Lori Brighton - [The Seduction 02] (29 page)

“A year later I found out my sister had killed herself. Poison. Lady Lavender had taken quite a delight in letting me know.”

Elizabeth pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her gasp. Her heart clenched in pain as she imagined what Gideon had gone through. No. It was too much. How desperately she wanted to jump from her chair, go to him, and tell him all would be well if he’d just accept and believe. The hungry need to soothe his soul gnawed at her conscience.

He didn’t say a word, but she knew he blamed himself for his sister’s death. Gideon was no murderer; he was an honorable man who took too much to heart. He was a bloody miracle when she’d so desperately needed one.

“When she was young, she would have moments of sadness. Nothing could cheer her up. She was terrified of my father. Something was wrong, but I was too bloody stupid to notice. Even when she’d tried to drown herself, I didn’t realize and when I left…” He shrugged. “Maybe she gave up.”

His sad story momentarily stunned her. Elizabeth’s fingers curled on her lap as she floundered for the right words to put his restless soul at ease. The silence that followed was depressing and dark. How she wished she could promise him a future of love and laughter, if only he’d believe. But she knew he had to let go of his past first.

He turned from the doors and strolled toward the empty chair across from hers. “That is my sad, pathetic story.” He projected a façade of indifference, but she knew better. She could see the unease in his gaze. He had given her his history, the entire truth that she could do with what she wished. He had trusted her. Even as the sadness of his tale weighed heavily upon her shoulders, a surge of warmth rushed through her.

“When I realized what Lady Lavender truly wanted from me, I tried to escape. Her men captured me every bloody time. They’d
beat me worse than my father had.” He smiled a wry smile that broke her heart. “Until I got too big for them.”

How she wanted to kill the woman. How she wanted to take a mount that very moment to Lavender Hills and call her out. She was supposed to be a maid. Cally and Henry both should have died. Gideon wasn’t supposed to inherit. But she wasn’t a maid. The children were well. Gideon was here. Fates be damned. Lady Lavender could go to hell.

“She said if I ever left, she would tell the world about my secret.”

And so he stayed. And even now he wouldn’t leave Lady Lavender because he didn’t want to go to Newgate, and more importantly, he didn’t want to bring shame to this household. “I’m so sorry, Gideon.”

His gaze flickered briefly to her. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me but so you can understand why I can’t possibly marry you.”

Elizabeth could no longer resist. She stood and moved to his side, resting her hands on his thigh as she knelt beside him, offering what little comfort he would allow. “She won’t tell.”

He covered his face with his right hand. Tired, he seemed so very tired.

“You can’t know that,” he whispered, desperation lacing his voice. “You don’t know her like I do.”

She smoothed her fingers over the fine material of his trousers, stroking his muscled thigh. So very strong, yet he seemed so lost now. “I know more about Lady Lavender than you realize.”

His hand dropped to his lap, his gaze wary. “What do you mean?”

“You aren’t the only one with secrets.” Elizabeth had to remind herself that with every secret uncovered, her life felt lighter. But with Gideon watching her with distrust in his steel eyes, she found it hard to admit she had been keeping something
else from him. She swallowed hard and shifted her gaze to the fire, nervous once more.

“Mr. Smith uncovered the truth about your Lady Lavender.” Elizabeth returned her attention to him but could read nothing in his eyes. “We all have secrets, we all have a past, and it seems that she is no different. The woman is actually from France. She was the youngest daughter of a baron.”

He blinked those thick, dark lashes, the only sign of his surprise. “And you threatened to divulge her true identity if she didn’t allow me to leave?”

Elizabeth nodded, wondering what he thought. Had she come this far, only to lose him now? “We needed you here.”

He was silent for one long moment. She couldn’t read his expression, and the suspense nearly did her in. She couldn’t lose him, not now, not ever. The children needed him. The estate needed him. She…needed him.

“When did you plan to tell me the truth?” he finally asked.

“After we married.”

His jaw clenched, and she started to draw back. But just as soon as the anger had appeared in his hard gaze, it faded. Gideon sighed. Those beautiful eyes were shadowed with exhaustion, and his mouth grim with strain. “It doesn’t matter, Elizabeth. Just think about what will happen if word gets out as to who I truly am. It will destroy you. It will destroy the children. You’re better off marrying your Mr. Smith.”

He stood and brushed past her, pacing away from the light of the fireplace and toward the shadows of the bookcases. Elizabeth stumbled to her feet, desperate for him to believe. “No. I trust you with the children. Being married to you will only help. Don’t you see that?”

Even she could hear the panic in her voice. But the thought of him walking away made her pulse race with fear. Didn’t he understand she couldn’t do this alone? She needed him. She needed his bravery, his loyalty, his strength.

He paused in the shadows where she couldn’t read his features. “And what sort of husband would I make? I’m a whore. A murderer.”

Her heart ached for the man. “You were a young lad who did what he had to do to survive and save his mother. The only thing he could do. You are not that lad any longer, Gideon. And you are not that cold-blooded killer you have labeled yourself to be. You never were. You let that…that woman define who you are. You let your past decide your future. But I know the real you.” She started toward him, praying he would listen and hoping he would stay. “And you…you know who you really are. Deep down, you know you’re not a murderer. You’re merely a man in need of a home, a life, a family. In need of hope.”

She could see the reluctance in his gaze. “I don’t wish for anyone to know who I truly am.”

That didn’t surprise her, but she had a feeling he didn’t mean what she concluded. She struggled to understand his reasoning. “What do you mean?”

“As far as anyone knows I am merely from the highlands. No one of importance. I am not a baron.”

She shook her head, stunned. What man wouldn’t want to be titled? To take what was lawfully his? “But you’re the rightful owner. The title, the money, they go to you.”

“I’ll get the money anyway, and I don’t give a damn about the title. Henry deserves it. His father was the true baron, not mine. Just because the child was born out of wedlock doesn’t mean he’s not your late husband’s true heir.”

His unexpected kindness warmed her soul and made her believe in happily ever after. Her chest felt suddenly tight, and just like that, any reservations about marrying Gideon fell away. She had been right all along. This was the true Gideon, the man she knew he could be. “And if we have children, will it not hurt you to know that the title will not go to your son?”

He smiled, a sad, resigned sort of smile. “No. Henry deserves it. The money and title should go to him.”

She nodded, bemused. Perhaps he didn’t think he was honorable enough for the title. Or maybe he didn’t plan on having children. The realization that she might never have a baby startled her. Not that she’d thought much about having children with Mr. Ashton, but still…“Very well.”

He smoothed his fingers over the spine of a book. “If there are problems and the dowager contests Henry’s rights, then I promise to tell the truth, but only then.”

She studied his face, attempting to understand this man. He owed them nothing, so why was he willing to give up everything? Did he hope to hide here from his past life? Perhaps they could, if they kept to themselves. Perhaps no one need know that he had worked for Lady Lavender.

“I promise it will all work out,” he said softly, saying the words she should have.

It was as if a ray of sunlight had suddenly pierced the window and stabbed her in the heart. Dare she believe he wanted to try? For so long she had hoped, and now that her dreams were finally within reach, she found herself frozen with uncertainty. She was silent for a long moment, full of unease. “I wish I had half the hope that you do.”

“No need to worry. Maybe I have enough for both of us.” He smiled gently, a smile so unlike Gideon that she wasn’t sure what to think anymore. “What say you, Elizabeth, will you marry me?”

Elizabeth was trembling in her cream-colored gown with the tiny rosebud print. Her fingers gripped so tightly around the bouquet of pink and yellow roses that her knuckles had actually turned white. She didn’t look at him but kept her pale face turned toward the reverend, listening with rapt attention to his words of honor and love. Was she avoiding his gaze? That didn’t bode well for their relationship.

Vaguely, Gideon realized that if anyone should be anxious, it should be him. Elizabeth might believe that Lady Lavender would keep his secret, but he knew better. The woman was as vindictive as she was cold-hearted. When the world uncovered the truth about his past, Elizabeth would hate him for the shame he would bring. But his worries were forgotten as the reverend pronounced them husband and wife.

His entire chest felt warm with what could only be happiness—something he hadn’t felt in years. He slid a plain gold band
upon her finger, a ring that had been her mother’s. It was a surreal, almost peaceful moment, as if nature was taking its course and everything was exactly as it should be. The entire world slowed as she tilted her head and met his gaze. In those eyes, those brilliant emerald eyes, he saw her unease. But there was something more shimmering in the background…hope. Hope for a future with him. Damn it all, he wanted to give her that future she deserved.

Her hair caught fire under the sunlight that suddenly pierced the windows and illuminated the parlor. She belonged in this brilliant yellow room, where life and joy seemed to thrive. He’d never been spiritual, but he swore it felt as if the angels were blessing her. Or maybe they were blessing him with this very moment. A moment that might not last but that he would hold tightly as long as possible.

He couldn’t help himself and lifted his hand, trailing his fingers down the side of her soft face. Her skin was like cream, so smooth and tempting. Those lush lips parted on a slight breath of warm air that brushed across his wrist. And she was his. Legally binding.
His
. The thought should have terrified him. Instead, he had to resist the urge to scoop her into his arms and carry her up to his bedchamber. Aye, he felt blessed, but how did she feel? He’d never cared more about a person’s thoughts than he did at that moment.

One did not live his childhood without learning to read subtle signs. There was no doubt that she was attracted to him, but did she feel the desperate need to be with him, as he felt with her? She was tired, he could see that by the brush of shadows underneath her eyes. The tremble of her smile told him she was nervous. The stiff bearing of her shoulders said she was willing to do her duty no matter what. Was that all he was to her…a means to an end?

The children’s cheer pierced the sound of blood pounding in his ears. The uncertainty in her gaze momentarily disappeared as she glanced fondly at Henry and Cally. He wanted to see that light in her eyes, always. He gripped her elbow. Her smile wavered at his touch, and his heart cracked just a bit. She’d placed her entire life
in his hands, and she wasn’t sure if she could trust him. The hope Gideon so desperately desired faded. She shouldn’t trust him, and her reaction merely reminded him of the truth.

Their union was nothing much to cheer about, but still she turned to her staff and thanked them good-heartedly. Overwhelmed, he looked away as the children jumped around Elizabeth. He hadn’t been able to protect his mother or sister, but he could protect them. He
would
protect them. Besides, he owed her that much. Yes, she had lied to him, but she could have left him to rot at Lady Lavender’s. She hadn’t. She’d been honest even if it had been at the expense of her own life, her own future. And for that, at least, he owed her.

“Cook has made a scrumptious dinner!” Henry said.

“Congratulations.” Will grinned, slapping Gideon companionably on the shoulder.

The parlor was not full of members of the
ton
. Nor did it even hold neighbors from the nearby town. It was merely Elizabeth, the children, and any of the household staff that were not busy preparing the feast for the celebratory meal. It was a blur of happy, smiling faces and the soft roar of congratulations from Elizabeth’s family, and now his as well. Perhaps they would not have a fairy-tale marriage that women so often dreamt about, and perhaps this would end in his hanging. But for now he could offer her what she asked…desire and protection.

“Will,” Gideon said gruffly, “take the children into the dining room.”

The staff knew a demand when they heard one and sauntered reluctantly from the room. It was the first time he’d given a command as their new lord. Elizabeth glanced at him warily, handing the bouquet of roses to Mouse, who gladly took them and skipped away. Did she resent his control? Too bad. Henry followed Will out of the room, leaving them alone. He needed a moment with her.

The soft chirp of birds provided a natural cheerful song that floated through the open windows, the only sound in the quiet
room. He’d never bothered to make conversation with the women who visited him at Lady Lavender’s and he suddenly found himself unsure what to say to his wife. Bastard, baron, street rat, whore, murderer…he’d been them all. But now…now he was merely a husband. Legal and binding, he was a married man. After all that he’d been through, being a husband terrified him the most.

“Where is your Mr. Smith?” he asked, mostly in an attempt to make conversation. Perhaps Mr. Smith hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of their marriage and had fled. He sure as hell wouldn’t miss the man. Gideon sighed, raking his hands through his hair. At the same time he didn’t blame him for falling in love with Elizabeth. Her cheerful disposition, her unshakable courage, her beauty…