Mending the Soul (8 page)

"That's fine.  I don't think I can even form coherent sentences right now anyways."  Jenna said with a smile.

Nicholas laughed.  "Ok, good night.  I'll call you in the morning before I send Colby home, ok?"

"Sounds good."  Jenna told him, then kissed him one more time.

"Mmm, if you keep kissing me like that then I won't ever be able to leave."  Nicholas moaned.

"Sorry.  I won't do it again.  Good night."

"Good night."  Nicholas whispered and gave her a quick peck on the lips before turning and walking away, towards his house.

Jenna opened her door and walked into her foyer.  She shut the door and backed into it, smiling.  'What a night!'  She thought to herself, wondering how she was ever going to sleep after those kisses that Nicholas had given her.  'Tomorrow can't come soon enough!'

Jenna tossed and turned all night thinking about everything that had happened with her and Nicholas.  She couldn't deny that she had feelings for him, and that his kisses made her feel like she was floating, but was she really ready to get into another relationship, and more importantly, was he?

She knew that even though it had been two years since his wife's death, Nicholas wasn't really over Leslie, and she wasn't sure he ever would be.  Jenna didn't want to feel like she was constantly competing with a ghost, the ghost of his wife, his first love.  She didn't want to give in and end up falling for him when he was just going to hurt her somewhere down the road.  After all, someday he'll realize that Jenna will never measure up to the woman that Leslie was, and where will that leave Jenna.

But on the other hand, he was such a good kisser and he could sure shake his ass on the dance floor.  He was such a good friend to Jenna, and he was always there to talk, or listen, or just hang out. He was a great father to Emma, and a great male role model for Colby. He was such a genuinely sweet man that she didn't think Nicholas had it in him to hurt anyone, especially not Jenna.  But then again, he was a man, and what man hasn't hurt some woman at some point in his life, intentional or not.

'Oh, this is getting me absolutely nowhere.  Besides, I have no clue what he's even feeling!  Who knows if he'll even want to be with me, so why bother worrying about this now?'  Jenna thought, frustration filling her body as she looked at the clock.  'Well, 7:30, might as well get up.  It's not like I'm going to get any sleep at this point.'

Jenna got up and showered, then headed downstairs to get a Pepsi.  She got the drink out of the fridge and grabbed the morning newspaper from the front porch and headed out to the back deck to read.  She flipped through the paper, looking at all of the articles, but not truly absorbing any of the words that she read. Just when she was about to give up, she looked over and saw Nicholas walking towards her.  He smiled at her when their eyes met, and she put down the newspaper.

"Good morning.  I see you're up early."  Nicholas called out as he reached her deck.

"Morning.  I didn't exactly get much sleep last night.  How about you?"  Jenna asked, giving him a shy smile.

"Yeah, not so good.  I don't think either one of us are going to get much sleep until we talk about what's happening."  He told her.

"I agree."  Jenna said nervously.  "Are the kids up yet?"

"Yeah, my mom just came and picked them up.  She wanted to take Emma for the day, to go to the beach and offered to take Colby along with her.  I hope you don't mind that I said he could go.  I sent them with plenty of sunscreen and strict orders not to go near the water without an adult with them."  Nicholas said.

"Oh, that's fine.  I trust your mom.  After all, you made it out of your childhood alive."  She laughed, still nervous.  "Besides, I think it's good if we have some time to talk without interruption."

"Agreed.  So, let's talk."

"Now?"  Jenna stammered.

"Yes, now.  I think we need to clear the air, and do it as soon as possible!"  He chuckled.  After a few minutes of silence, Nicholas took the lead.  "Ok, since you don't want to start, I guess I will."  He reached across the patio table and grabbed Jenna's hand.  "I don't know what's happening between us, but I have to tell you, the feeling I get kissing you is indescribable.  I haven't felt this way about a woman in a long time, and quite honestly, it scares me."

"Glad I'm not the only one then.  I get this tingling feeling every time I'm around you, and it scares me shitless too.  I really like the friendship that we have, and I don't know where I'd be without you as my friend."  Jenna said honestly.

"I completely agree.  Our friendship is very important to me.  More important than pretty much anything, other than Emma of course.  When you came into my life, I felt like a part of me had finally been glued back together.  I have been broken for so long, but I also don't know if I am really over Leslie's death."  Nicholas looked into Jenna's eyes, trying to read her reaction to what he was telling her.  "I am so confused.  One minute I think I'm ready to move on, then the next I feel so guilty that I am even thinking about it."

Jenna felt the tears building up in her eyes.  "Nicholas, I really like you, and I enjoy spending time with you, but I don't want to push you into something that you aren't ready for.  I don't want you to resent me because you feel guilty for moving on, and I also don't want to lose your friendship.  If you aren't ready, I need to know now before I get into this too deep.  I still have some scars from the way that Kyle treated me and our marriage, and I don't think I can handle any more at this point."  Jenna swallowed hard.  The tears slid down her face.  "I don't want something to start happening with us, then a month or two down the road you realize that you weren't ready.  I also can't live in the memory of your first wife.  If you decide that you want to be with me, I need you to be with me, not someone who is there as a replacement for Leslie.  Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I understand.  You don't want to live in Leslie's shadow.  I get that.  Just like I don't want to live in Kyle's shadow.  I don't ever want to be judged because of something that Kyle did.  I'm not Kyle, and I never will be.  I think he is the lowest form of life for cheating on his wife and not wanting anything to do with his son."  Nicholas started to get mad thinking about Kyle.  His hands started to clench into fists and he took a few deep breaths.  "But anyways, I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves.  First we need to decide if we are ready to head onto the next step and start something between us or not."

"Well, I know how I feel about you, but I'm not really sure how you feel."  Jenna told him.

"How do you feel about me?"  Nicholas asked her, a slight smile on his face.

"Well, every time I'm around you, I get these little butterflies in my stomach.  I think about you a lot during the day, for no reason at all.  You make me smile, and I enjoy the time I spend with you."  Jenna said, smiling through her tears.

"So, that's positive."  Nicholas laughed.

"And what about you?"  Jenna asked.

"Well, let me tell you…As soon as I saw you this morning, all I could think about was coming over here and wrapping you in my arms and kissing the hell out of you."

"So, this is just something physical then?"  Jenna teased.

"I think you know better than that!"  Nicholas smiled.  "It's just really hard for me to talk about this, to talk about my feelings.  I haven't done anything like this in a really long time, so I'm really rusty.  Maybe we should just take things slow and see where it leads us."

"Ok, slow is good.  But no matter what happens, I don't want to lose my friend."  Jenna said, wiping her eyes.

"Me either.  You are too important to me."  Nicholas reached over and helped to dry her eyes.

"So, what was it again that you were thinking when you walked over here?"  Jenna asked shyly.

Nicholas stood up and pulled Jenna up from her chair.  He pulled her hand so that she moved closer to him, where he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to his body.  He could feel her heart pounding against his as he lowered his head down to hers to embrace her in a deep kiss.  Her arms drifted to his shoulders and wrapped around his neck, with one of her hands reaching up to play with the hair on the back of his head.  One of Nicholas' hands found its way up to Jenna's face and cupped her cheek.

Nicholas broke the passionate kiss to place small kisses on Jenna's lips and rest his forehead against hers.  "It feels so good to be able to do that.  Especially when it's all I could think about all night."  Nicholas told her.

"I've been thinking about it since last week when we went out.  How bad is that?"  Jenna giggled.

"I can't help it if I'm so irresistible."  Nicholas laughed.  "So, when can I take you out on our first official date?"

"Well, how about next weekend, I don't really want to start leaving Colby with babysitters all weekend.  I think once a weekend is more than enough."  Jenna said.

"I agree.  I don't want to be unfair to the kids.  Ok, so next weekend we can go out on our date?  But we can still hang out with the kids like we have been, right?"  Nicholas asked.  They usually saw each other pretty much every night.  Either they would all go out to dinner together or Nicholas and Jenna would sit together while Colby and Jenna would play in the back yard.  They were always spending time together and Nicholas didn't want that to change.

"Of course we can still hang out.  I really enjoy the time we spend together like that, and so do Colby and Emma."  Jenna told him.  She looked into his eyes and hesitated for a moment before asking, "So are we going to tell anyone about this, like the kids or our friends?"

"Well, I know Vanessa will be pumping you for info at some point today, so you can tell her what you want.  I just don't really want to make it public yet with a whole lot of people knowing.  Let's see where things go first.  Does that bother you?"

"Not in the least.  I completely understand."  Jenna said honestly.

"Good.  Now, can I convince you to come over to my house so I can cook you breakfast?"

"Only if you wear an apron that says 'Kiss the Cook'."  Jenna teased.

Nicholas grabbed her hand and led her to his house.  Once inside, he told Jenna to make herself comfortable in the living room while he got the food started.  Jenna walked to the living room and made her way over to the mantle that was lined with picture frames.  Every single picture was a memory of a time that Nicholas spent with Leslie.  There were wedding pictures, pictures from when Emma was born, and other every day pictures.  Jenna picked up one of the wedding pictures and ran her hand over the glass lightly.  She looked at the smiles on the bride and groom's faces as they looked into each other’s eyes over their glasses of champagne.  They looked so happy, so in love.  Jenna wondered if she could ever make Nicholas as happy as Leslie had made him.

She returned the picture to the mantle and turned around to see Nicholas standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall.  She looked at him and flashed a sad smile before her eyes drifted to the floor.

"I'm just not ready to put her pictures away yet."  Nicholas told her, apologetically.

"I think this may be a mistake Nicholas.  You aren't ready, and I don't know if you ever will be."  Jenna said as she rushed to the door.

Nicholas stepped in front of her and grabbed her arms.  "Please, don't go.  I can't tell you that I'm going to forget the memories of everything that ever happened with Leslie, because I won't.  But I think I am ready to put the memories in the past and move forward with my life.  I can just go from mourning to moving on and getting rid of all her pictures overnight.  This is going to take some adjustment for me."  Nicholas said, almost pleading.

"I understand that.  I'm not asking you to forget your life with Leslie.  I would never do that."  Jenna started crying again.

"Then what is it?  What has you so upset?"  He asked, begging her to talk to him.

"Nothing.  I'm sorry, I guess I'm just over-reacting since I didn't get enough sleep last night."  Jenna said, not really convincing Nicholas.

"Well, when you're ready to tell me what's really bothering you, let me know."  He told her and let go of her arms.  "How about we just go out for breakfast instead?"

"That's probably a good idea.  Are you sure you want to put up with me though?  I'm not much use when I've had no sleep."  Jenna smiled.

"I think I can handle you.  Come on, let's go."  Nicholas said and pulled her out the front door.  They got in his SUV and headed to the IHOP a few minutes away.  Leaving his house made Jenna feel a lot better, but she worried that she would never feel comfortable there with all the memories that haunted it.  Only time would tell.

After breakfast, Nicholas and Jenna strolled down the street filled with small shops, going into the ones of interest and looking around.  Jenna had bought a few knick-knacks for her house, some clothes, and even managed to buy something for Nicholas when he wasn't looking.

"So, I take it you like shopping?"  Nicholas asked her as he helped her carry some of her bags.

"Not really.  That's why when I shop, I really shop.  I don't think I could shop in stores or a mall more than once every month or two.  Just another reason why I love the internet, no crowded stores to deal with and I can wear my pajama's while buying!"  Jenna giggled.