Lust Is the Thorn (21 page)

I knew he asked me this stuff because he was worried I couldn't—
wouldn't
—forgive him. He didn't think he deserved forgiveness, love, or a happy ending. It was my job to show him differently—just like he'd shown me. He needed to know he was worth it, too. That he could be loved. That he deserved to be happy.

To be
forgiven
.

Despite the tragic ending, I knew Thorn would never have hurt Mikey purposely, just as Mikey would have never hurt Thorn…and yet he'd driven drunk, too. When Mikey had passed out, it had been up to Thorn to try to get them to safety. And I knew he'd tried. That he hadn't killed Mikey. It had been an accident. A horrible one.

But it was time to let go of the guilt.

Time to move on.

“Yes.” Standing, I pulled him to his feet and rested a hand over his racing heart.
“I forgive you.”

Something moved through him, some invisible force that made it seem as if the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. As if, maybe, he'd forgiven himself a little bit, too.
“Why?”

“Because I love you as much as you love me, if not more. Those words don't come lightly to me, either. Neither of us grew up in happy homes. Neither of us knows the first thing about being normal.” Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I blinked them away. “But when I say
I love you,
I fucking love you, okay? When I say
I forgive you,
I fucking mean that, too. I forgive you, Thorn. I don't blame you. And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you that. Loving you. Holding you.”

He pushed my hair off my face and cupped my cheeks tenderly. And the way he looked at me, as if I was his
world,
made my breath quicken and my heart swell to massive proportions. “I don't know what I did to deserve this, or you, but I swear to you, I'll never take you for granted. I will spend the rest of my life trying my damnedest to make you smile every morning when you wake up, and laugh every night before you go to sleep. I'll be here to help you when you need me to, and to stand aside quietly when you don't. I'll shut up when you need me to be quiet, and give my best advice if you ask for it. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll give it to you. I was going to promise my life to the church, but now I pledge my life to you. I give you all of me, and I ask for nothing in return. Just let me love you. That's all I want.”

I stared at him, speechless.

He'd said the
perfect
thing.

As usual
.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, but for once, I didn't care. Because these were different tears. Tears of hope, joy, and happiness. “You can ask for nothing in return all you want, but you're getting something anyway. I give you all of me. All of my love. My heart. Every piece. Every thought. Every fear. It's all yours.”

Delight—so much delight—filled his expression, and he smiled at me. It was the brightest, purest, smile I'd ever seen in my whole life. He swiped tears off my cheeks with both thumbs and lowered his face to mine, kissing me, backing me up against the wall next to the sofa. This time, his kiss was different. It was a promise of our life together, of all the things we'd do. The things we'd see.

And by the time he pulled back, I was breathless and light-headed. When he slid a hand under my ass, lifting me up and pressing between my thighs, I gasped and clung to him, my heart so full I was sure it just might burst. He rolled his hips against me, moving them in a figure-eight motion, and I curled my tongue around his, threading my fingers through his soft, dark brown hair.

He rocked against me again, slamming me against the wall, and growled deep in his throat. Breaking off the kiss, he threaded his hands through my hair and urged my head back, kissing my neck before biting down. “I love you, Rose. I need to have you.”

He buried his face in my neck and slipped his hands between my thighs, pressing against my wet pussy. I needed him there, filling me, so badly I would have done anything to make it happen. To have him inside of me. Kill for him. Die for him.

Live for him.

Like he'd ultimately lived for me.

He shoved my panties aside and thrust two fingers inside of me, pressing his thumb against my clit as he moved inside of me, teasing me. I cried out and arched my back, straining to get closer to him. “Yes. God, yes.”

He pulled his fingers out and thrust them inside, melding his mouth with mine as he worked his magic. As I clung to him, he whispered sweet words in my ear, words about never leaving me, and loving me forever, and how lucky he was that I loved him, too. It was that last part that sent me over the edge, and I collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily as the stars in my vision faded and all I saw, felt, and smelled was
him
.

He pulled back, locked eyes with me, and said, “I love you with all my heart, all my soul, with everything I'll ever be, and everything I've ever been. This I swear to you.”

He kissed me again, and I finally let myself believe in him. In happy endings, and Prince Charming, true love's kiss, the whole nine yards. And because of that, I fully trusted him with my heart. With a soft sigh and a certainty I'd never felt before, I gave him the one thing I'd sworn I would never give to another person. I gave him
me
.

And I didn't regret a damn thing about it.

O
NE
Y
EAR
L
ATER

The shower was running in the bathroom and I walked toward it slowly, my throat thick, my cock hard, and my heart racing. I clutched my overnight bag even tighter, with each step feeling more and more weighted down with an anvil. I had no one to blame but myself. I was the one who'd suggested we should end our engagement like this, and she'd only agreed because I told her it was what I wanted. If I hadn't opened my stupid mouth…

None of this would be happening.

I opened the bathroom door slowly, peeking in. She hummed in the shower, sounding perfectly content with the way things were, even though I wished I could go back in time and punch Past Me in the nuts for messing this whole thing up. I could see her outline through the thin shower curtain, teasing me. Taunting me. It reminded me of another time, in another bathroom, when I'd been just about as miserable as I was now over not being able to touch her.

A year might have passed, and I might be a teacher at Saint Patrick's Catholic High School now instead of a seminary student at Holy Mother Roman Catholic University, but once again—I was forbidden from taking her. From making her mine. Again. Scowling, I dropped my bag to the floor and went into the bathroom. Enough of this. She was mine. I was hers. End of story.

When the bathroom door clicked shut behind me, she immediately stopped humming. “Thorn? Is that you?”

“I don't know.” I took another step toward her. “If I say no, can I stay?”

She popped her head out and frowned at me. “No. Get out.”

“But—”

“Out.” Pointing a wet finger at me, she arced it toward the door.
“Now.”

I gritted my teeth and undid my pants. Her eyes widened and dipped down, and I didn't miss the desire lighting up her face as she watched. “No.”

“Thorn.”
Her attention darted north again. “But you said—”

“I don't care what I said. I don't want to end things this way.” I yanked my shirt over my head and stepped into the shower wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers. “I love you, I'll always love you, and all I want to do is touch you. Have you. Love you. So
don't make me go
.”

“This was your idea, dumbass.” She licked her damp lips. Her lashes were spiked, she didn't have a hint of makeup on, and she was wondrously, gloriously naked. Her diamond engagement ring sparkled from the overhead light. “
You're
the one who came up with the grand idea that we should spend our entire six-month engagement celibate.
You're
the one who said it would be an excellent way to make our wedding night even more special.
I
was just supporting my future husband in his endeavors, like always.”

“Yeah, well, I'm an idiot.” I backed her under the water, against the wall, and trapped her hands over her head. “I need you.
Now
.”

“But the wedding's tomorrow.” She tried to tug free, but I didn't budge. “You made it this far. Don't stop now. It's literally less than twenty-four hours.”

“I.” I kissed her neck. “Really.” Her shoulder. “Don't.” I rolled my tongue over her nipple, eliciting a deep moan in her. “Care.” I dropped to my knees in front of her. Traced a heart right over the tiny patch of curls between her legs with my tongue. “Tell me.” I skimmed my finger lower, teasing her clit with a gentle touch. “Do
you
?”

Her head dropped against the tiled wall and she threaded her hands through my hair. “Thorn. No…” For a second, she shifted her hips closer, but she stopped and pushed my head away. “I mean, y-yes. I care. Because you do.”

“No, I don't—”

“Yeah. You do.” She slid her hand under mine, pushing it down her thigh, and moved her hips erotically. I swallowed hard and watched her fingers trace a circle around her clit. “But a wise man once told me that admiring something pretty that God made isn't the same as touching.”

“A wise woman once told me the same thing.” I gritted my teeth, my cock thickening even more. “Harder.
Now
.”

“Yes, sir,” she breathed, her fingers moving faster and rougher, just like I liked. “Tomorrow night, when I'm your wife, I'm all yours. You can do anything you want to my body, and no one will stop you. But tonight—”

I stood and closed the distance between us, kissing her and covering her hand with mine, being careful not to touch. She moaned and clung to my shoulder with her free hand, digging her nails in until she drew blood. My cock throbbed with the need to be buried inside of her, but she was right.

We'd come this far.

To quit now, when we were about to be married, would be anticlimactic. I would only be disappointed in myself afterward. And she knew me well enough to know that.

To save me from myself—again.

I let go of her hand and dropped to my knees again, letting the water wash over me and down my face. Blinking away the water, I gripped my cock, squeezing it hard as her fingers moved over her core.

From my vantage point, I could see her pink shaved skin and soft brown curls. Her thighs trembled, and she leaned back against the wall, her perky tits rising and falling with each breath. Her nipples were hard and begging for my touch, but I didn't move toward her. Didn't so much as sway.

Instead, I gritted my teeth and jerked off even harder, watching her breathing deepen and eating up every damn cry she made as her fingers swept smaller, tighter circles over her clit. When she stiffened and closed her legs together, squeezing her fingers tighter as she came, I jerked one last time and was there with her, coming harder than I had ever imagined possible. Breathing heavily, I dropped my forehead on her bare belly, placing a kiss right above her hip.

She shivered and grabbed my hair, sagging against the wall. “That was…incredible.”

Letting out a small laugh, I struggled to my feet and pulled her into my arms, hugging her close. I never wanted to let go—and I wouldn't. “No. What's incredible is you, and the fact that tomorrow at five, in front of a whole church full of people, you're actually going to marry me.”

She smiled and rested her forehead on my chest, breathing in deeply. “That's not incredible. It's just fate. I love you, Thorn.”

I kissed her temple and blinked rapidly. Something burned my eyes, making them water. Must've been the shampoo. “I love you, too.” Slowly, I turned her away from me. “Hold still.”

She did as told, letting me tip her head back into the water. She closed her eyes, her cheeks rosy and her lip plump where she'd bit it as she came. “That feels good, but you don't have to actually wash my hair. I have both my arms this time.”

“I want to do it.” I squeezed the shampoo on my hand and rubbed it into her scalp. She let out a happy sigh and leaned back against me, giving herself over to my ministrations. By the time I was finished washing her, she was jelly in my hands. I took out a towel, wrapped it around her, and carried her to our bed.

After laying her down, I pulled the covers up, bent down, and kissed her temple one last time. “I love you, Rose Gallagher.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered sleepily, yawning. “Now get out of here. It's bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding, and you know it.”

“I do,” I admitted. “But I just can't stay away.”

And it was true. With Rose, there was no such thing as keeping a distance, or resisting the urge to be with her. She was my life. My world. And tomorrow, she'd be Mrs. Rose McKinney. My
wife
. I still couldn't wrap my head around that.

Her lids drifted open.
“Thorn.”

“All right, all right, I'm going.” I walked out of the room, but paused at the door, looking back. She watched me with a tiny smile on her face. “Thank you.”

She rested both hands under her cheek and burrowed deeper under the covers. “For?”

“Saving me. I was on a path that never would have led me to the kind of peace, the kind of happiness, that being with you gives me.” I tightened my hold on the knob. “I think Mikey would be happy we're togethe, and happy, if he was still here.”

She swallowed and nodded once. “I'm pretty sure he's smiling up there, knowing what's happening tomorrow. I only wish he was here with us to celebrate.”

“He is.” I turned the knob and stepped back, pulling the door shut behind me. “Just close your eyes, and you'll see.”

I smiled and walked into the bathroom, got dressed, minus my wet boxers, and cleaned up the mess we'd made. And as I walked out the door of our apartment, the apartment I'd return to tomorrow night after I married Rose, I glanced up at the sky.

It was clear, like it had been that night when Father John and I got in an accident and I “saw” Mikey. That night, he'd come to me, knelt at my side, and whispered that he forgave me. Then I'd passed out.

It had all been in my head. Obviously. Ghosts didn't walk down streets, or deliver messages from the beyond. But still…

Cupping my hands in front of my face, I blew into them in a useless attempt to warm them up, and studied the moon. “I love her, man. I promise to take good care of her for you, just like you asked. She'll never want for anything.” I fell silent. “But, like her, I wish you were here, too, to walk her down the aisle.”

A shooting star flew through the sky, and I smiled, because like I'd told her, it was clear he was here with us. We just had to know where to look. I hadn't found my forgiveness yet, and I still didn't feel that I'd made it up to God, but I was still trying. Once we were married, I planned to become a permanent deacon. Work in the church, and with kids, and still save souls. With Rose by my side. Grinning, I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked to my car, whistling under my breath. As I backed out of my parking spot and headed to the hotel, I couldn't stop grinning.

Not even when some asshole cut me off and cost me a red light.

Because tomorrow, I was marrying Rose, the woman of my dreams, and my life would be complete. I didn't have any doubts, or second thoughts, or hesitation. There was no wondering
what if,
no thinking about what my life could have been like if I had made a different choice. No wishing I could go back in time and change things. I was 100 percent happy with my life, and where I was. Where
we
were going.

I loved her. She loved me.

And that was
more
than enough for me.