Marked by an Assassin (33 page)

She recalled the fight between her and the huntress, how desperate she had been to keep the female in her sights so Harbin wouldn’t lose her again and both of them could have the closure they needed. She remembered taking blows and dealing them, and remembered passing out after the battle had come to an end.

The moment the huntress’s heart had given its final beat, Aya’s strength had left her and she had collapsed.

She recalled how afraid Harbin had looked when he had held her, and that drove her to open her eyes, because he was in the unfamiliar room with her, silently prowling around it. His emotions were in turmoil, a turbulent tangled flow from him around her. He was worried about her.

She needed to show him that she was recovering.

The dull light in the room was bright as she lifted her eyelids, bouncing off the cream walls and stinging her eyes and making her flinch away from it.

Harbin instantly swung towards her, the dark shadows leaving his handsome face and striking eyes as he saw she was awake. The relief he felt coursed through her too, but concern quickly overwhelmed it in him. Aya ached with a need to alleviate his fears but she wasn’t sure what to say, not when her heart was tearing her in two different directions.

It was over.

The huntress was dead and she wasn’t sure what that meant. The part of her that had vowed to leave Harbin once that had happened warred with the part of her that wanted to stay.

“You had me worried there for a while,” he whispered hoarsely, and the ache in her chest intensified.

She could finally see the affection in his eyes, love that the deepest part of her soul had wanted to see in them for a long time. All of his feelings were on show for her to see, none of them hidden behind a barrier, because he had let his guard down for her.

Aya wanted to curse him, and she wanted to kiss him at the same time.

The battle between her polar desires grew fiercer, cutting her deeper, right into her heart.

“How long was I out?” She looked around her at the room as Harbin twisted the knob on the lightswitch near the white door, dimming the ceiling lamp and giving her eyes some relief as they slowly adjusted to her using them again.

“It’s only been a day.” The way he said that made her feel it had felt longer than that short span of time to him. He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her, and she looked him over. The black t-shirt stretched tight across his muscular back, tempting her eyes, but something else firmly held her attention. Bandages wrapped around his arms. How hurt was he? She wanted to ask, but he spoke again. “We’re lying low at Underworld right now. I didn’t manage to kill the witch.”

He looked away from her and she sensed his shame, wanted to touch his jeans-clad thigh and comfort him. She cursed him for tugging on her heart strings instead and doubly cursed the guilt that welled inside her when she realised why the witch had escaped.

It was because she had run off after the huntress, and he had felt compelled to go after her, his primal instincts driving him to protect her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Harbin just smiled, and it was so strange to see it. He was changing, becoming more like the male she had known in her youth.

Becoming more dangerous, because this male was even more alluring than the one he had been back then, and even more alluring than the one he had become. He was a perfect blend of boyish charm and deadly assassin, intoxicating her and luring her back under his spell.

“How do you feel?” He pressed his right hand into the mattress, twisting his body towards her, and ran a glance over her that had her body heating beneath the covers.

She cursed him again. She was meant to be resting, her body still recovering, but she couldn’t stop the flood of desire that swept through her whenever he looked at her like that, as if he would die if he didn’t touch her soon.

Gods, she might die too.

She stifled that thought and focused, reminding herself that she was meant to be leaving him.

Heck, just the thought of going through with it tore her to pieces inside, but she had to be strong.

“I’m feeling better. Stronger.” She pushed the necessary words out. “I can leave soon.”

His face darkened. “Leave?”

She averted her gaze to the pale blue covers, unable to look at him when she could feel hurt flowing through him and she wanted to take it away. She had to be strong. She had to be. He was changing, and that meant he might leave his dangerous life as an assassin behind and what then?

Would he want children?

The thought of building a life with him only for him to shatter it when he discovered she couldn’t have children was too painful. She would rather cut her ties with him now.

“I thought we had something.” He stood sharply and her gaze automatically leaped to his face.

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

He towered over her, his fierce silver gaze locked on her, demanding she answer him.

Aya closed her eyes and lowered her face away from him, and thought about what he had said to her back in the assassin’s guild in Hell.

She sighed. “I’m the one who isn’t right for you. I can’t give you what you deserve.”

His confusion ran through her, a powerful force that made her want to look at him and explain everything, partly in hope that he would understand and would still want her as his mate.

She pushed her fears away, tamped down her weakness and found the strength to look him in the eye, even when it made her heart pound like crazy and her palms sweat. “I can’t have children.”

His soft smile threw her and he left her reeling when he spoke, a chuckle in his wicked deep voice. “That’s because you’re too young.”

She was the confused one now. “Too young?”

Harbin sat beside her again, a sigh leaving him as his backside hit the mattress. His weight on it made her roll towards him, so her hip pressed against his back.

“You’re only ninety-five.” His smile held and she could only stare at him in stunned silence as she realised he knew exactly how old she was. She couldn’t believe that he knew such a thing about her. “You obviously weren’t listening in class the day that we learned that while males all mature at a century, females vary in age… if you can’t have kids, it’s because you haven’t matured yet. Who the hell told you such bullshit in the first place?”

Aya wasn’t sure what to say in response to that.

The smile on his face turned wicked and teasing. “Were you too busy staring at me that day?”

She frowned at him, but he didn’t repent.

He only grinned. “You were daydreaming about kissing me, weren’t you? Fuck, I was certainly daydreaming about kissing you.”

Aya’s cheeks burned before she could shut down the flush of heat that swept through her on hearing that. She had never realised that he had liked her that way before she had kissed him.

He sighed and his expression turned sombre, all of the light leaving it. “I wish you hadn’t avoided me… I wish that things had been different.”

All of the light that had been building in her faded too, replaced by a weight of guilt she had never felt on her shoulders before. The attack on the village was partially her fault. She had rejected him, and he had responded by seeking out other females, landing him in the hands of the huntress. She pushed away from her thoughts, unwilling to let them cloud her heart and mind. There was no way to change what had happened, no matter how much both of them wanted there to be.

“It’s ancient history now,” she said and he looked across at her, his silvery eyebrows furrowed into a look that made her want to touch his cheek and soothe his troubled soul. “It’s over.”

“Over,” he echoed, and seemed even more troubled, as if he thought she was applying that word to them too.

Was she?

Did she really intend to leave him?

She wasn’t sure, but she was certain of one thing. She intended to escape this heavy conversation until she could get her head on straight. She searched for an escape route and found one when raucous laughter came from below. She looked to Harbin for an explanation.

“Cavanaugh and Eloise are celebrating their mating with an official gathering,” he said with a smile that warmed the cold parts of her heart, making her wish that smile was all for her.

“You should be there.” Aya nudged his right shoulder with her hand, jerking him forwards.

He huffed and scowled at her, and then his face softened and he sighed as he looked at her. “I’d rather be here with you.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Damn him. Had he always been this irresistible and charming? She knew the answer to that question in her heart, a heart that was touched by his desire to remain close to her and take care of her.

There was more to his reluctance to go down and join in the celebration than his need to be with her though.

He was nervous.

He couldn’t hide that from her, no matter how much he was clearly trying to conceal it with soft smiles and fussing over her.

“Have you spoken to Cavanaugh?” she said.

The look he gave her, a little guilty and shy, such a contrast to the dangerous male she had come to know, told her that he had been in the room with her the past day, hiding from his brother.

She found that a little endearing, but at the same time she wanted to box his ears. This was his chance to heal things with his brother and she wouldn’t let him waste it, because she knew he would regret it.

“We could go down together. I’m sure Cavanaugh would like to see you, and will be happy to see I’m well too.”

Harbin shot down that suggestion with a dark scowl. “You’re not strong enough yet.”

Unlike him, she was aware that the connection between them made it impossible for her to fool him, so she didn’t bother to deny it.

“Just a little while. It’s important.” She placed her hand on his knee and he looked down at it, his frown melting away and steely gaze softening. “We can come back when I feel tired, but right now I feel fine.”

He frowned again, that single shift in expression telling her that he didn’t believe her, but also that he wasn’t going to argue with her about it.

He huffed and muttered something under his breath as he pushed onto his feet, trudged across the room and grabbed a stack of clothing off the wooden chest of drawers near the door. He carried them back to the bed and set them down next to her.

Aya gasped as he tugged the covers back, her hands racing to cover herself.

“No need to hide from me.” He chuckled softly. “I did get you naked in the first place.”

Heat bloomed on her cheeks and he groaned and turned away, muttering more things she couldn’t quite hear.

Only this time she didn’t need to hear the words to know what the problem was. She could sense his desire skyrocketing, the hunger that swept through him rushing through her too, awakening her need of him.

Aya wrestled it back under control and dressed as quickly as she could. Each time one of her bandaged wounds ached and she hissed through her teeth in response, Harbin looked back at her, concern in his eyes before his cheeks darkened and he swiftly looked away again.

She hadn’t realised he could be such a gentleman.

It was another thing to add to the ones she was learning about him, and it made her want to tease him by intentionally drawing his gaze to her just so she could see that boyish blush on his cheeks.

“You done yet?” he growled, disgruntled and snappy, and she stifled her giggle.

She didn’t think she would ever grow tired of teasing him.

Her smile faltered.

It hit her hard that she wanted to stay with him, that leaving him really wasn’t an option and had never been, not even when she had thought she couldn’t give him children.

She closed the button on her pale blue jeans and smoothed the burgundy flowing top over them, her fingers shaking as she looked at Harbin’s back and felt as if her future happiness rested on those wide shoulders of his. He was everything she wanted. Everything she needed. She just wasn’t sure how to tell him.

“Done.” Her voice was a bare whisper, but he heard her and turned around.

The hunger that flooded his eyes, dilating his pupils and brightening his silver irises, made her feel as if she was wearing something sexy and revealing rather than the slightly too tight blue jeans and a little too loose top.

He stared at her for so long that her nerves got the better of her and she looked away from him.

His soft sigh, and his hand appearing in view, drew her gaze back to him. He flexed his fingers, a silent command for her to take his hand, and she swallowed hard, feeling like an idiot as she stared at it. She had slept with him, had been more than a little wicked, but the thought of taking his hand made her nervous.

Made everything seem so much more real.

Because it made her feel that he had feelings for her.

That he might be in love with her too.

She slipped her hand into his, and it was warm, strong as he closed his fingers around hers and held them gently, as if he was afraid of hurting her.

She stared at their joined hands as they left the room and walked down the corridor, her head spinning as she tried to find the words she needed to say to him, the ones that would convey how she felt about him and that she wasn’t going to leave him after all.

She was going to stay.

They turned a corner on the metal staircase and she felt eyes on her.

Aya looked at the gathering in front of her, stunned by the number of people crammed into the white-walled space, but moved to tears by the decorations.

A shiver ran through her, unleashing her emotions as she took in the room. Candles glowed, dotted in groups around the space, their golden light warming the white walls that could have easily been the pale perfection of snow. Across the room, swags of colourful prayer flags hung from twisted ropes, adorned with gold scripts and patterns that she hadn’t seen in what felt like forever.

It transported her back to the pride village, to a time when she’d had a family and a place where she belonged, and celebrations such as this had been the highlight of her peaceful life.