Live for You (11 page)

“
You don’t have to answer
that, sweetheart. Ignore my surly ass.” He strokes my cheek and I
look down at my hands, clenched tightly in my lap.

“
It’s okay. I got it in a
wreck. Part of the windshield of my car was embedded in my abdomen.
I’m lucky to be alive,” I repeat the words my doctor, my nurse and
my parents have told me countless times.

“
You have options,
Violet,” Dr. Benson says. “Don’t let what happened hinder future
relationships.”

My parents hug me,
unabashedly crying for my future. I want to tell them the whole
truth. I want to tell them everything, but I can’t. My biggest fear
is that they won’t be angry with me. Instead they’ll do what
they’re doing now: Supporting and loving me while I don’t deserve a
tenth of it.

“
The windshield…Holy shit,
Rae,” he says and I glance up at him. A mixture of pity and awe
converge on his face. “Holy shit.”

“
Yeah, that pretty much
sums it up. But I’m fine now.” I smile at him, trying to convey
that I’m okay now. That it was in the past and I’m a perfectly
normal twenty year old that had her womb shredded to bits in a car
wreck.

“
Your cheeks are red,”
Cole says, twisting open the thermos of lemonade and I blink. The
sun is even brighter now.

I raise a shaky hand and
press the side along my forehead to block the sun. “All our shade
is gone.”

He takes a deep drink, then
holds it out to me, his gaze travelling over my body. I place my
lips on the exact spot his was, watching him over the rim. Since he
hasn’t tried kissing me again, this is probably the closet I’ll
ever get to his mouth.

And if he ever found out
what I’d really done and the consequences of it, I doubt he’d be so
understanding, so in awe of what I survived. I doubt he’d ever look
at me the same way again. I’d be a freak in his eyes. A heartless,
selfish freak.

Because, though Jaxon
hadn’t said it when I’d told him, the look in his eyes had said it
all for him. But I thought he’d had a right to know, regardless of
who he was with now. Regardless of the fact that he’d cheated on me
with my best friend.

“
We could go
skinny-dipping. Promise I won’t look. Much.”

I choke, unable to catch my
breath as Cole pounds on my back. My eyes water and snot dribbles
out of my nose.

“
Are you okay?” He hands
me a paper towel.

“
Fine,” I croak, turning
away to wipe and blow my nose.

“
Remind me to never tease
you when you’re drinking.”

“
Remind me to never drink
while you’re talking.” Facing him again, I cough and press my hand
to my chest, trying to calm down.

“
So you’re saying there
might be chance we’ll be talking but not drinking or drinking but
not teasing in the future?”

I can’t help but laughing,
which only sends me into another round of coughing. “Maybe,” I
finally manage to get out.

He produces a towel, one
from the bottom of the basket I’d carried here. “You missed some
places.” Slowly, he eases toward me, then begins to gently wipe the
corners of my eyes. Soon his fingers replace the towel and he’s
exploring my face, coasting the tips of his fingers over my cheeks
and down my neck. “I want to kiss you, but you might have a
different idea of how today should end.”

“
Maybe we have the same
idea,” I say softly, shivering as his fingers dip lower, over the
tops of my breasts.

“
Maybe doesn’t cut it for
me,” he says, dipping his head. “I prefer
firm
answers.” His hand cups my
breast and squeezes. I suck in a breath as my nipple hardens. I’m
not wearing a bra. It’s not like I actually need one, my breasts
are barely B-cups.

“
Cole.” His name is a
plea.

“
Say it, Rae.” He nuzzles
my throat and I shiver. His free hand steals up the back of my
shirt, fingers splayed. Heated skin pressed to heated skin. “Tell
me all the things you want me to do.”

“
Kiss me, please,” I beg,
my lashes fluttering down. “Kiss me and—” His mouth almost slams
against mine, lips soft and full. Delicious. I want more, my lips
part and he slides his tongue along the bottom, testing me. I suck
it inside, trying to let him know what I want from him.

A low groan and then a
growl erupts from his throat.

Suddenly, I’m on my back
and he’s on his side, his hand still on my breast, alternately
caressing and plucking at my hard nipple. “You taste so damn good,”
he groans against my mouth, then goes right back to work. A slow
glide here, a nip of teeth there.

I love it all. I want it
all. My body is starving for his touch.

Fisting my hands in his
dark hair, I tug him closer. “More,” I demand.

Cool air rushes over the
skin on my stomach as my shirt inches upward, his mouth blazing an
open-mouthed trail down my throat. My eyes open. I watch as he
pushes buttons through holes and my shirt falls to each side,
bearing my chest to him.

His blue eyes blaze bright
with hunger and lust. “Better than I imagined.”

“
Really?” I have no idea
if he’s an ass or breast man. I don’t really have much of
either.

Dipping his head, he kisses
each nipple, then licks them and they harden so quickly that it
hurts. “Fucking perfect.” His mouth opens, tongue teasing and then
he sucks.

I moan and whimper, arching
my back into him, pushing more into his mouth. He bites down, a
little nip, and I cry out. He smiles against my skin and moves to
my neglected breast. Still teasing and biting. Still sending sparks
of pleasure that find their way to my core.

He kisses his way down my
chest, to my stomach and I slap my hand over the scar, fingers
splayed wide. “Don’t, I’m not…it’s not pretty.”

Undeterred, he nuzzles my
hand. His tongue slips under my palm, through my fingers and I
finally move it away. He presses tiny kisses along the jagged line,
his lashes black and long as he moves. “Feels good, doesn’t
it?”

“
Yes, God yes,” I moan. I
stroke his hair, before he moves lower, tugging at the top of my
shorts with his teeth.

He spreads my legs apart,
his mouth now on the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. “And
this?”

“
Mmmm.” I’m incoherent
now. It’s been so long since I’ve let anyone touch me that every
place he explores with his teeth, tongue and mouth feels raw.
Exposed. Decadent.

My hips move, restless and
wanting pressure between my thighs. I’m soaked. I know I have to
be, because I’m on the verge of coming and we’ve just
started.

Oh God, what have
I
started? I’ve felt
this before, acted on this before and it landed me right on my back
before. Twice. Equally devastated by the aftermath.

“
Stop,” I gasp and grab
his wrist, inches away from the laced edging of my panties.
“Please, stop. I can’t. I’m sorry…I thought I could, but I
can’t.”

His forehead drops to my
chest. He’s panting, like me. “S’kay. Don’t apologize.”

Rolling away from him, I
sit up and adjust my clothes. I’m aching and empty, desire and
self-preservation fighting a battle I end up losing. “This was a
mistake.”

“
Don’t say
that.”

Shaking my head, I throw
everything back into the picnic basket. “I didn’t come to North
Carolina to hook up with anyone.”

“
Things
happen.”

For some reason his words
infuriate me and I turn on him, shoving a finger in his chest.
“Things don’t just happen,” I snap. “We make decisions. Those
decisions have outcomes, called consequences. Make bad decisions,
reap bad consequences. It’s how things are. It’s why you’re stuck
here, raising your sister while your mom’s in rehab for the
millionth time, and your dad’s doing God knows what, God knows
where.” I did not just say that. I want to snatch the words back,
but I can’t. No delete button exists.

He captures my wrist, his
face dark and his brows crashed together. “What the hell do you
know about reaping bad consequences? Regret buying a Porsche over
the Beemer? Poor little rich girl.” He lets go of my wrist and
stands. “Take your high and mighty attitude, along with your
privileged existence, and shove it up your ass,
Violet Lynn
.”

Then he strides away,
slamming his fist into some helpless tree along the way and I
flinch. He curses, long and loud. At me or the pain, I’m not sure.
Then he crosses the creek and disappears on his side of the
woods.

I grab the basket and start
after him. Wishing I could make things right. Wishing I could say
just the right thing. “Cole? Don’t go. Please, I’m sorry…I didn’t
mean those nasty things I said about your parents.” My heart is
pounding hard as I race after him, but after ten minutes, I’m
losing my way. I stop.

He’s gone.

And it’s all my
fault.

*** *** ***

Cole

Waiting until Rae makes her
way safely across the creek, I finally start walking home. I’d
almost gone to her, when she’d cried out my name. She’d sounded so
pitiful. So genuinely sorry.

But her words had hit too
close to home for me. It’s not her fault though. She can’t help
that everything about her other life (what little I do know)
reminds me of the man I loathe. The man who should have taken care
of his responsibilities, instead of forgetting about us and
starting a new family.

Not that she would know.
For the past four days, we’ve danced around the real us, settling
for the façade we want the other to believe, like she’s just some
ordinary girl who loves pixie sticks and the color yellow. While
who we really are lurk below the surface, waiting to get out. Only
a part of me got out and had Rae on her back. A few minutes more
and I would have been inside of her.

Jesus.

She’d tasted so fucking
good. Her breasts fit in my palms so perfectly. Nipples just the
right size for sucking and biting. That scar on her stomach I had
to kiss, to let her know that I didn’t find it repulsive, that it
was the mark of a survivor. And her thighs, the scent of her
arousal and her soaking wet shorts. I’d done that to her. I grow
hard again as those precious few minutes re-play in my mind.
Tonight will be yet another cold shower.

I’m not sure why she
stopped. I don’t think it’s because she’s never been with a guy
before, though that kind of thing doesn’t matter to me. Honestly, I
avoid virgins at all costs. Leave them to someone with more
patience and time.

And Rae had seemed just as
impatient as I had been. She’d seemed just as into it. But when a
woman says stop, I stop. No ifs, ands, or buts.

My phone buzzes. I check
it. Madison, with her usual lonely greeting. It would be too easy
to go to her, to take out my sexual frustration on her body and
ease my mind. Ease this raging lust.

But I’m not sure I want to
replace the sweet taste of Rae with another. At least not
today.

Can’t. Busy. Some other
time?


Sure. xo

I need time. I need space.
Too much, too fast. This weekend I’ll hang out with the boys: go to
Lacey’s rally with Wyatt. Hang out with Parker and give Beau a hard
time. The usual, but without the weight of managing the bar. One of
The Double Deuce’s longtime employees, Jane Finch, has stepped up
and I’m giving her a chance to show me she has what it takes. I’m
rooting for her to succeed, because I need the extra
help.

I stride toward my
house.

Jane knows the ins and outs
of the bar as well as my brother and I do. And she’s not afraid to
deal with the bullshit that goes along with it. Besides, Tony, our
part-time bartender, will be there as well as Officer Ford. Ford
had informed me last night that he was stopping by.

I’ll be out of cherries
before the night is out.
Mooching
bastard.

***

I sit on the edge of
Kelly’s bed, once again reading
The
Princess Bride
as her eyes grow sleepy.
Her room is pale pink, with matching sheets. Barbie dolls are
neatly in their place. All three of them. I wish I could do more
for her. I wish I had the fucking money to buy that perfect doll
mansion or condo or whatever the hell it’s called that she’d seen
in Wal-Mart.

Next Tuesday, she’ll start
dance. Her new leotard, as she informed me it’s called, hangs on
the door of her closet, tiny ballet slippers beneath. She’s so
careful with her stuff. So thankful and grateful. I suppose it’s a
good thing, but a part of me wishes she’d act like a brat every
once in a while, because I’m afraid she thinks that if she’s not
good all of the time, that Parker and I will leave her,
too.

“
Cole,” she says, sleepy
voice matching those eyes.

“
What?”

“
When’s Momma coming
home?”

I exhale. Once a week
either Parker or I get this question. “Soon, Bug. She’s getting all
healthy right now.”