Lisa's Gift (30 page)

Jana wanted to scream,
How was Mexico?
But she stood silently, waiting—just waiting.

It was Nicolas who spoke next, “Boy, did you miss a wonderful trip.”

As if everything were normal, he approached Lisa, leaned over her and pressed his lips to hers. Then he cupped her hand in his. “What’s going on here, baby?” He sat down at her side, the bed creaking beneath his weight.

Nicolas looked calm, so in control that Jana would have given anything just to have an ounce of his courage at that moment, because she had none. She didn’t want to know what was going on. She just wanted to take Lisa home. Wanted to pretend her best friend wasn’t lying in a hospital bed. And she wanted to forget what she knew about hospice.

“Jana.” Lisa patted the bed on the other side of her.

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As if lead suddenly filled her legs, Jana found it difficult to move.

Every step was an ordeal, coupled with her breathing, which had taken that moment to stop. Jana felt like she might faint.

Lisa held out her hand and Jana accepted it, sitting on the other side of the bed from Nicolas. “What a homecoming.” Her friend’s laugh was uneasy. Moisture built in her eyes and for a moment Jana thought Lisa would cry, but she swallowed and pushed back the unshed tears. She took a deep breath and said, “I have ovarian cancer.”

Silence followed her statement.

Jana couldn’t think clearly. Had Lisa just said she had cancer?

Nicolas brushed a lock of hair from Lisa’s face.

Lisa bit her bottom lip. With a gasp, she inhaled a shaky breath. “I’ve known for a while. But it looks like time is running out for me.”

This wasn’t happening. Jana refused to accept what she was hearing.

Her friend was sick—terminally ill.

Nicolas slowly rose to his feet. “Lisa, what are you saying?”

For a moment she simply looked at him, then she looked away. “I’m dying.” Lisa’s words were surreal.

Jana jerked her head from side to side, trying to chase away the threads of fog that wound around her mind like tentacles. It wasn’t real.

She closed her eyes and prayed that when she opened them this would all be a hallucination.

Lisa’s voice then Nicolas’s, but Jana couldn’t hear what they said, their speech mere mumbles to her. When she opened her eyes, Nicolas’s lips parted, but he said nothing.

Lisa seemed to know what Nicolas’s next question would be. “I’m in the last stage. Soon.” Lisa sniffled and rubbed her nose. She fought to hold back the tears, blinking her eyes and swallowing hard, but it was no use. They fell, releasing the hopelessness Jana felt as she jerked to her feet.

“No,” Jana’s knees buckled slightly, but she regained her footing as she began to pace. “No. No. No.” She trembled as her voice rose in pitch.

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“We’ll find another doctor.” The room began to spin. She held out her hands to catch herself, and then drew them tightly around her.

Any moment she’d wake beside Nicolas and they would be back in Mexico, waiting for Lisa to join them. This couldn’t be real.

Lisa said she would never leave me
.

Lisa tried to smile through her emotion. “That’s why I didn’t go to Puerto Vallarta with you two. Mom and Dad took me to another specialist.” She tilted her head and shrugged. “He was my last chance.”

Sucking in her bottom lip, she bit down hard enough to leave an imprint when she released it. “He can’t do anything for me. No one can.” Tears fell in streams. A none-too-delicate snort slipped out as she tried to rein in her control. “My head hurts all the time now. I’m forgetting things, my equilibrium is gone, and my mood swings are increasing.” The low-toned laugh she released was drowned by her emotion. She swallowed hard again, the tears still flowing. “Morphine is the only thing that curbed the pain these last few days.”

Jana held up her hand. She didn’t want to hear any more. The need to flee was strong, building like an undercurrent, demanding that she run far and away like she had after graduation. She spun around, staring at the door as if it were beckoning her. Before she could lunge forward she was wrapped in Nicolas’s embrace.

She struggled, making whimpering sounds that made him hold her tighter. Her breasts rose rapidly with each tight breath.

“Let me go.”

“Lisa needs you now. Hold it together,” he whispered close to her ear.

Damn Nicolas for reminding her that Lisa was the victim here. Lisa was the one dying, although it felt like Jana was withering inside.

“You can do this. We’ll do it together. You…Lisa…and me,” he promised, releasing her. She gazed into his eyes, wanting to believe him, needing to trust him that her world wasn’t falling apart. But despair like she had never known closed in on her, attacking, an invisible force that dropped her to her knees.

She gasped, but she couldn’t inhale—couldn’t breathe.

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The thrumming in her ears grew louder.

The lights were dimming, fading.

No sounds penetrated.

All feelings and sensations were going numb.

She was falling…

As she slipped deeper, Jana was surrounded by a nothingness that threatened to swallow her up. She didn’t have the strength to fight it.

Instead, she welcomed it.

Take me
.

There was a peace she had never known, a vacuum that carried her further away.

From somewhere in the dark she heard her name. It was only a whisper, but it pulled at her like a magnet, drawing her toward a light in the opposite direction.

“Jana.” The deep voice was firm, demanding her obedience, but she fought it. She didn’t want to go where it led.

For the first time in her life it was safe here in the dark.

For a moment she stared at the light. It was cold and held pain and loneliness.

“Jana.” This time the voice was feminine—softer and desperate to be heard, pleading to draw her back into the light.

As the two voices joined together, interweaving and wrapping around her like chains, they took a unified front, closing in on Jana and taking away her ability to struggle, her ability to escape.

A strong ammonia smell jerked her toward the light as if it ripped her through time and space. Sensations and consciousness flooded back in a wave of nausea that hit with such an impact for a moment Jana thought she would vomit.

Like a fish out of water she gasped for air, trying to suck oxygen into her starved lungs as fast as possible, only to hear voices telling her to slow down—take it easy.

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Her body ached. Her vision was a shimmer of light and dark shadows as familiar faces came into focus.

Nicolas cradled her in his embrace. Cathy, Joe and a nurse she had never seen before hovered above. From the bed where Lisa lay, her tear-streaked face appeared ragged with concern.

“She’s back,” Jana heard the nurse say.

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Night had fallen and the hospital room was dark. Nicolas shifted in his chair beside Lisa’s bed. Her form lay silently between a mass of sheets and blankets, her breathing so shallow it was almost unrecognizable. The morphine had put her out like a light. Had it been four hours ago? After Jana’s episode, Lisa had had one of her own.

Her pain and agony had taken his breath away, left him feeling helpless as the memory resurfaced of how she had grabbed her head and thrashed upon the bed. He pinched his nose to hold back the emotion that slammed against his eyelids. God, he had never seen anyone in such pain. It twisted the beauty from her face. Thank God, she was in only a moment of distress, before the nurse quickly relieved Lisa’s suffering with a shot of morphine. But it had been long enough to clear Jana’s mind and let her know Lisa needed her.

Jana’s own anguish would have to wait.

As well as his own.

He inhaled deeply and caught a hint of the medicinal smell common in hospitals, more predominant in the wings of the institution where patients were receiving medicines and other attention. Lisa had requested no care to prolong her life—just something to ease the pain—

morphine. The brave woman wanted to die with her pride intact.

Memories of his mother surfaced. The situation with Lisa was opening up old wounds. Only a year ago he had lost his mother. Would she be proud of him for what he had accomplished with the restaurant?

Or ashamed of the triangle affair he was involved in? The thought brought him back to Jana.

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Nicolas had been thankful when Jana had finally fallen asleep on the green vinyl recliner sitting in the corner. He couldn’t stand the hollow, drawn look in her eyes. Empty. Lost.

She groaned and shifted, crying out Lisa’s name.

He ran his trembling fingers through his hair then glanced across the room in Lisa’s direction. He had tried to take Jana home but she wouldn’t leave Lisa’s side. Besides, Cathy and Joe were staying at the house and Jana said that she would feel awkward going back there. She couldn’t bear watching Lisa’s parents’ sorrow, she’d told him. Cathy and Joe were losing their only child and it was tearing them up inside.

Nicolas stood and stretched. Every muscle, every tendon drawn tight.

When had he lost control of the situation, or had he ever really had control? He was the strong one. Yet at the moment he felt anything but strong.

Lisa was dying.

Jana would be lost without her.

Uneasiness prickled and tightened his skin, spreading rapidly across his arms. The sensation made him feel trapped within his own flesh.

He could lose them both.

The realization made his breath catch. With each second that ticked, he felt a cramp in his chest that made breathing difficult. He covered his face with his hands, fingertips pressing against the ache behind his eyelids.

Nicolas willed himself to pull it together. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Lisa and Jana needed him. His eyes opened.

Through a part in the curtains he saw the moon’s reflection. He stood and walked over to the window, looking toward the heavens and wondering what the future held.

Mexico seemed like only a dream. The past two months he had spent with Lisa even more distant.

“
Nicolas
,” Jana whimpered in her sleep.

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He turned and gazed at the woman he had fallen in love with, and then toward Lisa, the catalyst who had brought them together. Lisa had been the lodestone in the triangle. She had been the core of their relationship.

For a moment he selfishly wondered if what Jana and he had built between them was strong enough to withstand the loss of their anchor.

Lisa.

His footsteps were lethargic as he moved toward the bed. He leaned over and gently kissed Lisa’s cheek, feeling her warmth. She smelled different. Not able to put his finger on it, he pushed the thought aside. In a slow motion he drew his knuckles along her jaw line tracing the contour of her face, memorizing the wrinkle in her nose when she smiled, the laughter in her brown eyes when she was happy.

A void filled him as he released a heavy sigh that rattled through his body. He was going to miss her touch, her kiss and her effervescent personality. Her death would be like snuffing out the brilliant spark of a flame.

Unconsciously his fingertips smoothed down her arm, cupping her hand and bringing it to his cheek.

Jana watched in silence Nicolas’s tenderness as he caressed Lisa while she slept. No matter how hard Lisa and Nicolas had pretended their relationship was only physical, obviously it wasn’t. He cared for her deeply. It was in the softness of his lips against her skin. His hand smoothed lightly across her, he appeared as if he were worshipping her with his touch. The room was dim, but if she could have seen his face—

his eyes, she knew there would be love.

She looked away. The precious moment wasn’t meant for anyone else’s eyes.

Emotion rose in her throat, sour and raw, threatening to choke her.

She swallowed hard, fighting it down.

She was losing her best friend. Someone she loved more than life itself.

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As the third wheel, Jana had stolen valuable time away from Lisa and Nicolas. But she would never regret what she had found with them. She had never felt so loved and a part of something beautiful when she was with them. She would always be thankful for the strength they had given her to face her demons.

But how she was going to live without Lisa, she had no idea.

Lying in the dark, nothing seemed real. Several feet away were the two most important people in her life. She didn’t know exactly when Nicolas had become just as important to her as Lisa, but her feelings were strong for him.

She trusted him.

She heard Nicolas’s footsteps walk away from the bed. She glanced in his direction, their gazes meeting.

“You’re awake,” he said as he began to approach her.

She nodded, watching the shadows flicker across his handsome features.

Without a word he came to her, extended his hand and helped her to her feet. Immediately, she was pulled into his arms. He held her tightly, almost to the point of restricting her breathing as her ribs pressed against her lungs.

His actions touched her and she couldn’t help but respond by wrapping her arms around him. For what seemed like forever they stood in the silence and just held each other, taking what comfort each offered.

Then Lisa moaned and they drifted apart, moving toward the bed as if drawn by an invisible force.

Lisa’s eyes were heavy, her eyelids slightly shuttered. She tried to swallow, but seemed unable to complete the task as if it were monumental. Both of her hands rose an inch off the bed, and then dropped. Jana and Nicolas parted, each taking a different side of the bed to be near her and to cup her hands in theirs.