Mirage (6 page)

“Really, Mira, go back to bed. You might be the last person in the world I want to have a conversation with right about now,” I say with some anger and frustration behind my words.

“Skylar please,” Mira pleads.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. I open the door with so much force; the door handle hits the wall behind the door, leaving an impression in the drywall. I see the fear in her eyes. Does she really think I would hurt her physically? This woman knows nothing about me.

“Mira. For the last god damned time, we are not discussing this. Not now. Not later. Not ever. You need to understand this. I made a huge mistake getting in your bed and I promise that I will never make that mistake again. You have made your feelings very clear. End of discussion,” I say with so much venom in my voice I break my own heart.

Tears start to form in the corners of Mira’s eyes. She starts to talk and I can tell she’s having a hard time forming words beyond the lump in her throat. Knowing she’s about to let the dam break any second was breaks my heart all over again.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. We don’t have to discuss it. Maybe we should think about another living arrangement,” she whispers.

“You have got to be kidding me. I’m over the situation Mira. We had sex. It was good, but in no way soul shattering. Let’s just call it what it is. You’re lonely, missing Danny and wanting someone in your bed. I just happened to be the closest warm body. I’m okay with that. To be quite honest, I have always wondered what you would be like in bed, now I know. Two birds, one stone,” I lie through my teeth as I speak every word.

“You know what, Skylar. Fuck you,” she says. It was almost as if the second I spat my lies at her, her sadness turned into pure anger, “You can go fuck yourself.”

“Oh no, Mira honey, you forget so soon, I already fucked YOU. I’m all fucked out for the night. Maybe tomorrow will be a different story,” I say with just as much anger.

How doesn’t she realize how much I have loved her all these years? Could she really never tell?

What the fuck ever. Mira Adams will not be the death of me. I’ll get over this girl, even if I have to fuck half of Ann Arbor to accomplish it.

Chapter Six

“What the fuck just happened?” I mumble to myself after I ran back to my room slamming my door. I never thought Skylar could be so cold and indifferent. I really felt like we had some kind of connection. Something more than the friendship that had grown over the last five years, but he proved me wrong.

I never meant to say anything about Danny. I have only ever been with Danny. Danny was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first ‘you know’. He was the only other person to ever sleep in my bed and his was the only other bed I had slept in.

It just felt so natural with Skylar that I guess I got carried away. Every night before bed, Danny would kiss the top of my head, while holding me and tell me good night. I always responded, “Goodnight Danny.”

“I love you, Pea, good night,” Danny said kissing my forehead.

“Night Danny,” I responded nestling into the crook of his arm, listening to his heartbeat until I fell asleep.

I would have never hurt Skylar for anything in the world. These last few weeks, he has really been there for me. I really thought that he was looking at me as more than a quick fuck. I never thought it was because he wanted to see if I was good in the sack. How stupid am I?

Those words he said killed me. It has been so long since I have been so sad and so angry at the same time.

Climbing into bed, the night keeps replaying in my head. I haven’t been this upset since Danny died. The words that came out of Skylar’s mouth hurt me to the core. What am I going to do? How will I be able to face him tomorrow? Sobbing into my pillow, sleep finally takes me.

I am startled awake from a loud noise coming from the living room. Jumping out of bed, I throw on my pink robe to go see what is going on. If it’s Skylar, I don’t want him seeing me half naked in just my sleep clothes. I won’t ever let myself be that exposed and vulnerable to him again.

“Skylar? Is that you?”

I didn’t hear a response, but another loud crash. It sounds as if someone dropped a glass on the hardwood floor.

My palms are getting sweaty and my heart is beating a million miles a minute. Something doesn’t feel right. I move from the doorway of my bedroom towards the living area. Looking around the wall separating the hallway from the living room, is when I see it.

“Skylar, are you fucking kidding me? It’s three in the morning,” I say.

His back is towards me as he walks backwards in my direction. He stumbles again and knocks into the end table, knocking over picture frames, sending one crashing to its death on the floor.

I turn on the hallway light to get a better look at him. He is clearly drunk; I can smell the booze coming out of his pores, even from a distance. As I walk towards him to help guide him to his bedroom so he could sleep off this drunken mess, I see HER.

“Um, hi,” the girl giggles, “I’m Heather.”

Well shit, if this isn’t awkward. Only a few hours ago, Skylar and I were together and he thinks it’s okay to bring a random whore home? Not in my house.

“Skylar, can I please speak with you in the kitchen,” I ask in my most polite sweet voice.

“Nah, Mi, I don’t think so. I’ll see you in the morning, huh?” Skylar slurs. He picks Heather up and throws her over his shoulder. Her giggles make me sick to my stomach. They practically run to his bedroom and shut the door.

Frozen in my current location; I don’t know what to do. I am so appalled at his behavior and my heart hurts so deeply. I always figured he was a good guy because Danny was such a great man, but now, Skylar is basically Satan himself.

I start cleaning up the broken glass in the living room. As I was walk to put the broom and dust pan back in the utility closet in the kitchen, I hear her moans and giggles.

“This is not happening in my house,” I say as I walk back towards Skylar’s room. Once I reach his door, I freeze again. What do I do? Do I knock? Open the door? Yell? “Fuck it,” I mumble.

I reach for his door handle, turn the knob and open the door with just as much force as he had earlier in the bathroom.

“This shit is not happening in my house, Skylar. Heather, I believe that was your name. Can you please pick up your skank ass panties and get the fuck out of my house?” I yell at the both of them.

“Heather, sweetie, give me a second, OK. Let me handle her,” Skylar coos at his blond whore.

“Mira,” Skylar says as he takes hold of my upper arm and pushes me gently in the hallway. “One, this is OUR house and I will do what the fuck I want, with who the fuck I want, anytime I want. Two, stop acting like a jealous wife, barging in my room like you just caught me with the babysitter. And, three, you will not disrespect my guests and I will not disrespect yours.”

“Skylar, are you fucking kidding me? It’s been one night and you’re already bringing bitches back to OUR apartment to screw. In the almost five years I have known you, I have never seen you bring back random girls to your place, and I was there almost as much as you. What the shit?” I say, as I try to defuse the situation.

“Again Mira, I’ll say it again. I’m going to go in my room, I’m going to nail that girl and then I’m going to go to bed. If you would like to join us, I’m sure she would be okay with that, I know I would be,” Skylar says with a disgusting look in his eyes.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen guy,” I say back to him, hoping he could tell I wasn’t in a mood to play his little game.

“Why not Mi? I had a little taste and I’m sure she would like one too,” Skylar says.

“That’s what that was, Sky, a taste? That’s how you look at me? Like a fucking taste?” I yell as I move towards him. I place my palm on his chest and shove him. “Before you brought this tart back to OUR apartment, if you recall, I was trying to talk to you. Maybe discuss what happened, I don’t know, what, just a few hours ago.”

“Mira, I said---,” Skylar starts to respond before I cut him off.

“Nope. I let you spit your hate at me earlier. It’s my turn now, guy. I was going to try to explain to you that the only other person who was EVER in my bed was Danny. He was my only, until you. Shows how stupid I was to think, for one second, that you could ever stand in his shadows. Now for the rest of my life, when I think about the lovers I’ve had, you will be lumped in a category with the best man either one of us ever knew,” I say with tears welling up in my eyes. Not sure if they were tears of sadness or anger. I think I feel equal parts of those emotions, but I won’t let him see my sadness. Skylar McBride only deserves my anger.

“You know, it’s not really your fault, Sky. I’m the dumb one right. The naive girl who thought that after the death of the one person she ever loved, she would find comfort in his best friend. I know I hurt you. Believe me, I feel so terrible about those two words. They will haunt me forever. But you, Skylar Landon McBride, hurt me to the core. I have never been treated so foul by someone I held dear to me. Maybe God took the wrong person that day. Maybe he made a colossal fuck up. Maybe it shouldn’t have been Danny because Danny would have never hurt me like this FOR ANY REASON,” I yell, finishing what I had to say.

I turn away from him. Skylar tries to grab my arm to turn me around.

“Don’t.” I say to him, “You will never touch me ever again. Do you understand me? I said all I have to say to you. If you won’t move Skylar, I will.”

I continue back to my bedroom. I hear his door shut and Heather’s giggles resume before I even make it back to my bed. My mouth is so dry and the lump in my throat grew bigger. I bury my face in my pillows and let all of the emotion out from the last twenty-four hours.

How is it possible that in the last year, I have lost the love of my life, my best friend and a guy who has been so kind to help me through Danny’s loss? A guy that I thought I had feelings for. A guy that I thought looked at me the same way I looked at him.

I wake up Monday morning much earlier than usual. I leave my room to use the bathroom and take a shower. I notice that Skylar’s door is still closed. “Thank God,” I whisper sarcastically. I have never, in my life, showered as quickly as I did this morning.

I open the bathroom door to go back to my bedroom and Skylar is at the door, giving Heather a kiss good bye. Well I’ll be damned. I cannot be in this house with him today. I have to get out of here.

Skylar turns back towards me, after closing the door behind Heather. As soon as our eyes meet, I could swear I see a glimpse of guilt in his crystal blue eyes. Then his lips turned up in a devious smirk. It wasn’t the same smirk he gave me last night. It was a ‘you mad bro’ kind of smirk.

Shaking my head, I turn back and continue into my room. I dress quickly and bolt. Once in my car, I realize that I have no place to go. My family is out of town and Kylee is in Grand Rapids. I look at the clock, seeing it’s not even past ten am. I pull my phone out of my purse and place a call.

“I’m on my way, see you soon,” I say to Kylee on the other end of the phone.

“You’re on your way? To Grand Rapids? What’s going on Mira? Are you ok? Where is Sky?” Kylee starts questioning.

“Yes. Yes. I’ll tell you when I get there. No. Fuck Skylar,” I respond to each of her questions.

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” she accuses.

“And if I did?” I reply to her accusation. “Does that make me a bad person? I thought I felt something Ky. I thought he felt it too. Over the last few weeks, he has been so much more than a friend. I figured if anyone could help me move on, I could do it with someone that I was already comfortable with. Someone I already cared for. I was wrong.”

“What are you going to do babe? You can’t drive all the way out here. I start work today. I am on a coffee run right now, but I won’t be back to the hotel for hours yet,” Kylee says.

Hell. I totally forgot today was the first day of my best friend’s job. “Well, I guess, I’ll hang out around town. I’m going to move out. Maybe go stay with my parents for a while. I don’t think I can spend time with him any time soon. Some of the shit he said Ky, it was terrible. Things that people don’t even say to people they hate,” I tell her. “I’ll call you later and we’ll talk for a little bit. I have that interview tomorrow. Maybe I can hit the spa or something. Make myself feel pretty.”

“Call me if you need anything. If I don’t answer right away, just sit still and I’ll call you back when I get a break or something,” Kylee reassures me.

“Love you bye,” I say. After I hang up my phone, I head back up to my apartment. I go directly to my bedroom, not paying any attention to a bare chested Skylar. I grab the largest duffle in the back of my closet and fill it with as much of my stuff as I can.

I look around my room, making sure that I have everything I need until I could get back and clear the rest out when Skylar isn’t home. Satisfied with what I have, I open my bedroom door, take a deep breath and sling the duffle back over my shoulder and walk towards the door.

“Mira? What are you doing? You’re not really leaving are you?” Skylar asks sounding panicked.

I continue my journey to the door. Only a little further to go and I can breathe again. If I stop now, I might run out of air in my lungs, because I sure as shit know, I’m not breathing.

I finally reached the front door. I grab the knob, twist and pull. Once out of the apartment threshold, I turn around to pull the door shut behind me. Bad idea. My eyes meet Skylar’s. I knew my eyes had tears in them, but I didn’t expect his eyes to be misty as well.

‘You can do this. Move Mira,’ I chant to myself under my breath.

“Mira plea-,” Skylar starts talking but I’m able to shut the door completely before he’s able to get the rest of his sentence out.

Thank God. I don’t think I would have been able to be any stronger if he started talking.

Second time this year that I have to start all over.

Well played Universe, well played.