foxx. He sampled our creations with one hand and balanced his well-deserved golden statuette in the other.

The evening was a smashing success, and no one was the wiser for all of the chaos, confusion, and sacrifice it took to afford them all the pleasures of the table that evening. Nor should they be.

Looking back, it may have been the hardest thing I've done in my professional life. From mid-January on, there was an incredible amount of press cov
erage about the event, so the stakes were high. My reputation was on the line, and in my business, you are only as good as your last meal. At times, it felt as if it really might have
been
my last meal. My Rolodex lay in a heap of smoldering ashes. As a logistical nightmare, on a scale of one to ten, the experience was an eleven; but the quality of the food scored just as highly, across the board. It was an eleven, plus. For that week, I had become not only
chef de cuisine
but sous-chef, garde-manger, roundsman, babysitter, expediter, financial manager, travel agent, psychologist, and taxi driver, simply because there was no one else to do it, and I refused to fail at the task: making sure that everyone was fed.

Believe me when I tell you this: everyone who was hungry that night was
extremely
well fed.

O
NE OF THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES OF CREATING ANY TYPE OF MENU AT
home is the organization and timing of food. If you can organize the preparation a couple of days ahead, you will have a successful party and will be able to relax and enjoy yourself whilst the big stars squirm in their seats. To help round out this first chapter, I have put together a beautiful menu for an Academy Awards viewing party at home. I resisted the urge to pun my way through this exercise with Veal Oscar and the like, and instead tried to put together a truly exciting, rich, and elegant series of courses that might satisfy the way a good film does. Best to serve cocktails during the red carpet, dine in elegance with a couple of bottles of fine wine, then enjoy watching the awards with coffee, after-dinner drinks, and dessert whilst your friends sing your praises. They'll like you…they'll really like you!

STARTER

Warm Rock Shrimp and Lobster Flan,
Baby Arugula Salad and Champagne Sabayon

SECOND COURSE

Creole-Style Red Snapper with
Farmhouse Grits and Red Pepper Coulis

THIRD COURSE

Blackened Tenderloin of Beef with Roasted Sweet Corn
and Potato Hash and a Merlot Reduction

DESSERT

Chilled Grand Marnier Souffle with Macerated Fruits