Love's Vengeance (30 page)

“You wish for me to be your mistress then and allow you relief at your leisure? Ha! I want none of it.” Desiree stood as she spoke, her eyes aflame with rage and stormed across the cabin, turning back to face him.

“Again you presume incorrectly! I care for you, I want only a chance to…”

Desiree covered her ears with her hands, squeezing her eyes shut, refusing to listen, “You lust me—by your own admission and I do not doubt that for an instant! But don’t ply me with lies! Don’t say that you care!” she raged, opening her eyes and clenching her fists at her sides, “You know that I am unable to battle you if you decide to take me again! I am at your mercy! Trapped on your own ship and as you told me before you are master here! So don’t act as though I have a choice in the matter! Why try to blind me with your feigned honesty? In hopes I will fall into your arms willingly?”

“I have never duped you as you seem to believe. I am and always have been honest…”

“Stephen,” Desiree interrupted him rudely, “I hold dear my trusting nature and deplore deceit, so give me none of yours. If you are so determined, then take me—and be done with it but give me no more of your lies!”

Frantically with trembling fingers Desiree loosed the small buttons at the front of her plain beige dress, shrugging it off her shoulders. It dropped at her feet in a heap and she kicked it away standing in only her short shift.

“I cannot afford another rent and useless gown—mine are few! Go ahead—have your sport but play no further pretense for I am no longer so gullible. And it shall be rape Stephen, nothing more. No matter what you force my body to experience, it is against my will—it shall be rape!”

Stephen’s gaze raked her form with long starved passion aching in his loins and he could feel his heart beating at a thundering rate within his chest. He lifted his eyes to hers as Desiree moved and took a pace toward him. He watched as a tear traced slowly down her face.

Desiree felt as though her heart might break as she waited for the assault. She closed her eyes, waiting for his lust to strip away all the words he had just spoken. He moved and she tensed, her eyes flying open, expecting to see his handsome face looming before her but instead, he lifted a hand and gently wiped the tear from her cheek and then he walked around her and at the door, he turned back to face her. His expression was unreadable but his voice as he began speaking was surprisingly gentle.

“For weeks I have been plagued with you—in my waking and in my sleeping; you—forever on my mind and in my blood. And
yes
,” he nodded, his voice rising slightly with anger, “I lust you! And I awake from dreams of you within my arms, to the reality of a cold empty place beside me. I’ll not deny it Desiree—I could take you to your pallet this moment and possess you as I have longed to. My passion is at a fevered pitch that cannot, it seems, be satisfied by other than you. My body aches for you. My desire refuses to accept any other or any less—than you.” He impatiently drew a deep breath as he searched for the right words, “But I’ll not take you this way; to further your cause and drive a wedge deeper between us. I want more of you Desiree. I want your warm smiles and your laughter. I want you beside me, sharing your thoughts and stories. I want to feel welcomed to join you in conversation in the early morning hours. I want to comfort you when you are in need and yes—I want to take you in my arms and give you the best that I know how.” He paused again; then lifted his brows in a slight shrug, “I have so much regret regarding that night, because I lost you because of it. But I am no less now, than you believed me to be before I took you that night. I am just a man Desiree. No different from any other man. I showed you another side of me that night and you chose to forget all else I had been. My passion is but another part of who I am. All else you knew of me still remains. I am still as I was those many days on this ship, when you sought me out for my company and I sought you out for yours. I want to share all with you, including my passion and I want you to again share all with me that you once did—without reservation.”

Desiree stood in stunned silence and he shook his head, turned and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. She was unable to tear her eyes from the portal, as though he were still standing there. The hurt and anger, turning to shame and guilt, as her tears began to fall in earnest. She had given him no credit for conscience and he had shown that he was worthy of that credit and more. She looked about the room, engulfed in the loneliness she felt with him gone and then in misery, flung herself upon her bed.

Chapter Twenty-Five

The next morning was as all the others. Desiree rose and donned a lightweight dress and Stephen’s cloak and took her morning air alone. She walked about mid ship, listening to the howl of the wind in the sails above her and then looked to the helm, to Stephen’s dark piercing eyes. After a few moments, she relented, letting her eyes drop and hurrying below to her cabin.

She slammed the door and leaned against it heavily. What was she to do? Toss her morals by the wayside and fall into his arms—continue as they were and be trapped for possibly months on his island in constant conflict?

He had not mentioned love, only desire. Nor had he offered her any inkling of a permanent situation. No mention of marriage. He wanted her but with no strings attached. He must realize she would be considered tainted now. She could not go into a respectable marriage without her innocence. She felt her anger rising again with that thought and squelched it before it took hold.

He had said he would have been with her still, would not have shirked his responsibility had she conceived. In fact, he had said she would not have bore a bastard—but then, the words were spoken when he knew he would not be required to act, so rang hollow. He had denied he wished her to be his mistress and yet had not suggested just what title she would be given for her part. She realized he had not given any answers she could take as an honorable solution.

If she had a quicker wit, she could have answered yes when asked if she were with child, simply to see what offer he had in mind—surely not financial support for his child and herself. He was well aware of her financial security and that she would not be in need of his charity. The only possible proposal he could have suggested would have been marriage.

“Enough fanciful musings!” she chided herself silently, “Your options are simple—forget your morals, your upbringing and the risk of
indeed
taking his seed and go to him—or leave it as is and wipe him from your mind!” And on considering the two, the most distasteful by far, was the latter. She wanted to go to him, throw caution to the wind and be taken in his arms and consumed.

Dare she attempt to ask him of his feelings? Could she go to him, call a lie her former words, and claim to be with child to find his true intent? Could she go to him and speak honestly of the fears she had and the longings she felt and live with herself after? What did she know of this man after all? True she had thought she had come to know his moods fairly well but to know him better than any woman as he claimed? She felt she knew precious little and was unsure of his true nature. Was he merely a charming rake? Was he sincere?

When the day drew to an end and the night fell, Desiree was still undecided and she stared into a candle flame as she sat at her small table, rehearsing possible conversations within her mind.

***

The light thrown by a single candle at the bedside stand cast shadows upon the timbers above Stephen, where he lay on his pallet, his head resting upon his folded arms, his mind filled with Desiree. Perhaps he had made a fatal mistake last evening, he thought dejectedly, missing an opportunity to ease the ache in his loins, for no purpose but to trap himself within his words. Once he had unknowingly given up all of Desiree for the want of her form beneath his own and now, he had given up that one
attainable
aspect for the want of more and again he was the loser.

He had not realized she would still be so vehement toward him but it appeared her hatred had grown to include an irrational fear and kind of hopeless resignation that she had no choice where he was concerned. Well, he had done and said all that he could, he could do no more.

His eyes were drawn to the door where a slight creak of the hinges announced an entry. Desiree moved within and closed the door behind her. She leaned against it watching him silently for a time; then slowly moved across the room to stand next to the bed. He did not make a move, fearing she might flee. He waited on her to proceed.

Desiree nervously ran a hand through her hair that lie upon her shoulder then breathed deeply and knelt beside the bed, resting her arms before her and plucking self-consciously at the sleeve of her dress. Tears well up before she even could begin to speak but she made no attempt to hide them.

Stephen turned to lie upon his side facing her, his head propped up upon one hand, while taking care that his sheet remained carefully draped across his waist. He waited for her to speak, leery of opening his mouth and saying something that might spoil this chance for a civil discussion. Desiree wiped at her tears and with a shake of her head stood again. He was afraid she was about to flee and his hand shot out, taking one of hers lightly in his own. Her eyes probed his and he could see she was in utter turmoil.

“Please talk to me Desiree.”

“I—I am afraid.” She said softly, taking a trembling breath while drawing her hand from his.

“You have nothing to fear from me. Talk.” He urged gently, patting the bed beside him invitingly and coming to a sitting position, leaning back against a pillow to wait. After a few moments hesitation Desiree took the pro-offered seat facing him and tucked one leg up beneath her.

“I want to ask you something Stephen and I want the truth from you.” She began, controlling her voice and wiping the tears from her eyes with the hem of her dress, “You spoke last night of what we had shared before and your desire to share that again. The talks—spending time together. Would you be content then if I once more welcomed your company and leave it at that?” She watched his face carefully for any hint of his anger but detected none.

“Honesty—truthfulness you want, correct?” he asked with a soft smile.

Desiree nodded.

“And if I answer such will you also answer my questions the same without flying into a rage?” he frowned slightly, wiping a lingering tear from her cheek with his fingertips. Desiree nodded once more.

“No Desiree I would not be content to leave it at that. I want you and could not honestly agree to anything less for I would not be able to stand by it.”

“So you leave me with no choice but to sever our relationship completely.” She stated matter of fact. “Then it shall be so.” She shrugged her shoulders dejectedly, starting to rise from the bed but Stephen touched her arm, halting her.

“Is that the end of it then, without a touch of feeling? Just cast me aside as though deciding against buying a new hat? This is much too important—at least to me to let it end with one simple question and answer. Now it is my turn—remember, truthfully.” He paused, then asked softly, “Do you want me?”

Desiree felt the color come up in her cheeks at the bluntness of his question. She could not meet his gaze.

“Desiree—answer me.” He coaxed, lifting his hand to gently touch her chin and turn her face so he could look into her eyes.

“I…please—let’s just end this entire conversation. I should not have come…”She breathed nervously, attempting again to rise but again was halted by Stephen.

Ever so gently, he reached out with both hands cupping her face. His mouth brushed hers in a gentle kiss, a second kiss clung and slightly parted her lips, and finally he kissed her deeply. Desiree felt as if she would die from the sheer bliss of it. She responded to him, tilting her head slightly, forming to his mouth. It was as though she was in one of her dreams but this searing warmth was real. He pulled back and she sat stunned by the loss of his touch.

“You want me.” He confirmed. “So what is this about? Why the fear—your aversion toward me? Why the lack of interest you profess?” he asked, fixing her with a level stare.

“Stephen, you want the truth—you shall have it. Making love is for a marriage bed, at least in my part of the world.” She blurted, wishing at once that she could take the words back. It sounded like a proposal or an ultimatum and she had not intended that.

“So if I were to ask for your hand in marriage, then it would be acceptable?” he asked seriously. “I will.”

“No! Please do not jest at my expense Stephen. I am so confused—I—I am making a fool of myself!” She said softly, looking to her hands in her lap. “I did not mean to insinuate such—I–I am leaving. This is getting us nowhere!” she stammered.

Stephen prevented her from rising once more as he spoke; “I am not jesting by any means. I will do whatever I must to gain your trust again. I would marry you this minute if it would bring you back into my life.” He lifted and kissed her hand lightly, while his eyes probed hers, “but Desiree I do not believe marriage is any assurance of an undying devotion and I don’t feel it should be used to barter with, but if that is what you require—would you then believe I mean you no harm?”

His words struck like lightening. She was trying to force him into something for passion’s sake, that in her opinion should be entered into for one reason only—
love
. How often had she heard the girls at school speaking of using this very tactic to force a man’s will and bring him to the alter? She was amazed that he was willing to do such but she knew she would not hold him by those means.

“To possess me you would go to such an extreme? When you might find the same in any number of women throughout the world?” she asked, her voice echoing her amazement.

“Your innocence is showing my sweet—for what you have to offer me I would find nowhere else, even if I searched a lifetime.”

“Are you saying you love me then?” She ventured and was surprised when he looked away, all at once flustered. “You didn’t answer me!” She prodded, smiling with amusement and enjoying his unrest.