Lust Is the Thorn (10 page)

“God.” I tried my best not to picture him lying there, covered in blood, the life slowly leaving his blue eyes….
“God.”

This time, Thorn rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. “I'm so sorry, Rose. I wish it could have been me instead. It
should
have been me.”

“Don't say that,” I snapped, my lids flying open. I poked him in the chest. Hard. He didn't even flinch. “Don't you ever say that to me again, or I'll grant your wish.”

His nostrils flared, and he remained silent.

“D-did he say anything about me?” I asked, already dreading the answer.

“Yeah.” He swallowed. “He asked me to take care of you. That's the only thing he said, after he told me he wasn't in pain anymore. Your name.”

I dropped my forehead to my knees, blinking away the stinging tears. “Damn it, Thorn.” Pain rolled through my body like a tidal wave, slowly spreading out until everything hurt.
“Damn you.”

He wrapped his arm around me and hugged me close. His touch was both comforting and painful. “I've been trying to take care of you, like he asked, but I failed. I think I fixed that.”

“You didn't fail me. Or him.” After taking a long, calming breath, I turned to him. His face was less than an inch from mine. “I'm fine. I'll
be
fine.”

“I have an offer for you. I know you don't like help, and I know you don't need to be saved, but think before you answer it.” He trailed his thumb over my cheek. “Think of what Mikey would want.”

I stiffened. “That's not fair.”

“Maybe not, but I can't always play fair, can I?”

I didn't say anything. Just watched him.

“I found a job for you.”

“Excuse—?”

He held a hand up, frowning at me. “Let me finish before you speak. It's an office position, so it's something you could do while your wrist heals. The morning of the day you got attacked, Father John told me that his office assistant in the admissions office on campus is retiring. She's been there for forty years, so it is kind of a big deal. It's not a position that opens up frequently.”

I bit my tongue, holding back all the words that wanted to escape.

“This isn't a job that'll open up again.” At my continued silence, he shoved his hand through his hair. “She was a survivor of an abusive relationship, so when Father John told her about you, and mentioned you were out of a job and homeless…it happened organically from there.”

I gripped my knee, my pulse racing. “And he got the idea to talk to her from—?”

“Me. I won't deny it.” He dropped his hand to mine, covering it. “The job is yours, if you want it, sight unseen. It's forty hours a week, with benefits and a 401k, and you'll never have to worry about job stability again. You could have your new start. The one you've been fighting for ever since you walked out of your house at eighteen.”

I stared at him, struck speechless again. He was making a bad habit of doing that to me—catching me offguard with his altruistic actions. “But…I…I don't have any experience. Literally. None. I've never worked in an office before.”

“They know that.” He cupped my cheek and smiled at me tenderly. He'd been doing that a lot lately, too. Looking at me as if I
mattered
to him, when we both knew I shouldn't. “They're okay with that. When Loretta started, she was fresh out of an abusive relationship with her ex, and she had nowhere to go. No one to talk to. Father John found her sleeping on a bench outside the admissions office, and he offered her a job later that day after hearing her story. It's what the church is all about. What Father John
does
. He offers people like us second chances. Help. Love. Acceptance. He did that for me, and now it's your turn. Your chance.”

God, he made it so easy to accept this offer. For the first time in forever, I actually
wanted
to accept help. This was
it
. This was the chance I was waiting for. The moment when instead of fighting tooth and nail to get a step ahead of the crowd, a cab had stopped and picked me up, leaving the crowd behind me. All I had to do was
grab
it. And despite Thorn's underhanded way of using Mikey against me, there was no question what he would have wanted for me. He'd want me to take the damn job.

I licked my lips, staring at Thorn with wide eyes. “I…I don't know what to say.”

“Say yes.” He caught my hand in his. “Say you'll take it.”

I opened my mouth to say that exact thing, but only a squeak came out.

He let me go, stood, and paced away. “Actually, before you answer…There's more, and I don't want to hear one single complaint about it.” Thorn picked up his wine and downed it in one gulp. My jaw dropped, because he had barely touched a drop of booze all weekend, and that shock was enough to buy my silence as he finished. “I got you a place to live. Put down a deposit on it and everything. I know your credit is shot, so it's in my name, but it's yours. It's only a few blocks from campus.”

My eyes narrowed, and my heart beat so hard that it echoed in my ears. It was like I was stuck in some sort of twilight zone where I no longer had control over, well,
anything
. Not my life. Not my body. Not even my job. He
knew
how I would react to him literally taking over my life and just arranging the pieces to his satisfaction.

And he'd done it anyway.

I stood up and took a step toward him, anger finally bringing back the words I had been swallowing for five minutes now. “Excuse me? Because I must be hearing things. It sounds like you just said you picked out a
place
for me to
live
without
consulting
me…
after
you also procured a
job
for me, again without
asking
me.”

“Yeah.” He set his glass down with a steady hand. Everything about him was steady. His eyes. His frown. His position. His stubbornness. The way he flexed his jaw and tipped his head back, staring down at me like he had it all figured out, and I just had to be a good little girl and fall in line with his plans. “You heard me correctly.”

“I'm not living in an apartment
you
paid for. No. Hell no.” I poked him in the chest. Hard. “I'm not some little doll you can put in place.”

He caught my fingers, trapping them in his. “I never said you were.”

“And yet here you are, arranging my life for me.” I tried to yank free, stumbling backward. “I won't live in that apartment. You can kiss my ass.”

His jaw hardened. “Yeah, well, I paid for it already, as well as the first month's rent. Nonrefundable. So you're going to go there, and live there, because I already paid for it up front. And you're going to
like
it.”

“The hell I am,” I shot back, anger mixing with gratitude and that stupid hope that had never died making my vision blurry all over again. I snatched my hand back, hiding it at my side so he didn't touch me again. When he touched me, all my thoughts got incoherent. “You wasted your money for nothing. In case you forgot, Gallaghers don't take charity. Not even from you. I'll take the job, and I'll do my best to be good at it, but I'll be damned if I'll live in your apartment like some freeloader.”

He caught my chin and turned my face up to his, his grip unyielding yet somehow gentle. I tried to back away, but he didn't let go. “I can't get it back, and I didn't waste my money on something you'd refuse because you're too proud to accept help from someone who cares about you. You'll take the apartment, and you'll—”

“That's not what this is.” I slapped his hand away and stumbled backward, hitting the wall. His hand hovered in the air. “This is about
you
assuaging your
guilt
over something that happened a long time ago. Well, guess what? You've paid your debt. You've watched over me like a good little boy, and your job is done.”

“The hell it is,” he growled, slamming his body against mine. “This isn't for Mikey, or for my heavy conscience. It's for
you
.”

The sharp edges of the stone wall surrounding the fireplace dug into my back, but that pain was nothing compared to the exquisite torture of having his body pressed against mine. “Bullshit. This has
nothing
to do with me.”

“Believe it or not, I care whether you live or die, freeze or starve. I care whether you have a place to stay, or warm arms wrapped around you lovingly as opposed to hitting you. I care about your life. Your choices. Your happiness. I'm willing to bet on you. To give you everything I can.” He lowered his face to mine, stopping just short of our noses touching. “Is that such a bad thing?”

Yes. God, yes, it is.
“You shouldn't have spent your money on me,” I said, my voice breathy. “I don't want it.”

“It's my money, so I can spend it how I want.” He sucked in a breath, too, his gaze dipping south to my mouth. “I choose to spend it on you. I choose
you
.”

“Thorn…” I slid a hand between us, resting it against his chest, because if he came any closer, our lips would touch. And we both knew why that couldn't happen. “I never asked you to do that. To choose me.”

“And you never would. That's not who you are.”

“I know.” I licked my lips. “But yet, you're asking me to do that very thing.”

“Maybe that's not fair. Maybe that makes me a jerk.” He cradled my face, his touch as gentle as his voice was hard, and pressed his body fully against mine. It was then, in that moment, that I realized his voice wasn't the only thing about him that was hard. “But you're all I have, Rose, and no matter what you say or think, I
was
the reason you lost your brother. So now I choose to spend
my money
on giving you a second chance at life. It's not charity. It's family. And you'll take it.”

I swallowed hard and dropped my head back against the wall. “Damn you.”

“I know.” His voice cracked on the last word, and he dropped his forehead to mine, inhaling deeply. “Let me do this. Let me help you. Let me…let me…”

I didn't know what he was going to say, but I let instinct guide me. I turned off my mind, fisted his shirt, and said, “Yes.”

His grip on me tightened, and he lowered his mouth to mine…

And time froze.

There was no more fighting it. No more denying it. I wanted Rose Gallagher with a passion and desire so fierce I could burn down rivers with it. No matter how hard I fought, or how many times I denied it, she had a hold on me that I couldn't ignore anymore. Our lips touched, and it was as if all the troubles of the outside world—the pain, the regrets, the indecision—faded away until the only thing left was this feeling that I had finally found what I'd searched for my whole life.

Rose.

Her cool metal piercing pressed against my lips, and I ran my tongue over it like I'd been dying to do all weekend. She strained to get closer, whimpering. I stopped playing with her piercing and closed my mouth over hers, seizing full control of her. Her lips parted on a gasp, and I slid my tongue inside her sweet mouth with no hesitation. Closing both hands on either side of her head, I held her in place and cherished her like she deserved. Over the years, she'd been through so much. Seen so much. One thing she hadn't had in her life was tenderness. Kindness. But tonight I had her. And she had me. She'd
always
have me. No matter what vows I took.

She gasped, and I again slid my tongue between her parted lips. Tasting her so intimately almost knocked me off my feet. It had been years since I'd felt a woman like this, or touched a woman, and knowing it was Rose was too damn much. We'd always had a connection. An invisible thread connecting us, even when she'd been far too young for me to feel it. To act on it.

Now it pulled us even closer.

And it didn't let go.

Maybe Mikey would haunt me for the rest of my life, and maybe the guilt would, too, but that wouldn't stop me. Nothing could. She deserved to be worshipped. And I was her loyal subject, kneeling at her altar.

Groaning, I swept her into my arms and gently laid her down in front of the fire. I wasn't going to take her against a wall, rough and fast. Once I had her on the soft rug, I ended the kiss for long enough to press my lips to her racing pulse. “I'm sorry. I just can't resist anymore.”

“Don't be sorry,” she said breathlessly, her good hand skimming down my spine gently. “I'm not. But…are you sure about this?”

“I've wanted you for years now. Every time we're together, my mind wanders to things I shouldn't even think about. That's why I need you. Just one taste….” I trailed my fingers down her neck and over her soft shoulder, dipping lower to barely caress the swell of her breast. “Just one night of heaven in your arms, before I promise my life away forever….”

Something crossed her expression, something that resembled sadness, but she smiled and lifted her face to mine. “Then take me. I'm all yours.”

“Are you sure?” I hesitated, eyeing her with concern. “I can't offer more than tonight. I promised myself to another life. Another—”

“Shh.” She cupped my face. “I want you. This. More than you'll ever know. I need you, too, just this once, as long as you promise it won't change anything between us.”

It should have been an easy promise to make, since this
couldn't
change anything, but even so, the words stuck in my throat. The past was already written and there was no changing what I'd done—or what I had to do. To walk away from my duties, my promises, would be selfish. It was something the old me would have done. And in the end, that's what made me able to say, “I promise.”

I slid between her legs fully, resting my weight on my hands. She wrapped her legs around my waist firmly, and I rolled my hips against her, relearning the motions. Being there, with her wrapped around me, should have made me feel guilty, or at least reminded me of why I shouldn't be doing this. There had been so many women, back when I'd been another man. Women I couldn't remember, faces I'd never recognize. Being here, between Rose's legs, felt almost foreign, after years of nothing but exercise as an outlet to relieve frustrations.

“I need to see you. All of you.” I skimmed my hand down her thigh, and I couldn't stop the tremor that rolled through me. “Rose…my sweet Rose.”

I kissed her again, memorizing the way her mouth fit against mine. The way she tasted of wine and softness. Her lips were wet and plump, and she let out a sexy little sound that I knew would haunt me for the rest of my days. Deepening the kiss, I gripped the waist of her sweats and tugged them down. She lifted her hips for me, showing no signs of doubt herself, and wrapped her good arm around my neck, pulling me even closer.

Having her hug me close, as if she never wanted to let me go, sent a shaft of longing through me that had nothing to do with sex. My heart started beating even faster, and that's what made this whole thing such a mess. After this was over, I had to go back to my life of devotion and God. I had to commit myself to being the person I'd promised to be. Like I hadn't tasted heaven and been forced to come back.

Tossing the sweats over my shoulder, I broke off the kiss and gently took her shirt off, my pulse pounding harder with each inch of skin I bared. As I slid the shirt off her head, and gently rolled it over her splint, she laughed nervously. “This is probably the most unsexy disrobing you've ever witnessed.”

“Not true.” I swallowed and tossed the sweatshirt with the sweats. “Doing it like this, slowly, only heightens the expectation. And nothing about you could ever be unsexy.”

She licked her lips, her breathing ragged, and tugged at my shirt. “You need to lose some clothes. You're not the only one who's waited years to see what's been hiding under the clothes.”

“I will,” I said distractedly, not even remotely interested in removing my clothes. After all, I knew what I looked like under them. “When I'm ready.”

All she had on was a formfitting tank top and a pair of black lace panties. It took all my control not to bury my face in her stomach and take a deep breath, cherishing her for the work of art she was. I ran my fingers over the skinny strap of her top, just barely brushing over her nipple. It puckered against the thin fabric, hiding nothing, yet all at once keeping way too much from me.

I ran the edge of my thumbnail over her again, this time harder, and she gasped, arching her back. My gut tightened and twisted, and I bit back a groan. Impatience hit me, and I removed the tank top the same way I had her shirt. After tossing it over my shoulder, I fisted her panties, needing to see her.

All
of her.

“Mine,” I growled.

She grabbed my hand, her cheeks rosy, and stopped me. “Thorn.”

I blinked at her, trying to ease the thick haze of need that had taken over me. All that mattered was getting her naked, and making love to her. I
needed
it. “Yeah?”

“Are you sure?” She ran her thumb over the back of my hand. “I don't want to be something you regret.”

I swallowed hard. “I could never regret you.”

“You promise?” she asked, her voice barely audible.

Remembering her preferred method of promises back when we were younger, I said, “More than that? I pinky swear.”

And in that moment, I meant every word. I couldn't possibly imagine regretting a single second I spent with Rose, no matter what we were doing.

She hesitated but then nodded, releasing me.

I rolled her last remaining piece of clothing down her legs, tossing it with the rest. Then…I
looked
. She was all pale skin, with bright, vibrant tattoos. There was the rose with one thorn that I'd seen the other day. On her left shoulder was the dragon tattoo I already knew about, and there was a watercolor hummingbird on her right. She had Mikey's name on her ribs, and a symbol of some sort. I could see the bruises marring her perfect skin, as well as the edges of the ink she had on her back, but I didn't roll her over to look. Not yet.

Her breasts were topped with dusky pink nipples, which were puckered and begging for attention. She rested a hand on her stomach, breathing heavily, watching
me
watch
her
. Slowly, I reached out and traced a path up her stomach, to her heart. It pounded against my fingers as I flattened my hand over it, and goose bumps rose along my path. I skimmed my finger back down, ignoring her breasts for the moment, and slid closer to her core. She was shaved, with a thin strip of brown curls between her legs, and I wanted nothing more than to rip my clothes off, settle between her legs, and take her like my body was demanding. My pulse was pounding, my palms were sweating, and every muscle in my body hurt with the strain it took to hold myself back. She deserved more than a quick, passionate fuck. She needed bouquets and sunshine and love. And I—

“Grab my purse,” she whispered.

“Huh?” I snapped back to attention. “What?”

“Behind you. My purse.”

I did as told, handing it to her.

She grabbed it, her fingers brushing mine. Reaching inside, she held up a square foil package of a kind I hadn't seen in years, but recognized immediately. I was so lost in her that the idea of protection hadn't even popped into my head.

“I'm on the Pill, and I get tested regularly, but still.” She wiggled the condom. “Better safe than sorry, right?”

I nodded once.

“You need to lose this.” She gripped my clerical collar and tore it off, throwing it aside. “I only have one good hand, or I would tackle you right now, straddle you, and tear your clothes off. Since I can't…take off your clothes.
Now
.”

I didn't want to, instead wanting to worship her body as it deserved to be. But I knew that once I started, I wouldn't want to stop. I would bury myself between her thighs and never look back. “Yes, ma'am.”

She grinned. “That's more like it.”

“Don't get used to my cooperation.” I stumbled to my feet and undid my shirt buttons. Underneath my pants, I wore nothing. It was almost as if I'd known all along how our last night together would end, and I'd wanted nothing to stand in the way between us. “Once we really get started, you'll see just how bossy I can be.”

Her lips parted on a deep breath, and she studied my hands as I undid my shirt. “As long as you're naked, you can boss me around all you like.”

“Never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth,” I said drily.

“In bed.” She bit down on her lip, tonguing her piercing. “And
only
in bed.”

My palms itched to show her just how bossy I could be. Long-repressed urges came back to life, and I tried to shove them down. I wasn't going to slam myself inside of her and spank her till she came. And I wasn't going to lose myself in her and forget all the things I'd done. The debts I owed. That wasn't who I was anymore. And I wouldn't forget that. I let my shirt hit the floor. “We're not in bed.”

“I—” She sucked in a deep breath. “God, what a waste.”

I froze with my hands on my pants. “What's a waste?”

“All that.” She gestured to my abs. “Under
that
.” This time, she pointed to my collar. “It's a waste.”

Biting back a grin, I let my pants hit the floor.

She choked on a breath and rose up on her elbow. Her breasts rose and fell with each breath. “Holy
shit
.”

The time for conversation and soft words was over. She was mine tonight, and I fully intended to take advantage of that. I fell to my knees between her thighs, lay my body over hers, curled my hand behind her neck, and slammed my mouth down on hers. She barely had time to inhale before I was on her, my fingers skimming over her bare skin with a thirst that would never be fully quenched.

Her nails dug into my right shoulder painfully, and I welcomed the pain. It felt more natural than all this happiness she was making me feel. All this pleasure. Pain had been my companion for so long that I wasn't sure what to do with the other feelings she brought out in me. Growling, I deepened the kiss and cupped her breasts with both hands, dragging them over her hard nipples. She cried out into my mouth and wrapped her legs around my waist, urging me to take her.

And I could. It would be so easy. One quick thrust, and I'd be where I had only dreamed about being for years. But that would have been too easy. Too fast. She deserved more. Breaking off the kiss, I licked the side of her neck, and bit her shoulder hard. I froze, knowing I'd been rough, that the animal inside me was taking over. I focused on the fading yellow bruises that told of all she'd been through already. “Shit. Rose, I'm—”

“Do it again.” Digging her nails into my back again, she arched her neck. “More.
Harder.
”

All I could hear was the echoes of my heart pounding in my ears. Experimentally, I twisted her nipples with my fingers, just enough to sting a little bit, while thrusting my hips forward in a simulation of a thrust. “Like this?”

“Yes.” She gasped and gripped my butt, digging her fingers into the bare skin. “God, yes.
Harder
.”

Something inside me snapped, and there was no holding back any longer. It had been years since I had had a woman, since I had combined the pleasure with the pain like this, but it was as if not even a day had passed. I buried my hand between her thighs, cupping her core. As I thrust two fingers inside her wet heat, I closed my mouth over her nipple, scraping my teeth across it and sucking hard enough to hurt.

She cried out, pressed my head closer to her breast, and slammed her heels to the floor, lifting her hips at the same time. “Thorn. Harder. Faster. Oh my—”

Rolling my tongue over her nipple, I removed my hand from her body, because I could feel her walls tightening. Her orgasm looming. It wasn't time yet.
“No.”

Her hand froze on my head, fingers still buried in my hair. “What?”

“You'll come when I say you can come, and not a second before. Tonight, your body is mine to command, and it'll listen to every word I say.” Burying my hand in her hair, I scraped my teeth over her nipple one last time, nipping it lightly. “Got it?”