Midnight Ride (20 page)

He released his hold on her arms and took a step back. Paranoid, Janie wondered why. Then she realized Rene and Khriste were working their way back toward her, and Tyler had stepped back to turn and smile at them.

“Hey, girlie. You see me ride?”

“Tyler! You were the best!” Khriste, of course, had her usual enthusiastic welcome for him.

While he was occupied with the warm reception the little girl had provided, Janie pulled Rene to the side. “Can we go?”

“Now?” Rene’s forehead crinkled. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’ll explain later.” If she could manage to get the words out without vomiting, that was. When Rene still frowned at her and didn’t look as if she was going to let it go with just that, Janie added, “Please?”

“All right.” Rene nodded. “Khriste, baby. Say good-bye to Tyler. We have to go.”

Tyler and Khriste both looked confused by Rene’s statement.

“But why?” Khriste whined.

Tyler’s frown deepened as he glanced between the adults. “Everything okay?”

“I’m not feeling real well. I think I’d be better off at home.” Janie pressed a hand to her stomach. She wasn’t even lying. She did feel sick.

His concern was evident in his expression. “A’ight. I’ll check in with you later.”

She waved away his offer. “I’ll be fine. Really. I’ll probably lie down and try to sleep through it.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

Khriste didn’t accept their leaving as easily as Tyler did. She complained and pouted, but Janie didn’t hear half of it. She just walked away from Tyler, leaving him wide open to be scooped into the clutches of, if not the girl he’d been with before, then someone new. That thought only made her even sicker.

In the car, Rene glanced at her. “You going to tell me why we left?”

Janie pressed her lips together and considered that for a moment. She opted to try answering with a question of her own. “Do I have to?”

After a pause, Rene said, “Maybe. Then again, maybe not. I’m pretty sure I can guess
who
you’re upset about, but what I can’t quite figure out is why.”

Why
was the question Janie had asked herself over and over again since meeting Tyler. Why had she been so stupid as to open herself up to a man guaranteed to hurt her in the long run, even if she had believed she could be physical with him and not get attached emotionally?

Those few nights in his arms, it had seemed worth the risk.

Not anymore. Without the warmth of his embrace, when she felt so keenly the cold emptiness in her life, she knew a few stolen moments of pleasure had not been worth the pain that would surely linger.

She managed to make it the whole drive home without having to answer any more of Rene’s questions. That was probably because Khriste was having a meltdown that they’d had to leave the rodeo early. It ended with their dropping Janie off and Rene promising to drive directly back to the arena so Khriste could see Tyler in the final event, the bull riding.

The two drove off in a haze of dust on the gravel and Janie was alone. Again. That did nothing to banish the whirring of doubts and self-recrimination in her head.

She turned toward the barn. She’d check on the horses and then head inside.

It was dinnertime, not that she had an appetite. Maybe she’d heat up some leftovers later, though any food in the fridge would remind her of him. She shook her head.

In a short time he’d pervaded every aspect of her life. The kitchen reminded her of him and all the time they’d spent there. She couldn’t look at Bella without picturing him helping Khriste with the mare. The field of cut hay, the tractor parked by the barn, it all reminded her of him.

She couldn’t even hear a truck out on the road without her heart leaping. She had to break things off with him. That much was obvious. Far better to do it now, before she got in any deeper, than to wait for later when he left her for the next, most likely much younger fling in his lineup.

Being with Tyler had been like a fireworks display on the Fourth of July. Exciting and colorful, but quick to burn out. Maybe she hadn’t appreciated her boring married life with Tom as much as she should have. At least she could count on the steady, uneventful drudgery . . . but not really, because it had all been yanked away when he’d died.

So what, then? Live her life in solitude? That couldn’t be the answer any more than trying to grasp at a brief moment of passion with Tyler was. What she needed was a nice, boring man.

Sadly, what she knew she needed and what she
wanted
didn’t seem to exactly line up at the moment. After experiencing the brilliance that was Tyler, his exuberance, his energy, his sheer lust for life, anyone else would feel dull in comparison.

She’d left him at the rodeo, with those two girls and many more like them. Janie had to wonder which would have been stupider—staying or leaving.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Tyler couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he steered the truck onto the side road. It had been one freaking great day. He’d placed in the money in three of his events, and he had a pretty little thing riding shotgun in his truck.

He glanced toward the passenger seat and his smile got wider. “Almost there, girlie.”

There was no answer, but then again, he didn’t expect one. She was a beauty, though, with big eyes a man could easily fall in love with. Hell, all it had taken was one warm, wet kiss and he was pretty sure he loved her already.

There had been no question in his mind she was the one. He’d picked her up and tossed her into the cab, and she’d ridden shotgun like a little lady the whole drive.

He didn’t know what the hell was wrong with Janie that she’d left right after the tie-down roping. She’d missed him riding the bronc by getting there late, and she’d left so soon, she’d missed him in the bull riding, too.

Hopefully, it was nothing serious. Whatever was the matter with her, the puppy was definitely going to cheer her up. “Your new mama sure is gonna be surprised by you.”

The pup’s ears lifted as she wagged her tail and looked excited just at the mere fact he was talking to her. Tyler laughed at the reaction. If only all females listened to him as well as this dog did, Janie in particular, he’d be sitting pretty.

Why did the woman insist on being so contrary? He hadn’t missed that she didn’t want him to kiss her in public. How uncomfortable she’d looked just talking to him. He’d have to change all that. Hell, coparenting this little girlie could only help. Right?

Who could resist that adorable face? If the puppy didn’t melt Janie’s heart and convince her she needed to give them a chance as a real couple, nothing would.

His anticipation grew the closer he got to Janie’s house, filling him with an energy he couldn’t contain and making it hard to sit still. The puppy sensed his excitement. She started to hop around in the seat, running from one side to look out the window before hopping back to the other side to paw at Tyler’s leg.

“A’ight. Settle down.” Amazingly, she sat her butt down, but continued to stare at him as if waiting for his next command. He snorted out a laugh. “You really do listen to me. Maybe when you meet her, you can convince your mama to do the same.”

He didn’t need or want a woman who blindly obeyed and did anything he said. Hell, he didn’t mind a woman who challenged him. He preferred it, actually. But Janie wouldn’t even agree to go on a real date. That she’d come to the rodeo had seemed like a step in the right direction, until he’d seen how strange she acted around him while she was there.

It didn’t matter, because he had an adorable little bundle to surprise her with. Tyler pulled into her driveway riding a high, excited about giving her the dog. And if Janie was sick, he could fix her something to eat and the three of them could snuggle in her bed. Maybe watch some television. Have some tea. Whatever she wanted. If she fell asleep, he’d cover her with a blanket and then make her breakfast in the morning. He liked that idea more than he’d ever thought he could.

Throwing the truck into park, he turned to the pup. “You ready?”

More tail wagging said she was. He reached down and lifted her warm little body, tucking her beneath one arm much like a football. He strode to the back door but restrained himself from pounding too hard in case Janie was napping. He knocked softly and then a bit louder when she didn’t come right down.

The dog got wiggly beneath his arm but he wasn’t sure enough of her obedience to set her on the ground without a leash. Who knew if she’d take off for the horses, or just for the hills? He wasn’t in the mood, or in the right footwear, to go chasing a nine-week-old puppy across the fields.

Hindsight being 20/20, he realized he should have stopped by the pet store. It was stupid not to grab some supplies before heading over to Janie’s. She wouldn’t have what they needed for a new dog. A leash, some puppy food, maybe a chew toy, and a bed. He’d been so excited, he hadn’t thought it through. That was all right. He’d accept Janie’s sweet gratitude, see her settled in bed, then run out and get what they needed. Maybe he’d pick up some chicken soup for Janie, too. Though he wasn’t sure if she had a cold, it couldn’t hurt.

Tyler frowned when he realized she was taking an awfully long time to answer the door. He knocked one more time, louder this time, vowing if she didn’t answer, he’d let himself in and check on her. She might be sleeping, but she could also be passed out on the floor for all he knew. He couldn’t leave until he saw she was safe.

Finally, she came around the corner of the kitchen door and for the first time since he’d started showing up at this door, she didn’t smile.

She unlocked the latch but didn’t say anything, so he figured he’d better. “Hey, how are you feeling? Any better?”

Her shorts and T-shirt told him she’d already changed for bed, even though it wasn’t long past suppertime. Maybe she’d been lying down and he’d disturbed her. That would explain her lack of warmth, though not really. He’d woken her in the dead of night from a sound sleep to have sex and she’d never seemed as unhappy about it as she did right now.

“Not really.” Janie sighed. “What are you doing here?” Her gaze dropped to the pup in his arms.

There was no hiding the puppy, so he should probably explain it. “I thought I’d bring you a surprise to cheer you up a little bit.” He thrust the wiggling dog forward. She barely filled his two hands, she was still so little.

Janie shook her head. “What is this?”

“She’s for you. Isn’t she cute?” For the first time since he’d gotten the idea to give her the puppy, he began to doubt his plan.

“For me? Why? We didn’t talk about this.”

He pulled the pup back and cuddled her against his chest since it was obvious Janie wasn’t going to hold her. Hell, it was looking doubtful she’d take her at all.

“Actually, we did talk about it. Right there.” He eyed the kitchen table and chair where he’d brought up the need for a dog as a kind of early warning system in case anyone pulled into the driveway while they were too distracted having sex to notice. She frowned more deeply and he elaborated. “Yesterday morning. Remember?”

“You joking while we were having sex isn’t having a discussion about a life change such as getting a dog.” The good dose of attitude in her answer made him feel like a schoolboy being taken to task by his teacher.

“A’ight. Just chill, darlin’.” He really couldn’t argue with her. He hadn’t asked. He also had never imagined this would be her reaction. She loved animals. She’d told him all about how as a teenager she’d taken in stray dogs, cats, and even a raccoon.

“Chill? You dump this responsibility in my lap, without asking me first, and that’s your advice. That’s all you have to say? Chill?” Eyes open wide, Janie looked about as crazed as she sounded as her voice rose to a higher pitch.

“A’ight. I was wrong. I’ll take her back.” As if he was gentling a spooked horse, Tyler kept his voice low and calm.

“How can you take her back?” Her outburst got more manic rather than calmer, as he’d intended when he made the offer.

He drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know what you want from me here, Janie.”

“Well, I don’t want you to take her back. You took her and made a promise that she’d have a home. You’d go back on your word like that? Just because things didn’t work out?”

“Then I’ll keep her myself. Is that what you want? Tell me what you want me to do.”

“I want you to leave.” Her flat, emotionless answer surprised him more than her reaction to the puppy.

“This can’t be about one tiny dog. Janie. Please. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I heard a girl talking about you. She was young. Pretty. Perky in every possible way. I can’t—no, I won’t and I don’t want to compete with her or anyone else.”

“It’s not a competition. I’m here with you because I want to be. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. That’s why I keep asking you out. I want to get more serious with you.” All this because some girls in the stands said something about him? How was that his fault? He decided to set Janie straight on how things were. “And really, if you’re going to be with me, you’re going to have to understand that I can’t help it if some girl I don’t even know was talking about me at the event. It comes with the territory. That’s rodeo.”

“Oh, you knew her.”

The venom of her answer made him curious. “Who?”

“The girl who said hello to you today when you came to talk to me. Remember her? She certainly remembers you. Apparently, according to her conversation with her friend, you two
hooked up
last year.”

Frowning, he pawed through his memory. He remembered the girl saying hello to him, and as he thought more, he remembered the same event the previous year. He hung his head and blew out a breath. “Yeah, I didn’t recognize her today, but . . .” He let out a sigh. “I’m sorry you had to hear that, but it was really nothing.”

“Nothing? You have sex with a girl, forget her totally, don’t even recognize her until I mention it, and then say it was no big deal? I thought I knew you, but obviously I don’t.”

“Whoa, wait one minute. I didn’t have sex with her. We kissed a couple of times during the event and then I drove home with Justin. Ask him if you don’t believe me. And the reason I didn’t recognize her was because her hair wasn’t blond last year. She looks totally different and honestly, Janie, the only person I was looking at today was you.”

She looked as if she was considering his explanation. Possibly even believing him, which was good since it was the God’s honest truth.

He took a chance and dared to go a step closer. “You do know me, Janie. I’m exactly the guy you thought I was. Nothing’s changed. I’m the same.”

“Maybe you are, but I’m not.”

Shaking his head, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t understand her. Hell, he didn’t understand most women. Probably why he’d never had a long-term relationship. It could be his own damn fault. He didn’t speak their language or understand the inner workings of the female mind.

The pup whined and he felt her start to shake. She must have picked up on his mood. He could only imagine how his own displeasure with the situation was radiating off him and the puppy sensed it. He held her tighter. At least the dog was one creature of the opposite sex he understood. Horses, too. If only he was as proficient at reading human females.

He looked back at Janie. “What’s changed for you? Why is anything different?”

“Seeing that girl—”

“Dammit, Janie. You can’t hold against me something I did a year before I met you. I kissed her. I didn’t fuck her.” He hated that he’d cussed in front of her the moment the word was out of his mouth.

She rolled her lips in, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. There will always be someone like her between us.”

“Why? I didn’t know you then. I don’t want to be with her now.”

“Fine, I understand that she’s from your past. But I’ll always wonder if the next girl I see will be your future.”

Frustration rolled off him and the pup whined again. “I don’t know what to do to convince you that you’re who I want. No one else.”

“There’s nothing you can do. I told you. It’s not you. It’s me. It’s how I feel and I can’t change that.”

He snorted. “You never tried.”

“I take full blame for all this. I slept with you when I knew I shouldn’t. You were always too young and I can’t blame you for that. I should have known better. Should have known I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“I’m almost twenty-five. I’m not some kid.” Even as he said it, he reviewed the evidence against him. He still lived with his parents. He worked for someone else in a dead-end job with no prospects of anything better. She’d met him while he was hiding in her truck like a fool after running from a stupid situation he’d gotten himself into.

“I know you see me as some screwup, but I’m not. Not really. Yeah, I joke around sometimes, and I have gotten myself into some trouble, but that’s not who I am. At least, not all the time. I can be serious.”

“That’s not the problem at all. I know you’re not a screwup. You’re a hardworking, generous man, but I’m too old for you.”

“No, you’re not.”

She shook her head. “We’ve been over this before. Over and over again. It won’t end any differently this time.”

“Why did you let me into your life at all? Why let me be with you, make love to you, sleep in your bed and wake up next to you, only to kick me to the curb after?”

“I told you, I didn’t mean to. You got under my skin. A little at a time. Slowly. So slowly I didn’t realize it was happening until I couldn’t help myself.”

Her losing control because of him was a good thing. Maybe things had started to look up. “Then what’s the problem?”

“You’re—”

“Younger than you,” he finished her sentence.

“Yes.”

“So what?”

“We’re in different places in our lives. We have different futures.”

He didn’t miss that her argument was all over the place. First, his bringing the dog had thrown her. Then the girl from the rodeo. Now she was back to their ages with the added complication of their different lives and futures. What crap excuse would she come up with next?

The woman was fighting hard, but doing it badly. He could only hope it was because she really didn’t want to get rid of him. Either way, he wasn’t going to make it easy.

“How are we in different places?” he countered. “I love animals. I work on a ranch. You have animals. You own a ranch. I want to make a future training horses and raising stock. You have a small herd of cattle and a horse operation. How is that different? Seems to me that you and I are on the same page.”

“The same book maybe, but not the same page. You’re in chapter one, just starting out. I’m way farther along in my story.”