Man Up Stepbrother (15 page)

Chapter 17

Jagger

Mission accomplished, I wasn't trying to weasel my way out of an uncomfortable conversation, but I did mean to make Allie forget she was pissed at me. I hold her against me and listen to the sweet sound of her breath returning to normal.

She's content and I don't want to screw things up again, but if we don't talk, if we just pretend everything is fine, we're going to lose what's between us. What's fast become the best part of my life.

I don't know where to start. If Allie thought she was pissed before, she's going to go through the roof when she finds out what went down tonight.

"Why'd you leave without saying anything earlier?" she asks, yawning.

"I didn't wear you out, did I?"

"You wish."

It's obvious she's spent. I can't help but laugh before I kiss her forehead.

"Oh no you don't," she says, slapping at my chest. "I know what you're trying to do."

"What's that?"

"You're trying to avoid the question.”

I don't answer right away. I stroke her arm, enjoying the feel of her skin while I gather my thoughts. The silence stirs a shift in energy.

"Jagger," she pulls away and sits up, leaning her back against the wall. "Something's wrong. You're acting weird and it's scaring me."

"No. Don't be scared, sunshine. I'm just looking for the right place to start."

"Start from the beginning."

I let out a long breath. "Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was only darkness."

"Would you stop being an ass!"

She picks her pillow up and swings it at my face. She's not quick enough. I disarm her and toss the pillow to the foot of the bed before taking hold of her wrists and pulling her down next to me again.

"You want it rough?" My voice drops. I know it might be a long time before we have sex again after she hears what I have to say, so I'm willing to take advantage of the situation.

"Not until you tell me whatever it is you're trying to avoid."

"You sure about that?" I drop my mouth to her neck.

"You are not going to use sex as a distraction, Jagger. Got it?"

"Sure, take away my fun."

"Jagger!" I hear the exasperation in her voice, and I know I have to start talking. I have to give her something.

"Okay. Promise you'll hear me out completely."

"Fine. But only if you start talking right now."

"I need to tell you everything, and it starts with Afghanistan."

As if she knows I need to borrow her strength, Allie places her hand in mine and interlaces our fingers. I look at our joined hands and I get it. If I choose a life with her, it could be this simple. Just as easy as holding her hand.

"I'm listening."

"I could never compete with my brother. You see how he can do no wrong?"

"That's not true."

"Oh, but it is. Especially where my father was concerned. He'd always compare me to Troy, point out everything my brother was good at. But the harder he pushed me to be like my brother, the more I rebelled and tried to be his opposite. Troy was into academics. He won the spelling bee, the math bee, and was on the high school debate team. Me, I went out for sports. Football, baseball, and swimming. Even then, I never collected the trophies and accolades my brother did."

"He shouldn't have expected you to be like Troy."

"You're right. He shouldn't have, but he did." I squeeze her hand. "I knew college wasn't for me. Sure, I wanted to go away and party, but that's all I wanted to do. I had no interest in school and no clue how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. So I asked my buddy Austin to go to the recruiting office with me, just to talk to someone and see what it was all about. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into."

"He didn't stop you."

"No. He didn't. In fact, he signed up before I did. It was sudden, and unexpected. He claimed it was about the free education. I always had the feeling that was a lie. That there was something more, something he wasn't telling me. It didn't help that the recruiting officer talked a good game. He claimed the threat we'd face was mild. The war was over. It was just training the soldiers to take over."

"That's not the way it was."

"Not at all. Things were just heating up again. The Taliban was still there waiting to take control back."

"I hate thinking of you there. I'm so glad you made it home in one piece," Allie says, her words hugging my heart.

"Me too, sunshine. Me too." I pull her close and kiss the top of her head.

"I can't imagine being put in a situation where you have to kill people or they might kill you first."

I hold my breath a moment, but I can't let that comment go. I need to know if she can see past the killer in me. Because like it or not, he's there. "Do I frighten you?"

"Not in that way. I know you would never physically hurt me."

"I don't want to hurt you. Ever. In any way."

"I know you don't. It doesn't mean you won't though."

I fucking hate that scumbag Bailey for the shit he put her though. For making her doubt everyone that comes after him. But I can't go off on that tangent just yet. She needs to understand why I did what I did. Why I'm so concerned for her safety.

"I don't even know how it happened that we were assigned together, but Austin and I served in the same unit." My instinct is to pull away, to shrink from her touch. But I don't. I hold on tighter. I can get through this if I'm connected to her. "The one thing that made my father proud was my protective instinct when it came to women. He taught us to be gentlemen and hold doors so ladies go first. It was never about them being weaker, it was always about showing respect. So anytime I see a woman being hurt or abused, I can't help myself, I jump in without thinking about the consequences."

"You and Austin fought over a girl?" she asks, looking confused.

"No." I take a deep breath. "My squad was on patrol. Our mission: deliver food to the latest wave of refugees that escaped the violence of the Taliban. The first problem, they didn't trust us. The second problem, we didn't trust them.

"On the way to the camp, we spotted an altercation. A man was beating a woman on the side of the road. Kicking her, punching her. He hit her so hard, she and the baby she held in her arms were knocked to the ground. I couldn't ignore the screams and cries coming from them. I couldn't turn a blind eye. My brothers told me to mind my fucking business, this was a cultural difference we had to ignore. But I couldn't. It was wrong. I couldn't leave her to fend for herself."

"Oh, Jagger," her voice is tinged with sadness. "You were too late, weren't you?"

I sit up and let go of Allie. I let go of my life preserver and hold my head in my hands, readying myself to drown on my emotions. Maybe if I let it out, maybe I can sleep and the screams will stop haunting my dreams. Allie rubs my back and kisses my shoulder as I continue.

"I jumped out of the vehicle, forcing them to stop. Forcing them to step in where we had no business. The woman shouted hysterically through her cries. She got louder and more agitated the closer we got. I thought she was afraid her attacker would finish the job because we came to her aid. We didn't understand what she was screaming. The guys went to help her and the baby. I took off after the fucking coward that knocked her off her feet. Just before I got to him, I heard it. I heard the explosion. I felt it pick me up and throw me like a rag doll."

"Oh my God!" I hear the emotion caught in her throat.

"I woke up in the base hospital with some broken ribs and a few lacerations. Everyone else was dead. Including Austin. And the thing is, it was for nothing. The fucker blew the woman up. He used her as the explosive. I don't even know if the baby was real or a decoy. All I know is the bodies of my friends, my brothers, were ripped to pieces because of me. Because I had to go save a woman on the side of the road. A woman that was used to kill my unit."

"It's not your fault." She rubs my shoulders then wraps her arms around me tight.

"That's debatable. I mean Austin wouldn't even have been there if it wasn't for me."

"You don't know that for sure," she trails soft, sweet kisses along my collarbone. "You can't blame yourself."

"But I do. And I always will." I reach for her hand and pull her onto my lap. My chest swells as I look at her. She's so beautiful. Just staring into her gray eyes grounds me. I hold her face in my hands and brush my thumbs across her soft skin.

"One thing I know for certain is whether I like it or not, you're family now, and I'd never let anyone hurt you. I'd never forgive myself if something happened that I could've prevented. And you won't even consider Bailey could be behind the tires. It drives me fucking crazy. So I crossed lines and overstepped my boundaries. But I swear it came from a good place. I did it because I care."

"I know." She pulls one of my hands to her mouth and kisses my palm.

"I trust Ox with my life, Allie. After that incident, I had a death wish and always found myself in a ditch full of trouble. Ox saved my ass more times than I care to remember. More times than I can count. When we found your tires slashed, I immediately thought of him and his new business. The caveat was that he himself watch you when I can't be with you."

Allie looks away. There's something about this still eating at her.

"What's wrong?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. It's just how closely does he watch me? Does he see me naked?"

"Oh, baby, no. Of course not. He just keeps tabs on the house and makes sure no one tries to get in, or leave anything suspicious. Just shit like that."

"Yeah well, he missed one hell of a gift the other day.”

"He didn't miss it. He wasn't here because I was with you. When I'm here, I don't need anyone else because I'll take a bullet, I'll do whatever the hell I have to for you."

Allie throws her leg over my lap and straddles me. I bury my head in her breasts for a few long moments and hold her tight, feeling her heart beat in unison with mine.

"The thing you need to understand is, if I lost so much for a stranger, for a woman that never had a shot at happiness, do you have any idea what I'd do for you? There's nothing, no lengths I wouldn't go to in order to protect you."

She looks at me, awed, before her soft, warm lips crush my mouth. This isn't a break up kiss, or even a make-up kiss. This is an I-feel-you-deep-down-in-my-soul-kiss. This is a you’re-my-everything kiss. Even if neither of us are ready to say those words, I think it's clear we both feel them.

I wait for her to get her fill of me and break away, because lord knows, I'll never get my fill of her. Eventually she does. She keeps her hands clasped behind my neck, but there's air between our lips.

"I met with Ox tonight."

"And?" She runs a hand over my hair, and I swear I can feel the depth of her emotions in her touch.

"We ran into Austin's older brother Declan."

"That must have been awkward."

"I guess. The guy seems to have lost his grip. He's going through a divorce. Turns out he married Austin's high school sweetheart while we were away. When I looked into his eyes, I saw emptiness. The kind of emptiness you have when you let yourself sink into a black, never-ending ocean of loss, and it scared the hell out of me because I recognized that look. It's the look I saw in my eyes before I came home. Before I met you."

Allie's breaths are coming faster. Deeper. Still straddling me, her hand reaches down and touches me through my boxers.

"What are you doing?" I whisper. "Distracting me with sex?"

"Yes. I want you to forget everything but me right now." She ends her declaration with a long, deep kiss as she strokes my cock.

"Allie." I say through ragged breath. "There's more."

"Shh." With her free hand, she places her pointer finger over my lips. "Just focus on me. On how I make you feel. Because I've never felt more connected to anyone in my life. And right now I need you. I need you inside me."

I grip her hips, and my fingers bite into her skin as she rubs her pussy against me. I feel her sweet dampness through the thin material of my boxers. And it's not enough. I need to be closer. Touch her deeper.

"It might help if I get out of these," I tease.

"Just lie back and look pretty," she commands, pushing my chest down.

I do as I'm told. Folding my arms behind my head, I allow her to take the lead. Finally, Allie's hands reach for the waistband of my boxers. I lift my hips, allowing her to remove them.

Lying naked on her bed, I enjoy the approving look in her eyes as they rake over me from the top of my head to the top of my other head. There's heat and hunger in the salacious look on her face as she pulls her shirt over her head.

"Thought you might like the view," she teases.

The confident, sassy woman that dazzled me when we met is shining through. I don't see any sign of the uncertainty or insecurity Bailey left in his wake. I know the decision I made tonight is the right one. I just need to discuss it with her, because that's what couples do. They share in the decision-making process.