Make Me Bad: Private Lessons (28 page)

“No,” I tell her honestly. “As much
as I know you shouldn’t be with me and that I’m no good for you, I can’t do
it.”

A small smile crosses her face.
“Good.”

“Don’t be so happy about it,” I
warn her. “I told you before that I’m not good for you.”

“I don’t care.” Her tone is
familiar and stubborn. “And I disagree. You are good for me. No one else
understands me the way you do.”

“I doubt that.”

“It’s true. The way you understand my
music… I’ve never had that before. Even my parents who are gifted musically;
they’ve never been able to relate to my music or understand it on a deep
level.”

I understand what Maddie is saying,
and I agree that it’s nice to have someone on my musical level that I can
connect with. And it’s nice that we can connect in
other
ways as well.

Instead of arguing with her, I kiss
her softly and she responds, kissing me back. She begins to wrap herself around
me and I hear someone behind us clear their throat.

I chuckle and pull away. “Better
not do this now.”

She flushes crimson and we spend
the rest of the cruise holding hands and admiring the city.

After the cruise we catch another
taxi to a low-key, but lovely restaurant. I want this night to be special for
Maddie, and I try hard not to worry about what will happen when we leave Paris.

“You didn’t have to do all this,”
Maddie says after our bottle of wine arrives at the table.

“Yes, I did. You deserve this. You
deserve more than I can even give you.”

Maddie’s sharp look doesn’t need
explaining. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Please. I’m sure you grew up with
all kinds of nice things.”

“This again, Luc? I really didn’t,
and it was drilled into my head to appreciate the nice things that I
did
have. I’m not some spoiled rich girl.”

No. She’s definitely not. I know
that. My own insecurities are surfacing again.

“We have something special
together, Luc. I was always afraid to say it because I thought it would scare
you away. But I’m not going to hold back what I feel anymore. I may be young
and inexperienced, and I may not be the girl with the most street-smarts, but I
know what I feel deep inside.”

“Oh, Maddie,” I sigh.

“You know I’m right,” she says
fiercely and her blue eyes flash with such conviction that I wonder how I could
have ever considered walking away from her.

I reach across the table and take
her hand.

“Yes, you’re right. There is
something between us that I can’t describe. It’s something I’ve never felt with
anyone else before.”

“I love you,” she whispers.

“You’re crazy.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m too old for you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’ve got too many hang ups.”

“No, you don’t. You can’t push me
away.”

“I know. And that’s why I love you
too.”

We settle in and enjoy our last
night in Paris, which turns out to be more romantic than I could have hoped
for. We live completely in the present moment, not worrying about our group
dinner tomorrow night, or our flight the following day. I don’t think about my
crazy, lonely Christmas holidays in the city, or Maddie flying to Nashville
once we return to New York. There are no more thoughts or discussions about the
Spring semester and graduation.

All that matters right now is
Maddie and I spending this last night together.

We’ll worry about everything else
later.

THE END

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The following is an
excerpt from my book
Damaged
But Not Broken
(Available on Amazon):

ONE

Paige

Summer 2000

Blake kisses me, and I melt into his arms, swooning as his
lips brush against me. He tastes of sweat and lemonade, and I lick his lips
again unable to get enough.

Blake is my entire world. My whole summer has revolved
around him, and I know my life will continue to revolve around him... I can't
imagine any differently.

Sweet Blake who came into my life just when I needed him, as
my whole world was crumbling around me.

I run my fingers through Blake’s messy brown hair, feeling
the silky strands in my fingers, and I tighten my grip, wanting to hold onto
Blake forever. Is it possible to love someone this much at fifteen? I know
people think I’m crazy, they would never understand how much Blake and I love
each other.

“I love you,” Blake whispers, as if reading my mind.

“I love you too,” I whisper back, feeling the hot sun
beating down on my back.

“Can I come over again later?” he pleads. I know I should be
one of those girls who doesn’t spend all her free time with her boyfriend, but
since I’ve given myself to Blake, my need for him is insatiable.

“Yes. My dad is going out with his friends tonight. The house
will be empty.”

Blake lets out a happy sigh, and his hands graze against my
thighs.

We hear a car pull up in the driveway, and we quickly
shuffle away from each other...

I hear click-clacking heels, and then a few moments later,
Blake’s Momma appears around the back of the house. I see a quick flicker of
annoyance cross her face, and then she masks it with a chipper smile.

“Paige! So lovely to see you.” She pauses. “Again.”

“Good afternoon Mrs. Evans.”

“Will you be staying for dinner?”

“No, ma'am. I’ve promised to have dinner with my Daddy
tonight.”

“How nice. I’m sure he loves having you home for the
summer.”

I nod because I know my Daddy does love having me home for
summers. I’m sure he would love it even more if he weren’t drunk half the time.
I know my mom hates me spending the summers back in Nashville, and I fib and
tell her Daddy isn’t as bad as he was before the divorce, but he’s still just
as bad.

But Blake makes it worth it.

I think about that first day of seventh grade – I
transplanted from my private school to the local middle school because my mom
and dad were talking about the D-word. And if they were going to pull me out of
school mid-year, they weren’t going to pull me out of an expensive private
school and lose the year’s tuition.

The girls had all eyed me warily at my new school; I
couldn’t help the fact that I had been genetically blessed. Even in seventh
grade, I was thin and leggy, had long blonde hair the color of silk and bright
blue eyes.

But Blake had been just like me – a newbie. He had recently
moved to Nashville thanks to his father’s new job.

We had bonded right away, first as friends, but soon Blake
and I became an item and it was like we were one and the same. Everything was
“Blake and Paige” “Blake and Paige.” Everyone knew one of us wouldn’t be
somewhere without the other.

Blake helped me deal with the pain of my parents fighting
and the threats of my mom taking me back to where her family lived in Bristol.
I knew I couldn’t stay in Nashville with my dad. He worked way too much and his
rock and roll production company, Lawson, was just starting to take off. Which
meant he would be working even more. And honestly, I loved my mom more.

And then, just after Christmas, my world imploded.

My parents came into my room over Christmas break and sat me
down. I remember knowing in my gut, the tears started flowing before they even
started talking. Through my choked sobs, my parents told me they couldn’t do it
anymore. They both loved me very much, but they couldn’t stay together and it
would be better for me in the long run.

My Daddy admitted he drank too much and he promised he would
get help so I could come spend summers with him in Nashville.

It was all so matter of fact, as if explaining a business
deal. I was just a piece of collateral damage. I would live with my mom during
the school year and then spend summers in Nashville. It was that easy they
said.

As if.

My Momma said we still had some time left in Nashville. My
dad would sleep in the guest room (which he pretty much did all the time
anyway). She wanted to go back and forth to Bristol and try to get our new life
situated before we moved. She began cashing in her vacation time, and spending
long weekends in Bristol, looking for houses with my Grandma’s help and
interviewing for new jobs.

I remember crying so hard when I told Blake. He hugged me
and stroked my hair and we had our first real kiss.

In March, my mom was finally ready for our move. So
three-quarters into the school year, I packed up the only life I'd ever known
in Nashville and followed my Momma three hours to the Tennessee-Virginia line.

I didn’t realize how lucky I had been in Nashville. The
house my Momma and I moved into was nice and quaint, but small. Bristol was
quiet; not lively like Nashville. As much as I loved my mom, I resented her. I
counted down the weeks until I could return to Nashville for the summer.

Until I could return to Blake for the summer.

“What are you thinking?” Blake asks, taking my hand and
running the pad of his thumb along one of my freckles.

I sigh. “Just thinking about when we first met.”

Blake grins. “You were hot then and you’re still hot now.”

I giggle. Blake always makes me laugh.

I wiggle my toes, which are hanging over into his pool, and
turn my face up to the sky. It’s one of those perfectly blue-sky summer days
that you can only find in Nashville. I can tell that it’s getting late, and I
check my chunky new cell phone; a lavish present from my dad. He says it’s so
he can keep in touch with me, but he barely calls and I think he just gave it
to me because he feels guilty all the time.

“You’re so lucky to have a phone,” Blake says wistfully.

I smile and then frown. It’s just after five o’clock, which
I should have known when Mrs. Evans returned from work. I need to get home so I
can meet my dad for dinner.

“I have to go,” I say sadly.

“But at least I get to see you later,” Blake says nuzzling me.

“I have condoms at my house,” I whisper, even though I know
we can’t be overheard.

Blake’s eyes light up and I know he’s excited by my
preparations. We had only been having sex for two weeks, but I quickly set up
my own stash in a shoebox under my bed because that’s how much I loved Blake.

I wisely covered the condoms with pads and tampons. My dad
never went in my room, but if he ever did, he would quickly slam the lid down
on any box filled with feminine products; they scared the crap out of him.

I gave Blake one last hug and kiss before I trotted around
to the front of his house and got on my bike.

The ride is only two miles, which isn’t bad. When I arrive
back at my house, or should I say my dad’s house, because really it isn’t my
house anymore, he's just getting home.

“Hey baby,” he says, smiling. When my dad is sober, he's
great. I know he loves having me home. It makes my heart ache in a pitiful kind
of way.

This has been our life for the past three years – I come
home in the summers, he buys me fancy presents and then feels guilty as he
tries to make it up to me for the divorce and the drinking.

“Hi Daddy. How are you?”

“Good. I picked up your favorite,” he says, waving the bag
in my face.

Yum! He picked up burgers from my favorite place downtown. I
walk my bike into the garage and follow him inside. I can’t wait until next
summer when I can drive.

My dad places the burgers and milkshakes down on the kitchen
table.

“Let me go change. I’ll be right back.” He says.

I begin to unwrap our meal. We almost always eat in the
kitchen because it's so much more casual than the dining room. My dad reappears
a few minutes later dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

“So, what are your plans tonight?” I ask, trying to sound as
casual as possible.

“Not too much. Billy and Riff are coming by and we’re going
to go out for a few drinks.”

I can’t help it; I make a face at him.

“What is it, Paige?” he asks, a hint of annoyance in his
voice.

“I just don’t know why you hang out with them,” I complain.

I certainly don’t want my dad to cancel his plans since
Blake is coming over, but I can never understand why he spends so much time
with his two loser friends from high school. Even though my dad is a drinker,
he’s made a good life for himself and done exceptionally well.

Billy and Riff have never managed to hold steady jobs and
they both live in run-down houses on the edge of town. I sometimes think they
only hang out with my dad because he buys the beer.