Love's Challenge (Pearl Vampire Chronicles #5) (15 page)

Matt looked at both of us then sadly nodded.  He kissed my cheek.  “I
love you, baby,” he said. 

“I love you, too,” I whispered. 

Just before he stepped into the compartment, he turned back and said,
“There’s a restroom in car number four that’s fairly private.”  Then he stepped
in and closed the door.  Carlos and I just stared at the door. 

“Are you, are you kidding me?” I whispered, “Did he just tell us to…?”  I
stopped as Matt popped into my head. 

‘Sarah.  Do whatever you have to do to get him right in the
head.  I mean it.  He’s the best fighter I have.  We don’t stand a chance
without him.  I’m telling you to do it, Sarah.  Do whatever he needs you to
do.’ 

‘But Matt, I can’t.  I’m trying to be good here.  Please.’

‘Sarah, right now, I don’t need good.  Right now, you don’t
need good.  Right now we need smart.  We need Carlos at his best.  Only you can
help him get there.  Get him there, Sarah.  Please?’

“Sarah?” Carlos said.  I felt Matt leave my head.

“Do you realize what he just told us to do?” I said, feeling a little
angry.

“Yes, and I’m sorry.  That wasn’t my intention.  I really just wanted to
talk to you, honestly,” he said.

“So talk,” I snapped, mumbling.  “What?  Is he going to pass me around to
every vampire here?  Is it my job to fuck everyone now?  Is that why I’m here?”

Matt heard me through the door and popped back into my head,
‘No,
Sarah.  I have no intention of sharing you with anyone else.  But look at him,
Sarah.  Look at his eyes.  He’s a wreck.  He’s completely useless.  He needs
this.  He needs you, just like I need you.  I’m asking you to do this for him,
and for us, because he very well could be the only one who’s going to save our
asses out there.’

I turned and looked at Carlos, really looked at him.  Shit, Matt was
right.  He’s always right.  I nodded and quietly took Carlos’ hand.  “Come on,”
I whispered.  As we walked down the aisle, I turned back to him and said, “You
do realize what he and I were doing for over an hour in that bathroom, right?”

“Sarah, it really didn’t cross my mind for us to do that.  Shit, I just
need to talk to you,” he said. 

I stopped, turned around and placed my hand on his chest, “Tell me what
you want, Carlos.  What do you really need from me?”

He stared at me for a second.  He opened his mouth to say something, then
closed it and squeezed his eyes shut.  Then he opened it again, looking at me,
but closed it again.  Finally, he took a deep breath and met my eyes, “I need
to know that you’re going to be okay.  I need to know that you’re not going to
die or anything.  I need, I need, shit, I don’t know what I need, Sarah.”

I stared at him for a few seconds.  Shit, he really was a wreck.  He was
worse than a wreck.  I placed my hand on his check and smiled at him.  I leaned
in and tenderly kissed him, then reached down and took his hand in mine.  “Come
on,” I whispered as I turned and led him the rest of the way to the restroom. 
I glanced down the aisle then quickly pulled him inside.  “Carlos, I’d love to
know that you and Matt are going to be okay too, but I can’t.  None of us can
know for sure that we’re all going to be okay.  All we can know is that we’re
going to be smart, not stupid, and that we’re all going to be there for each
other.”

“I know that, but this is different,” he said.

“How?  How is it different?  How is it different than when we fought Malina? 
You were hot for me then, just like now.  And how is it different than when
Jonas showed up?  How is it different, Carlos?”

He stared for a second.  “I don’t know, Sarah.  It just is, that’s all. 
It just is.  It’s different now because we’ve been together.  It’s different
now because you’re a part of me.”

I smiled at him then put my hands on his face.  “Carlos, don’t make me
get tough with you.  Get your fucking head straight.  Who else can I count on,
besides you and Matt, to cover my ass?”

“Jesus, I love you so much, Sarah.  But I don’t want to hurt him, or you,
anymore.”

“You’re going to hurt both of us, and yourself, if you can’t figure out
what you need.”

“Shit, Sarah.  We both know what I need, but I can’t have it.  It’s not
right.”

“Carlos, just shut up and kiss me.  We’ll worry about right and wrong
after we’ve gotten rid of those things and rescued everyone.  Right now, just
shut the hell up and kiss me.”  He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled
me tight to him.  Yep, complicated, I thought.

Almost an hour later, I lifted his head and locked my eyes with his.  I
watched as they burned brighter.  I watched as the hunger returned to them.  I
watched as they came back to life.  I knew we had to stop soon, I felt the
train slowing down as it neared the station, but just like Matt, Carlos had
been a man possessed, and I didn’t want him to stop until I knew his head was
right.  He growled and roughly crushed his mouth down on mine.  I dragged my
fingernails down his back and felt him shiver and groan.  His pelvis crashed
into mine as he angrily tried to make his exhausted body reach yet one more
climax.  His eyes changed and his fangs dropped and I knew that he was close. 
I arched my back and threw my head back as I neared my own.  Suddenly, as he
finally reached his, he buried his teeth, not in my neck, but in my breast. 
“Holy shit,” I cried, then I buried my teeth in the back of his neck as my own
hit me like a tidal wave.

“Jesus, Carlos,” I shivered as he licked the bite marks on my breast,
helping them heal. 

“Sorry,” he said between licks, “couldn’t help myself.”  Suddenly his
head popped up and he hurriedly began dressing.  “The train’s slowing down. 
We’ve got to go.  We’ve got work to do.  Come on, Sarah, hurry.”

“I’m just guessing here, but I’m thinking you’re feeling a little more
like yourself.  Am I right?” I said.

“Shit, I haven’t felt this good, this strong, this invincible, in a long
time.”

“Glad I could help, I guess,” I said as I pulled my shirt on and zipped
up my pants.

“Yeah, I feel weird about it too, Sarah.  But, damn it if he wasn’t
right.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go running up to him and trying to high-five him or
anything about it.  I’m guessing that the last thing that he needs is for you
to rub it in his face.”

“I know, and I would never do that, Sarah.  You know that.  But the grin
on my face?  It appears to be permanent at the moment.  I can’t help that,” he
smiled and kissed my cheek. 

“Oh, shut up,” I said as I pulled open the door and poked my head out. 
There were a few people making their way toward us.  “Wait a few seconds then
come out,” I said then I stepped out and pulled the door shut.  I made it about
halfway down the aisle when I heard it open again.  I couldn’t stop myself.  I
looked back at him and smiled.  We made our way back to our compartment just as
the train came to a stop. 

“I can’t go in there, Sarah.” he said.

“Carlos, you have to face him some time, and sooner rather than later
would be better.”

“I know.  But now?  Right after?  Really?”

“Yes, Carlos, now, right after,” Matt said as he opened the door.  I
winced as I saw the anger flash in his eyes but he looked at Carlos and seemed
to relax a bit.  He squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath then kissed my
forehead.  No more, I said to myself.  I can’t do this anymore.  I knew I was
lying, but I had to try to believe it anyway, in order to keep my sanity. 

“Go round up the others, please, Carlos.  We’ll meet you on the platform,
okay?” Matt said. 

Carlos looked worried for a second.  “Look, don’t be mad at her, Matt. 
She really didn’t want to do anything.  I’m the one you should be mad at.”

Matt’s jaw flexed.  “I’m not mad at anyone.  I’d just like a minute alone
with my wife so I can hold her in my arms.  Or is that too much to fucking
ask?” 

He’s not mad at anyone, yeah, right.  He’s mad at himself for telling me
to do this.  That’s who he’s mad at.  Not me.  Not Carlos.  I locked my eyes on
him, but quickly linked with Carlos,
‘Go.  I’ll be fine.  I’ll see you in a
minute.’
 Carlos waited another second then he turned and made his way up
the aisle.  I knew that the only way to fix Matt now was to get his anger off
of himself, and on to me, where it belonged.  I put my hands on his chest and
shoved him into the compartment, slamming the door shut with my foot.  “You do
not get to pimp me out ever again, Matthew Pearl.  I don’t care if someone’s on
their deathbed, you don’t get do that.  Never again will you make me do
something that I don’t want to do.  Do I make myself clear?” I yelled.

That did the trick.  “Are you fucking kidding me?  You didn’t want to do
that, my ass.  Don’t fucking stoop to lying now, Sarah.  Honesty is just about
the only redeeming quality you have left,” he yelled.   Okay, that stung.  Now,
time for round two.  

“Honesty?  I wish that was a quality you still had.  You keep telling me
that you can handle this Carlos shit.  You keep telling me that it’s okay.  Not
very honest of you is it?”

“I never said I was okay with it, damn it.  I never said that.  I said I
was dealing with it, because, well, because it forced us to deal with it, didn’t
it?  I pretty much never had a choice.  None of us did.  This was going to
happen no matter how hard you guys tried to stop it.  We all know that.  But
okay with it?  No, I’m not okay with it.  But you’ve got me so blind with lust
for you that I’d do anything for you, Sarah.  Fucking anything.”

Oh crap, don’t say it Sarah.  Please don’t say it, I thought right before
I knew I was going to say it.  Son of a bitch, my mind screamed at me.  “Lust? 
Is that all you feel for me now?  Lust?  Well, way to fucking play me,
Matthew.  You’ve had me believing that you still loved me.  Boy do I feel like
an idiot.”

His hand flew up and came down toward my face.  I tried to brace myself
for the impact by holding my breath and squeezing my eyes shut.  But at the
last second, he shifted his swing and his hand landed on the door behind my
head, sending it flying off its hinges and into the wall on the other side of
the aisle.  We both gasped and stared at it.  Matt grabbed my chin and pulled
my gaze back to his.  He pressed his forehead to mine and very quietly said,
“Don’t ever say that I don’t love you Sarah.   Please, don’t ever say that.  I
love you more than anything.  I love you more than I probably should.  I love
you so much that I’m trying to be okay with this.  Is that not enough for you? 
Do I not give you enough?  Do you need more from me?  Because, if you do,
please tell me and I’ll try to give you that too.  Because I love you that much.” 
He brought his mouth down on mine and began giving me one of those kisses,
stopping only because we heard an angry voice clear its throat behind us.  It
was the porter on the train.  He was staring at the door and looked mad as
hell.  Matt quickly pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and stuffed more
than enough into the porter’s hand to cover the damage.  “I apologize for my
clumsiness.  I tripped.” he said.  The porter stuffed half the cash into his
own pocket, then nodded and walked away.

I was completely stunned by what he had said to me.  Stunned and
speechless.  I stumbled to the seat and sat down. Matt turned around and sat
down next to me.  “Do you want to know what bothers me the most about this,
Sarah?  Do you really want to know?”

I nodded my head and waited.  “Truthfully, if I’m being totally honest to
you and to myself, it’s not you two screwing that bothers me the most.  I mean,
yes, it kind of bothers me, but I can see how much he needs you right now and
that you need him sometimes too, so I think I really could live with it
occasionally.  What really bothers me is what part of you is still just mine,
Sarah?  If he gets to be with you in the all the same ways I do, what belongs
to me and only me?  Is there anything left that’s just mine?  Or is it all ours
now?”

My heart soared. This one was easy.  I didn’t blink.  I didn’t hesitate.  “Only
you have my heart, Matthew.  My heart would survive if he left.  My heart would
survive if he found someone else.  It would hurt like hell, but my heart would
even survive if he stopped being my friend.  If you left, or if you stopped
loving me my heart wouldn’t survive, because you and only you will always own
my heart.”

He stared at me for a few seconds.  Then he gently kissed my lips.  “I
can live with that, Sarah.  Because that’s the best part of you.  That I’m
definitely okay with,” he whispered.

We walked out, hand in hand, and smiled at each other when we spotted
Carlos hiding in the back of the crowd trying desperately not to make eye
contact.  Matt whispered, “Do you want to get him up here, Sarah?  Or do you
want me to scare the shit out of him by doing it myself?”

“We need him strong and brave, not terrified and skittish.  I’ll get
him,” I said, trying not to laugh.  I linked with Carlos. 
‘Are you okay,
Sarah?  Shit, this has been the longest wait of my life,’
he thought, the
second he felt my mind in his. 

‘Relax, Carlos.  I’m fine.  Matt’s fine.  And you’re fine. 
But we need you up here right now to help figure out what our next move is.’