Meant to Be (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (11 page)

He touched her arm. “So, do you want to go to the park with us?”

“I, um, I’d planned to stay here and help out this morning. We’re full again.”

“Nonsense,” MJ said, playing patty-cake with Ellie. “It’s your day off. Besides, I’m manager here. You should go out more and have fun.”

Cornered, Cole thought.

It didn’t get any better at the playground. The wide expanse was built by a church with simulated wood made into swings and slides, ropes and little castle-like houses. His and Ellie’s feet scrunched on the gravel beneath them after he set Ellie on the ground. She headed toward the swings, and he began to follow her, but Beth glanced around, crossed to a bench and sat down.

“Swing, swing,” Ellie called out.

He picked Ellie up at the swing set and stuck her in the one with the most straps. “Okay, baby, we’ll swing.” He glanced at Beth only a few yards away. “Want to help push Ellie?”

She gave him a strained grin. “No thanks.” Jesus, she pulled a Kindle out of her bag. “I’m going to catch up on my reading.”

That was a slap in the face to his child. And to her father.

o0o

A few days later, Cole stood in the doorway of the nursery. Ellie’s breathing was labored and she moved restlessly on the mattress because she was getting over a cold. Beth hadn’t been sympathetic when he’d phoned her earlier, beside himself from walking Ellie to kingdom come…

“Oh, Cole,” she’d said glibly. “It’s just a cold. Kids get them all the time.”

“I called the doctor.”

“For a cold?”

“Yes! He said to keep giving her liquids and use a humidifier in her room.”

“Good advice. Mostly, though, you just have to wait it out.”

Cranky from fatigue, he snapped, “You could sound a little more sympathetic.”

Dead silence. Then, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to brush your concern off.”

“How about showing you’re sorry and coming over to spell me. I’m dead on my feet.”

“Sorry. I’ve got a yoga class. Then I need to do some shopping…”

The message got clearer every day. She didn’t want to spend time with Ellie, sick or otherwise.

o0o

Cole was going to give Beth one more chance. Joey and Dana had wanted to take Ellie overnight because the girls kept bugging him about it, so Cole had invited Beth for a date on the night he’d chosen to leave the baby with them. But Joe had wrenched his shoulder taking down a drug dealer and Dana was feeling nauseous. He hadn’t told them when they’d called to cancel that he’d been counting on them having his daughter.

Nor had he called Beth. She’d arrived at seven for their
sleepover
wearing a sinfully low-cut dress that outlined every single curve. As soon as he opened the door, he grabbed her and kissed her senseless.

“Oh, God, I’ve missed you. Missed this.”

She gave a siren’s laugh. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“An eternity.”

Standing on tiptoes, she whispered in his ear, “I bought this dress today, just for you.”

“It looks lovely on you. It’ll look better draped over the chair in my bedroom.”

She cuddled into him, all soft and loving.

Until there was a cry from the back of the apartment. Beth stiffened and drew back. “What’s that?”

“It’s Ellie. Joe and Dana called at the last minute.” He filled her in on their situation.

“Ah, I see. Well, that puts an end to this.”

“It doesn’t have to. We can wait until she settles. Come on, sweetheart,” he wheedled “I’ve got to have you tonight.” When she stared stonily at him, he asked, “What?”

“How last-minute did they call?”

“This morning.”

“I see. But you didn’t phone me to rearrange our plans?”

“No.”

“I don’t appreciate being manipulated.”

“Beth this is stupid, not making love while Ellie is with us. We’ll be fine.”

Her face reddened. Not with embarrassment but with anger. “Can’t I for once have my way in this relationship? I’ve given in on everything, Cole. Everything! You could at least respect my wishes on this one issue.”

Though he was shocked at her vehemence, he didn’t try to argue. For one thing, she was right about her giving in. But making love with Ellie in the house wasn’t a little thing. This was a deal breaker for her. And he had to think long and hard before he was ready to break this deal.

o0o

Beth awoke at two a.m. to a god awful scream. “Peter?”

No answer, because Peter was away at a trade show. She bounded out of bed and rushed to the nursery. Ava’s squalling got even louder. Beth picked her up and held her to her chest. The baby had a cold, but the doctor said yesterday to give her medicine and she’d be all right.

She wasn’t all right. She began to hack.… It was more than a cough. The sound was something out of a nightmare. Oh, God. Beth started to walk her, but now Ava stiffened. And seemed to…stop breathing for a few seconds as she bawled. No, oh, no. Holding her, Beth flew to the phone. Intuitively, she knew she couldn’t call 911 for a cough, so she chose the pediatrician. The service answered and said a doctor would call her back.

She walked the floor with Ava, praying this tiny bundle she was responsible for would be all right. Promising not to complain about how hard it was to have a baby with so little help from Peter. Finally, the phone rang.

The doctor said, “It’s croup. Turn the shower on full-blast hot, and sit with her in the bathroom. She’ll stop coughing. And Mrs. Montgomery, this is very common. Ellie’s going to be okay.”

Beth followed the instructions and soon the small bathroom filled with steam. Immediately, Ellie began to breathe more easily. For a moment, Beth was confused, then thought, “Oh, well, she’s a baby in need.” Opening her blouse, she put Ellie to her breast, and the baby latched on right away. “Good girl,” Beth whispered. “Mommy loves you.” She knew something was wrong, but chose to ignore it, chose to pretend that everything was the same.

When she awoke, the dream made sense.

o0o

“Okay, sweetheart, we’re gonna have some real fun today.” Cole picked Ellie up, took her into the bedroom, removed her clothes and changed her diaper to a fresh one. As he carried her back to the kitchen, he kissed her curly head and thought about Beth avoiding contact with this little treasure. Distancing her in every way possible. Though that was totally unacceptable, he hadn’t wanted to broach the subject with Beth because the whole thing between them was still so tenuous.

Tucking Ellie into a booster seat at the table, he slid some of the big paper he’d set out in front of her, then put a sheet near the chair he took. Pulling a bowl close to them, he grinned at the sweet chocolate scent. “Have at it, baby.”

Ellie stuck her hands in the chocolate pudding and transferred a glob to her mouth. Cole shook his head. “No, no. Not that. Watch.” He proceeded to get his hands gooey and
paint
on the paper. He outlined a house. “This is pudding painting, love. Make a drawing like Daddy.”

He’d be damned; she understood. She got her hands dirty again and smeared the chocolate all over the paper. Then she stuck her hands in her mouth. “Paint. Paint.”

“Atta girl.” He tasted a dab himself, and turned back to his paper. Inside the house, he put a stick figure of a man and a baby. He pointed to each as he said, “This is Daddy and Ellie.”

“More,” Ellie said. He gave her the bowl and this time, she painted her arm. Well, that was supposed to happen.

He stared down at his work, wanting like hell to draw a woman, to put Beth in the picture.
But he didn’t. Because it was becoming more and more clear that there might not be a house for the three of them in their future.

Over the last few days, he’d made some decisions. He’d never subject Ellie to a distant mother. He’d never let his child feel unwanted. Given the circumstances of her birth, Ellie would eventually have to deal with the emotional ramifications of her biological mother giving her up. But the issue with Beth was immediate. Ellie was smart. She’d catch on soon, if only in an unconscious way for now.

Give Beth time. It hasn’t been that long.

Maybe not, but she seemed either innately distanced from his daughter or trying like hell to not get close to Ellie. Either was intolerable.

“Da, Da, Da,” she babbled. “Ellie paint!”

He looked over. “Oh, hell. Maybe you’re not so smart.” Ellie had taken more pudding and ground it into her lovely, dark locks. “Look at you. You’re a mess.”

“Ellie, mess. Ellie, mess,” she babbled sweetly.

His heart did a little summersault with the pleasure she gave him, Simultaneously, it broke a bit that Beth didn’t feel the same.

And might never.

o0o

From her window, Beth watched Cole’s SUV pull into the parking lot near the entrance to her suite. She’d offered to cook him dinner when he called and said he wanted to come out tonight. Her rooms were in the back of The Montgomery Inn and private enough to be cut off from the patrons.

She was nervous because he’d sounded odd on the phone. Maybe because of Dana’s reaction to her. Maybe because she’d had such an odd dream the other night, about Ava turning into Ellie. The croup thing had happened to her as a nineteen-year-old mother, but it was still an eerie dream.

A knock on the door. It seemed strange that Cole didn’t just walk inside or didn’t have a key. He should. They were, after all, in love, lovers. She’d have to mention it, she thought as she opened the door.

Once again she was moved by his looks. God, he was handsome in denims and a long-sleeved, gauzy white shirt tucked into beltless blue jeans. Over that he’d thrown a lightweight leather jacket. His hair, brushing his collar, was damp. In his hands, he held up a bottle of wine. He kissed her cheek before he said, “Brought this for you.”

Again his voice seemed raw, as it had on the phone. And she noted lines around his beautiful eyes. He obviously hadn’t been sleeping well. Alarm tingled up her spine.

“Come on in.” She took the bottle from him. “Come out to the kitchen.”

The room was small but efficient and well designed. She had a pot of marinara sauce warming on the stove, garlic bread ready to put in the oven and water semi-boiling. Her back to him, she sunk an opener into the cork. “How are you?”

The cork made a pop when she pulled it out.

“I’ve been better,” he said ominously.

She poured two glasses and turned to hand him one. He hadn’t sat down but was leaning against a counter, arms folded over his chest. “What’s wrong, Cole? I could tell something was amiss on the phone.”

He took the glass from her and set it on the counter. “We have to talk.”

Her stomach flip-flopped. “Oh, God, the last time you said that, you dropped a bombshell on our relationship. I’m not sure it can withstand another.”

Drawing in a breath, he removed the glass from her hand, setting it next to his. “I’m going to just say it outright. Your distance-keeping from Ellie is killing me.”

She could feel herself close down. “Is this about not wanting to make love the night Joey canceled his offer to babysit? I thought we settled the issue.” Though in her mind
she
hadn’t quite dealt with it. She knew she’d behaved badly with Cole that evening, but there were reasons for what she’d done.

“Please, Beth, don’t insult me by saying you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

She didn’t respond.

“Have you ever once held her?”

Her throat felt like a sock was stuck in it. Beth shook her head.

“Ever touched her hair, kissed her cheek?”

Again the negative response.

A huge sigh escaped him. “I can’t live with the way you treat her. Not only do you avoid physical contact, you avoid even being with her.”

Biting her lip, she turned away from his gaze and looked out the window.

“Do you know what I’m saying?”

“Yes.” She cleared her throat, then added, “I do.”

“Honey, turn around.” She obeyed though she didn’t want to witness his bleak expression, the grimness in his eyes. “Say it so I know we’re on the same page.”

“You can’t be with a woman who doesn’t want anything to do with your daughter.”

Now he frowned. “Okay, if you know what you’re doing, there must be only one reason for it. Are you purposely trying to sabotage our relationship?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I was hoping this wouldn’t come up. That you’d be more patient.”

“Not where Ellie is concerned. Explain yourself Beth, explain why you’re behaving this way. I know you’re a loving, warm woman. With everybody except my child.”

She battled back the moisture in her eyes and lifted her chin. She was going to have to articulate what she felt and it would just about kill her. “I-I’m trying to protect myself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’re so idealistic and optimistic. They’re wonderful traits, but not always wise.”

“Still unclear here.”

Time for the biggest leap of faith in her life. Yet she had no choice but to tell him. “I fell in love with you before I knew your age and that you were the father to a toddler. It was too late for me to change my feelings for you.”

“And now?”

“Can’t you see it?”

“No, tell me.”

“I don’t want to get close to your child. If this doesn’t work out between us, then I’ll lose two people I love. After all this upheaval in my life, I don’t think I can bear that.”

o0o

Dinner forgotten, Cole held Beth on her bed, close to his heart. The room was dim; moonlight cascaded through blinds open to the back. Outside, the lake whooshed and the air was cool drifting in through the windows, but they nestled under the quilt.

After Beth’s confession, and after she’d cried wrenchingly in his arms, Cole had been, probably for the first time in his life, at a loss for words. He’d told her so, and she’d said, “Then let’s not talk.” She turned the sauce and boiling water off and led him to her bedroom. Though he knew this wasn’t the best way to deal with the issue, he couldn’t think of anything to say to her that would comfort her. What followed was lovemaking so tender and poignant that she’d cried more afterward. And now, tracks of his own tears were visible on his face. His situation had hurt her more than he ever realized it could, and he was ashamed not to have known the extent of what he’d done to her.