Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (59 page)

I looked aroun fer somethin te stop the blood, but the floor was covered in water, an I was afraid te move in case I made her even more annoyed. ‘Gimme somethin te put on it, Ma!' I shouted in pain.

She picked up the bucket an squeezed out the dirty floor rag an said, ‘Here! Wipe it wit tha.' I held the slimy rag, not wantin te hold it, the smell of it. But I pressed it te me arm an held it there. The pain in me bone was still stabbin through me.

‘Gimme the cloth,' me ma said, an went back te cleanin the floor. I bent down an picked up me cardigan from under the bed an put it on.

‘I'm goin out, Ma, te see if there's anythin happenin. I might pick up somethin.' I knew she wouldn't stop me then if she thought I might bring back anythin.

Charlie was sittin on the ground wit a stick, spittin in the mud tryin te make shapes wit the stick. He jumped up when he saw me. ‘Are ye goin somewhere, Martha?'

‘Yeah! Let's go fer a wander.' An he dropped the stick an followed me out the gate onta Corporation Street.

‘Where are we goin, Martha?'

‘I don't know yet. Let's just see.'

The shops were closed, cos it was Sunday. An people had their good clothes on. I knew I was a bit of a show wit me pipe cleaners still in me hair an tryin te cover them up wit me ma's scarf on me head, an holdin me arm wit the blood still seepin through me woolly cardigan. It was still painin me an wouldn't stop bleedin.

‘What ails yer arm, Martha? Ye're all full a blood.'

‘Nothin. Me ma just hit me, tha's all.'

‘Let's get a look!'

‘No, leave it! It's still painin me.' I pushed his hand away. ‘Come on, let's go up te O'Connell Street.' I knew this was me last chance te have time te play before Jackser came back tomorrow. An I didn't want te think about him, cos it was makin me feel very sick.

We walked behind a man an a woman wit a boy of about six, holdin his hands in the middle of them. The father was holdin the hand of another child, a girl of about my age. She skipped along, suckin on an ice-cream cornet, an her long shiny ringlets bounced up an down. I admired her no end. She looked lovely wit the big white ribbon tied up in a bow on the top of her head. An she was wearin a lovely red coat wit a velvet collar an a belt at the back, an lovely red patent shoes wit straps te match, an white ankle socks. An she had lovely fat white legs, an ye could see she got a lot of good feedin an plenty of washin. I'd say she was definitely washed in hot water an soap every day. Tha's how she got te look like tha.

‘Daddy, can we please go to the café and eat supper after the Phoenix Park?' she asked her daddy, lookin up at him.

‘Now, now, Poppet! Mummy may have other ideas,' he laughed, lookin down at her.

‘Oh, please, Daddy! You promised.'

‘Now, Sarah! Do behave!' the mammy said, lookin over at Sarah.

I rushed past, wantin te get a better look at Sarah, who was shakin herself an her father's hand an her ice cream up an down in a temper, an spillin ice cream down the front of her lovely coat. An I stopped in front of them te look, an Sarah stopped actin the babby an gaped at me as if I had two heads, an moved in closer te her father. She looked up at him an then at me. An I watched her mammy take a white lace handkerchief outa her shiny black patent handbag an dab the ice cream on Sarah's coat. ‘Really!' said the mammy. ‘You ought to be more careful, dear. You really are a very naughty girl!'

Sarah stamped her foot an threw the ice cream on the ground, an we followed its landin wit our mouths open. Charlie looked at me an then dived on the cornet, pickin it up an shovin it up inta his mouth before Sarah changed her mind an screamed fer it back. Jaysus, I thought, rushin off. Imagine actin like tha at her age! She didn't look mental. An the mammy an daddy even let her get away wit it! How does tha happen? I suppose the toffs are all like tha. Very kind. I'd love te be Sarah. One day I'll be like tha. I'll wash every day an eat good grub an be very kind.

We stopped outside Cafolla's café an gaped in at the people all sittin at tables dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. An eatin plates of fish an chips an beans, an fried white eggs wit the lovely yella yolks in the middle. An pots of tea an bread an butter. An the childre were eatin big tumblers full of different-coloured ice cream an drinkin lemonade. An the smell comin outa the door was gorgeous. ‘Why can't we go in there?' Charlie said, lookin up at me. ‘Would ye need loads a money, Martha?' He was shiftin from one foot te the other an smackin his lips.

‘Yeah! Ye would,' I said.

A young one stared out at me, makin a face an shakin her head at me. An puttin a big dollop of ice cream inta her ugly face an then stickin her tongue, wit the ice cream still on it, at us.

‘Come on,' I said. ‘Let's go in!'

I marched past the young one wit the ice cream, an her head shot aroun, watchin me go up te the counter. An she shouted at her mammy, ‘Look, Mammy! Look at them dirty children comin in here. They're not supposed te be in here.'

‘Shush, Mary! Eat your ice cream and take no notice,' the mammy said.

I stood up straight, tryin te make meself look important. ‘Out!' the waitress screamed at us.

‘Eh! I wonder if I could ...'

‘No! Out, come on!' she said, pointin te the door.

Ice-cream face roared laughin.

‘What is it?' a red-faced older woman asked, turnin aroun from behind the counter.

‘Could I have a glass of water fer me little brother, please? He's very thirsty!'

The woman looked down at Charlie, an the young waitress said, ‘No, Nelly, don't mind them, they're only lookin fer somethin fer nothin!'

‘Ah, they're only childre, fer God's sake,' an she bent down an poured out two glasses of orange squash an put them on the counter. ‘Here, take them, an drink them at tha table over there. An don't be mindin Dinah, she has serious matters on her mind an wants te take it out on everyone.' Then she wiped the counter wit a wet dishcloth an roared laughin. ‘Don't worry, Dinah, there's plenty more fish in the sea! Ye were right te let tha one go, he was only a tiddler. Next time ye might land yerself a big one! Maybe even a shark!' then she roared laughin again. Dinah stopped wipin the empty table an came over te the counter an whispered inta Nelly's ear. Nelly stopped suckin on her false teeth te listen an then threw her head back, an the two of them roared laughin. ‘Go way!' Nelly said, wipin her eyes an nose. ‘I suppose he thought it was fer stirrin his tea!' An they laughed again.

I sat at the empty table wit Charlie beside me an sipped me orange lookin over at Ice-cream face, who was gobsmacked. An I put me nose in the air an looked away from her. I wasn't goin te make a show of meself makin faces at her.

I sipped slowly, feelin I was on me way te bein grown up. This is what it must be like when ye're big an ye're yer own person. I enjoyed watchin the people sittin an eatin an the two women at the counter nudgin each other an havin a great laugh. I felt like I was all a part of wha was goin on. An people were not bothered even lookin at us now, cos Nelly was good te us. They thought we were all right, too. This is so peaceful. Charlie gave a big heave outa his chest an slammed the empty glass down on the table. His mouth was red from the orange juice, an he looked at me an gasped, ‘All gone!'

I poured half from my glass an whispered te him, ‘Drink it slowly. If we make it last, we can stay here longer.' I didn't want this peace te end, I was thinkin te meself. I could see the crowds of people slowly passin up an down. Some stopped te look in the big plate-glass winda an then wander on, everyone enjoyin their Sunday outin.

Me elbow felt very stiff, an I stretched it te ease the soreness, then I felt the bleedin again. I pulled up the sleeve, an it was stuck te me arm. I gave it a little tug, an the blood started te flow again. Bloody hell, everyone is lookin. ‘Come on, Charlie, it's time te go!' I pushed back the chair an pulled down me sleeve.

‘Wha happened te yer arm?' the young waitress asked, pullin at me sleeve.

‘It's bleedin,' I said, tryin te pull me arm back.

‘Yeah! I can see tha, but how did ye do it?'

‘I fell an cut meself.'

‘Ye better go up te the hospital, tha's goin te need stitchin!'

‘Will I have te?'

‘Yeah! I think ye should, it won't stop bleedin otherwise.'

‘All right, then, I'll go.'

We walked te the end of O'Connell Street an up onta Parnell Square. Past the strollin crowds, some of them not likin the look of us an movin apart te give us room. I didn't like the feelin of standin out. I was not wearin me good shoes yet, or me lovely frock. I'd wanted te save them till me hair was curly. So now, wit me bare dirty feet covered in black crusty sores, not te mention me ma's scarf tha didn't really cover the pipe cleaners tha was stickin outa the front of me head like horns, I look like a right eejit! But now I didn't care about wantin te look lovely any more, not wit the weight in me chest over the Jackser fella comin back tomorrow. I rushed on, wantin now te get away from all these respectable people givin me funny looks. O'Connell Street on a lovely Sunday afternoon isn't the place fer the likes of me, not lookin like this anyway. I turned right onta Belvedere, passin the school an the Jesuits, thinkin of the priest who gave Jackser the half-crown an him findin the few cigarettes in the box on the doorstep at the same time. Puttin him in great form altogether. Then we turned left an crossed the road an went inta Temple Street Hospital.

There was no other patients, so the nurse came over te us straight away. ‘Right! Take off your cardigan, and we'll take a look. How did that happen?' the nurse asked, dabbin at me cut wit a big piece of cotton wool dipped in a tray of disinfectant. I said nothin. I was watchin her lookin hard at me arm, an likin the smell of disinfectant an all the other things they have fer makin ye well again. I watched her every movement as she pressed an dabbed an then dumped the dirty cotton wool in the big bin, an then dipped the steel thing wit the pointy fingers inta the disinfectant again an picked up more cotton wool. It was bleedin again, an she bent me arm an then straightened it again. It started te pour. She put a big piece of cotton wool on it an bent me arm. ‘Stay here, dear. I'll just get the doctor to take a look.' An off she went, through the door.

Charlie put his nose in the disinfectant, tryin te get a better smell, an then looked up at me, sittin on the side of the high bed, danglin me feet over the side. ‘Do ye think they'll cut yer arm off, Martha?'

He looked worried, an I thought about this fer a minute. ‘Ah, no!' I whispered back. ‘It works grand, see!' An I gave it a few stretches, droppin the cotton wool, an we both watched the blood drippin from me arm onta the floor.

The door swung open, an the nurse rushed in laughin an holdin her arse. ‘Tommy O'Dowd, you're a right lecher!' she laughed inta the doctor's face.

‘Ah, now! You weren't saying that the other night!' he laughed back.

Before I could wonder wha they were talkin about, the doctor marched over te me an took hold of me arm an said, ‘Oh, dear! I'm afraid you will have to get stitches. Where's your mammy?'

‘She's at home,' I said.

‘How did this happen?'

He was rubbin me hand, an he had a worried look on his face. An he looked at Charlie, an Charlie suddenly said, ‘Ye won't cut her arm off, will ye, Doctor?'

‘No, of course not! What's your name?'

‘Charlie!'

‘And what age are you, Charlie?'

‘Four! I'm four. An I'm not lettin ye take me sister's arm off. Cos I don't believe ye. Me ma says ye only go inta hospital when ye're ready te die!'

‘Yeah!' I agreed, shakin me head at the doctor. ‘It's true. Everyone says if ye go inta hospital, ye never come out again. They say the cure is worse than the disease.'

‘Heavens above!' the nurse screamed. ‘We do no such thing,' an she was roarin laughin.

‘How did this happen?' the doctor asked me gently.

I looked at him fer a minute. He was very gentle, an I suddenly felt very annoyed wit me ma. Her an her aul Jackser fella. ‘Me ma did it!' I said loudly. ‘She threw the knife at me!' I was goin te say she probably didn't mean te hit me, but I was still annoyed an left tha bit out. The doctor looked at the nurse an then whispered somethin inta her ear. An then said, ‘Will you be a very brave girl when I stitch it up?'

‘Yeah, yeah. Ye mean not cry?'

‘Yes, I'll be very quick!' He held up the needle an put the thread through, an then told me te look away. The nurse held me other hand, but I didn't move a muscle, cos I wanted te make the lovely doctor happy. ‘Now, all over!' he said, an stood up straight, admirin his stitches. ‘You were a very brave girl, very brave indeed,' an he put his hand in his pocket an handed me a shillin. ‘Buy yourself some sweets.' I was so delighted wit meself, everyone thinkin I'm great, an all fer nothin! Sure, I didn't feel any pain from the stitchin at all. An they think I'm very brave! I left the hospital wit a big white bandage on me arm, wishin it coulda lasted a little while longer.

Now we're standin outside the shop on Talbot Street. I felt me heart sinkin down inta me belly. I can't let me ma see the bandage, or she'll know I was at the hospital, an Jackser might get it outa Charlie tha I told on me ma. ‘Charlie! If I buy ye sweets wit the shillin will ye promise ye won't say I told on me ma? Will ye keep quiet about the hospital? Don't say we were there, will ye, Charlie? Cos Jackser will only kill the two of us, especially me, an he'd probably kill you too! Ye know wha he's like.'

Charlie shook his head. ‘No, Martha! I won't say nothin.'

We went inta the sweet shop, an I gave Charlie a thrupenny bar of chocolate. He took it from me slowly, afraid it'd drop an break on him, an then said in a whisper, ‘What else can I get, Martha?'