Mending the Soul (17 page)

"Well, she did, but I doubt she does anymore.  You really crushed her.  You broke her heart good this time!"  Vanessa reminded him.

"Vanessa, I had no clue she told me that.  I fell asleep right after we made love this morning.  She was drawing on my chest and it put me right to sleep.  I was so far in dreamland, and didn't wake up until she was screeching at me."  Nicholas told her.  "I had no idea she was even talking to me.  What am I going to do?  I have to make this right!"

"Don't think you're going to get a chance any time soon there, lover boy.  She is seriously hating you right now."  Vanessa told him.  "But either way, obviously you were dreaming about Leslie right after you had sex with Jenna or else you wouldn't have said her name.  Still not a good move on your part."

"I was dreaming that I was introducing Jenna and Leslie, and Leslie was giving me her blessing to go ahead with the relationship with Jenna.  Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't a good time to dream about it, but it was something that I needed to feel like it was okay to move on."  Nicholas said.

"Well, now you don't need to move on.  You've lost her now."  Vanessa pointed out, moving toward the door.

"It's not over yet.  I won't give up on her.  I'm going to do something to make this right.  I have to get her back…"  Nicholas said, as his mind started to formulate a plan on how to win Jenna back.

"Well, good luck with that.  I got to run though.  Try not to call out Leslie's name any more today, ok?"  Vanessa said as she walked out the door leaving Nicholas standing there feeling horrible, trying to think of a way to get Jenna to come back to him.

Two weeks had passed for Nicholas and Jenna since that dreadful morning.  Two weeks filled with rejected flower deliveries, unanswered phone calls, and a tortuous silence.  Two weeks filled with sorrow and anguish of what could have been, but was lost in a moment.

Jenna tried to maintain her resolve and stay strong over the two weeks, and she did, but not without the help of her savior, Vanessa.  Her best friend was there every day, helping her through her lonely nights, her doubts, her fears, and her tears.  Vanessa had tried to make Jenna listen to reason, telling her that maybe she should let Nicholas explain, but she found that when it comes to matters of the heart, reason doesn't always prevail.

"Ness, what happened to me?  I used to be such a strong person.  Things like this never got to me.  Something bad would happen, I'd deal with it, then move on.  I feel like I can't get past this.  I feel like I am a weak person now, crying all the time, wondering if I will ever find happiness again."  Jenna asked Vanessa as they sat in her living room talking.

"Jenna, you had real feelings for this guy, and you felt like he broke your heart.  It's not something that you get over right away.  Look at me, a guy broke my heart in High School, and now I am finally learning to get over it, after how many years?  Don't let that happen to you.  I look back on my life since then, and I was pretty bitter towards guys, causing myself a hell of a lot of heartache.  How many good guys did I let loose just because I was afraid to get hurt again?  What if I hadn't met Nathan to pull me out of it, would I have been alone for the rest of my life?"  Vanessa asked and sighed  "I really think you need to talk this out with Nicholas.  I know you don't want to hear that right now, but maybe you should listen to what he has to say for himself.   Just talk to him is all I'm suggesting."

"I don't know Nessa, don't you think it's easier to just make a clean break?"  Jenna asked.

"A clean break?  Think about it Jenna, you live next door to the guy and because of that you see him all the time.  Not to mention that your son is best friends with his daughter.  Do you honestly think that you will ever have a truly clean break from him while you're living here?"  Vanessa pointed out.

"So you think I should move?"  Jenna's brows furrowed.

"Jens!  You know that's not what I'm saying!   What I'm trying to tell you is that you can't live the rest of your life avoiding him.  That's not going to do any good for anyone…besides, it's virtually impossible. You need to at least talk to him, get past this awkwardness, and if you aren't going to be with him, at least get over the whole 'I'm pretending that he doesn't exist' phase."

"Ugh!  Aren't I supposed to be the reasonable one here?"  Jenna groaned.

"Well, yeah, but you haven't exactly been listening to reason over the past two weeks.  Now, how would you like to set up this little conference?  Would you like me to be there to mediate, or do you want to do it on your own?"  Vanessa questioned.

"Um, how about you be here, but in the other room, just in case I need some reinforcement or something.  Does that sound too wimpy?"  Jenna wondered.

"If it's going to get you to talk to him again, I see nothing wrong with it."  Vanessa told her.  "So, pick up the phone and get his ass over here."

"Right now!?"  Jenna yelled out of shock.

"There's no time like the present.  When were you thinking of doing it?"

"I don't know, like next month or something, when the wounds aren't so fresh."  Jenna suggested.

"Nice try, but you've had two weeks to deal with this already.  Get your stupid ass over to the phone and call him right now!"  Vanessa ordered.

Jenna rolled her eyes and walked to the phone timidly.  She punched in the first 6 numbers before hanging up the phone.  She looked over to Vanessa who was giving her the look of death, then reached for the phone again.  As she redialed the first six numbers and entered the last number, Jenna could feel her heart beating as if it was going to thump out of her chest.  Her mouth got dry as she listened to the phone ringing through to the other end.

"Jenna?"  A deep voice asked through the phone when the ringing stopped.

"Yeah, it's me.  Got to love caller ID."  She tried to joke, but it came out flat.

"Is everything ok?"  Nicholas asked, worried that something was wrong with her or Colby.

"Well, that depends on how you look at everything that's happened over the past two weeks."  Jenna said and squinted her eyes closed.  She rubbed her hand over her forehead before going on.  "Listen, the reason I'm calling is that Vanessa thinks you and I need to talk some things out and she won't leave me alone until we talk, so I was wondering if you had some free time-"

"I'll be right over!"  Nicholas said, cutting Jenna off before she had a chance to finish, so thankful for this opportunity.  He wanted to get there before she changed her mind.  He hung up his phone quick without saying goodbye and ran over to Jenna's.

Jenna sat there staring at the phone that she held in her hand when there was a knock at the back door.  She looked between the door and the phone for a minute, before placing the phone back on the hook and walking towards her back door.  As she opened the door, and saw Nicholas for the first time up close in two weeks, Jenna felt her stomach flutter.  Although he was still as gorgeous as ever, Jenna could tell the past couple of weeks had been rough on him.  His eyes looked darker, like he hadn't been sleeping well, and he hadn't shaved in a few days either.  His dark, wavy hair looked like it was growing a little too far out of control.

"Hi."  Jenna said.

"Hi."  Nicholas replied, feeling as if his breath had been stolen from him.  "I am so glad you called."

"Well, don't get too excited yet.  I'm not exactly thrilled about this, but Vanessa thinks it's only fair for me to hear your side of the story."  Jenna told him, trying to push her emotions deep inside her so that he couldn't see the effect he was having on her, just by standing in front of her.  "Let's sit on the deck and talk, ok?"

Nicholas backed up so that Jenna could walk out the door.  He felt that he needed to give her plenty of space, so that she didn't build her guard up even more than it already was.  Jenna sat at the table and folded her hands in her lap, looking down as if she was afraid to look Nicholas in the eyes.

Nicholas took the seat directly across the table from her, again choosing to give her the space that she needed.  He did this, even though he wanted the seat closest to her, so that he could take her in his arms and tell her everything as going to be alright.

"So…"  Jenna said.

"Jenna, I don't even know where to start.  That night that we spent together was the most perfect night.  I was so happy to have you in my arms, to hold you and to love you.  I have been so lost without you."  Nicholas started.

"Then what happened?  If you were so happy, why did you hurt me?  I poured my heart out to you, told you I loved you, and all you could say was 'I love you too Leslie'?  What kind of shit is that?  Do you know how that made me feel?"  Jenna cried.

Tears started to form in Nicholas's eyes.  "I'm so sorry.  I fell asleep right after we made love that morning.  You wore me out, and you were putting me to sleep when you were running your hands over my chest.  I was out.  I didn't hear anything that you said to me.  I was lost in a dream so deep that it seemed real."  Nicholas tried to explain.

"You know, you're making things worse here.  You were lost in a dream that seemed so real that it had you saying 'I love you too Leslie'?  Yeah, not exactly what I want to hear about after we had just had sex and after I told you how I felt about you."

"After we made love."  Nicholas mumbled.

"No, it's pretty obvious that it was only sex to you.  We fucked, you got what you wanted."  Jenna said hurtfully.

Nicholas shook his head.  "How can you say that?"  He asked.  He reached across the table and tried to grab Jenna's hand, but she jerked it away from him.  "Jenna, we made beautiful love that night and the next morning.  It wasn't just sex, and it sure as hell wasn't a quick fuck.  I love you Jenna.  I know you don't believe me right now, but give me another chance and I'll prove it to you."  Nicholas pleaded.

"Well, at least you got the name right this time."  Jenna said sarcastically.  She saw the hurt in his eyes when she said that, but after what she had been through over the past 14 days, she wasn't sorry for it.

"As I started to explain to you before, I was asleep when you were talking to me.  I had the most amazing dream, and even though it wasn't the best time to have the dream, I'm glad I did.  I feel a lot more at peace now."  Nicholas said and then explained his dream to her.  After he told her the main part of his dream, he said, "So after she gave me her blessing to move on with you, she told me that she loved me, and that must be where I told her I loved her too.  It was like it was our chance to say goodbye to each other.  We never had that chance.  She was taken from me without any closure, and I feel like I finally got that closure in the dream that morning.  I wasn't trying to hurt you, if anything, I think that dream would have made things better between us.  Yes, it would have been ideal to have the dream some other time, but I can't control what I dream about.  I didn't even know I had said it until Vanessa told me what had happened.  I didn't even know that you told me you loved me.  I had no clue what had you so upset that you just started yelling at me and ran out of my house.  You have to know that I would never knowingly hurt you Jenna, you mean too much to me."

"I don't know anything anymore."  Jenna said, shifting her eyes to the ground.  She didn't know whether she should believe him, and if she did believe him, then should she be angry that he was dreaming about his first wife after they had just slept together, even though she was in the dream too?  Jenna got up from the table and walked to the house, not saying a word to Nicholas.

"Jenna?"  He called out as she walked to the house.  She didn't look back, just walked inside and shut the door.  Nicholas put his head in his hands, worried that Jenna would never forgive him.  He had felt a little encouragement when she had called him over, and it gave him some hope that things would work out between them.  But now, after seeing Jenna walk into her house, not saying a word to him, he wasn't so sure.  The only thing he was sure of was that he wasn't going to give up on her.  He got up and went back to his house, trying to come up with some sort of plan to get Jenna to forgive him.  If only he could get a second chance, he'd make sure that he showed her every single day just how much he loved her.

*****

"Well?"  Vanessa asked when Jenna came back inside.

"I don't know.  Before I talked to him, I was so angry, and I didn't want anything to do with him.  Now I am so confused, I couldn't tell you what is going through my head."  Jenna told her, in a slight daze.

"Well, why don't you try to tell me what you're thinking?"  Vanessa suggested.

"Ok, maybe I blew things a little out of proportion, and he had no idea what I was telling him.  I thought that he was awake when I was talking to him.  And I am so happy for him to feel like he finally has some closure with Leslie, but the fact is that he was dreaming of her right after we made love.  Isn't there something wrong with that?"

"Jenna, you know that you can't control what you dream about."  Vanessa pointed out to her.

"I know, but wouldn't that suggest that there was something wrong, that he was dreaming about Leslie just after we made love?  I mean, something wrong in his sub-conscious?"  Jenna questioned.

"Or maybe it was his sub-conscious telling him that something was finally right."  Vanessa told her.  "Besides, it wasn't just Leslie in that dream, you were in it too."