Love Redeemed, Book 4 (2 page)

“
If?
”

“Yeah.
” The sinister smile resurges. Something is brewing in her brain. “I saw the video. This morning, after trying to fall asleep with a broken heart and having another sleepless night with a newborn, I got an e-mail from a good friend of mine of you deep throating some random island guy. I thought to myself
she’s no different from me…just a fuck-up away
,” she giggles.

I
stare at her in sheer disbelief of her boldness. She returns the gaze, telling me she’s most sincere with her threats of watching my throne of Azmir’s heart.
Should I take this seriously or is this simply a desperate attempt at her trying to get into my head?
She doesn’t falter in her gape and neither do I. Tara has presented a challenge to me that I can’t refuse. She doesn’t deserve Azmir. More than that, he’s mine. She blew it, not me.

My heart nearly
leaps from my chest when I hear the door burst open. Two large figures fly in, flared and brewing. Instinctively, my back flies into my chair and mouth swings open. Azmir looks at me with examining eyes and then at Tara with a derisive glower.

His head
cocks to the sides as he calmly utters in between a flexing jaw, “You are really testing the bounds of my patience, Tara.” I hear the air roughly sloughing from his flared nostrils. “Have you any idea just how much in violation you are?”

Without a tremble
, she comments back, “We’re just having a civil conversation…like old buddies.”

I
watch as she tries to conceal her mirth. Does she like seeing him worked up like this?
Does she enjoy his attention, no matter the cost?

John
, my assigned security detail, is standing guard by the door. My eyes bounce back and forth between Tara and Azmir. I idly wonder where he’s come from. He said he had a meeting in Culver City, which was nearly an hour away
without
traffic.
And how did he know she was here in my office?

Trivia aside, h
e looks overwhelmingly dapper in his trousers, matching vest, crisp white dress shirt, and brilliant blue tie, once again stretching the bounds of virile sophistication. I suppose he left his suit jacket wherever he’s just flown from. I rarely see him in three-piece suits. Perhaps that’s the etiquette when meeting with a bank. His height and confident poise all work together, giving him the classic authoritative and commanding appearance he radiates. I notice the slight swelling in his bottom lip that must have come from our altercation last night.

Jesus
, Rayna!
I internally berate myself.

“I’ve been patient, I’ve been
generous,
and
I’ve recently learned I’ve even taken risks that I wasn’t aware of, trying to soften the blow of our separation.” Azmir inches nearer to her and bends his lengthy frame to get close to her face. “If I have to tell you to stay the fuck away from her once more, I swear on my life, you will see a cold and unrelenting side of me that will haunt you until your fucking death.”

His
Brooklyn tongue and tone is chilling, similar to his warning to me earlier in his car, but this time more vile. A chill runs through me.

Tara gasp
s and I can see her cringe in her seat. I doubt that she was expecting this type of response from him. She isn’t alone.

“I was about to leave, Azmir
,” Tara shrieks.

Just that quickly
, her demeanor changes, like it did last night when she learned that I didn’t know Azmir was not her child’s father. She’s now afraid; no more cockiness coming from her direction as she shakily stands, gathering her purse. Tara heads for the door as John’s opening it, and in true melodramatic fashion, like her father, she leaves me with parting words. 

“Rayna
,” she calls out to me, causing me to rise in a knee-jerk reaction. My nerves are likely just as frayed as hers now.
So, I’d assume.
With my full attention, she warns, “The wings can be lonely, but it’s only temporary…until
you
leave the stage.”

In the next beat
, “Tara,” I call out, “…my wing days are over. I’m in the starring role now. Have a nice life.” I offer a soft smile. “I plan to.”

Tara w
ears her smuggish smirk as she leaves. Azmir’s on her heels after looking over to me with his nose still flared and jaw still flexing. “I’ll be outside at five, waiting to go to your session.”

Awww...great! Just what I needed.
I had hoped that he would grant me time alone this afternoon.

It would take days, if not weeks to process all that has gone down over these past few days. The blows just ke
ep coming, relentlessly. 

I tr
y to continue my day without breaking down and I hope and pray for no more unexpected visits or revelations. Azmir sends lunch over, as usual, eliminating the need for me to go out, no doubt. I haven’t heard from him since he left my office with Tara and I’m mortified at the prospect of telling him we had a peeper in our bedroom last night during one of our most sacred times together.

How could she watch two people have sex
—
her ex no less?! Is she psycho?

I ha
ve to tell him. No matter how hard it will be, he has a right to know. I mean, I would want to know. I’m still pissed with him, but that doesn’t counteract his need to be made aware of Tara’s major breach of our privacy.

The afternoon r
uns through much less eventful. I meet with the other therapists to confer my candidate recommendations and am surprised that I’m not alone in my selection. During my final patients, anxiety collects in my belly about my looming conversation with Azmir. I’ve thought of several ways to break it to him; some elaborate and others more concise. It really doesn’t matter. It simply has to be done.

At five minutes after five
, I walk out of the office and to Azmir’s car where Ray is waiting for me with the door open. I slide in to find Azmir finishing a call.

“I’
ll have to take a look at my schedule to see if I can fit the trip in.” He sighs, appearing exhausted, yet deliciously handsome in his three-piece suit. His compelling fragrance appeals to my libido. “I know, Kyle; I am fully aware of this. Yeah. No, I’m not saying that at all. What I am saying is that I will not make an unnecessary trip out there if you’re not ready to play ball. Unlike you, I don’t like being a bachelor; I have an all-consuming personal life that I’d like to maintain.” He gives a sexy chortle, I assume, in concert with Kyle on the other side of the phone. “Gotta go, Kyle.” He ends the call. 

Azmir turn
s to me with a hint of a smile. I’m not sure what, if anything, he’s going to say.

5-4-3-2-1
...

“Azmir, Tara saw us last night
,” I let the words spill from my mouth, giving him no eye contact, instead fixating my gaze on the back of Ray’s headrest. “All of it.”

Wheeeeeeew! I did it. I can now look at him.

“All of what?” he mutters, his chin is tilted and there’s shocking humor in his eyes. I’m not sure if he’s caught on to the seriousness of what I’ve said. So, I shuffle my body to face him, lean in and say, “She watched us...have sexual…relations in your bedroom.” My face is now slanted toward my lap, making my words clear so that he can get the complete picture.

“She was in our bedroom last night
…after I told her to leave?” Humor disappears from his eyes upon the revelation.

I
nod my head as my eyes stay glued to his, happy that he’s gotten the message.

He
turns his head to the window and slowly brushes his lower face with his hand, clearly exasperated. With a mirthless chuckle, he mutters, “Ain’t that some shit.”

I exhale and turn to
face my own window, retreating to my haunted thoughts.
We have so much we need to work out in order for us to work, MirMir.
I sulk internally at the overall state of our relationship.

“How do you feel
about that?” His voice is low, empathetic.

I d
on’t want Ray to hear, so I whisper. “I don’t know,” I shrug. “I was more concerned about how
you’d feel
.”

He slant
s his head slightly. “Why?”

“Because you were
…
raw
…and emotional, which is
very
unlike you. Even
I
was surprised to see you open up the way that you did last night.” I shook my head at the realization of Azmir’s stripped state being bared to Tara. “…to hear you speak the words that you spoke. It was an extremely personal moment that you wouldn’t want exposed to anyone, much less your ex.” I can’t believe he’s asking for an explanation!

He t
akes a minute to take in my words, even adds a nod of assent to my sentiment. Within a few beats, he speaks again, gazing deep into my eyes, “I couldn’t give a damn about anybody knowing how I feel about you.” Azmir pauses, using his penetrative eyes to bear into my soul, beckoning my full understanding. “No, I’d never be so exposed to anyone else, but I have no problem expressing myself to you. I need you to know this, Rayna. You will be my wife. There is no emotion or act that I will conceal.”

I bit
e back a cry. His words sear me. I don’t want to break down; it isn’t the right time. “As far as Tara, I’ll take care of her,” he shrugs. “Who knows, maybe now she understands our new reality. After learning this I’m still baffled at why she showed up to your job.” Azmir goes back to the window, reflectively massaging his chin.

“That brings up a good question
: Where were you this morning and how did you know she was there? You told me you were due in Culver City.”

Azmir t
akes his time providing an answer. He’s still window watching, contemplating from that view. Without looking at me, he murmurs so low I can barely hear him, “I changed the meeting place. I didn’t want to leave you in LBC without transportation. Your security detail called me about Tara when he realized she wasn’t a patient.”

And I s
ee why he’s merely audible, it’s all bull! He didn’t want to leave me without transportation?
No! You didn’t want me to have a good excuse to leave the premises without your permission!
This is crazy. To keep from having another blow up, I sit in silence the rest of the trip to the church.

Inside the
administration building that sits behind the main church, Azmir walks me in and is standing, viewing the artwork on the walls while I sit, waiting pensively for Pastor Edmondson. I feel like a kid observing Azmir’s tall frame in his three-piece suit, no doubt appraising the spot from inch to inch. Even on God’s property I’m aroused by his physique.

Flashes of the night before pop
s in mind.
He was so passionate and desperate for me.
Tara wasn’t alone in her shock of his behavior. Azmir has always exuded coolness and composure.
What came over him?
Was it something that I gave off, or what he wants me to be? At the risk of sounding like Tara,
I
don’t know if I’m on his level. I don’t know if I’m enough for Azmir. I think in due time these insecurities would egress, but now I’ve accepted his marriage proposal and wonder if we were moving too fast.

The door to the back offices open
s and the clicking sound snaps me from my absorbed thoughts. Pastor Edmondson’s eyes go straight to Azmir, unavoidably, due to his undeniable magnetic presence.

Azmir turn
s to him as Pastor Edmonson intuitively extends his arm, “Azmir! To what do I owe this surprise? I saw you in service the other day and was saddened that Rayna didn’t bring you around back so that I could meet you.” Pastor Edmondson is so excited and clearly expresses it. “But you’re here today in the flesh. I’m John Edmondson, the senior pastor here at
Holy Deliverance Tabernacle Church
.” He’s sporting a genuine and eager smile as he greets Azmir. “I’ve heard so much about you. It is a true pleasure to meet you.”

“Azmir Jacobs,”
Azmir gives a gentle smile. “Rayna has had great things to say about you, and I am indebted to your work with her.” My breath hitches. “Under your counsel, I’ve witnessed great changes. The pleasure is all mine.”

“Oh, I would say much of her transformation has been inspired by a man who cares deeply for her and has
motivated her change,” Pastor Edmondson replies while still shaking Azmir’s hand as I hold my breath. “Congratulations on the engagement. You’ve chosen well.”

My heart fill
s with elation. Pastor Edmondson has never doted on me this way during our sessions. He’s always been encouraging and attentive, but to hear him speak
of
me is overwhelming.

Azmir turn
s to me tentatively and murmurs, “I am truly a blessed man, Pastor. Thank you very much.” And then returns his attention to Pastor Edmondson.

“Why don
’t we head on back to my office?” Pastor Edmondson opens the door and gestures for Azmir to step in first.