Loving You Always (12 page)

“Just because I’m out of the house don’t mean you gettin’ in, if you know what I mean.”

“All righty then.” Kerris stepped away from Walsh’s possessive grip, mortified. “Um, so bingo?”

“Yes, bingo.” Mama Jess narrowed one eye up at Walsh. He looked right back. “But I’ll be back.”

“And I’ll be here.” Walsh slipped his fingers between Kerris’s.

As soon as the door closed behind Mama Jess, Walsh pulled her close for another kiss.

“Hey.” Kerris protested, holding up a hand to push against his chest. “Let’s talk.”

“Talking’s low on my list right now.”

“Walsh, you can’t just walk in here unannounced and expect…”

“Expect what? That you missed me as much as I missed you?”

She moved behind the couch to put some distance between them. “You can’t just—”

“Please stop telling me what I can’t do.” Walsh frowned across the space she’d imposed between them. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“Walsh, I’m not divorced.”

“It’s only a matter of time.” He came around the couch to take both of her hands in his.

“Yes, time. Something I asked you to give me.”

“Something I gave you. A year’s worth. I’m done with it.”

“Oh, so that’s it, because you’re done?” She shrugged her slim shoulders under the thin cotton of the shirt. “You say time’s up, so forget what I want.”

“You want me to go?” Walsh’s knife-sharp words sliced into the silence she had no idea how to fill.

Kerris looked down at the floor, not sure what to say. Every cell in her body burned for him. Her hands still shook from that kiss, but she was paralyzed. Leave? Stay? She knew if he stayed, it would be the beginning of something she wouldn’t be able to stop, maybe ever. And if he left…the throb of loneliness would return. Even surrounded by friends, living a full life, missing him was a constant ache.

She looked up to see him striding toward the door, leaving. She wanted to do what was right, and for once she couldn’t figure it out. Was it right to begin a relationship with Walsh before her divorce from Cam was final? Would that make the road to reconciliation between the friends that much harder? Would it alienate Cam even more? Was there any hope either way? She didn’t know. The only thing she did know was that Walsh had breathed life into something that had been dead inside of her since the last time she saw him, and she couldn’t let him go.

“Walsh!” She ran across the cobblestones, reaching him as he opened the car door.

He turned toward her, his expression masking the emotions she knew were churning inside of him. The same emotions churning inside of her. He didn’t speak. He waited.

“Stay.”

He closed his eyes, and finally breathed, relief let loose on his face. He wrapped his arms around the small of her back.

“Stay.” She had to say it again. She rose on her tiptoes and folded her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m just confused, and I want to get this right.”

“It
is
right, baby.” He pulled back, and where she knew her eyes must be troubled, his were completely clear. “
We
are right. You know that. Don’t listen to any voice but mine. Okay?”

“Walsh, Cam—”

“I don’t want to hear about Cam. Cam is our past.”

“He’s your best friend.”

“The hell he is. He abandoned you. He…Look, the last thing I want to talk about is your ex-husband.”

“He’s not my ex-husband yet. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“How many ways can I tell you that I don’t care?”

“Maybe I do.”

“Maybe you should feed me. I’m starving.”

As if on cue, his stomach let out a loud growl. He laughed down at her, triumphant.

“See? I told you.”

“How’d you do that?” She pulled away to look at his stomach with healthy respect and suspicion.

“It’s a gift. One of many.”

“Well, I hope leftovers will satisfy that growl.”

“Lead the way.” Walsh gestured for her to precede him back to the cottage.

An hour later, they sat at the kitchen table with a feast of leftovers spread out in front of them. They caught up on each other’s lives, rediscovering the easy rhythm of conversation they’d always shared. He loved hearing about the things she still did with the foundation, and was interested in her therapy sessions with Dr. Stein. She was excited to hear how much time he’d spent with his father, and sympathized when he voiced regret that Bennett Enterprises was taking him away from his work with the foundation more and more.

“Mom would be disappointed in me.” Walsh slid his finger up and down his glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, wiping away the condensation. Kerris didn’t take him up on his casual tone. She knew the weight of that statement.

“I don’t think she’d be disappointed.” Kerris reached over to stop his finger and grab his hand. She waited for him to look at her. “You’re still working with the foundation. Just less. She knew your focus would be with the business the older you got. It’ll be yours one day. You have to prepare for that kind of responsibility.”

Walsh squeezed her hand, showing her the truth of that in the eyes he usually guarded.

“I miss her.”

“How could you not?”

“She was amazing.” He used his other hand to shove a fork loaded with collard greens into his mouth. “And an amazing cook. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I think Mama Jess’s soul food is better than my mother’s.”

Kerris’s smile started as such a little thing and then grew until it took over her face.

“This food?” She gestured with her own fork to encompass the dishes they had dug into and in some cases cleaned out.

“Bad, right?” Walsh smiled around a mouthful of greens. “I hadn’t tasted food better than Mom’s, but I gotta give credit where credit is due. Mama Jess’s is even better.”

Kerris couldn’t stop smiling. She sliced apple pie for them both, standing and crossing to the freezer for vanilla ice cream. She plopped a scoop of ice cream onto his apple pie, laughing when he pulled her into his lap.

“Walsh Bennett!” She hooked one elbow around his neck. “I want my pie.”

“Okay.” He secured her in his lap with one arm and reached around to the table with the other. He forked up a hunk of the gooey dessert with ice cream, poising it before her mouth. She lunged forward to capture it, pretend pouting when he pulled the fork farther out of reach.

Walsh finally slid the fork into her mouth, his eyes locking with hers as she chewed, self-conscious under his stare.

He leaned in, pulling her chin down and her mouth open, chasing the hot and cold sweetness on her tongue. Kerris wasn’t sure what was better, the pie or the taste of Walsh. She moaned, leaning closer into him, pressing her slight weight fully against him. He turned her, settling her thighs on either side of his, sliding his hands down the bare legs straddling him. He reached under her shirt to caress her back.

“Whose damn shirt is this?” he said against her mouth, licking at the corners and biting her bottom lip.

“Huh?” She clutched his shoulders, blinking through a passion-fogged daze.

“This is a man’s shirt.” He pulled back, placing both hands at her waist, steadying her on his lap. “Whose shirt is it?”

“What?”

“Kerris.” He laid his palm against the side of her face and traced the sensitive skin behind her ear. A shiver skittered from the tender spot down her spine. “The shirt.”

“Sorry.” Focus. “It’s just one I picked up at the Salvation Army.”

“Oh.” Walsh’s expression cleared. He leaned in again, nibbling around her mouth.

“Why?”

It was Kerris’s turn to pull back. She looked at him, putting her hand between her mouth and his. He kissed her sensitive palm, running his tongue between her fingers. The moist swipe of his tongue sent a jolt skidding across her hand. She forced herself to lean back another inch, her breasts heavy and aching to press against his solid chest.

“I thought…I wasn’t sure if…” Walsh fixed his eyes over her shoulder. “I thought it might be one of Cam’s.”

She peered at him through her lashes, her blood slowing, losing the hot press through her veins.

“And that would have bothered you?”

“Yeah. Probably. I don’t know.”

Walsh kissed down her neck, pushing his hand into her hair, dislodging it. Her hair spilled around her shoulders and down her back. Walsh chinned aside her shirt collar, dipping his head to kiss the shallow indentation at the base of her neck. Kerris forced herself to scoot off Walsh’s lap and turn to face him, almost laughing at the disoriented look on his face at finding his arms and lap suddenly empty.

“I’m married to Cam, Walsh. We can’t ignore that.”

Walsh sat back, propping one elbow on the back of the chair and sliding his long legs forward into a lazy pose that didn’t fool Kerris.

“You’re divorcing Cam.”

“No, he’s divorcing me.”

“Whatever.” He opened his arms. “Come back.”

“No, let’s talk about this. There’s an elephant in the room.”

“I thought I liked Dr. Stein.” Walsh dropped his arms and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “But I think she may have you talking about your feelings a little too much. Ker, I don’t want to talk about Cam, and I definitely don’t want to fight about Cam. Not today.”

“Walsh, the shirt. It obviously bothered you enough to ask.”

“Kerris, the shirt is the least of what bothers me.” Walsh stood up, taking a step closer. “Meredith would post pictures on Facebook during your pregnancy. I was blown away by how beautiful you were, and it tore me up that it was with someone else’s baby. Do you get that?”

“Walsh, let’s not—”

“No, you wanted to talk about our feelings. Well, I felt like hurling my computer across the room every time there was a post about an ultrasound, or names you were considering, or whatever. The baby wasn’t
mine
, Kerris. And it gutted me.”

Kerris wasn’t sure what to say. She started gathering dirty dishes from the table, scraping and rinsing them in silence before loading them into the dishwasher.

“I would have adored her, though,” Walsh said so softly she almost missed it over the sound of running water.

“What?” She didn’t turn to face him, her hands floating under the faucet.

“I would have adored Amalie.” Walsh walked up behind her and took the plate from her numb fingers. He turned the water off. “I never wished she wasn’t born. I just wished she was mine.”

Kerris closed her eyes, but the tears slipped unchecked from under the tightness of her eyelids. Her shoulders shook with hurt and loss she hadn’t realized she’d been saving up for this moment when she’d be with Walsh again. He turned her into his arms, the small of her back pressed against the sink.

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered into her hair, stroking the silkiness of it.

“Still, Walsh. I’m still hurting over this.” Kerris spilled her composure into a wet mess on Walsh’s shoulder. Her temples throbbed with the force of the sobs shaking her body. “The last time I saw you I was blubbering all over you in the hospital room about her. And here I am, again…still broken up.”

“It was a life, Kerris.” Walsh pulled back, lifting her chin and forcing her to look in his face. “How long do you mourn a life that’s lost? I mourn my mother all the time. Sometimes I find myself on the verge of tears in a stupid board meeting because it hits me that I’ll never see her again. And I had almost thirty years with her. You had no time with Amalie, but she was a part of you. It’ll get better, baby, but it probably won’t ever go away completely.”

Kerris buried her face deeper in the strength of Walsh’s chest, tightening her arms around his waist. She breathed in the scent that was uniquely his, nothing to do with the expensive cologne he wore. She feathered kisses along his collarbone where the collar of his shirt fell away. His hands tightened around her waist, and he brought her so close she truly believed nothing would separate them again. He pulled her up on her tiptoes and left a sweet kiss behind her ear.

“Y’all were in the same position when I left,” Mama Jess said from the kitchen door, frowning with her hands on her hips. “We need to talk about the definition of slow, Mr. Bennett.”

Walsh looked at Mama Jess with his lips pressed together against laughter. Kerris, on the other hand, dropped her head to his shoulder, mortified…again.

“Walk me out.” He reached down for Kerris’s hand and pulled her past Mama Jess’s disapproving figure. He dropped a quick kiss on Mama Jess’s cheek. “Thank you for taking care of her for me.”

“For
you
?” She huffed and puffed, but Kerris could see something melt in Mama Jess’s eyes for Walsh, and wondered when he’d charmed himself into her good graces. “I don’t think so.”

Walsh only smiled and shrugged, heading for the front door and tugging Kerris behind him.

“Dinner was delicious, by the way,” Walsh said to Mama Jess over his shoulder.

“Dinner? I didn’t cook no dinner.”

“We had the leftovers. Collard greens, rice and gravy, country fried steak. I told Kerris it was even better than my mom’s.”

“Kerris cooked that food last night for dinner.” Mama Jess’s grin held pride for her star pupil. “I taught her, though.”

Walsh looked down at Kerris, running his finger along the curve of her jaw.

“Wow. Beautiful
and
an amazing cook. I hit the jackpot.”

Kerris rolled her eyes to disguise her pleasure at his compliment, tugging on his hand and pulling him toward the front door. Between the embarrassment at being found playing kissy face, and the good ol’ fashioned lust that kept catching fire in her belly every time Walsh looked at her, she was ready to make a quick exit.

“Why didn’t you tell me that was your food?” Walsh chuckled, leaning against the car and pulling her between his legs once they were outside.

Kerris shrugged, shuffling her feet between his. She lowered her eyes to the ground, unable to see much in the dim light, but knowing if she looked at him much longer, she’d probably shove him against the car and have her way with him on the hood. Feeling like this, every moment infused with the heat flaring between them, how could she keep the pace she needed to heal? To do this right?