Midnight Frost (13 page)

Why had he done that? He knew my trouble, the complications of me and Kian. Why would he force me to kiss him like that in front of all these people?

That night, as we made camp, I pulled Logan aside into the woods.

“How could you do that?” I asked him. “In front of all those people? In front of Kian! You didn't have to.”

“Of course I did!” Logan pretended not to know what I was talking about. “Look at the crowd – they ate it up. They loved it. In our kiss they saw the promise of a fully integrated Wolfhood into Feyland. The promise of a Wolf heir on the fairy throne.”

“Come off it!” I said, unable to resist giving him a shove. “That's not why.”

“No, it isn't.” He turned to me. His voice was calm, more confident than it had been previously. He radiated strength, power. “I did it to show you the truth.”

“What truth?”

“You love me, Breena. I saw it in your eyes. I know you want me to be strong – to be chivalrous. To resist my love for you. But I'm not
that
strong. Not enough to think of you, how you almost died, to see your hair and face illuminated by the firelight, to have you so close to me, and not to kiss you.” He pulled me towards him, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck. “No man is as strong as that.” He gave a hollow laugh. “Kian, perhaps. Perhaps he did the chivalrous thing and stayed away. But I'm not that honorable, Breena. I want you. I want you with every fiber of my being and I know you want it too. Fate has thrust us together. Why are we denying it? Our bodies. Our souls. We're
engaged!
”

“But what about Kian...” I tried to explain, tried to make him understand the tangle of my thoughts. But I couldn't tell Logan about what had happened on the mountain – the proof of my love for Kian, sanctified by my sacrifice. I couldn't break his heart like that. I hesitated for only a moment – but it was a moment too long.

Logan pulled me roughly towards him, seeking my mouth with his own, the familiar smell of his musk sending shivers up and down my spine. There was no audience, now. No self-deception – no way to convince myself that this was anything but real. And I felt myself grow hungry for him: for his kiss, for his touch, for his warmth. For this unbridled desire – so different from Kian's chivalrous self-denial. Would Kian have done the same thing, I couldn't help but wonder? Would he overcome all his chivalry, all his honor, to grab hold of my wrists and make me confront this passion inside me.

I didn't resist as he pulled me to the ground.

“If you didn't love me,” Logan said, his voice hot with excitement. “You wouldn't be here – with me. Right now. You're not ready to make your choice yet – not ready to give up on us. Because
I'm
not ready, Breena. If you could look at me – really look at me and swear that you didn't love me, it'd be different. I'd leave. I'd go. But I know that isn't true. And now that I know that...” He sighed. “When that Kian-clone stabbed you, I thought you were dead. I mourned for you. But now you're here. Alive. You get a second chance at life, Breena. A second chance to make the right choice.”

A chance I had already squandered – a chance at immortality I had given up for Kian.

“What are you saying?” My voice was trembling.

“I'm saying – make this engagement real. Marry me. I'm not honorable enough to keep myself from asking – not when I want you this much. I want you, Breena Malloy. I’ve always wanted you, and it's time I started fighting for you. If I can risk my life for you on the battlefield, I can risk my heart here for you right now. Seeing you – holding you, kissing you – I can feel what we have, Breena. And I'm not going to bow out just because someone else thinks you were promised to him at birth!”

“Logan, it's not...” But he had struck a chord within me. I couldn't look at him – I couldn't swear to him that I didn't love him.

“No, Breena. It's not just your happiness at stake – it's mine too. And for the first time since we've arrived in Feyland, for the first time in my
life
– it's time I go after what I want. I've spent my life serving you, protecting you, even when you didn't know who I was or what you were. And now it's time to hold you, to kiss you....”

His skin smelled so soft. It was a smell I knew from before Feyland, before all this stress, all this confusion. It was the smell of Gregory, Oregon, of my simple life. The stress that I had felt upon my shoulders for months now – the burden of Feyland, of sieges, of my father, of war – all seemed so very far away. In Logan's arms I was just Breena, human, safe – and so tired of fighting.

“And you can't tell me I don't make you happy, Breena. Because I did! Spell or no spell...”

My voice shook. “It was the happiest time of my life,” I admitted. A time of peace, of no regrets, of no pain. Only passion. “Even though it was...a spell. Or was it a lie? I don't even know.”

“You're alive, Breena,” said Logan. “When I didn't see you on the battlefield, I thought you were dead. You and Kian both. And I remember thinking – how did I let this girl die without ever once trying to get her back, to get her to see...And now you and me, kissing – you saw the wolves. You saw how happy they were, how proud. How they supported us.”

I sighed. Perhaps, in the end, it was politics that could save me. Politics that could make this choice easier to bear. I could forget about my heart, and its twisting and turning, and just give in to what my kingdom required of me.

“It's good for the kingdom,” I said. “If we're together.”

“And good for us.” He added.

“And good for us.”

I could resist no longer. I could think of no more walls to put up, no more resistance. I fell into his arms once more, and we spent the night beneath the open stars.

Chapter 13

M
orning had arrived. The twin suns of Feyland gleamed bright upon our armor – ten thousand soldiers now shone so brightly that we had to squint to see. Kian sat astride Steel, his armor black as ebony, his face hidden beneath the mask of the Midnight Knight. Even without seeing his face, I longed for him – my body ached for him. His poise, the way he sat, was enough to tantalize me with hints of the muscular form within. In his hands he carried a banner – blue and gold – with the insignia of the Frostfire blowing in the morning breeze. The sign that he bore upon his chest – the sign he bore aloft now. I had never been prouder of him, I thought ruefully – he had never seemed more glorious to me. But I couldn't have him. Not now. I bit my lip. I was with Logan – I had to stay with Logan. It was the only way to keep our kingdom safe, to keep the wolves on our side.

Kian had given me his blessing – told me to do what I had to do. Told me he didn't want to trap me in a promise if I wasn't sure. So why did I feel so guilty?

Logan sat upon another horse, his hair long and matted with the many nights we had spent on the trail. He looked rougher than I remembered him, more rugged, more torn by war. But such trials had only added to his musky beauty. He caught my eye and smiled at me, and my cheeks blushed scarlet.

I finished fastening the finishing touches on my armor, and we headed off. Towards the Feyland center, towards the Summer palace. I gulped hard as we rode forth. What would we find when we were there?

“Three cheers for the Midnight Knight!” cried Cary. “Three cheers for Frostfire!”

We sang to keep our spirits up as we marched, our gait quickening to the beat of the song, but all our hearts were heavy. What corpses would we encounter – what loved ones would we lose – in the battle ahead?

Remember, Breena.
It was Kian's voice in my head – our shared telepathy. I smiled. It had been so long since we had communicated like this. We did not dare to do so when the others were watching, lest they could see our expressions betray us – a smile on my lips, a twinkle in his eye. I stiffened, willing him not to see what was in my mind or my heart, memories of last night.
I love you. Say strong, Breena. Whatever happens, I will love you, always and forever.

I love you too.
I closed my eyes for a second. How could I bear this – this choice that weighed so heavily upon me? How could I hurt either one of them? And yet I knew as we rode forth that Kian would fight to the death – that this could be the very last time I would see him. I had only been able to save him once; I knew I would not get that chance again. And if he died in order to bring the name of the Midnight Knight to the lips of the people, he would do it. But could he die – could I really lose him?

I would not let myself cry. Not now. I had to be strong.
You'd better stay safe,
I said.
I really don't want to jump off a mountain again.

He laughed out loud. I imagined his smile, his eyes, beneath the visor that hid his face from me.

“My Knight?” Logan rode up to Kian, his expression solemn. “Till the end, then,” he held out a hand.

Kian shook it gladly. Their faces were grave. They knew what this war meant. Not even I could come between them. I was glad of it. At least now we could all be together – willing to fight together, die together. At least we had that, in the midst of all this confusion.

“Till the end, Wolf,” said Kian. He turned to the soldiers. “For today is a day that you all shall remember. And for years to come, when this day, the Thirteen of the month of the Sweet Water, approaches, you shall think back. And you shall think of this day, as the dawn rises on that day many years hence, and you shall wake your children and your grandchildren, your neighbors and cousins, and say “It is the Thirteenth of the Month of Sweet Water!” You will show them your battle scars and they will gasp and sigh and refuse to believe that there was ever a war, that there was ever such danger – for they know peace all too well for that. And when your faces and names pass from this land, the name of this day will be remembered still. And when you grow old and frail, and can remember nothing, you will nevertheless remember that the Thirteenth of the Month of Sweet Water was the day that you saved Feyland. And men will speak of the Midnight Knight, of the Queen Breena, of the Wolf Prince, and of all of you, and tell their children of you. And they will drink the finest cherry blossom ale in your honor, and not once will this day pass without fairies and centaurs, pixies and Minotaurs and wolves, all speak of us! You are not centaurs to me, nor wolves. You are my brothers, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh. And no man nor any woman hence will have any honor, when compared with you!”

He finished his speech to raucous applause. “For Feyland!” The soldiers cried. “For peace.”

And so we rode forth, towards the battlefields. My heart constricted as we saw the first signs of the dead – corpses and silver blood strewn as far as the eye could see. I had never seen so much blood before, so much death. Even the corpses I had seen in the Spring raids paled compared to this. We saw fairies – Summer and Winter – no longer distinguishable from each other in death, silver blood flowing into silver blood. We saw dead pixies, too, and other creatures – phoenixes, centaurs, unicorns, strangled banshees – so that we were forced to slow our march in order to make a path through the trails of the dead. Was this my beautiful land? My beloved kingdom? The sun still shone and the trees still bore fruit, but I could sense their sadness. I could sense the magic of my kingdom mourning for what it had lost.

We approached the hills that led to Feyland, and there we saw the great black shadow – the mass of the invaders.

It was time. We had to attack.

“Forward!” Kian cried, brandishing his banner, and so we poured forth, cutting a swath through a phalanx of pixies. I looked around, my sword slashing wildly. Where were we? Where was everyone? Out of the corner of my eye, at the center of a group of Summer Knights, I spotted my father. He was waving his sword in the air, slashing scales from an enormous black dragon that dotted the landscape with fire.

“I'll get that one!” Cary cried. “And pocket those scales, too!”

He galloped forth, and I followed shortly after him. We rushed ahead, striking down pixies as we went, and then Cary went straight for the dragon's neck.